


Hang there like fruit, my soul/Till the tree die

by louloubaby92



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Louis, M/M, Omega Louis, Original Character(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Sick Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 111,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24072397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louloubaby92/pseuds/louloubaby92
Summary: ''You still want me?'' he asks, voice thick.''Yes,'' Harry's answer is absolute, almost defiant.''But my hands are empty,'' Louis shakes his head. ''I've got nothing to offer you.''''I don't care about that. Do you see my hands?'' Harry asks before he cups Louis' face. His touch is gentle. He's always gentle when it comes to Louis. ''When I'm not holding you, I feel empty, but like this,'' he presses closer until their faces are inches apart. He caresses the apple of Louis' cheeks and that's when Louis realizes that he's spilled tears and Harry's wiping them. He didn't even notice; too busy looking into Harry's kind, kind, kind alpha eyes. ''I feel like I'm holding the world and I don't feel empty anymore,''Louis knows he's a defective omega. He knows its also not his fault but it is what it is. He takes the world head on even when the world is unkind to him. Not Harry though; stubborn as he is, he doesn't back down, not when it comes to Louis.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 125
Kudos: 404





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like this one. I've never written in the A/B/O verse before but I've read enough fics about them that I want to write my own spin on it. Hope you bear with me on this one :D
> 
> Title inspired by Shakespeare's, ''Cymbeline''

_''Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it, because if we actually felt how much we loved them....it would kill us,''_

_-Riding in cars with boys_

‘’So, I think we should be open about everything if we want to make this band thing work,’’ Liam says, eyeing each and every one of them.

Louis actually agrees with him. It’s been surreal getting accepted into the x-factor, let alone getting a second chance and he doesn’t want to blow his chances. He also knows that he’s the only omega in the band and he wonders if the boys have figured it out already despite his scent blockers on. It won’t be long before they do and as much as he dreads what they will think, he knows he won’t go down without a fight. He belongs in the band, whether he’s omega or not.

‘’Alright, I agree,’’ Harry says cheerfully and Louis cannot help but smile. Harry had been the most excited out of all of them for this whole band thing to work out; offering his step-dad’s bungalow, offering them rides back to Holmes Chapel. It’s no wonder he’s agreeable to everything. For an alpha, he’s not so bad.

Niall and Zayn nod their heads in agreement. It was night-time already and Zayn’s probably just eager to go to sleep and Niall just seems to like to go with the flow. For an alpha, he’s so laid back.

They were all in the living room, Harry and Liam sitting on opposing arm chairs, Louis and Zayn sharing the couch and Niall was the floor, sorting through the bag of chips on the coffee table, probably looking for a midnight snack.

‘’So, I’ll start,’’ Liam says and Louis does his best not to roll his eyes; typical alpha of Liam to always want to be first at everything.

‘’I’m an alpha,’’ Liam starts.

‘’We figured,’’ all four boys reply in unison and it has Niall cackling when they all look at each other in surprise.

‘’Oh,’’ Liam looks at them in shock.

‘’You cannot honestly be surprised, mate,’’ Zayn tells him kindly.

‘’Well, what about you then? Omega, I presume?’’ Liam says it in a way as if he already knows the answer.

‘’Nope, beta,’’ Zayn snorts at him.

‘’Something’s wrong with your nose, man.’’ Niall teases him but Liam just huffs.

‘’Well, I know that Harry’s an alpha,’’ Liam says triumphantly.

‘’Wait, really?’’ Niall turns to Harry. ‘’I thought you were omega.’’

‘’Or maybe your nose doesn’t work,’’ Liam mutters.

‘’Hey!’’

Louis watches in amusement as pillows and chips fly. It surprises him that they are actually getting along and that nobody is taking the conversation as seriously as he’d expected. He thought somebody would be storming out by now or at least be throwing punches.

‘’So, Harry, is it true then?’’ Niall asks, chest heaving from the pillow fight. He opens another bag of chips and starts munching.

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry answers, scratching at his head like he’s embarrassed to talk about it. All Louis can think of is that he has a beautiful set of curls.

‘’So, that makes three alphas,’’ Zayn announces. ‘’Harry, Liam and Louis, right?’’

‘’Hey, I’m an alpha,’’ Niall turns and glares at Zayn.

‘’No way,’’ Liam looks at Louis in shock. Louis honestly cannot blame the lad or any of them for not figuring it out.

‘’You’re omega?’’ Liam asks, voice aghast and something inside Louis ticks.

‘’Something wrong with that, mate?’’ he asks with steel in his eyes and calm in his voice. He knows Niall is looking at him in shock but he won’t drop eye-contact with Liam. That’s like submitting, something he’s vowed to never do in front of an alpha ever.

‘’Of course not,’’ Zayn answers when Liam keeps staring. ‘’It’s not a problem, right Liam?’’

Zayn nudges at Liam’s leg and it startles the lad. He clears his throat and looks at Louis, his face flushed with embarrassment.

‘’No, it’s not a problem, I was just surprised, that’s all.’’ Liam stutters.

‘’Well, don’t worry your pretty little head,’’ Louis smiles at him sweetly. ‘’I’m on scent blockers so as long as you keep to your business, I’ll keep to mine yeah?’’

‘’Yeah, what we say between us, stays between us,’’ Harry says and Louis finally turns to him, sees his kind eyes. ‘’I think trusting each other is just as important as respecting each other and we won’t work as a band if we don’t have that, no matter how good we sound when we blend our vocals.’’

‘’I agree,’’ Niall says before he crunches loudly. They all huff in soft laughter and the tension finally dissolves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Louis’ never had the kind of support he’s had with the boys before, not even with his closest friends back home. He doesn’t know how things have worked out for them but it’s like, they have nowhere to go but up, up and up and before he knows it, they’ve just sold out Madison Square Garden and are going on to release a second album and tour it after the New Year. It’s surreal.

They never forget what Harry had said that night, about respect and trust so topics like ruts and heats are very rarely brought up but when they are, they deal with it as they come; in a manner he wouldn’t have expected from four boys who were mere strangers before the x-factor.

Louis knows they all have skeletons; he’s one to talk and he knows how awkward it is to be the only omega in the band and now, known for it by the entire world but he’s been blocking his scent for years –and not because he’s ashamed of himself but semantics- so, aside from not wanting things to be awkward with three alphas around, he makes sure to never be a problem within the band, to never let his heats get in the way of anything.

He also doesn’t tell the boys the truth; about why he gets his heats once a month but almost all other omegas can get them regulated to once every three months. He doesn’t tell them that even once a month, his heats are unpredicted, but he makes sure to have his heat blockers with him, even though they make him go all quiet and spacey.

Omegas don’t usually use heat blockers because for one, you can’t fight your body forever. Nature has to run its course and Louis is aware of that. Second, heats are usually much stronger after the effects are gone as heat blockers can only work when used once every hour for only 24 hours and once the time is up, omegas produce so much more slick and their scents are just that much wilder and stronger.

But Louis has been using them for as long as he can remember. He’d even performed twice while in heat during the x-factor days because he didn’t want to be a reason to cancel a show or skip rehearsals. The boys didn’t say anything at first but eventually Harry caught on.

‘’Did you know the x-factor gives time off for rust and heats?’’ he’d said one night after the boys had recorded a video diary on the steps of the x-factor house.

‘’Is that right?’’ Zayn hadn’t really been paying attention, reading something off his phone.

‘’They said we have to go to someone in management and tell them our schedule. You should do that, Lou,’’ he’d turned to Louis back then, all doe-eyed and concerned.

‘’I don’t need to,’’ Louis had assured Harry.

‘’But why? You’ve been already?’’ Harry had looked at him so confused but Louis had just smiled and had asked him to go to sleep.

Later on, when they were on the x-factor tour, the other boys brought it up as well, especially after someone from management had sat all the contestants down one by one and asked about their scheduled ruts and heats in order to be able to schedule the dates of the performances. Louis had given them false information so that they don’t ask further questions and when he’d gone on his pseudo-heat leave, Harry had called him accidentally, asking him about something and then realized that Louis was very conversational.

‘’Oh my god, you’re supposed to be in heat! I am so sorry!’’ he’d almost hung up on him too until Louis cackled.

‘’Nah, I’m fine, love. I’m not in heat,’’

‘’But then, why are you in heat leave?’’

‘’Long story, Harry.’’

Louis had just ended it at that but eventually, the boys noticed a pattern and got too curious and he had to tell them something. They were in a dressing room at the time, about to perform for some TV show in America and they’d noticed that Louis was too quiet and his eyes were a bit in a daze. He also wasn’t wearing his assigned attire and had to go with a very baggy jumper and black jeans instead of his usual tuck-in shirt and suspenders.

‘’So, you can’t take anything to make your heats scheduled or like once every three months like other omegas,’’ Zayn, ever the fastest to catch up, had concluded.

‘’Yup,’’

‘’That’s why you need to constantly put on scent blockers and take heat blockers because they’re unpredictable,’’ Niall had add.

‘’Quite right,’’

‘’So, you’re actually in heat right now,’’ Liam had pointed out.

‘’Atta boy, Lima Bean,’’

‘’But I can’t smell anything,’’ Harry had tilted his head to the side, confused.

‘’The miracle of heat blockers my friend,’’ Louis had beamed at him.

‘’But do you know why you’re like that?’’ Liam had asked, worried. He’d come a long way from the x-factor days and Louis honestly had never blamed him for being such a knot-head. He knows how omegas are viewed in society, knows how backwards people still are.

‘’Genetics, man. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there like this.’’

And that became Louis’ answer to everything related to his biology because he honestly hasn’t even told them half of everything, is unable to tell them the real reason why his body is all messed up. It’s bad enough they get days when they have to perform with one member not able to give his all, one member not able to liven up a boring interview or dissolve the awkwardness of live radio shows. He sees it in their eyes how they worry about him and he’d snapped at them before, telling them how much he’d regret them knowing if that’s the way they’ll act around him. It’s been a bit tough at times but the boys had gotten used to it eventually. At least, Louis has that.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’Is he…?’’

‘’I don’t know, I think so.’’

‘’Well, wake him up, damn it!’’

‘’Why are you shouting? It’s not his fault!’’

‘’Fucking wake him up, Harry or I will!’’

‘’Fine, but get a grip, Liam!’’

‘’I’m telling Paul.’’

‘’Lou? Louis, wake up,’’

It takes a bit of coaxing and he’s so damn tired but eventually he stirs. He finds himself looking up at Harry and realizes his head is in his lap. Looking around, he sees that they’re in the lounge area of the tour bus. Weren’t they watching a movie or something?

‘’Haz…’’ he inhales and pauses as he sits up. No, that can’t be.

‘’Lou, you…’’

‘’Fuck,’’ he sighs because he honestly just cannot catch a break. He looks at Harry sitting beside him and sees that he’s flushed all the way down his neck and looking at him like he’s doing his best not to jump his bones. Niall and Liam are nowhere around and Zayn is the only one from the three of them standing.

‘’You better do something about your scent before Niall and Liam get back,’’ Zayn tells him when their eyes meet.

Louis knows that his scent has probably already filled the entire bus and he’d honestly be burning with shame at how hard he is if he didn’t feel so tired. Nonetheless, he needs to put distance between him and the lads and the only way to do that was to go to the back of the bus where their bunk beds are.

He nods before he stands up. Two steps in and his knees give out.

‘’Louis!’’

Harry is by his side in an instant and he must be so out of it to not even shy away when Harry just manhandles him and carries him bridal style to the bunk beds area.

‘’Harry, what the fuck are you doing?’’ Zayn calls, footsteps thundering.

‘’I got this, Zayn. I got him.’’

‘’Harry, you need to get a grip.’’

‘’Just help me out, okay?’’

Louis hears the sound of drapes being pushed aside. He didn’t know that his eyes were closed until Harry’s put him down on his bunk bed, back hitting the side of the bus gently.

‘’Haz…’’

‘’Lou, what do you need? Tell us what you need?’’ Harry pleads with him. He’s on his knees in front of him and Zayn is standing at the entrance of the area, looking back and forth between them.

‘’Get my duffle. My heat blockers are in there,’’ Louis replies quietly. He feels like he’s under water, blinking sweat out of his eyes.

‘’Okay, okay,’’ Harry looks around for the duffle back and pulls it immediately from under his bunk bed when he finds it there. He rifles through them quickly before he pulls out a canister.

‘’This one?’’ he asks, his voice like syrup. Louis can honestly listen to him talk all day. He can even drown in it…

‘’Lou, answer me, is it this one?’’ Harry’s voice has gotten so deep and stern. Louis cannot help but wonder; how is it that his voice is so deep?

‘’Let me see that,’’ Zayn snatches the bottle and reads the label. ‘’No, Harry, this is just a normal body spray. Look again.’’

‘’Wait, I see something. How about this one?’’

Louis sees the spray bottle in Harry’s hand and makes grabby motions at him. Harry notices. ‘’This one?’’

Louis nods but Harry doesn’t give it to him. Instead, he immediately rips the cover and puts one of his big hands against Louis’ neck.

‘’I got you, Lou. I’ve seen you do it before. Just tell me if I get this wrong.’’ Harry tells him before he presses the nozzle against the other side of Louis’ neck and squeezes. He’s efficient with his work, covering all of Louis’ scenting spots; the back of his neck, his throat, the other side of his neck, his collarbones. He pushes Louis’ shirt down to scent-block his chest too, raises his shirt up to spray his underarms, curses when the bottle fumbles and drops on the blanket.

It’s the most Harry’s been physical with him and regardless of the fact, Louis cannot help but feel how intimate the whole situation is because Harry may be covering his scenting spots but he’s also touching them, almost reverently. He’s such a gentle giant, a gentle alpha and Louis cannot help but stare at him in a daze, stare while Harry takes care of him.

‘’I’ve never seen him like this before,’’ he hears Zayn say.

‘’Like what? This isn’t the first time and you know it,’’ Harry says and his tone is so defensive on his behalf. If Louis was himself, he’d feel amused.

‘’Quiet yes but he looks very docile right now,’’

‘’Docile and susceptible to being taken advantage of and I don’t think Louis would appreciate it if you say something like that to his face,’’

‘’I didn’t say anything incriminating, Harry. Geez,’’

‘’Whatever,’’

‘’Get the back of his ears too.’’ Zayn offers, ever the pacifist.

Harry does just that, pressing his massive hand against the back of Louis’ head gently, like he’s holding a new born baby and covers the back of his ears and even his hairline.

‘’Lou, you with me?’’ Harry asks, eyes filled to the brim with concern and Louis just takes his fill of him. He knows Harry likes him, it’s been obvious since day one but he’s never been so forward before, never been so blatant. It unnerves him a little but maybe he’s reading him all wrong because of how vulnerable he feels.

‘’Give me,’’ Louis tells him weakly. Like Harry knows what’s next, he presses the bottle against Louis’ palm and wraps his fingers around the bottle, both his big hands covering Louis’.

‘’You got it from here?’’ he asks softly.

‘’Harry, we have to go,’’ Zayn pushes.

‘’I got this,’’ Louis finds the strength to tell him and to even smile at him. ‘’Don’t worry about me.’’

Harry nods but his brow is deeply etched with worry. Eventually, he presses a hard kiss against his forehead before he stands and takes Zayn with him, walking away.

Louis knows that time is of the essence here and that Harry had only dulled his scent a bit. With his eyes closed, he unbuttons his pants and unzips before he sprays the heat blocker against his crotch area and the crease where his groin means his thighs. It’s a good thing he’s wearing loose, black sweatpants because he’s able to spray the insides of his thighs too. He pauses and then he sprays his ankles while he’s at it, trying not to think much about how Harry can wrap his entire hand around his ankle, about how he can close his long fingers and form some form of ring around them without even realizing it. They’d be sitting on the couch in some dressing room and if ever Louis’ feet are on Harry’s lap, that’s always the first thing that Harry does. Half the time, he’s not even aware he does it and Louis never points it out, never asks him to stop or…

Louis shakes his head and when he takes a sniff, his scent has receded greatly but it’s still not enough. It’s still clinging to the air.

He rifles through his bag again and finds his heat blockers. The pills are really fat and he hates taking them. That’s why he always has a bottle of water in his bag. He fishes a pill out, swallows a decent amount of water with it and before he lies down, he closes the drapes and finally, he closes his eyes, leaving his things scattered around.

He hopes he at least dreams about Harry.


	2. Two

_''All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us.''_

_-The wonder years_

Harry and Zayn stand in the kitchen area of the tour bus. He wants to drink some tea, help Zayn prepare some dinner but he’s not going to pretend that he’s not a bit shaken up by Louis’ scent so he just stands there, pressing his folded hands under his armpits and waiting for them to stop itching with want.

There were times when he’d been able to take a whiff of Louis, faint and barely there but Harry would zero in on it and sometimes it would be all he could focus on. But Louis never lets his scent stray too long around him, always going off muting it with his scent blockers or running out of the room when he felt like Liam or Niall were looking at him funny.

Tonight though, is the first time that he’d ever taken a heavy dose of Louis’ scent and not any scent; it’s his scent in heat so it’s like tenfold and more and just…Harry isn’t very educated, he’ll admit that he can be dim sometimes but if he could bundle all the flowers in the world, none of it would compare to what Louis’ smelt like. He’s a walking cliché when he thinks like that but Louis just smelt like wildflowers, like a flower field in some Norwegian countryside or something, like…

‘’That good, huh?’’

Harry looks up and sees Zayn holding out a cup of tea to him, a smirk on his face.

‘’What are you talking about?’’ Harry mutters as he snatches the cup, wrapping one hand tightly around it and keeping his other hand still folded against his chest.

‘’I may be a beta but I’m not stupid,’’ Zayn narrows his eyes at him but they’re full of mirth.

Harry gives up. ‘’What? No lecture on liking my best friend’s heat scent?’’

Zayn laughs out loud. ‘’Oh mate, how about we both pretend that you never said the words, ‘’best friend’’ just now, yeah?’’

‘’It’s not like that,’’ Harry flushes. ‘’But fine, I liked it.’’

‘’That good?’’ Zayn smirks again.

‘’Too good,’’ Harry sighs and then they both chuckle.

‘’So,’’ Zayn starts after a comfortable silence. Harry’s relaxed enough to be able to take sips of his tea; it’s chamomile-flavored and he appreciates Zayn’s insight into him needing something to calm his inner alpha down. ‘’Any progress on getting out of the friend-zone?’’

‘’Are we really going to talk about this now?’’ Harry asks warily.

‘’It’s just that you’re not as subtle as you think, mate. And tonight, you were practically all over him.’’ Zayn points out.

‘’He was in heat and practically in my lap!’’ Harry snaps. ‘’if there is such a thing as bad-timing, then…’’

‘’Oh, you’re here,’’ Liam and Niall join them in the kitchen area. By now, Louis’ scent has finally faded and Harry tries not to be disappointed by that. ‘’Where’s Lou?’’ Liam asks.

‘’In bed.’’

‘’Yeah, we need to get Louis to the other bus,’’ Liam continues.

‘’What? Why?’’ Harry demands.

‘’Have you noticed that we’re not moving?’’ Niall points out. Harry looks at him confused before he pulls the curtain behind him and notices that yes, the bus is parked and that the highway is piled up with cars.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Zayn asks when he’s done looking out the other side.

‘’Highway patrol announced that there’s a heavy fog up ahead,’’ Liam informs them. ‘’It’s accident-prone weather and we’ll have to wait a couple of hours or more for the fog to dissipate before we can cross the inter-state.’’

‘’So? What does that have to do with moving Louis to the other bus?’’ Harry asks.

‘’Our bunk beds are here, Haz and the other bus has the scent-proof room.’’ Liam tells him, a bit impatient. ‘’It’s past midnight and we have a show tomorrow night. We need to rest and I’m sure Louis won’t be comfortable back there with us surrounding him.’’

‘’Paul already called the hotel and said we’re going to have a late check-in,’’ Niall adds. ‘’Management isn’t cancelling the show since technically we’re still gonna be able to make it,’’

‘’You are aware that we’re right smack in the middle of the highway with cars upfront and out back,’’ Zayn points out. ‘’And you’re saying you want Louis to step out of this bus, in heat, with who knows how many alphas out there?’’

‘’Yeah, not happening,’’ Harry smacks his mug on the counter and folds his arms, standing up right and not even ashamed to fold his arms and stand right in the middle of the kitchen, blocking Liam and Niall. He knows he’s posturing, knows what he looks like, but he doesn’t give a fuck.

‘’First of all, his scent’s gone,’’ Liam is addressing Zayn but his body language is also on high alert, arms folded and facing Harry.

‘’The windows up front are open, Liam.’’ Harry grits out.

‘’That wasn’t on purpose,’’ Niall placates. ‘’Paul couldn’t find any reception to call the hotel or management and I’m sorry, Harry but the scent was really heavy, okay?’’

‘’But now, everybody outside knows that there’s an omega in here who is in heat!’’ Harry snaps.

‘’Get a grip, Harry!’’ Liam orders. ‘’His scent is gone and nobody is going to notice when he steps off the bus since his scent’s already covered. Besides, we have our security team with us and…’’

‘’Boys, knock it off!’’ Paul enters the kitchen area and pushes Liam aside so that he now stands next to Zayn. Nobody would ever guess that Paul’s a beta with his bulk and size and standing between Liam and Niall, one would think he’s the alpha between them.

‘’I’m not letting Louis out of here,’’ Harry tells him. ‘’I can sleep in the lounge area and we can wait this fog out until the highway’s clear to move Louis but he’s not moving in his condition, I don’t care if his scent is off, everybody out there will know the moment they see him!’’

‘’Good to know lad, but you’re not sleeping in the lounge area,’’ Paul announces. ‘’You four,’’ he makes a circle with his finger, ‘’are the ones moving out of here. Lou and Lux, Josh and Sandy and Mark, are going to be staying here.’’

‘’We’re switching bunk beds?’’ Niall asks warily. Alphas and Omegas are territorial by nature and something as simple as switching a bunk bed can be a big nuisance since the scent of where they would sleep would be all wrong. But Harry notices that Paul pointed out all of the betas in their entourage. Betas don’t actually give off a scent as potent as omegas and alphas. It’s actually a good tactic.

‘’Exactly,’’ Paul concludes.

‘’Louis still won’t be comfortable,’’ Harry argues. He can only imagine what Louis is doing right now back in the bunk beds. Harry didn’t finish high-school but he’s taken enough biology to know that Louis is probably leaking slick right now and….no, no, images. Not the time.

‘’They know, Harry,’’ Paul placates. ‘’Mark is getting the camping beds out. Lou and lux don’t mind taking the floor in the lounge area and Mark will sleep in the driver’s spare bunk up front. Josh and Sandy will take the couch. They’re cool with it, okay? They understand.’’

‘’I…’’ Harry doesn’t really want to leave Louis, that’s what it comes down to. ‘’You won’t be with him? Only Mark will be here?’’

‘’Mark is enough and the bus will be locked up.’’ There’s a tick in Paul’s jawline and he knows that he’s pushing it.

‘’Let’s pack up,’’ Liam announces when nothing else is said, as always; taking the initiative.

‘’You boys stay right here,’’ Paul pulls him back. ‘’I’ll pack your bags. You go ahead already and get on the other bus. This fog will take a while and you need your sleep. You’ve got a show tomorrow.’’

Harry knows a losing battle when he sees one and unfortunately, this is one of them.

.......................................................................................................................

Irrationally, he wishes he could say good night to Louis and rationally, he knows that Louis won’t appreciate it, being disturbed and all. He just feels so very territorial right now and he knows it doesn’t make sense.

Lying down in Josh’s bunk in the other bus, he tosses and turns, wondering if Louis’ okay, if the others are giving him a hard time, wondering if he’s fallen asleep and has forgotten to take his heat blockers. He knows Louis’ put an alarm on his cell phone to wake him up by the hour but he looked really tired and what if he sleeps through it? What if…

He doesn’t relax at all that night; not even when the bus starts moving, not even when Paul asks them to leave the bus first and check-in to the hotel when they arrive at the crack of dawn and not even after he lies down in his comfortable hotel room. It’s irrational but he misses Louis like a fucking limb and when it comes down to it; he knows it’s because he wishes he could have spent Louis’ heat with him. He’s ashamed to admit it and hopes that when he wakes up in a couple of hours, that it will all be just a dream.


	3. three

_''To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing,''_

_-anonymous_

Louis doesn’t come down to breakfast with the lads. He doesn’t even go to the interview they had scheduled that day and to make sure it’s not obvious, they send only Harry ad Niall to the interview to represent the band. The only time that Louis finally appears is at rehearsals.

He looks really tired and Harry is livid. He knows that Louis is still in heat because it can’t be over that quickly and he also knows that Louis doesn’t need to attend rehearsals; they all know their routine by now, it’s not like they even have to dance.

He’s never been more attuned to Louis before because yes, Louis’ performed in heat before, back in the x-factor days but he’d been too busy trying so hard not to look at him to notice, too busy trying to act subtle and not so infatuated to actually pay attention.

He’s looking now and he doesn’t like what he sees.

‘’Why is he here?’’ Harry corners Paul when Louis excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

‘’Same as you guys,’’ Paul answers, reading something off his clip board. When he notices that Harry is still standing next him, unmoving, he continues, ‘’rehearsing?’’

‘’He’s dead on his feet,’’ Harry grits. ‘’And you know very well that…’’

‘’Harry, son,’’ Paul interrupts gently. ‘’Let me tell you something, okay?’’ he puts down the clipboard and looks at Harry in that fatherly way he does sometimes. ‘’First of all, Louis’ a big boy, he can take care of himself and has been taking care of himself since day one. This isn’t something new for him, something he can’t handle. Second of all, I’m not the one in charge here, okay? Management is and if they say the show must go on, then the show must go on. Third of all, Louis is not complaining at all.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’And finally,’’ Paul pushes through. ‘’You’ve got the next two days off before your next show so you only have to make it through tonight and you’ll be free after that to do whatever you want.’’

‘’Louis deserves better than this,’’ is all Harry can say, pouting like a three-year-old whose toy was just taken away from him.

‘’Louis chose this, lad, okay?’’ Paul reminds him. ‘’Besides, it’s just part of the job. You think he’s the only omega in this cut-throat business trying to prove himself? Of course not. You ought to be more supportive than that.’’

‘’I am supportive!’’ Harry cries.

‘’Then go and continue being supportive,’’ Paul points in the direction of the bathroom, before he sighs and goes back to reading whatever it is on his clipboard.

Harry huffs at him but gets his point. It’s all Louis’ fault; he never complains, never fusses and he sure as hell cares more about the lads than himself and Harry wishes he could stop for just one second, just stop thinking about kissing the living hell out of him. That thought stays with him as he marches towards the dressing room and knocks on the connecting bathroom.

‘’Lou, you in there?’’ he asks.

‘’Yeah, Haz, you need anything?’’ Louis’ voice is muted through the door, not giving away anything.

‘’No, thanks, just wondering if you’re okay?’’

‘’Well, I’m in the bathroom, do we really need to talk while I’m in here?’’ Harry flushes red because he’s just realized what an awkward situation he’s landed them in and he knows without looking that Louis is fucking amused by it.

‘’Oh, um, sorry, I’ll just wait outside, then,’’ he curses himself because what the fuck? He’ll just wait outside while his bandmate is gunning it in the bathroom, what was he thinking?

‘’Okay you go do that,’’ and now he’s more sure than ever that he’s gotten Louis to laugh at his expense. Perfect, just perfect and the award to the most awkward alpha in the world goes to…? Yup, to Mr. Harry Styles, friend-zone quarter-back and all-star MVP.

He keeps berating himself until the door clicks open and Louis comes out. He looks flushed, eyes wet, forehead sweaty and hair dripping. He’s not giving off any scent but he’s just…

This is what gave him away before and looking back, Harry should have noticed. The hype and the new-ness of it all probably made him blind to it but when Louis’ in heat, he just… glows, like he’s sunshine incarnate.

Harry can only imagine; if Louis takes all those blockers out of the equation, would he be staring straight at the Sun instead of Louis?

‘’Haz, you heard me?’’ Harry blinks and looks just in time to see Louis putting on a new shirt and tossing the previous one at his face.

Harry laughs weakly as he grabs the shirt and sits down on the couch.

‘’I said, you can go to the bathroom now, it’s free,’’ Louis tells him as he sits down next to him and picks up his phone from the table.

‘’Oh, I didn’t need to go; just came by to check on you,’’ Harry admits, playing with Louis’ shirt that he’s still holding.

‘’Oh, is break-time over?’’ Louis asks before he gets back. ‘’Let’s go before Paul comes after us,’’

Harry cannot say anything more because Louis’ already moving out of the room so he follows him outside. He doesn’t notice that he’s still holding Louis’ shirt in his hand until they’re on stage so he tucks it in his back pocket, leaving part of it hanging and pretends not to notice Louis’ confused eyes when he sees his shirt hanging out of Harry backside.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They make it through the show but throughout their performance, even the other lads looked worried. It should have made sense from the start; that it can’t have been easy for Louis but it is Louis who’s made it his job to make it look easy.

No one could ever possibly tell but the boys do and that says something about how close they’ve become, that when they look around like lost puppies, they find themselves all looking in the same direction, looking at the same person. They know their routine, they don’t need a reminder, but there’s a feeling in the charged air like something’s wrong, like something’s just out of place.

From an audience’s point of view, nothing is but on the stage, it’s a whole different story; Louis is sitting on the couch instead of standing around and walking during their twitter questions segment. During ‘’summer love’’ he’s sitting on the steps behind Zayn instead of in front of him that Zayn keeps looking back at him instead of facing the audience. During a break in the show, Harry is doing some knock-knock jokes and is looking around for someone to have a laugh at him only to find that Louis is not even on stage (If Liam hadn’t announced to the audience that Louis had popped off backstage for a wee, Harry doesn’t want to know what he would have done). They are all off their game tonight, voices perfect and harmonious but they feel unbalanced, like they’re missing their queues or something.

No one points it out as they change clothes back stage after the show is over. No one says anything when Louis bids them a quick good night and rushes off to the scent-proof room when they hop on the bus headed towards their hotel.

It’s only when they’ve gathered in the lounge area after having agreed to have some pints to wind down that they notice no one’s drinking and that everyone’s talking about the highlights of the show. It’s not until Zayn asks if they’re waiting for someone else that they realize that one seat on the couch is missing and that they were actually waiting for Louis to come join them like he usually does before they start drinking. It sinks then.

‘’This is ridiculous,’’ Liam huffs. ‘’Why are we this worried? It’s not like it was the first time,’’

‘’Yeah, but we can sit here all night and talk about how great the show was but we all know we weren’t really there half the time,’’ Niall points out, finally grabbing his beer and taking a proper pull of it.

‘’What do you mean we weren’t there?’’ Liam asks.

‘’C’mon, Liam, you were berating Louis half the night,’’ Niall laughs lightly.

‘’Well, it wasn’t intentional,’’ Liam defends himself. ‘’Besides, it looked like he appreciated it and, if you think I got it bad, you should check on Zayn.’’

‘’Me, what did I do?’’ Zayn puts his beer down, half-way to taking a drink.

‘’Mate, your neck’s alright? I think you spent the whole night twisting it around like an owl.’’ Liam giggles.

‘’Owls are cool creatures I’ll have you know,’’ Zayn mutters before he finally takes a sip.

‘’I think maybe we ought to be more supportive from now on,’’ Harry says quietly. He knows he’s wallowing, taking up one side of the couch and wishing Louis would put his feet in his lap. Niall’s sitting on the floor, so more than half the couch is empty and it’s like, Louis’ place is still there, waiting for him to fill it.

‘’In what sense?’’ Liam folds his arms, biceps bulging. Harry wants to roll his eyes because Liam is taking this whole alpha leader of the band way too seriously, like someone promoted him into the role or something.

‘’I mean, it’s a visceral part of who we are, and yet, maybe we’re not as understanding of each other’s biology as we thought we were,’’ Harry points out.

‘’I’m not an omega, Harry so if anyone is more understanding, it’s Louis.’’ Niall points out.

‘’I don’t mean it like that, I mean that, we all take our own precautions, we all use the scent-proof room when we need it and we all mind our own business but we also turn the other way about it.’’ The boys are silent, sipping their beers in contemplation. ‘’What if something like tonight happens again? We don’t even understand why Louis wasn’t being like, the Louis that we’re used to and that’s not right, you know? He hasn’t changed just because his biology is putting his body through a natural process, you know?’’ Harry pauses. ‘’Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?’’

‘’What Harry is trying to say, is that the reason why we felt unbalanced tonight, is because we’re turning into a pack,’’ Zayn sighs and the boys all look at him. If anyone can enlighten them, it’s Zayn. ‘’Actually, we already are and we’re not even aware of it half the time.’’

‘’That’s not a bad thing,’’ Niall says cheerfully.

‘’Yes, but we need to learn how to navigate it because a pack is only as strong as its strongest members. If one of us goes down, it unhinges the rest.’’

‘’Louis is just as strong as the rest of us,’’ Harry says sternly. ‘’This isn’t his fault,’’

‘’I’m not saying that, Haz. I’m saying maybe we are all at fault.’’ Zayn concludes. ‘’A pack works together; we need to be there for each other and not let one member shoulder his own burdens by himself. Accidents do happen, ruts or heats or whatever can come late or early and it happens and I think we should know how to protect each other and not just ourselves, the way we’d stick our own necks out if it was our own family.’’

‘’Hey, we’re family,’’ Niall whines.

‘’No, we’re pack,’’ Liam sighs, understanding in his eyes. ‘’We should start being one and not just acting like one.’’

‘’Exactly,’’ Zayn raises his beer at him before he finishes his drink.

‘’I think we’re here, lad,’’ Niall says when the bus stops. There’s the sound of screaming girls outside the bus and they all sigh. They love their fans but it gets tiring sometimes putting on their A-game after a tiring show.

‘’Let’s go,’’ Liam stands up and heads towards the door, Niall following him.

‘’Hey, Zayn?’’ Harry holds the Bradford boy back as they both stand up.

‘’Yeah, Haz?’’

‘’Thank you for…’’ Harry pauses. ‘’I don’t know how you find the words, mate…’’

Zayn just looks hard at him before he sighs and brings him in for a hug. ‘’You’ll get there, H. I know you will.’’

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about.’’ Harry chuckles wetly.

Zayn holds him at arm’s length. ‘’I know that you think Louis is unreachable. I know that you sometimes think that what an alpha should be is someone like Liam or Niall and they’re not bad but they are themselves because for better or worse, they stay true to who they are and you should too.’’

‘’I can be better though, I know I can,’’ Harry tells him.

‘’Harry,’’ Zayn smiles softly. ‘’I know this might surprise you but trust me; Louis likes what he sees when he looks at you. It’s not in your head, yeah?’’

‘’But I don’t know what he sees in me,’’ Harry says quietly, eyes somewhere on Zayn’s chest.

‘’Ask him then,’’ Zayn says simply.

‘’How?’’ Harry laughs because that idea is absurd.

‘’Maybe tell him what you see when you look at him first,’’ Zayn suggests coolly. ‘’Because I honestly think he’ll like your answer and then he’ll tell you and you can start courting or whatever it is you alphas and omegas do.’’

‘’It can’t be that perfect,’’ Harry whines.

‘’No, but it can be that easy,’’ Zayn pats his shoulder and starts moving towards the door. ‘’You’ll never know unless you ask, you know?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry says to the air, standing in an empty bus, wondering when did he ever start feeling so small when it comes to Louis.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Louis’ heat passes and everything is back to normal. But let nobody tell you that Harry’s lost his balls or that he’s still metaphorically looking around trying to find them because it’s already been a week and he still doesn’t have the guts to at least tell Louis that he _likes_ him, likes him.

It all comes to a head one day in Niall’s hotel room. It’s after a show somewhere in L.A. and they’ve decided on a movie night to wind down. There’s junk food all over the coffee table and cans of beer that Paul snuck in for them since they’re in America and aren’t allowed to drink yet.

They’ve decided to marathon watch the Die Hard movies. Louis said he’d watched the first one way too many times already so throughout the movie, he’s on his phone and Harry had watched it too so he spends his time staring at Louis, whose feet are on his lap and whose face is shadowed from the light coming from the screen.

He can’t help but like him and he wishes he was Alpha enough to take initiative and say something about it. There were posters during the show that he’d read and it got his blood boiling; posters about wanting to be Louis’ alpha, wanting to be his daddy and the lads joke about it because the same happens to them too but its come to the point for Harry that the idea of Louis dating another person, another alpha, it tugs at something inside him so viscerally, he feels like he’s going to implode.

He’s so lost in his chain of thoughts that he only snaps back when Louis’ feet are no longer in his lap. He catches the end of Louis’ words, something about making tea. Feeling restless, he puts down his beer, gets up quietly and follows Louis to the kitchen.

He’s standing by the door, watching Louis’ back, the way he moves around. The kitchen in the hotel room came with a complementary kettle and a set of mugs but it doesn’t surprise Harry when Louis pulls out a packet of Yorkshire from his pocket and puts it in a clean mug, waiting for the water to boil.

‘’Going to stand there all night?’’ Louis asks, his back still facing Harry.

‘’Sorry, I just missed you,’’ he doesn’t know where the bravery is coming from; the beer had loosened him up but he’s not drunk, more like a little less tipsy. And saying that he misses Louis or talking to him unfiltered isn’t out of the norm either but Harry feels like he’s standing on a precipice, looking at Louis and knowing that Louis knows its him standing a couple of feet away and not the other lads.

It’s his fault he’ll admit it, why he’s so afraid to tell Louis how he feels. He’s put Louis on such a high pedestal, made of ivory and gold and something terribly beautiful and it’s just not fair to Louis, he knows that. He knows that people have the helpless tendency to disappoint one another mostly because of high expectations and nothing else. But he cannot bring himself to stand there and be disappointed by any fault or flaw that Louis could possibly have and that’s not right.

He knows he has to reconcile between thinking that Louis is perfect and expecting perfection because he can’t do that to Louis. He knows that they all have their demons and they all have their insecurities but he just…he knows he won’t ever be disappointed by Louis, ever.

‘’Do you want some tea?’’ he watches as Louis approaches him with two mugs, one he brings close to his chest and the other he offers up to Harry.

‘’Thanks, Lou.’’ he claims his mug and they drink silently, the air drowned by Bruce Willis cursing colorfully and gun violence.

‘’Don’t think I haven’t noticed,’’ Louis puts the mug down before he sits down by the kitchen isle, arms folded on the counter.

‘’Noticed what?’’

‘’You’ve been cagey around me these past couple of days. Care to share your thoughts?’’ Louis is looking at him, concerned but relaxed. He’s had one beer in and his scent is muted as usual but Harry can still remember how he’d looked when he’d let Harry block his heat scent, can still remember every kind and encouraging word Louis had ever told him, ever since their x-factor days, can still remember what he wrote on his first ever birthday card to him, can still hear his voice when he’d taken him aside before their first ever radio show after the album release and told him he’ll be great and supported and loved no matter what.

‘’What do you really think of me, Lou?’’ he asks instead.

‘’I think you’re pretty great, Mr. Styles. Is that what you’ve been concerned about?’’ Louis smiles softly.

‘’Lou,’’ Harry swallows. ‘’I really want to know. It’s been on my mind a lot lately.’’

Louis finishes his tea before he leans back against the chair, his arms folded again. ‘’My opinion specifically?’’

‘’Yes,’’

‘’Did I wrong you or something?’’

‘’No, Lou,’’ Harry shakes his head because the last thing he wanted was to make Louis feel cornered. ‘’I just, everybody’s saying it’s obvious and I wanted to know…’’

‘’What’s obvious?’’ Louis is getting defensive and he doesn’t like that.

‘’Okay, just…’’ Harry sighs before he enters the kitchen and closes the door. It’s suddenly quieter than usual, the sounds of violence and T.V. action muted. He finishes his tea in one gulp, hoping it will sober him up some more.

‘’Can I tell you what I think of you?’’ he asks before he puts the mug down on the counter. Louis turns in his chair so he’s facing Harry and even with the height between them, with Louis still sitting and him still standing, Harry feels like it’s Louis who holds all the power here, not him.

‘’I mean, I’d never turn down a complement, so…’’ Louis says, amused.

‘’I think your bravery is staggering,’’ Harry says, somehow emboldened. There is no one around them for once, nothing except the kitchen’s four walls, two empty mugs of tea and the boy he is quite sure he really wants to date and eventually scent mark. ‘’I think you not letting Liam get away with his alpha shit and you standing your ground despite all the unnecessary hate we’ve gotten as a band is honestly unbelievable. I think Zayn wouldn’t have come out of his shell as often if you weren’t there encouraging him. I think Niall would have still been as awkward as hell if you weren’t there to make him feel it’s a hundred percent okay for him to just be himself and I wouldn’t be half the alpha, half the person I am today if I didn’t meet someone like you that makes me want to be more…’’

It’s getting harder to keep looking at Louis without wanting to lay his heart at his feet because it’s obvious from the look on Louis’ face that this is all new to him and that maybe it wasn’t really as obvious as he’d thought before but it’s like, there’s no going back now; he’s a steam-train rolling and he’s yet to hit the brakes.

‘’More…what?’’ Louis asks carefully, expression unreadable.

‘’More worthy,’’ Harry nods, feeling breathless. ‘’More worthy to be with someone like you. That’s how much I like you.’’

Louis’ eyes keep darting all over his face and he stands his ground, waiting for the verdict.

‘’You’re my best friend,’’ Louis tells him.

‘’Best friend I ever had,’’ Harry can’t help but say it, his voice all soft and Louis laughs lightly despite the heaviness of the situation.

‘’But why do I get the feeling that you’re telling me you want…more?’’

‘’Because I do,’’ Harry tells him simply. ‘’Because I think if you really like me back as I think I do, then we owe it to ourselves to try and see if we’ll work as something…more, you know?’’ He ends lamely.

‘’Wow,’’ Louis says after a while, standing up and turning towards the sink, his back facing Harry.

‘’Sorry if I’ve overwhelmed you,’’ Harry cannot help but say but the silence was growing awkward and he didn’t want whatever spell that fell over them to dissipate.

‘’No, H, I…’’ Louis turns around, body leaning against the counter, hands in his pockets. ‘’I just…you’re not wrong, okay? I do like you, a lot.’’

It’s too soon to hope, he knows it but he can’t help but let his heart whoop. ‘’But…?’’

‘’I mean, we work together and it could get ugly? Or maybe my heat scent got you worked up or something…’’

‘’If it was your heat scent, then two more boys would be here vying for you,’’ Harry points out.

‘’Harry, we won’t be able to work properly together if things go wrong. We’re in a boyband for crying out loud…’’

‘’I think we ought it to ourselves to try,’’ Harry interrupts him. ‘’God help me, I want to try.’’

Louis looks at him softly. ‘’Do you know what your scent feels like to me compared to the others?’’

‘’My scent?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’Liam smells like leather, very alpha of him but like, too alpha,’’ Louis rolls his eyes but Harry knows that it’s mostly out of endearment. He’d mock Liam from time to time but Harry knows that deep down, he loves him like a brother. ‘’Niall, his is like grass, freshly mowed. But you….’’

‘’Yes?’’

‘’You smell like forest dew, like lying down in a meadow, surrounded by green and trees and nothing but the feel of the earth under your fingers.’’ Louis says softly. ‘’I’ve never smelt anything like that before. It’s very…soothing.’’

‘’Why are you telling me this?’’

‘’Because you have to understand that I’m not turning you down because I want to; I just think you won’t like what you see when you get too close.’’

‘’Louis, don’t beat yourself up,’’ Harry chides.

‘’I’m not, I’m…’’ Louis exhales harshly. ‘’Harry, there are a lot of things that are wrong with me, things I barely understand. And we have band duties to uphold too. We can’t let us get in the way of work.’’

‘’Louis, I’m not giving up on you unless you tell me to,’’ Harry simply tells him. ‘’Do you want me to stop?’’

Louis pauses too long on the answer and Harry feels that whoop of hope again.

‘’Tell me,’’

‘’Harry…’’

‘’You’re going to have to fight me harder on this because I’m not backing down unless you ask me to,’’ When Louis just looks away, Harry turns around and is about to open the kitchen door when Louis calls out to him, ‘’wait,’’

He turns around and sees Louis pulling a chair from the kitchen table and sitting heavily on it. ‘’Harry, just wait, please…’’

Harry closes the door and walks over to Louis, gets down on his knees on the floor in front of him because his inner alpha can feel how distressed Louis is and he wants to comfort, take care and offer help.

‘’Louis, why are you fighting this?’’

‘’I want you to come with me to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow,’’ Louis blurts when he lifts his head. ‘’I want you to know what you’re getting yourself into. When you find out how defective I am, I won’t blame you, okay? And you’ll walk away and we’ll stay friends and that will be the end of it, okay?’’

‘’I…’’ Harry’s mind is whirring because what? ‘’I don’t understand.’’

‘’You’ll understand tomorrow and you can decide then if you still want me.’’

‘’I know I will.’’

‘’You don’t know that,’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry doesn’t want to argue with Louis, not when he can feel how distressed he is. ‘’Can I hug you for now? I won’t talk about it anymore tonight if that will make you feel better.’’

Louis takes a couple of deep breaths before he nods. ‘’Okay,’’

Harry brings him into his chest, arms wrapped around Louis’ shoulder and waist and face tucked into his neck. He holds him close, breathing him in.

They stay there in each other’ space for a long time, both comforting each other because even now, Louis’ hands is rubbing Harry’s back up and down, like he’s sorry for disappointing the alpha. It’s very omega of him but he knows pointing it out won’t make Louis appreciate it.

‘’Sorry for turning your courtship proposal into a disaster,’’ Louis whispers into his shoulder.

Harry chuckles. ‘’Nah, it’s alright. I’m sorry for coming on too strong,’’

‘’It’s okay. I like you, you weren’t wrong about that. I just…as cliché as it may sound, I don’t want to complicate things between us, that’s all. I don’t want you to like, stop liking me and I feel like that’s going to happen, you know?’’

‘’How about we wait till tomorrow and you let me decide that for myself, yeah?’’ Harry placates.

‘’Yeah, okay,’’ Louis exhales after a while, like it took him a stronghold to admit that answer out loud.

They break apart together and then laugh when they make eye-contact.

‘’Let’s watch some Bruce Willis ass-kicking, yeah?’’ Harry asks, offering his hand to Louis.

‘’Okay,’’


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me just say that this chapter is probably going to be very vague and perhaps even confusing but all will be revealed soon.

_''When you're with me, no judgement_   
_You can get that from anyone else_   
_You don't have to prove nothin'_   
_You can just be yourself''_

_-Niall Horan, No judgement_

Harry lets it go and doesn’t bother Louis about it during breakfast. Besides, something else is gripping his attention.

‘’Turn that off, will you?’’ he sighs as he pours himself some coffee. They’ve decided to order room service and eat together in Niall’s room. Zayn’s put the news on and he and Niall and Liam are on the sofa, plates on their laps and eyes on the screen. Harry and Louis are behind them sitting at the kitchen isle.

Louis’ lips are pursed but he doesn’t say anything as he eats.

‘’No, I want to hear,’’ Zayn says, turning the volume up. The news woman is reporting about a law a mayor in some town wants to pass. There are people holding posters behind the woman, chanting loudly but she continues with her report before turning to a person she introduces as an activist.

_‘’What do you think about this bill, Mr. Lawson?’’ the woman asks._

_‘’I totally agree with it,’’ the man answers. Harry knows he’s one of those backwards alpha; the way he’s leering at the woman. ‘’Omegas are pure distraction. They can’t enter a bar without getting alphas all riled up and it’s not our fault, they should know better. They should know their place.’’_

_‘’So, you agree that they should be chaperoned everywhere they go and if not, just shut themselves in? Isn’t that very confining?’’_

_‘’Look, omegas are breeders by nature. They’re born to pop out pups and stay behind walls. They shouldn’t be roaming around bars or dance clubs. It’s just not safe for them, you know? It’s just not their function.’’_

‘’That’s a load of crack,’’ Niall sing-songs, piling more scrambled eggs on his plate.

‘’You said it,’’ Zayn agrees.

‘’How archaic of him,’’ Louis snorts quietly. Harry worries about what he really thinks.

The world is a different place now, with omegas boldly holding up positions in politics even. There’s still some back lash of course, especially when it comes to celebrities and fame but it’s nothing out of the norm. Hell, back in their early days, after their secondary genders were revealed in a friendly interview, Harry thought people would draw even more assumptions related to their biology but instead, they got more ribbed over their vocals and teased for their looks. Luckily, their fans were quick to defend them and for some reason, people actually like their music so the backlash wasn’t even unusual. They were told by management that it came with the job description, that just as they are fans of music that they like, it’s also logical that there is music or a singer out there that they’re not a fan of. The same applies to them.

Harry himself had stopped reading up on hate tweets about him but he knows that a real fan of theirs would never give Zayn crap for being a beta for example and Louis’ skin is as thick as steel; he’d said in an interview that reading hate tweet is a waste of time and Harry agrees with him.

He hears Liam laugh jeeringly.

‘’Bastard probably thinks omegas ought to just bear their necks and submit to him or some other shit.’’ Liam shakes his head at the telly and gets up from the sofa. ‘’I’m going to go buy some sneakers. Anybody in?’’

‘’Yeah, I’m in. Can’t really listen to this shit anymore,’’ Niall goes into his room, saying something about changing clothes.

Harry turns back to the telly. The anchor woman wraps up her interview before turning towards the camera.

_‘’Mayor Aldo is gearing up at court today to pass his bill which states that movement of omegas must be limited and restricted for their own safety, that it must be a mandatory requirement to now have passes for entrance into public places approved by their alphas if they are past the age of consent or approved by their parents if not. So far, mayor Aldo has gotten an approval for his previous bill regarding omegas traveling overseas but now it seems he wants to apply a narrower law inland. Omegas, alphas and betas as well as omegas’ rights activists behind me are protesting the bill and are here outside the court house to show their disapproval,’’_

‘’I can’t believe people still think this way,’’ Zayn says, shaking his head.

‘’Good thing its different back home,’’ Liam pats his head before he starts collecting the scattered plates.

‘’Can you turn that off now?’’ Harry asks again. Zayn does before he turns around and looks at Louis.

Louis has heard it all before, especially while growing up. Back home, it’s all very different and a hundred times better than it was before. Even now, the world is changing rapidly towards creating a more open and positive attitude towards omegas. People like that activist, they just don’t have a good bone in their body.

Back on the x-factor, it was part of the show to not reveal their secondary gender until after, in order to allow the people to vote for the contestants based on popularity and singing ability rather than biology. It was also only after they’ve released their first album that him being an omega came out and was no longer an industry secret because their label thought it would be very inspirational for people to know how diverse their band was, how accepting they were of change that was for the good.

Louis didn’t mind and neither did the boys. People have already been suspecting, making some good guesses and their label investigated and conducted surveys and concluded that their fans were actually very excited about it. They did get a lot of good reviews after the fact and gained a lot of people supporting them for their music regardless of what they are. Coming to the states was a test to that because their music really was popular and catchy.

Looking at Harry now, he sees his concern and he wishes he wasn’t. He wishes he’d be like Zayn sometimes, laid back and calm.

‘’You have plans today, Lou?’’ Zayn asks him.

He’s still looking at Harry when he answers. ‘’Yeah, I do.’’ He smiles at Zayn then. ‘’I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?’’

‘’Alright then,’’ Zayn shrugs. ‘’I’m gonna take a nap,’’

Louis nods at Harry and they both get up to leave the room.

They’re outside the hallway and Louis knows Harry is still following him so when he opens the door to his room, he waves Harry in.

‘’Do you want to go shopping with the lads?’’ he asks while he roots through his suitcase for something to wear.

‘’I have plans with you as far as I’m concerned,’’ Harry replies, cheeky.

Louis smiles and he looks relieved. ‘’Good, I’m going to change. You’re good to go?’’

Harry looks down at his t-shirt and sweatpants. ‘’Yup, why not? Can I borrow a beanie and sunglasses though?’’

‘’Sure,’’ Louis changes in the connecting bathroom quickly. He puts on a pair of black skinny jeans and a baggy jumper before he joins Harry in the bedroom.

‘’You’re looking good,’’ Harry tells him. Louis snorts.

‘’Okay, stud. Let’s get going, yeah?’’ Louis picks up a notebook from his suitcase and puts it in a back pack. He throws a green beanie and a pair of RayBans at Harry before he wears his vans.

‘’Shall we?’’

Harry looks in the mirror and make sure his hair is cooperating with the beanie before he follows Louis out the room. ‘’Let’s go.’’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They’re in the back of a car, with Alberto driving up front. The divider is closed and Harry is staring out the window. To be fair, his curiosity is eating at him, his imagination running wild, wondering if Louis is alright or if the doctor’s appointment is just standard for him.

He’s the only alpha in his family so he doesn’t really know much about omegas. Zayn and Niall both have omegas in their family but they both said that the omegas in their family are quite shy and tend to just mind their own business.

Liam’s family is also like Harry’s but Liam’s dad is quite big on discipline and maybe it had to do with his line of work but Harry isn’t really sure. Liam grew up in a family with four brothers, him being the fifth and the youngest and of the four, three followed in Mr. Payne’s footsteps and became military men, serving the Queen and all whereas the other one became a fireman. Liam practically went against the family’s footsteps by auditioning but he’d said later on that his parents were supportive of him. What the public doesn’t know is that the opposite cannot be said if he actually did not succeed.

‘’He said he’d ship me off to some military boarding school if things didn’t work out.’’ Liam had admitted back in the bungalow.

All he knows and cares about is that Liam had mellowed out a lot from when they’d first met him. They’d stepped on each other’s toes metaphorically before they were able to establish even grounds. Harry remembers how Liam and Louis did not get a long at all but instead of their relationship getting worse, it just got better. Harry guesses it had a lot to do with Louis not being the omega Liam expected him to be and Liam accepting that this is the Louis he is going to have to work with. Harry also thinks that once he got to know Louis better, he changed for the better. He himself can attest to that.

‘’What’s going on in that head of yours?’’ Louis asks, making him turn his head to look at him.

‘’Nothing,’’ Harry says before he relents. ‘’Or like, I guess I’m just curious.’’

‘’About?’’

‘’You’re not sick, right?’’ Harry asks, turning his body to fully face Louis, hands in his lap. ‘’You’d tell me something like that, yeah? You won’t keep that from me,’’

Louis sighs and looks away. ‘’Of course, Haz. I’d never lie to you.’’

‘’That’s not what I was asking,’’ Harry chuckles nervously.

‘’We’re here,’’ Louis tells him. When Harry looks out the window, he’s mildly surprised. They’re not parked in front of a hospital but rather a private facility. It’s gated and everything and Alberto has to confirm the appointment by the security guard at the gate. When the car rolls in, there are other cars spaciously parked outside the building.

‘’Where are we?’’ Harry cannot help but inquire.

‘’It’s a private clinic,’’ Louis tells him before he opens the door. ‘’I can only come here when I’m in L.A. They’re all about the hush hush,’’ Louis winks at him before he steps out. Harry immediately follows, going out form his side of the door.

‘’Okay, so should I keep the RayBans on?’’ Harry doesn’t want to make Louis uncomfortable but he has to admit, he still gets recognized even with a beanie and sunglasses on.

‘’No, it’s alright, like I said, they know their clients. It’s all very private around here,’’ Louis assures him. Louis waits for Harry to turn around and reach him.

‘’So,’’ Louis starts.

‘’So?’’ Harry smiles at him, hopes his presence is genuinely okay.

‘’I want you to like, not react while we’re in there, yeah?’’ Louis asks before he sighs like he’s frustrated with himself. ‘’Like, you might hear things that are just, maybe harsh and not nice but that’s just them not knowing much about you, as weird as it may sound, okay?’’

‘’Um, if somebody disses you, I’m not going to just stand by and watch, Lou.’’ Harry shakes his head because Louis can’t expect that of him.

‘’No, it won’t be like that. It’s not like that. Just, please?’’ Louis grabs both his hands. ‘’I’ll explain everything later and it will make sense to you but for now, please reign yourself in, yeah? Please?’’

Harry doesn’t like it, not one bit but he’s got to get his alpha in control if it is what Louis wants.

‘’Okay,’’ Harry squeezes his hands in assurance. ‘’If that’s what you want, okay.’’

Louis smiles at him before he lets go of his hands. ‘’Let’s go then.’’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Alberto stays in the car so it’s just them entering the lobby in which Louis confirms his appointment with the receptionist and then, they’re directed to the lifts to the 8th floor.

‘’That receptionist gave you the stink eye when you told her I wasn’t your alpha,’’ Harry tells Louis. They’re alone in the lift and he looks at Louis while the lad flips his back pack to his chest to take out the folder he brought with him.

‘’Really? I hardly noticed.’’

‘’Don’t worry. I stared her down for you.’’

‘’Aw, thanks Hazza,’’ Louis laughs, happy crinkly eyes looking back at him.

‘’You don’t seem worried,’’ Harry says after a while.

‘’Eh,’’ Louis shrugs. ‘’I’ll worry later,’’

It’s not a hear-warming answer at all and before he knows it, the lift dings their arrival. Louis steps out first and walks over to a counter only to talk with another receptionist.

‘’Hello, I’m Louis Tomlinson. I’m here for my appointment with Doctor Martin.’’ Louis tells the petite lady behind the counter. From her scent, Harry can tell that she’s an alpha.

‘’Right, it’s good to see you, Mr. Tomlinson,’’ she greets them with a nod before she checks her computer. ‘’You are just in time. Please have a seat. Doctor Martin is just wrapping up with a patient and will be with you shortly.’’

‘’Thank you,’’

Harry follows Louis to the spacious waiting area. There are only two other people there but the area is wide enough that they’re not sitting within sight of each other.

‘’I thought she was going to ask about me like the other one did,’’ Harry whispers after five minutes but what feels like maybe twenty minutes later. The place is just too quiet; there’s not even background music playing. The walls are white, even the couches they’re sitting on are white. There are generic frames on the walls but they’re so dull to look at. It’s just too sterile. The only colorful person in the whole place is the boy sitting next to him.

Louis chuckles. ‘’Maybe she was warned not to temp you,’’

‘’Oh, I knew I can be scary,’’ Harry wiggles his eyebrows at him.

‘’Frightening,’’ Louis drawls.

‘’A monster in disguise,’’

‘’A terrifying beast,’’

‘’A…’’

‘’Mr. Tomlinson?’’

Louis stands upright quickly, and Harry stifles his laughter.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Doctor Martin is just getting your file. Follow me please,’’ the receptionist leads him and Louis down a hallway and then to a room. ‘’He will be with you shortly.’’

The walls in the room are just as dull and white and this time, with no generic pictures hanging in frames. There are two side doors aside from the door he and Louis stepped through, one of which is open to what looks like a sink so Harry guesses it’s a bathroom. There’s a hospital bed in the center of the room and a table with some medical equipment. Harry starts to feel uneasy when Louis gets on the bed.

‘’That doctor is just going to like, weigh you and take your blood pressure, right? Standard procedure and all?’’ Harry asks when the receptionist leaves.

‘’Not exactly,’’ Louis laughs, amused.

‘’This is new,’’

Harry looks behind him and sees a broad man in a white coat. For someone who looks maybe forty or more, the doctor looks well-aged. He has blonde hair that’s almost the same shade as Niall’s but longer, tied back into a pony tail. The gleam in his hazel eyes as he approaches them and appraises him makes him want to bear his teeth at the man. Harry doesn’t feel threatened but its close. Unconsciously, he steps closer to Louis, his stomach near his knee.

‘’Hello, Doctor Martin,’’ Louis greets but doesn’t offer a hand.

‘’Hello, Louis. It’s good to see you again,’’ Doctor Martin turns to Harry with a pleased look on his face. ‘’And who’s your alpha?’’

Harry wants to knock his obviously whitened teeth off.

‘’This is Harry and he’s my band mate, not my alpha,’’ Louis answers, face utterly expressionless.

‘’Ah, I see. Still unmated?’’

Harry is genuinely shocked to see the question directed at him.

‘’Yeah, so?’’ he says and Louis knocks his elbow into him while the Doctor chuckles and takes a seat, opening a folder in his lap.

‘’Nothing, you just seem very virile,’’ Doctor Martin smiles at him while Harry’s eyes bug out.

‘’Excuse me?’’

‘’You received my blood sample from last week, yes?’’ Louis interrupts. Harry turns his face away, palms fisting in his pockets. He’d promised Louis to stay calm and that’s what he will.

‘’Yes, I did.’’ Doctor Martin answers. He takes out a pair of reading glasses from his breast pocket and starts leafing through some papers inside the folder.

‘’And?’’

‘’You had your heat late this time.’’ Doctor Martin says.

‘’Yeah,’’

‘’As inconsistent as always,’’ Doctor Martin mutters but not inaudibly.

‘’Nothing new there,’’ Louis remarks with a slight quirk to his lips but Harry can tell it somehow bothers him.

‘’Can you hand me your medical journal, please?’’ Doctor Martin asks. Louis hands over the notebook and from where Harry is standing, he sees Louis’ scribbles. There are tables and lines drawn and Harry is trying to read what he can upside down but he doesn’t want to go anywhere near the doctor’s overbearing alpha stench.

‘’Same heat blockers,’’ Doctor Martin comments, eyes on the journal. ‘’I had advised Doctor Webbe to recommend a different brand and he said he might think about changing it up for you. I’m sure he will discuss it with you once you’re back in the UK.’’

‘’I see,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’Is it necessary though?’’

Doctor Martin closes the journal. ‘’Louis, your heats are never consistent. This has gone on for too long.’’

‘’But I’ve tried everything and it does its job anyways,’’ Louis argues.

‘’I know but the result is still the same; you never produce slick when in heat.’’ Doctor Martin puts aside the journal and opens the medical file in his lap. ‘’You checked in your journal the arousal, the erection and the ejaculation as well as the giving off of a strong heat scent but according to your recent blood sample your hormone levels are still highly unbalanced.’’

‘’Okay, so?’’ Louis blushes, side-eyeing Harry but not turning to him at all. Harry is just confused.

‘’So, you need a milder heat blocker, one that will allow you to go into heat without messing up your hormones more than they already are.’’

‘’That’s not possible, not in my line of work,’’ Louis shakes his head.

‘’Louis, not producing slick is a serious matter.’’ Doctor Martin warns. ‘’You only just got your scent back not too long ago, yeah? We’re progressing but there’s still a long way to go before…’’

‘’It’s not my fault and you know it,’’ Louis says heatedly.

Harry feels like a cartoon character, head turning left and right between Louis and the doctor, standing there completely clueless.

‘’I know,’’ Doctor Martin sighs. ‘’Have you considered getting sexually active? Having a partner to share your heat with you?’’

Louis looks at Harry briefly before facing the doctor.

‘’Um, I want to know what I’m getting myself into if that becomes a seriously valid option,’’ Louis says shakily. ‘’Harry needs to know too. Perhaps you can tell us?’’

‘’First of all, it’s always an option. Second of all, everything comes with a risk. But I have to say…’’ Doctor Martin looks between him and Harry. ‘’this is interesting,’’

‘’What exactly do I need to know?’’ Harry asks.

‘’Mr…?’’

‘’Harry Styles but you can just call me Harry.’’

‘’Harry,’’ Doctor Martin starts. ‘’Are you sexually active?’’

Harry blushes like mad. ‘’I mean, I’m courting Louis here so no.’’

‘’I don’t think it matters whether Harry’s been active or not,’’ Louis says patiently. ‘’We both know that this situation won’t be the same for him.’’

‘’Harry,’’ Doctor Martin ignores Louis. ‘’Louis here is quite the unique omega. You see, most omegas when they go into heat, they produce slick in order to prepare for mating. Omegas produce slick even when they’re not in heat, usually when aroused or around an alpha they’re attracted to. It’s just their biology,’’

‘’Yes, I know all that,’’ Harry nods.

‘’Well, Louis doesn’t produce any slick, in heat or not in heat. His heats are also inconsistent and both facts entail severe hormonal imbalance.’’ Doctor Martin informs, pulling off his glasses and tapping them against the medical file he’s holding.

‘’Um, you say that like it’s a bad thing,’’ Harry points out but inside he’s freaking out. ‘’I mean, he can just use lube, right?’’

Louis laughs and covers his mouth like he couldn’t help himself and Doctor Martin smiles, looking at him like he’s so naïve and ignorant.

‘’Yes, of course he can. But not producing slick is a great sign of dysfunctional hormones. If not treated, it can lead to all sorts of other …’’

‘’Dysfunctional?’’ Harry interrupts, outraged.

‘’Yes, there’s no sugar coating it, Mr. Styles. The lab results don’t lie.’’ Doctor Martin says, plain and simple. ‘’So, I have been advising Louis here for months now, that perhaps a bout of intimacy might be a solution.’’

‘’How is intimacy going to help exactly?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Well, you are attracted to young Harry here, correct?’’

Louis blushes but his voice doesn’t waver. ‘’Yes,’’

‘’And like I said, attraction to an alpha can result in you getting wet down there. If said alpha were present during your heat, perhaps that will induce slick production even quicker.’’

‘’Oh,’’ Harry doesn’t like the way the doctor said, ‘wet down there’ but he does get the point now.

‘’If I’m going to do this and it doesn’t work out, what then?’’ Louis asks and Harry is concerned now too. He doesn’t want to let Louis down.

‘’Well, first of all, it won’t be Harry’s fault or yours whatsoever,’’ Doctor Martin says, like he’d just read Harry’s mind. ‘’It’s still a worthy attempt and you should take it for what it is. If it doesn’t work out, I will require that we conduct another CT scan. We will find another way, Louis.’’ Doctor Martin stands and looks at Louis kindly. ‘’We always do,’’


	5. five

_''Yeah I've been feeling everything_   
_From hate to love_   
_From love to lust_   
_From lust to truth_   
_I guess that's how I know you_   
_So I hold you close to help you give it up_   
  
_So kiss me like you wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_This feels like falling in love_   
_Falling in love_   
_We're falling in love''_

_Ed Sheeran, Kiss me_

The ride back to their hotel is quiet. Looking out the window, Harry thinks that they spend a lot of time in L.A. it’s probably going to be wise if he buys an apartment here, perhaps somewhere in Malibu.

Despite what fans may think, he and Louis don’t actually live together. Their apartments back in London are just two blocks away from each other. All the boys actually bought apartments in the same neighborhood, so that they’re only a walking distance away. But for the first time ever, Harry wishes Louis lived with him. He wishes he could keep him that close because he has so many questions and maybe if he has the chance to look close enough, he’ll find answers without having to peel layers off of Louis to find them out.

The rest of Louis’ doctor’s appointment, he’d spent it in a daze and if not that Louis promised to explain, he’d be rattling the boy’s shoulders right now in the car, demanding answers.

Louis did not lie to him, he’ll give him that but he’s been withholding information from him, facts that maybe Harry shouldn’t feel like he had every right to know but he cannot help but begrudgingly feel that way. He’s such a terrible alpha, feeling like Louis is his property and he hates it, hates that he feels invalidated, hates that Louis had put him in such a situation in which he felt incompetent…

‘’Stop beating yourself up,’’ Louis interrupts his thoughts. The car is not cramped but Harry feels like there’s an ocean between them, sitting on opposite ends the way they are.

‘’You caught me off guard in there.’’ Harry tells him simply. ‘’How did you think I would take it?’’

‘’I know it feels like I’d set you up…’’

‘’You sure hit the nail on the head.’’

‘’Harry…’’

‘’You could have told me everything back in the hotel,’’ Harry looks at him. ‘’What? You thought bringing me with you will make your story more believable? That I wouldn’t feel like you’re just making excuses? Is that how low you think I think of you?’’

‘’No, but coming from a doctor, a professional, will help you understand more,’’

‘’Louis, I still don’t understand,’’ Harry snaps. ‘’I’m not your alpha, I get that, but I sure felt fucking inadequate in there,’’

‘’That’s your problem, not mine,’’ Louis snaps back.

‘’Can we not talk about this right now?’’ Harry turns away from him. ‘’Let’s just cool down and talk in the hotel, alright?’’

‘’Fine,’’

He couldn’t wait.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’The door’s unlocked,’’ Louis calls.

They’d gone their separate ways as soon as they’d left the lift. Harry had said that he’d go and change clothes and Louis said the same.

Harry keeps his mind blank while he showers but deep down, he’s enraged. He feels like Louis had decided to use him to his own gain and it just goes against everything that Louis had been trying to warn him of. He feels shitty for not thinking straight, because Louis had been trying to wave him off about courting him and now, with good reason. Still, if he felt shitty as an Alpha before, he feels worse now and he can’t help but blame Louis for it.

Harry enters Louis’ room after Louis had called and goes straight to the bedroom. He’s hit by Louis’ scent, not the wild flowers but something milder. It still sets him on edge.

When Louis steps out of the connecting bathroom, something must have shown on Harry’s face to make him back track.

‘’I’ll just…’’

‘’It’s alright, am not like that,’’ Harry cannot help but roll his eyes. He’s in such a bad mood and they haven’t even talked yet.

Louis keeps the towel he had around his shoulders on, probably to keep his wet hair from dripping unto his shirt. He sits down on the bed near the bed-side table and Harry remains standing by the wall next to the door.

‘’Got you to back off, I see,’’ Louis starts, pulling his legs up the bed and sitting up straight by the headboard, one leg propped up and the other bent under his leg. His arms are folded. It’s such a Louis way to sit; defensive and up right.

‘’You made me feel used,’’ Harry retaliates. ‘’I’m not your alpha but you acted like I had already become yours.’’

‘’That’s what you want, right? Eventually?’’

‘’But not like this. That doctor is putting his trust in me to fix you and…’’

‘’Hold on just a second; I’m not some broken toy that you need to fucking fix!’’ Louis roars and gets up from the bed, standing now. The towel falls off his shoulder and unto the floor. Louis had never looked so small and yet so big and massive at the same time, the way he’s staring at Harry with steel in his eyes.

‘’How the fuck should I know? I was wholly unprepared and you didn’t even give me a hint!’’

‘’There was no other choice; today’s appointment was scheduled weeks in advance and we’re not going to be in L.A. for long. I already warned you that you wouldn’t like what you’ll hear, Harry!’’

‘’No, that’s not what you told me, Lou. That’s not…’’ Harry deflates. ‘’Please explain.’’

Louis swallows, visibly deflating too. ‘’I had an accident, when I was seventeen. This was months before I’d auditioned. I can’t actually remember everything that had happened; but when I’d woken up in the hospital, I was bruised and banged up and with a splitting headache, okay? I got treated, I rested and I was all new and dandy a few months later, not a scratch left from the accident. But then,’’ Louis sighs, rubbing a hand up and down his face, folded his arms again. ‘’I’d get dizzy and shaky for no reason and I thought it was nothing but when it started to get frequent, I freaked out. My mom brought me to a doctor and he ran some tests. That’s when they found out my scent hormones were gone.’’

‘’What? How’s that possible?’’ Harry frowns. He can smell Louis even with the distance between them; it’s like standing in a garden.

‘’You tell me, hell, my mom didn’t even notice. She thought I was on my scent blockers but I told her I hadn’t been using them. At the time, I wasn’t even on heat blockers either.’’

‘’Okay, what did the doctor have to say?’’

‘’He said I had to do a CT scan and he ran some blood tests too. When the results came back, he said the accident whacked up my hormones; got me all off-balanced, like somehow my brain forgot that I was an omega so my body stopped being one.’’

Harry fish-mouthed. ‘’Is that even possible?’’

‘’I’m standing right here, telling you it is,’’ Louis insists.

‘’I believe you, Lou, it’s just…’’ Harry blushes. ‘’I can smell you and…’’

‘’You can now but back then, it was completely gone.’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’I had to undergo like, hormonal therapy to like, get my body back on track, starting with my scent. It was a series of ups, and downs, what with my heat turning out to be irregular when it had been regular since I was fifteen and then my slick hormones were all dried up. It was one bad news after another.’’ Louis ends quietly.

Harry wants to hug him. His anger is completely gone now; he should have been more understanding.

‘’But you’re getting better right? I mean, you got your scent back,’’ Harry points out.

‘’Yeah, that’s about it,’’ Louis smiles sadly. ‘’My heats remain inconsistent and sometimes my scent would spike up suddenly so scent blockers and heat blockers became as normal as my daily routine.’’ Louis frowns. ‘’You were never supposed to be a part of this.’’

‘’A part of what?’’

‘’My issues.’’ Louis looks at him sadly. ‘’You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into but now you do. You still want to court me? You want to be intimate with me? This is what you get, Harry.’’ Louis spreads his arms at him before they fall limp by his side. ‘’This is all I have,’’

‘’This doesn’t change who you are, Louis. It doesn’t change you as a person.’’

‘’No, but I’m not what I want to be. You heard what Doctor Martin said; hormonal imbalances can change behavioral patterns too. What if I say things that I don’t mean to you, huh? What if I don’t give you what you want when you’re in rut, hm? I don’t even know what I’ll be like if I share my heat with you. Can I even be intimate? Will I ever be able to decide what’s right by you? Hell, if I don’t know what to do, how can I expect that from you?’’

‘’Expect?’’ Harry’s voice sounds shocked and he knows the anger is back. ‘’You were talking in there like I was already down with knotting you, Louis!’’

‘’He was discussing a choice, a silly option that you and I both know I don’t really have!’’ Louis snaps. ‘’I haven’t been intimate with anyone for years, Harry! I’m not setting myself up for false hope and I won’t do that to a person just so that I could get better as an omega!’’

‘’You sure acted like you were willing to do that with me!’’

‘’Then you don’t know me at all,’’ Louis shakes his head at him. ‘’You think that’s how low I think of you? That I’d use you just to get wet and discard you once my hormones are no longer out of whack? Is that what you think of me?’’

Harry knows he’s made a mistake by being angry. He knows it now.

‘’No, Lou, I was just caught off guard, okay? I mean, I wanted to court you first and…’’

‘’I’m not saying you can’t, Haz,’’ Louis smiles softly at him. ‘’I’m just saying you’re only avoiding the inevitable and its best if you know now and think it over before you make your move. That’s all.’’

‘’What? You think I don’t want to court you now just because you’re all dry up inside?’’ Harry snarls.

‘’You know what? Screw you for thinking you know better,’’ Louis fumes.

‘’Yeah? Well, screw you for thinking you’re still not good enough for me.’’ Harry huffs. ‘’Stop blaming your body for the way you think, Lou. From day one, you’ve always been you; you’ve never been anyone else…’’

‘’How do you know that? How could you possibly know that?’’

‘’Because I see you, Louis!’’ Harry raises his voice. ‘’I see you always striving to remain true to who you are, you’re always grasping at your humanity, always desperate to be seen and treated like a person. You don’t fight your biology so much as you don’t sync up well to it and I understand now but don’t stand there and tell me that I’ll fail you when it’s you who’s setting me up to failure, okay?’’

‘’I’m the one who’s going to fail you, Harry!’’ Louis shouts back, and his eyes are suddenly wet, voice thick. ‘’Between the two of us, who’s the one dysfunctional, huh? Did that not sink in yet?’’

‘’We could have talked it over instead of you throwing me to the fucking wolves!’’ Harry roars. ‘’Fucking quit it already!’’

‘’Don’t you dare raise your alpha voice at me!’’ Louis shouts; eyes ablaze even when his cheeks are wet. ‘’You’re insecure about yourself, that’s your problem. They thought we were a couple in there, that’s their business. I’m sorry if you didn’t feel comfortable in there, yeah? I’m sorry if my comments about you being already implicit in being intimate with me made you feel weird and entitled but you heard him, yeah? He’d been suggesting I get intimate with an alpha for months and I never have, Harry? And you know why?’’

‘’Oh do tell!’’ Harry can’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

‘’Because I’ve always wanted it to be you!’’ Louis’ voice cracks. ‘’Fuck!’’

Harry is left speechless. There’s a ringing in his ears, like he’d just been through battle. He’s never had a fight with Louis quite as astronomical as the one they had just now. He feels ugly inside, watching Louis slouch as he sits on the bed, hand covering his face, chest heaving.

‘’I thought you’d feel how much I trusted you, bringing you with me,’’ Louis says quietly before he sniffs, his face hidden behind a curtain of his fringe. ‘’I thought you’d understand that I wasn’t trying to push you away. I just wanted you to know what you’re getting yourself into because I know what you feel about me isn’t casual. I know I won’t be a fling to you. I know that, Haz. You just…’’

‘’I didn’t know I was that obvious,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’The way you look at me frightens me, love.’’ Louis smiles at him but it looks more like a grimace, his eyes wet again. ‘’You look at me like I can fix everything, like I’m the one for you and I’m honored but I can’t be with someone who won’t admit the faults in me. It’s not fair to me, Harry. I’m not perfect, okay?’’

‘’I know, Lou. I know, I’m sorry.’’ Harry feels himself drawn to him, like he can’t stand the distance anymore. He gets on his knees in front of Louis and hugs him close. ‘’I’m sorry for arguing with you. I didn’t mean it.’’

‘’No, it’s alright; better than you treating me like I’m made of glass. We can box it out next time we argue,’’ Louis chuckles wetly into his chest.

Harry chuckle too but his voice feels caught in between sobs. ‘’I’m still sorry. It’s just hard being with you sometimes, you know?’’

‘’Hard?’’

‘’Yeah, Lou, you just see right through me, you know?’’ Harry pulls back and shrugs at Louis. ‘’I can’t hide my feelings from you, can I?’’

‘’For what it’s worth, it’s really flattering,’’ Louis pats his chest.

‘’Can I ask you something?’’ Harry asks, hands on Louis’ knees. ‘’That accident you talked about? Did an alpha hurt you?’’

Louis nods. ‘’I can’t remember who or how but I’m sure of it. The doctors even confirmed it.’’

‘’No wonder you’re always on your toes.’’

‘’Not afraid of you though.’’ Louis smiles at him sadly. ‘’I just don’t trust myself around you, Haz. I don’t want to hurt you.’’

‘’You haven’t even kissed me yet,’’ Harry quirks an eyebrow at him.

‘’Aren’t you full of yourself?’’ Louis snorts. ‘’I’m not going to be that easy for you.’’

‘’I’m already that easy for you,’’ Harry sighs. ‘’God, I want to kiss you,’’

Louis looks at him for a moment and they just stare at each other, trying to process where to go from there. Up close, with no scent blockers, Louis scent is finally calm and Harry wonders if his own alpha scent is soothing him, softening his edges. He’d been tense since they’d arrived in the hospital and blowing it up in the room didn’t exactly help. Harry wonders if it’s this hard for Louis, to lay his guard down after everything he’s told Harry already.

‘’You still want me?’’ he asks, voice thick.

‘’Yes,’’ Harry’s answer is absolute, almost defiant.

‘’But my hands are empty,’’ Louis shakes his head at him. ‘’I’ve got nothing to offer you.’’

If it was anyone else, Harry wouldn’t understand what Louis was trying to say. But he knows what Louis means, he knows that trust isn’t enough, because people can still deceive the people they trust, that love isn’t enough because love can be so blind sometimes. Patience and understanding and honesty are factors they need to work on and it’s still early stages but Harry already wants all that, he wants to be more understanding, more loving, more patient. He wants Louis to love him and trust him more. Louis feeling like he’s incapable of that is nothing compared to the certainty that Harry knows; that Louis wants all that with him too but is too afraid he won’t be able to give it back, too afraid to want what he thinks he can’t have.

  
''I don't care about that. Do you see my hands?'' Harry asks before he cups Louis' face. His touch is gentle. He's always gentle when it comes to Louis.

''When I'm not holding you, I feel empty, but like this,'' he presses closer until their faces are inches apart. He caresses the apple of Louis' cheeks and that's when Louis realizes that he's spilled tears and Harry's wiping them. He didn't even notice; too busy looking into Harry's kind, kind, kind alpha eyes. ''I feel like I'm holding the world and I don't feel empty anymore,''

‘’I’m not going to be easy to deal with,’’ Louis warns him.

‘’It’s okay, I’ve always liked a challenge,’’ Harry smirks at him and Louis huffs.

‘’Kiss me already,’’ Louis says softly. Harry does just that.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter I know but let's just say it's the calm before the storm?

_''Life ins't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,''_

_-Anonymous_

They leave L.A. and just as slow as the traffic is in Houston, Texas, so is the pace they decided their relationship was going to take.

Louis has never been one to talk about his feelings but with Harry and nothing but four walls around them, it’s easier.

It’s easy to tell him that he doesn’t want them to be intimate just yet, despite Doctor Martin’s advice. It’s easy to tell him that no, he’s not a virgin but he can’t just call up his fling at sixteen and ask him, ‘’hey, what was I like when I was in heat, man?’’ just to benefit Harry’s need to be careful and more prepared for when they feel ready to take that step.

Most omegas take suppressants just as alphas do for their ruts but Louis cannot just buy the over-the-counter ones like most omegas do. It actually surprises Harry the amount of medication he has to take (and it saddens him too).

‘’Mine are a little bit modified,’’ he’d tried to explain to Harry about why his suppressants don’t do the same as the ones he sees on TV adverts. ‘’They aim to balance my heats rather than just suppress them. As soon as they become regular again, I can start taking them in small doses and then start going for the regular ones.’’

‘’I still don’t understand,’’ Harry had said. They’d spent their last night in L.A. in Harry’s bedroom, talking it out. Harry thought it would be a good idea for Louis to be around Harry’s alpha scent and to not use his scent blockers while they’re together. It was one of the few advices of Doctor Martin that they had decided was okay for now.

‘’Okay so, suppressants are used to suppress heat.’’ Louis had explained methodically but mostly patiently to a rapt Harry. ‘’Most omegas get their heats once every three months but in the event that an omega has something important to do, something work related for example, the suppressant can just postpone the heat until the omega is finally ready to have it and since heats are a natural process of the body, omegas cannot postpone it forever, just maybe three to five days at the maximum.’’

‘’Okay, so you don’t take those anymore,’’ Harry had concluded.

‘’Not exactly; ever since the accident, my heats come almost once a month and sometimes even twice,’’ At this, Harry had blanched but Louis had just barreled on, ‘’Not to mention, totally unscheduled and that became the bigger issue. If I could get them regulated first, I can think then about suppressing them when I need to. However, suppressing my heats is also something that needs to be done, just not in advance because I wouldn't have a clue; like it could just happen at any given moment like some glitch, so Doctor Webbe concocted something that is a mix between suppressing my heat the moment it hits and something that can regulate them too. Something like that has to be a lot stronger than a regular suppressant.’’

‘’That would be your heat blockers.’’ Harry had realized.

‘’Exactly,’’

‘’Hence the cocktail of medication,’’ Harry couldn’t help but look sadly at Louis’ bag of meds; he could count at least four bottles from where he could see them atop of Louis’ open suitcase.

‘’Yes, and the scent blockers and the hormone vitamins for the whole slick thing,’’ Louis had rolled his eyes. ‘’It’s cool though, it’s better than roaming around unprepared.’’ Louis had just shrugged.

At the time, the only consolation Harry had was that Louis had agreed not to use his scent blockers when they were alone and it was a reminder to Harry that Louis can get better and if he could do anything about it, he will.

They are now in their tour bus on the way to their hotel somewhere in Texas and the traffic is just awful. But Harry isn’t really bothered by it; too busy searching the internet on ways to court Louis.

‘’I’m thinking about going old school,’’ Harry and Liam and Niall were in the kitchen area whereas Zayn and Louis were in the lounge, playing video games. It wasn’t a surprise when the boys figured it out; what with Harry climbing into Louis’ bunk the night before and waking up to them with a blissful look on his face.

‘’Hmm, thinking about giving him something of yours?’’ Liam asks. Niall and he are playing poker across the table from each other while Harry is scrolling on his phone.

‘’Is that how it’s supposed to be? Shouldn’t I buy him a gift first?’’ Harry looks at Liam. Between all five of them, Liam was the only one dating; he had an omega girl back home waiting for him.

‘’Nah, man, if you wanna go old school, give him one of your clothes or something,’’ Niall folds and he and Liam start a new duel.

‘’Nope, clothes sharing is part of scenting not courting.’’ Liam disagrees. Liam had always been uptight about terminologies and the regularities of their biology, much to Niall’s dismay. But Harry wanted to get things right and he know he can trust Liam about this. ‘’I’m telling you Harry, give him something more substantial than that.’’

‘’How about flowers?’’ Harry asks helplessly.

‘’You can’t sit there and tell me Louis is a flower guy,’’ Liam raises his eyebrows at him. ‘’Are you mad? He’ll just chuck them out,’’

‘’Or chuck them at your face,’’ Niall tells him straight up. Harry doesn’t have the heart to disagree; he knows Louis has no problems doing that at all, sparing Harry’s feelings be gone.

‘’Hmm, I’ll think of something,’’ Harry sighs. He’s got a long day ahead.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They have a loaded schedule; a whole day full of interviews, Q and As with fans, sound check and then finally some down time before the show. Harry tells Louis that he will meet him at his hotel room. They have two hours before they have to be back at the venue and Harry doesn’t want to waste what little time they have.

He knocks at Louis’ door after he straightens out his gray blazer with a navy blue shirt underneath it. He ruffles his hair one last time before taking a deep breath.

‘’Hi,’’ he smiles at Louis when said lad opens the door. He isn’t surprised when Louis’ scent hits him; sweet and just as intense as the first time it had hit Harry. It’s like his chest is in bloom just by proximity.

‘’Hey,’’ Louis smiles at him too; legs donned in black skinny jeans, wearing a simple white shirt and toms.

‘’Shall we?’’ Harry offers him his elbow. Louis raises his eyebrows at him. ‘’I’m going old school tonight,’’ Harry tells him sheepishly.

‘’Is that so?’’ Louis closes his door before he takes Harry’s elbow.

‘’Yeah, gonna wine and dine you proper,’’ Louis laughs when Harry walks him the short distance to his room, just two doors away.

‘’You sure don’t like to waste time,’’ Louis says with a happy lilt to his voice.

‘’You know me so well already,’’ Harry opens the door for him and waves Louis in first before he follows and closes the door.

‘’Oh this is nice,’’ Louis says. They’re lucky enough to have nice rooms in their hotels, with a living room and a dining area. The table that Louis’ looking at is already set for two, with the cart of food beside their candle-lit table. He’d talked to the front desk and asked them to help him arrange the setting for a date he’s having. It’s a good thing that nobody from the staff clued into the fact that his date is his very own bandmate.

‘’Your seat awaits you,’’ Harry pulls the chair out for him and waits for Louis to sit down before he pushes his seat in.

‘’This is really weird,’’ Louis cannot help but say when Harry sits opposite to him.

‘’Weird? You don’t like it?’’ Harry didn’t prepare for a back-up plan and shit; they haven’t even been five minute into the date and already Louis’ calling it weird.

‘’No, I’m not saying weird in a bad way; it’s just that I’m dating my best mate weird that’s all,’’ Louis tries to explain before he smiles gently. ‘’You do know that a pizza and a movie on your laptop would have been more than enough to court me.’’

‘’I know, but I just wanted to do something extra nice for you,’’ Harry cannot help but pout.

‘’This is more than nice, Haz. It’s lovely,’’ Louis takes his hand and squeezes it. ‘’Thank you,’’

‘’We haven’t even started yet,’’ Harry blushes.

‘’Well, let’s start because I’m hungry and we have a show later tonight,’’ Louis grins at him. ‘’I’m hoping for a kiss later, just to let you know.’’

Harry will so up his game tonight.

The one thing that attracted him to Louis is that the lad knows what he wants and isn’t ashamed to say it; some people want omegas to be docile and submissive but not him; he likes his omegas unfiltered and willing to speak their minds thank you very much.

He stands up and serves Louis first his meal; delighted at Louis’ cackle when its burgers and curly fries. They cannot drink any alcohol before the show so he serves them two glasses of coca cola on ice.

‘’Ah and I haven’t forgotten,’’ Harry procures a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard sauce from under the cart, much to Louis’ delight.

It’s a wonderful meal and an even better conversation. Louis had been unrestrained even before, always speaking his mind, opinionated and forward but he’s never been transparent about himself. Tonight, Harry is getting the full brunt of it and if they could talk till the sun comes up, Harry knows he still wouldn’t tire from listening to Louis.

And it’s not just listening to him; it’s seeing the attentiveness in Louis’ eyes despite his slow cadence, the way his eyes soften when Harry holds his hand, the way his cheeks blush when Harry plays footsie with him under the table.

For a first date, Harry feels like he’s living the dream. Louis isn’t some boy he’d met at a pub or picked up at a night club, he isn’t some friend’s son his mom set him up with or a celebrity that people would die to see him date. No, Louis is just…something else, something more and so much better than he’d pictured in his head back when he was still crushing on him so hard (still is).

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................

‘’Well, I’m famished,’’ Louis pats his belly while Harry loads everything back unto the cart for the clean-up crew to take. ‘’That was wonderful,’’

‘’The night’s not over yet,’’ Harry pulls Louis out of his seat and holds his hands. He’s suddenly nervous. He and Liam and Niall had discussed this one too many times until they just snapped at him to pull his shit together. He hopes the night doesn’t end in disaster.

‘’Yeah, is it time for my kiss now?’’ Louis grins at him, stepping up on his toes and squeezing Harry’s hands, excited. Harry is so endeared.

‘’Not yet,’’ Harry says before he pulls out a rectangular box from his back pocket. ‘’Wouldn’t be a proper old-school courting if I didn’t give you something of mine,’’

Louis looks down at the unwrapped gift box Harry places in his hands. ‘’Oh,’’

‘’Open it,’’ Harry bites his lower lip as he watches Louis gently open the box.

‘’Is this…?’’ Louis pulls out the necklace before setting the box aside. ‘’It’s your paper airplane necklace.’’

‘’Yeah, I want you to have it,’’ Harry tells him.

‘’But this is like…it’s your lucky charm, Haz. I can’t take this,’’ Louis shakes his head at him.

‘’No, I want you to have it. You’re worth it.’’

Louis stares at him before he looks at the necklace and then back at him. ‘’You’re that sure of me? Of us working out? This soon?’’

‘’Yes,’’ Harry cannot help but respond whole-heartedly.

Louis’ eyes are practically glowing; it makes his inner alpha feel pleased, like Louis had sated his desire to provide for him, care for him, shower him with gifts and affection.

‘’Tell me how it looks,’’ the chain is long enough that it doesn’t need to be unclasped so Louis easily puts it over his head. The pendant lands between his breastbones.

Liam was right; if Louis was wearing his clothes, Harry wouldn’t know how to control his reaction because he’s already having a hard time trying not to pop a knot at the sight of Louis wearing something that he’d been wearing since he was fifteen.

‘’It’s perfect.’’ Harry cannot help but thump at the pendant before he cups Louis’ face. ‘’You’re perfect.’’

‘’You’re not so bad yourself,’’ Louis shrugs but his smiles breaks out of his attempt at aloofness.

‘’Would you like to have your kiss now?’’ Harry asks, already leaning in.

‘’Yes, please,’’

Harry practically moans into his lips; the politeness in Louis’ tone was so omega of Louis, it makes him want to devour him. The kiss is unlike their first; it’s so much more heated and hungry. Louis is practically climbing him, arms around his neck and lips sucking the life out of him. He can’t help but let his hands roam over Louis’ curves, holding him up until Louis’ toes are on his feet.

Their moment is ruined by the blare of the alarm on Harry’s cellphone.

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry exhales harshly as he pulls away, still holding Louis tightly to him.

They’re breathing each other’s air and Harry is aware of their pheromones spreading in the room; aware of his shaky hand grasping his cell phone to turn off the alarm, a reminder that they have a show to do, aware that his other hand is still wrapped around Louis’ waist, his fucking tiny, beautiful waist....

‘’Lou,’’ Harry groans when Louis proceeds to kiss his neck.

‘’What?’’ Louis says into his skin.

‘’We have a show to do and I don’t think Lou will appreciate any bite marks you leave,’’ his note is off put by the whine that leaves his lips when Louis pulls his face away from his neck.

‘’Well…’’ Louis looks at him as he reaches for his hands, eyes shining with desire. ‘’This sure will go down in history as the shortest date ever. Thanks for that,’’

‘’I just couldn’t wait, I’m sorry,’’ Harry smiles, not sorry at all.

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis looks at him fondly. ‘’Well,’’ he looks around until he picks up Harry’s phone and checks the time. ‘’At least I got my kiss.’’

‘’You’ll get more, I promise.’’ Harry pecks his temple, delighting in Louis’ absolutely radiant smile.

For the first time ever, he feels like a good alpha tonight.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for some smut :D

_''Like wolves we've run wild_   
_Let passion get too much_   
_And let ourselves get burned by the fire_   
_We're walking on wire_   
_But nothing feels higher_   
_Then when I see that look in your eyes_

_Tell me what you want because you know I want it too_   
_Let's skip all the small talk and go straight up to your room_   
_I've been thinking what I'd do when I'm alone with you_   
_Just say nothing, small talk only gets in the way''_

_-Niall Horan, small talk_

After their first date, Harry courts the living shit out of him.

It comes to the point where management has to ask them why they’re not being seen outside of their work schedule as often as the other boys (Harry gives himself credit for picking up date places where they can remain obscure and still have fun) (Louis is convinced that he’s choosing dodgy areas only so that he can cup a feel of his bum) (Harry will neither confirm nor deny that) which makes Louis encourage the boys for group outings, only for Louis to be told off for making their security work extra hard to keep them from being crushed by hordes of fans.

Harry was outraged at that; there’s never any win with management sometimes. It’s made even worse because he understands why management was livid; when it’s just two or three of them, the hype is simmered down but when it’s all five of them, walking through the mall casually or shopping downtown, its madness. Not to mention the amount of alphas that ogle Louis and try to grope him when they’re being shuffled out of back doors, like they think their unwanted touches will go unnoticed amidst the chaos. Hell, even nice and gentle Niall couldn’t hold back from cursing all kinds of Irish curse words at one idiot that almost pinched Louis' bum. Luckily, it wasn’t caught on camera.

Louis never expresses his discomfort about it, accepts that it comes with the job but Harry knows he doesn’t like it. God knows Harry doesn’t just dislike it; he detests anyone who would ever undress Louis with their eyes, or even just look at him. It makes his alpha roar inside, like a beast behind a cage.

Harry didn’t know he had it in him to be possessive.

Harry should also know that it shouldn’t come as a surprise for him to be possessive when it comes to Louis.

Louis wasn’t apologetic so much as it now meant that there will be times when they’ll have to be apart from each other. He accepts that he has to keep distance in a public setting in order to make time for the fans that cannot help but come up to them. Because management told them that their music has gained so much more attention, it's only natural to be easily recognized. And since they are naturally friendly, it has led fans to feel bold enough to talk with the boys casually and interact with them. As a result, it generates hype on social media and management believes it keeps them relevant and mainstreamed.

But it makes Harry wonder if their music isn’t that good enough. He has no problem with meeting fans or to have fans come up to him, asking for a photo or an autograph. He’ll do that whole-heartedly. But what he doesn’t like about public settings is the paparazzi hunting them down or worse, the crazy, stalkers that feel entitled to them and their personal lives.

It gets a little bit awful after that, near the end of the tour in Australia. Someone storms into Liam’s hotel room and steals his underwear, another incident where Niall had to change rooms because some omega broke into his room and spread slick all over his bed sheets and then someone hit on Zayn in a nightclub and wouldn’t back off, causing Zayn to be escorted out of the venue and for a brawl to start.

Not to mention seeing the extent of Louis’ fury when a fan broke the security line at a signing and jumped at Harry’s back, arms locked around his neck. It wasn’t that bad at first and if Harry weren’t too shocked he’d be able to pull the person away before the omega licked Harry’s neck and took a quick sniff of him. It took three security guards to pull the feisty omega away.

Later on in their hotel, Louis joined him in the shower, almost aggressively scrubbing him down and turning his neck red raw. Harry was just glad that they’d showered together for the first time and that Louis wasn’t uncomfortable with their nudity, too busy licking Harry’s neck.

Harry got hard so fast. He’d held Louis’ body so close to him and humped Louis’ thigh until he came against his skin. His release was washed away by the shower but not before mixing their scents of arousal, thickening the air in the bathroom, making Harry salivate for more.

It turns out that Louis was just as possessive of him as Harry is of Louis.

Harry doesn’t know how they ended the tour alive but they did. They made it back home in one piece and in time for a break. They are also scheduled to start recording their second album. The break was too short, yes but management wanted the hype to continue. Harry didn’t mind, because he has so many songs ideas he wants to write and he wants to dedicate them all to Louis.

The boys did not welcome that idea at all.

‘’I mean, isn’t it awkward for all of us to sing about your boyfriend?’’ Liam had pointed out one day at the studio they had booked in London.

‘’Well, it’s not like you would know,’’ Harry had muttered.

‘’Right, because you’re not one to be obvious, got you,’’

Harry had just chucked some music sheets at his face.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’Oh c’mon, knock it off already,’’ Liam laughs at them. They’re at Niall’s place, meeting up before heading towards the venue hosting Niall’s birthday. Harry and Louis snuck to the bathroom to make out. That’s where Liam finds them.

‘’I thought you locked the door, love,’’ Louis sighs against his lips before returning Harry’s kisses. He’s sitting on the counter, legs hooked around Harry, arms thrown around his neck.

‘’I forgot; you distracted me,’’ Harry was too busy clutching at Louis’ hips and kissing him to pay attention to Liam standing by the door, shaking his head at their antics.

‘’If Niall finds out about this, he’ll kill you both,’’ Liam wrinkles his nose at them before he stomps his feet. ‘’Can you stop? I need to wee!’’

‘’In a second,’’ Harry waves him off before he sucks Louis’ tongue.

‘’Harry!’’

Harry growls and stares Liam down but Liam doesn’t budge. Harry has no choice; he doesn’t really like that there’s another alpha in the same room with him and Louis so he backs off and helps Louis down the counter.

‘’Off you go, kittens,’’ Liam pushes them out the door and closes the door in their faces.

‘’Poor lad,’’ Louis sighs, tucked into Harry’s chest as they walk out to Niall’s lavish living room. ‘’He just cannot hold his bladder,’’

‘’I heard that!’’

Harry laughs. Louis never ceases to amaze him.

Zayn just smirks at them from where he’s sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his iPhone.

‘’Let’s take a selfie, yeah?’’ he waves his phone at them. They’re all wearing semi-formal attires as Niall’s birthday party is actually going to be attended by some A-listers.

They still find it hard to believe that they’re going to be socializing with people like James Corden and Ellie Goulding. Hell, even Selena Gomez is attending the party. It’s going to be a wild night.

Zayn posts the photo on twitter with him between Harry and Louis, making goofy faces at the camera. He’s wearing a leather jacket over a plain grey shirt and ripped blue jeans, Louis in all black and Harry wearing a white long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up paired with black skinny jeans. If he isn’t biased to Louis, he’ll be able to see that Zayn outshines them both. But unfortunately, he’s quite biased so there’s that.

Five minutes later, they’re all in the limo on their way to the venue.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

An hour after their arrival, Harry and Louis are back at it; making out in some fancy bathroom. Niall had rented a penthouse at some five-star hotel, with catering and karaoke and a DJ. There is even a round of fireworks involved and a stage with a live concert from some of the guests, just the whole shebang. With too many eyes around, Harry and Louis snuck into a bathroom at a different floor of the hotel and locked the door as soon as they called it clear.

‘’I don’t know why I can’t get enough of you,’’ Harry couldn’t help but say, untucking Louis’ shirt out of his tight skinny jeans so that his hands can explore smooth skin. He’d manhandled Louis unto the bathroom counter and gripped his thighs to wrap them around his torso. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him.

‘’Maybe because you had to spend your rut all alone,’’ Louis’ grip on his curls is almost painful if not for the fact that Harry is really turned on by it.

‘’Why are you reminding me? Worse time of my life,’’ Harry swallows Louis’ giggle out of his mouth. His hot, wet mouth…

‘’Are you saying our phone sex wasn’t dirty enough?’’

Harry didn’t want to pressure Louis into spending his rut with him, not when Louis’ heats were still inconsistent. Harry shudders at the thought; what if Louis’ heat hits when he’s with him during his rut? He wouldn’t be able to take care of Louis because he’d be too busy going after his own pleasure. He isn’t that confident in himself, at least not until he can be sure enough that he can put Louis first in such a setting.

It was enough of a reality check for him to spend it alone. It’s also the first time that he’s been apart from Louis since the tour; Louis felt bad but Harry told him he was too committed to him to spend his rut with someone else like he used to do sometimes, before they got famous. Those days are over for him and he doesn’t regret it.

Besides, Louis blessed him with phone sex and it surprised Harry how he was more turned on by Louis’ sultry voice than he ever was during his past ruts. If nothing could quell Harry’s sadness at being away from Louis at a time when he’d wanted nothing but be around his scent during a rut, Louis’ voice whispering complete and utter filth to him did it.

‘’It was, but I wanted this so much,’’ Harry tucks his face into Louis’ neck and inhales like a starved man. ‘’God, your scent is just maddening,’’

He’s not even aware that Louis’ unbuttoning his jeans, too busy licking Louis’ neck and sucking his skin. It only hits him when Louis’ dainty hand touches his dick.

‘’What…’’

‘’C’mon, you know you want it,’’ Louis pulls him by the hair and goes tongue first into his mouth. It distracts Harry from the fact that Louis is pushing his tight jeans and boxers past his arse.

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Switch with me,’’

He is so disinclined to stop touching Louis that he pulls him by the thighs before he slides his hands under his bum and carries him while he pushes off the counter.

‘’Put me down you idiot,’’ Louis chuckles into his mouth before he wiggles his way out of Harry’s arms and pushes Harry against the counter.

He wastes no time in getting on his knees and sucking Harry down, much to the curly-haired lad’s surprise.

‘’God, Lou!’’ Harry’s sure his brain is short-circuiting; all nerve cells burning down, melting his brain. He knew Louis had a clever mouth but he didn’t know Louis had a very wise tongue, a very equipped and very resourceful tongue. God, his brain is going hay wires.

He isn’t ashamed to say he comes quickly and is glad Louis had his smart hat on, enough to pull off before he knotted and locked himself inside Louis’ mouth.

‘’Did I make it up to you?’’ Louis asks, his voice shot to hell, patting Harry’s heaving chest when Harry pulls him up and batting his long, beautiful eyelashes at him.

Harry is so gone for him, it’s wild.

‘’My turn,’’ Harry kisses him and pulls Louis closer with one hand, making sure Louis stays locked between his legs while his free hand wanders down Louis’ pants.

‘’Haz…’’ Louis warns but Harry’s hand is already down there, between Louis’ arse cheeks, fingers prodding at a very slick-free hole.

Louis gasps but then, tries to push Harry away.

‘’Lou, it’s okay, I mean it; it’s okay…’’ Harry is quick to keep his arm around him and assure him because Louis is already stiff against him, tucking his face into Harry’s neck, like he’s ashamed. ‘’Lou…’’

‘’I’m sorry…’’

‘’Just let me do this for you…’’

‘’I want you, you know I do,’’ Louis’ voice is muffled against his damp skin but Harry knows that tone of voice; Louis is pleading with him, like he wants him to understand, like he thinks that Harry is disappointed in him, like he can’t smell his arousal in the air and just…no.

‘’I know, I swear. I can smell it, I promise,’’ Harry pulls his hand out of Louis’ pants and hugs him tightly. He isn’t even trying to just comfort Louis; he can practically taste the sweet scent of flowers in his clothes and on his skin, knows that Louis is hard from where they’re practically glued together because they’re standing so close.

He also knows that the mood is ruined because Louis is shaking against him, face burning hot into his neck, like he’s trying to burrow into him.

‘’Please look at me,’’ Harry begs him but Louis just shakes his head, turning his face the other way. ‘’Baby…’’

‘’I’m sorry…’’ his voice trembles and that’s it.

‘’No,’’ Harry will not allow Louis to drown in shame and is quick to get his hands working, cupping Louis’ face between his big paws and forcing him to look at him almost aggressively.

As soon as his rut was over, he’d gone over to Louis’ place like a man searching for water in a never ending desert. Since he’d seen him, he hadn’t left his house, couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him all alone. Louis didn’t seem to mind, seemed actually happy and endeared by Harry’s alpha practically whining at him, which wasn’t like Louis, as he’s usually one to go for his own space during downtime and hang out with his old childhood friends.

Now, Harry understands why and Louis accommodating him out of guilt like he wasn’t giving Harry enough, like he still wasn’t good enough, should have been blaring like a siren to him.

‘’You have nothing to apologize for,’’ Harry practically growls, voice gone deep and rough, as if he were speaking through fangs, ‘’you have nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t you ever feel that way around me, you hear me? Tell me you understand, Lou.’’

Louis’ eyes are swimming in unshed tears but he isn’t looking at Harry like he’s scared of him and he isn’t submitting either. Harry admires him for it, never wants Louis to be that spineless with him but he wishes Louis would grow pliant because his pheromones are still sending panic signals, like he’d displeased his alpha by not getting wet for him and doesn’t know how to fix it.

‘’Tell me,’’ Harry orders before he softens his voice, remembers that Louis won’t ever appreciate him using his alpha voice on him ever again, no matter how unintentional. ‘’Please,’’

‘’Harry, we’ve been trying so hard. I know you have and I’m trying, I swear it won’t be long now…’’ Louis practically begs.

‘’I don’t fucking care about that,’’ Harry interrupts him, almost shaking him to allow him to get through. ‘’I care that you know I want you and that you’re enough. Whatever you give me is enough. That you know how much I still want you and nothing you do will change my mind. Do you even have any idea how hot you were just now?’’

Louis’ eyes roam all over his face, searching for any crack in his façade.

‘’Really? It was just a blowie, Harry. It can’t have been your first.’’

‘’Louis,’’ Harry feels exasperated but in a fond way. He also believes that at this point, actions will speak louder than words so he pulls at one of Louis’ wrists and shoves his hand down his pants. ‘’Do you feel that?’’

‘’Oh my god…’’

‘’Exactly,’’ Harry chuckles but at the same time, just gets harder for the second time under Louis’ hand because Louis’ eyes are wide and his still wet mouth is open into a surprised O, making his cheekbones look like a Harry Styles custom-made murder weapon.

‘’That’s how good you make me feel.’’ He paws at Louis’ cheek with his other hand, still cupping Louis’ face almost tenderly now. ‘’How can you not see that?’’

Louis wastes no time and wraps his arms around his neck, kissing him like there’s no tomorrow. Harry also doesn’t waste another minute, is quick to unbuckle Louis’ belt, unbutton his jeans and hopes he doesn’t ruin the denim the way he pulls roughly at the zipper, eager to get at Louis’ dick.

‘’What…’’

‘’Rut against me,’’ Harry says against his lips. ‘’C’mon. I want us to get off together.’’

The night is a night of many firsts and Harry is glad he’s diverted Louis’ attention from his mini-meltdown and glad that they’ve gotten back on track because what they’re doing is just glorious, Harry feels like he’s on a never ending high.

‘’Fuck yes,’’ Louis gasps when Harry switches their places again, only choosing to press Louis against the wall instead of the counter because the marble is just not wide enough to lay Louis down on it the way he wants to. No, he wants to be up in his space and crawl inside him if he can. He picks him up again and pressing him against the wall starts to sound like a brilliant idea because it gives him room to squeeze Louis’ arse too, making sure the V of their legs rut against each other.

‘’You’re really strong,’’ Louis moans against his lips and his moans get louder when Harry attacks his throat. He pulls one hand free and rips Louis’ shirt aside so that he can rain down on his delicious collarbones. ‘’Fuck, Haz…’’

‘’God, I love this,’’ he emphasizes by squeezing Louis’ bum in his big hands, stuck in a rhythm of pulling him closer and pressing him to the wall, teeth and tongue alternating between Louis’ throat and chest and neck. ‘’You’re fucking hot…’’

‘’I’m gonna come, fuck…’’ Louis’ voice gets louder the longer their hard dicks touch and slide and rut up against each other. Before he knows it, Louis is spilling into his skin. ‘’Haz...’’

Louis keeps saying his name in that rough, breathy voice of his, his arms clinging to him, fingers entangled in his hair and scent getting stronger and wilder that Harry’s thrusts falter. He completely loses it and spills into Louis’ abdomen, completely ruining his shirt.

‘’You sound so hot like that,’’ Louis exhales and Harry realizes that he’s growling into Louis’ neck, pleased sounds emanating from deep within his chest like he’s claimed a prize and he’s basking in the afterglow of it. ‘’So alpha of you,’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Harry is too busy licking his neck and throat to care.

‘’I think we’ve been in here more than an hour,’’ Louis points out, voice shaky. ‘’Put me down already,’’

‘’No,’’

‘’Haz…’’

‘’Just give me a minute,’’ Louis is about to ask why when Harry gets on his knees in front of him, holding Louis trembling legs and starts spreading their mixed release allover Louis’ tummy.

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’You’re mine. All mine,’’ Harry keeps at it, gathering what’s on his skin and lathering it up all over Louis’ v lines and balls. Louis smells like him now, like wildflowers in a meadow, like…

‘’Haz, hey,’’ Louis snaps his fingers in front of his eyes and when that doesn’t do anything, he pulls at Harry’s hair with rough force until Harry’s looking at him.

Harry blinks and becomes aware of his actions. He swallows because Louis looks unreadable. ‘’Hi,’’

‘’Hi,’’ Louis smiles at him, forehead sweaty and hair wet with exertion. His cheeks are also rosy red. ‘’Done being all cave-man, love?’’

Harry feels his face heat up. ‘’Sorry, I ought to clean you up not…’’

‘’It’s alright,’’ Louis helps Harry stand up on his feet before he shrugs, blush deepening down his chest. ‘’I liked it,’’

Harry just stares at him while Louis cuts a decent roll of toilet paper from the counter and uses the water from the sink to clean Harry up before he buckles him in and fixes his shirt.

‘’You can’t go out like that,’’ Harry points out because Louis is fixing his hair in the mirror but his jeans and pants are still pulled down, shirt still ruined.

‘’Well of course not,’’ Louis laughs at him. ‘’Aren’t you going to do something about it?’’

‘’Right,’’ he’d hate to see the marks he left leave Louis’ skin but he also knows he has to be realistic. He cuts out more toilet paper and gets it wet under the running faucet before he starts removing their release from Louis’ skin. It’s a shame really; Louis looked beautiful marked by him but he won’t dare say that because he knows Louis will hold it over his head as him being a knot-headed, mark-loving alpha. To be fair, he felt like one. Louis is just too much sometimes. But in a good way, a really sexy way…

‘’I think I’m all clean, Haz. You can stop touching now,’’ Louis smirks at him and for the second time, Harry has to blink and snap out of his daze.

‘’God, you are so distracting,’’ Harry mutters as he wets Louis’ shirt, trying to get it to look semen free. It’s a good thing that Louis had decided to go all black tonight, wearing black skinny jeans and a ‘’Black Sabbath shirt’’ under a fitting blazer. It’s a good look on him and maybe the stains won’t be too noticeable for when they re-join the party.

‘’I can see that,’’ the glint in Louis’ eyes shines brighter but softens when Harry finally tucks Louis back in his pants, buttons him up and does up his zipper.

‘’Perfect,’’ Harry cannot help but say.

Louis just smiles at him. ‘’I had fun tonight,’’

‘’Yeah, me too.’’

The look in Louis’ eyes is telling him that Louis has something foreboding to say, now that the high of their time together has started to dissolve.

‘’But we have to be careful next time. I didn’t bring any of my stuff with me and that’s not safe if we’re going to be like this again,’’ Louis tells him kindly.

‘’I know; I should’ve been more in control…’’

‘’Nope, I like you like this Haz.’’ Louis interrupts; quick to shoot his anxiety down. ‘’I liked every minute of it, I promise,’’

Harry cannot help but feel immensely relieved.

‘’Okay but we’ll be careful next time; better equipped,’’ Harry winks at him, causing Louis to laugh and fall into him. Harry is all too happy to gather him up into an embrace.

Louis’ arms wrapping around his waist is starting to become one of the most natural things to do, like they’re magnets.

‘’Better equipped, I like that,’’ Louis sighs.

‘’Do you think the boys are looking for us?’’ Harry asks. He catches the way they look in the mirror, Louis’ face tucked the other way under his chin and wonders if Louis is aware of what he sees; how easy they fit, how they fold into one another like they’re two parts of a whole.

‘’Definitely, we should at least say goodbye before we head out,’’ he says.

‘’Yeah,’’ he says into Louis’ soft hair, taking a subtle whiff of him.

Harry stares at his reflection a minute longer, holding Louis like he’s the most precious thing in the world. He sees Louis’ fingers moving gently at his sides, holding him right back.

He knows now that he’s falling in love with Louis.

And isn’t that the scariest thing ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys should listen to Niall Horan's heartbreak weather album on repeat. It's just amazing :D


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings in this chapter: flashbacks that hint at dubious consent

_“My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,_  
 _And true plain hearts doth in the faces rest,_  
 _Where can we find two better_ _hemispheres_  
 _Without sharp North, without declining West?_  
 _What ever dies, was not mixed equally;_  
 _If our two loves be one, or, thou and I_  
 _Love so alike, that none doth slacken, none can die.”_

_ John Donne, The complete English Poems _

‘’Hey,’’

Harry smiles and dives in for a kiss, leaving his duffle bag to thud on the floor.

‘’Hmm,’’ Louis hums into his lips, cupping Harry’s face and gentling the kiss.

They don’t have a lot of downtime left and Louis has an appointment with Doctor Webbe he’ll need to attend in less than a week’s time before they travel to Ireland and tour Europe for some radio interview. They are scheduled to promote their new singles and their upcoming album before they head to the US, then Japan and then Australia.

Jay doesn’t usually visit the doctor with Louis but the boys have all gone to see their parents –Harry had just come back from his mom’s place- so to kill two birds with one stone, Louis was going to Jay’s the following weekend and she will accompany them to the doctor before driving her to her work. After that, they’ll head for the airport and meet up with the other boys.

Louis had invited Harry to stay the night since they haven’t seen each other in a while, what with Harry being in Holmes Chapel. They hadn’t actually had much time to meet up since Niall’s birthday and putting in some heavy studio time. Harry missed him a lot.

‘’I missed you a lot,’’ Harry tells him. Louis just shakes his head at him.

‘’Come in, I’ve made lunch already,’’ Harry closes the door before he takes off his jacket and shoes. After that, he follows Louis to the kitchen.

‘’What did you make?’’

‘’Mum sent over her sweet and sour fish fillet recipe,’’ Louis said. He was stood by the stove by the time Harry joined him in the kitchen, stirring something that smelt delicious in a medium-sized pot. ‘’Thought I’d give it a go,’’

‘’That looks really good,’’ Harry comments when he looks at the contents of the pot.

‘’Go wash up. This won’t take long,’’ Louis smiles at him. Harry leans in for a peck and then goes to the bathroom to wash his hands.

It’s been pretty domestic between them and Harry is giddy with the fact that Louis had loosened up around him a lot. He doesn’t take any shit from Harry or the boys and even in texts, he’s still his snarky self but also he’s become sweeter and softer in his words when he texts Harry. It’s quite nice seeing this side of him.

By the time he leaves the bathroom, the table’s set and Louis’ taking a seat.

‘’I hope you like it,’’ Louis tells him as he pops open a bottle of beer each.

‘’Thanks, Lou.’’ Harry starts filling Louis’ plate first before he fills his. He’s about to take a bite when he catches Louis looking at him in amused confusion.

‘’What?’’

‘’I like what you just did,’’ Louis tells him, obviously surprised. It takes a while for Harry to know what exactly he did until Louis tilts his head at his plate. ‘’It’s really sweet of you,’’

‘’I like putting you first,’’ Harry blushes. Louis snorts.

‘’Well, I can take care of myself just fine but thanks. It was nice,’’ Louis is all smiles tonight so Harry takes what he can get and basks in it.

They dive in and Harry feels like he’s tasting heaven.

‘’You have got to share this recipe, babe.’’ Harry moans into his fourth spoonful. ‘’This is really tasty,’’

‘’Good thing I made plenty,’’ Louis chuckles. ‘’You alphas always work up an appetite,’’

‘’Trust me; with food like this, you shouldn’t be surprised,’’ Harry takes in a second serving and before he knows it; the pans and bowls are empty and all the food is gone.

‘’That was one of the best home-made meals I’ve ever had,’’ Harry complements. ‘’And I’ve just gotten back from my mum’s so you should feel extra proud of yourself,’’

‘’You’re so full of shit sometimes,’’ Louis laughs before he gets up and starts clearing the table, never one who falls easy for complements.

‘’Hey, I’ll help,’’ Harry stands too and helps Louis out. The conversation flows easily between them as they do the washing up. They talk about the upcoming album, their tour expectations, the boys and their mums. It’s nothing different from what they used to do as best friends except now, Harry can kiss Louis whenever he wants and Louis can peck his lips whenever he feels like it.

‘’You want some tea?’’ Louis asks, already standing on his tip toes and grabbing a mug.

‘’Sure,’’

‘’Find something for us to watch, yeah? I’ll get this ready soon,’’

Harry lets Louis be and goes into the living room. He has no problems giving Louis his space, knows that it’s just a Louis thing; to do things on his own without people watching his every move or not accept help with stuff he is quite capable of doing on his own. It’s admirable and Harry knows that most people would misinterpret Louis’ actions as wanting to serve his alpha but Harry knows it’s not like that with Louis because for one; he doesn’t need to be served and two; Louis is too attached to his independence to allow that.

‘’Oh, I haven’t seen this episode in a while,’’ Louis says as he joins Harry and hands him a steaming mug. Harry looks at the telly and notices that Friends is on. He didn’t even realize that he’d stopped changing the channels.

‘’Let’s watch it then,’’

They drink in silence until their mugs are empty and discarded on the coffee table. They laugh and comment on some scenes every now and then, exchanging some easy banter. It’s all just smooth and they’re both really relaxed but one episode after another, Harry starts to feel drowsy.

‘’You’re sleepy?’’ Louis asks when he yawns for the umpteenth time. ‘’There’s another episode coming up,’’

‘’No, I’m wide awake.’’ Harry closes his eyes and puts his head on Louis’ shoulder.

‘’You sure about that?’’ Louis chuckles.

‘’If you’re staying up, I’m staying up,’’ Harry murmurs.

‘’I’ll just finish this one and we can go to bed after. Sounds good?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry doesn’t mind. He drove straight from Cheshire back to London and doesn’t regret it because sitting next to Louis and basking in his scent is as comfortable and easy as breathing. He doesn’t exactly fall asleep but he does doze a little bit. He cannot help the uplift of his lips when he hears Louis chuckle and the third time he hear it gets him to wrap his arms around Louis’ waist and cement his head on Louis’ shoulder. This time when Louis laughs, he feels it around his shoulders where Louis had placed his arms and feels it into his hair where Louis had covered his face, like he was trying to muffle his laughter. He knows he’s smiling like a loon even when his eyes are closed.

Just as promised, when the episode finishes, Louis rouses him up and turns off the telly. Harry grabs his duffle and trudges upstairs with Louis, holding his hand. He uses the guest bathroom to take a quick shower and changes into his a shirt and boxers. He never uses the connecting bathroom to Louis’ room, something about it being way too intimate.

When they finally lie in bed together, Harry notices that Louis’ scent is gone, something he’s decided to do when Harry started sleeping over. Harry knows that most alphas would probably be put off by it but he knows that being in close proximity to an alpha could trigger a heat and so, he does his best to accept it, knowing that it’s for their best interest in heart. Even now, the bed sheets and the pillow, the entire house is enticing his senses because Louis’ scent is imprinted all over the place. It was easier to handle in hotel rooms and bunk beds but in Louis’ room, it was like a practice in self-control. He remember asking Louis to let him stay in the guest bedroom when he’d come over straight after his rut. He was glad he actually had the sense and clarity to do that even if they were both unhappy about it.

‘’Goodnight, love,’’ Louis whispers into his chest, tucking himself into his side. Harry pulls his thigh up until it’s draped over his stomach and hugs Louis closer, nose in his hair. He cannot smell anything but Louis’ shampoo and for now, it’s enough.

‘’Good night, babe,’’ Harry whispers back, voice tired and body on the cusp of sleep. ‘’I love you,’’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, they enjoy a quiet breakfast together or quiet because Louis didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood. Harry lets him be, knows that he’ll liven up when they go next door’s to Liam and have lunch with the lads.

Liam wanted their get together to be something like a pot-lock so after breakfast, they got ready for shopping. Louis’ mood brightens up by the time they go to the grocery for the ingredients they will need.

‘’What do you need, babe?’’ Harry asks when he comes back from getting a packet of pasta. He sees Louis standing on his tip-toes, fingers skimming something from the top shelf.

‘’I want that can of pine apples. Fuckers just had to put it out of reach,’’ Louis huffs and watches Harry barely pull a muscle when he gets it for him.

‘’This one?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis puts it in the cart with a huge eye roll. ‘’Stupid giraffe legs, honestly,’’

Harry chuckles; he knows that Louis hates it when his height puts him at a disadvantage.

‘’Sorry babe. What else do we need?’’ Harry asks as Louis starts pushing the cart. Harry wants to take over since their cart is quite full but Louis won’t let him but he does send Harry around getting things for him to save time.

‘’Should we bring a bottle of wine or a six pack?’’ Louis looks down at the list Harry wrote. Harry looks over his shoulder at the list.

‘’Um, how about both?’’ he knows the other boys are not into wine but he is. He’s not really a fan of beer but drinks it when he’s with the boys.

‘’Okay, how about you get them since you’re the wine expert and we meet back up at the baked goods?’’ Harry nods.

‘’Sounds good,’’ he pecks Louis’ temple and off he goes.

He takes a while selecting the wine even though he knows that when the boys get drunk enough and reach for the bottle, they wouldn’t really care about the quality so long as its alcohol. The choice of beers is easy since he knows Louis’ favorite is Stella and the boys don’t really have a preference.

By the time he heads for the baked goods section, he knows Louis will probably rib him for taking a while but then…

He’s seeing red before he’s even within hearing distance because the man he sees towering over Louis and obviously posturing is an alpha. By the time he is within hearing distance, he feels like roaring.

‘’You can hide your scent but you’re still small enough to be an omega,’’ the man says, cornering Louis into the shelf. ‘’And besides, the entire world knows. Why bother hiding it?’’

‘’Fuck off, yeah?’’ Louis pushes at his shoulder, standing his ground, eyes bleeding with anger.

‘’That’s not a way to talk to a fan, omega. C’mon,’’ the man pushes back and puts his hand on Louis’ waist. That’s when Harry actually roars.

‘’Back off, yeah?’’ he snatches the man’s hand away with his free hand and stands between him and Louis, voice coming out in a growl. ‘’You’re being really rude right now. For a fan, that’s not really nice of you,’’

‘’Oh, another superstar,’’ the alpha gives him a smarmy smile, rolling his shoulder as he appraises Harry. ‘’You know, you really shouldn’t let him walk around freely like that. Don’t you guys have bodyguards or something?’’

Harry keeps his eyes on the man even as he speaks to Louis. ‘’Lou, go ahead and call security, yeah? I saw one just down the hallway from where I came from.’’

The man’s eyes bulge when Louis does exactly what he says. ‘’Well, no need to go that far. He’s obviously obedient and well-trained. My bad, yeah?’’

‘’You can make that same observation to the security then and I will also make mine,’’ Harry grits out, fists clenching at the man’s words.

‘’What observation? I hardly did anything for you to complain about,’’

‘’You pushed him and were cornering him.’’ Harry feels like he’s speaking through gravel from how rough and deep his voice has gotten.

‘’That’s your alpha talking,’’

‘’Say whatever you want but it’s your word against the two of us. Besides, Louis knows the security guard here really well so let’s see whose side he’ll take,’’ Harry smiles benignly at him.

‘’You little punk,’’ the man takes a step forward when Louis rounds the corridor with the security guard.

‘’That’s him.’’ Louis points. The beta security guard that Louis had once introduced to Harry as Albert has been very friendly ever since some fans would sneak in and crowd the place whenever Louis or the other boys would come around. They all live in the same area so it was natural that they frequent the same grocery store. Albert would always make sure to sneak them out the back door when things would get out of hand or sometimes have their groceries delivered to them when the place would be crowded and they’d get recognized before even entering. It was a school day though so Harry didn’t think there would be many people. He was right but he didn’t think something like this would happen.

‘’Sir, come with me, please,’’ Albert puts one hand on his fire-arm by his hip and another on the man’s shoulder, steering him away. The man begrudgingly follows but not before giving Louis the stink eye.

‘’You okay?’’ Harry asks after they disappear.

‘’Yeah, I’m fine,’’ Louis says, looking at Harry with an unreadable expression. He then sighs and picks up the bottle of wine and six-pack from Harry’s clutches. ‘’Thanks,’’

‘’Lou, are you sure you’re fine?’’ he asks as Louis puts the items in the cart. ‘’Did anything happen before I came?’’

‘’I’m really fine,’’ Louis smiles at him. ‘’A little rattled but I’m fine. Thanks for being really cool and chill about it,’’

‘’Kinda wanted to punch him,’’ Harry admits. Louis gives him that blank look again. ‘’What’s with the look?’’

‘’You want to know what I’m thinking right now?’’ Louis bites his lower lip, hands tightening on the cart handle. It makes something hot pool down Harry’s stomach.

‘’What?’’

Louis reaches for his hands and steps on his toes. His wet lips brush Harry’s ear, making Harry lower his head.

‘’You were really sexy when you confronted him.’’ Louis whispers. ‘’That’s all I could think of, that you were really, really hot,’’

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry cannot help but take a step closer until Louis back hits the shelf.

‘’It turned me on.’’ Louis licks the shell of his ear, making him groan. ‘’You’re lucky I’m not hard right now,’’

‘’Lou…’’ he doesn’t say more because Louis pushes at his chest and Harry’s mind clears. He notices Louis looking over his shoulder and sees a couple of old shoppers behind them. Oh right, they’re still grocery shopping.

‘’Thanks though,’’ Louis says after they breathe for a while. ‘’And thanks for not turning it into a fight. I wouldn’t have liked that,’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry feels tongue-tied. He knows how serious he is about Louis when all he could think of is the fact that he would kill for Louis if he had to and that’s something huge.

‘’Let’s finish up here yeah?’’

Harry nods. They don’t have much stuff left to buy but he doesn’t say anything when Louis doesn’t send him away to fetch anything anymore. Harry doesn’t mind either. He knows they’re both a bit jumpy but he’s also aware that he’s probably jumpier than Louis, seeing as how he walks too close to Louis, almost pushing the cart with him and how he crowds in whenever some alpha passes them by. Louis doesn’t say anything but keeps giving him these blank looks. Harry just knows he needs to back down or else Louis will tell him off.

In the end, Louis doesn’t and Harry doesn’t feel relieved until they’re back at Louis’ place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They get back into their rhythm and happy mood when they start cooking together. Louis had decided to cook his mum’s recipe again for the boys and Harry is super excited, glad that Louis is sharing something beautiful with him.

Louis teaches him what to do with a grace that not many alphas would appreciate. He doesn’t mind Louis instructing him, doesn’t mind being told that he’s doing something wrong, doesn’t mind being guided. Louis never commands him or degrades him, never faults him for things he has nothing to be blamed for, never makes fun of him. In fact, he is more patient than Harry expected him to be which is just lovely.

‘’Haz, did you add half a cup of vinegar or more?’’ Louis asks as he takes a sip of the sauce being cooked and immediately scrunches his face.

‘’You said one and a half cup of vinegar!’’ Harry cries as he throws fish fillet cubes into the frying pan.

‘’No, love. No wonder the taste’s really bitter,’’ Louis laughs before he squeezes Harry’s hip and reaches for the sugar beside him. He adds two more table spoons into the boiling pan. ‘’There we go, problem solved.’’

‘’Sorry,’’ Harry apologizes but Louis just pulls his neck down by the arm and kisses it away.

They finish putting away Louis’ food in containers and Tupperware before they start on Harry’s pasta. It’s not something difficult and Harry urges Louis to just sit on the counter while he cooks.

‘’Corn?’’ Louis asks, surprised.

‘’Yup, trust me on this. It will taste good,’’ Harry says when he adds the corn to the tuna and red beans along with tomato slices for the sauce.

‘’Okay then,’’ Louis’ legs swing as he observes Harry’s cooking. He cannot help but find Harry dorky and it’s not surprising when it shows even in his cooking. Hopefully the pasta will taste really nice because he’d hate to let his boyfriend feel down if he finds the taste appalling.

He’s expecting Harry to say something when Louis pulls Harry to stand between his legs so that they can make out for a while, waiting for the pasta to cook but he doesn’t and it’s been bothering him all day. Harry was sleepy and all but Louis still heard him say those three words and he fell asleep without giving a chance for Louis to say it in return. Now, they’re about to go to the boys and he still hasn’t said them again.

Guess he’ll just have to wait a little longer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lunch is a success and by the time they get back home, their spirits are high and light.

It’s never an effort to spend time with the boys outside of work. It’s just like spending time with family, telling stories and exchanging jokes. The food was great too, even if Liam’s girlfriend was the one who cooked and not him.

‘’I’m rubbish at the kitchen!’’ Liam had proclaimed much to the boys’ delight.

By the time they’ve changed out of their clothes and were relaxing on the couch in comfy pajamas, it was late at night. Louis’ scent was back and honestly, Harry is a little bit distracted by it. You see, Louis is wearing some really comfy Pajama pants and a really soft jumper and he’s sitting right next to him.

He’s gone the whole day without Louis’ scent and now that it’s back…well, he just smells really good.

He can’t help himself when he puts an arm around Louis’ shoulders and draws him into his side. Louis doesn’t seem to mind, laughing along to some comedy movie even as Harry noses at his hairline and takes a whiff of him.

‘’Are you even watching this with me?’’ Louis asks, amusement in his voice. ‘’It’s Keven Hart, love. You’re missing out,’’

‘’Nah,’’ Harry answers, ‘’unless you want me to,’’

Louis’ laugh is tinted with surprise but he just kisses Harry’s dimple before he turns back to the telly.

‘’Suit yourself. I’m watching this,’’

Harry lets him be and continues to scent mark his boyfriend. At some point, he pulls at the loose jumper until it’s bares Louis’ shoulder and just starts laving at the skin under his tongue, all the way to Louis’ neck and the skin sensitive skin behind his ear.

‘’I love it when you do that,’’ Louis hums at him, his neck tilting to the side as if to accommodate Harry.

‘’Do what?’’

‘’You know,’’

‘’Tell me,’’ Harry murmurs against the bone of his shoulder.

‘’Act like you can’t get enough,’’

Harry looks at him through his eyelashes. ‘’I’m not acting,’’

‘’Well then,’’ Louis clears his throat. ‘’Good to know,’’

He pulls away from Harry to reach for the remote and then, proceeds to turn off the telly.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Harry asks because Louis’ folding his arms and bringing his legs to his chest.

‘’Nothing, I just…’’ Louis pauses.

‘’What?’’ Harry draws him in before he fixes Louis’ jumper and covers his shoulder, leaving his hand there.

Louis covers his hand with his own.

‘’I feel bad, always keeping you at bay. I know you sometimes feel awful about it.’’ Louis says softly.

Harry doesn’t say anything immediately because Louis isn’t wrong but he isn’t without reason; ever since Niall’s party, Harry had been berating himself for basically cornering his boyfriend at every opportunity to get down and dirty together. It hasn’t even been the first time and every single time; Harry trash-talks himself for seeming to have forgotten about safety precautions around Louis and if he’s like that when Louis isn’t in heat, he can only imagine how abysmally poor he will handle the situation when Louis is in heat.

At the same time, his control is getting slightly better. Like at the grocery store. If they were still on tour, alone and with no security and that had happened, he would have already landed a punch.

‘’It’s nothing for you to feel bad about,’’ Harry assures him. ‘’Besides, how did you know that…’’

‘’I talk to the boys, Harry.’’ Louis interrupts softly. ‘’I know you’ve been asking them to help you out.’’

‘’Is this why you still don’t want me to be with you when you go into heat?’’ Harry asks. ‘’You don’t trust me enough?’’

‘’I feel like you don’t trust yourself enough to be around me when that eventually happens but you’re just too busy assuring me to face the truth,’’ Louis says, boldly looking him in the eye. Harry pouts.

‘’You’re way too smart for me,’’ Louis chuckles before he tilts his head down and kisses Harry’s hand.

‘’I’m a distraction to you like this.’’ Louis tells him. ‘’I think we’re both not handling ourselves properly.’’

‘’Well, what do you suggest we do?’’ Harry asks.

‘’I think we should try tonight,’’

Harry blinks his eyes at him. He can’t have heard that right.

‘’What?’’

‘’We have time now, which we won’t have when we get back on the road,’’ Louis tells him. ‘’Besides, I had my heat when you were at your mum’s,’’

‘’What?’’ Harry’s eyes bulge. ‘’Why didn’t you t…is this why you haven’t been frequently replying to me?’’

‘’My point is,’’ Louis turns around to face him, crossing his legs and holding Harry’s hand in his lap. ‘’The timing is good because no way will another heat hit me up. It’s too soon. I’m as alert as ever,’’

‘’Are you sure this isn’t risky?’’ Harry has to ask. ‘’I mean, just because it hasn’t happened one after the other before doesn’t mean it won’t. Your heats are still inconsistent,’’

‘’Harry, I have lube and condoms. I’m certain about this.’’ Louis says, deadpan.

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry breathes out, eyes facing the ceiling.

‘’Look,’’ Louis cups his face and turns it to face him. ‘’We are going to do this at some point, right? I mean, we are a couple.’’

‘’Yes,’’ Harry nods. ‘’I’ve honestly been thinking about it a lot. I always want to get closer to you, I always want you…’’

‘’And I want us to be normal for once,’’ Louis pleads.

‘’Babe…there’s nothing wrong with you. What are you talking about?’’

‘’Look, don’t you think that like this, at my place, with nothing to hold us back, no busy schedule, no tour dates, no bandmates,’’ Harry chuckles at this, ‘’is the perfect setting for us to just relax and take things slow? We don’t have to worry about a thing. We can just be.’’

‘’It makes sense,’’ Harry cannot help but agree. ‘’I’m quite alert as it is,’’

‘’Good; cause you know you’ll have to pull out,’’

‘’Yeah, you’ll have to help me. I’m not strong enough to…’’

‘’You can, I know you can. You care about me, right?’’

‘’You know I do, Lou. I…’’

‘’Exactly…we’re a team, right?’’ Louis reminds him gently.

‘’We are,’’ Harry’s eyes soften.

‘’We’ll never know unless we try.’’

‘’It doesn’t mean it won’t be risky.’’

‘’I know. But we can do it. I feel it,’’

‘’Okay, but I think, just to make sure that you stay alert,’’ Harry gulps. ‘’I think you better take your scent blockers. It will be easier for the both of us if we make sure that we stay in control. I’ll also wear in a condom so that, if it starts to tear when I knot, I’ll know when to pull out.’’

Louis nods. ‘’That’s actually a good idea. Wait here, yeah?’’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Harry takes his time to breathe. He feels like he’s losing control already and that’s not the right mind-set he needs right now. He stands up and paces the living room, trying to exude the excess nerves. He takes off his sweater and his socks, shakes his hair and tries not to ruin what could possibly be a really perfect night by being over-zealous.

‘’Hey,’’ Harry turns around and notices that Louis’ scent is gone.

Louis himself feels out of place. He’s always been impulsive but this is stretching it. At the same time, it just makes perfect sense. They’re young, they’re serious about each other and he’s pretty sure the only reason he fell into his heat two weeks after his previous one is because Harry was away from him and his body was doing whatever it needed to try and draw him back. If that doesn’t tell him that they’re right for each other, he doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself.

‘’Come upstairs with me,’’ he reaches out for Harry’s hand and silently, they walk upstairs to Louis’ room, hand in hand.

When they enter the bedroom, Louis proceeds to turn off the lights. The room is swallowed in darkness before Louis turns on the bed-side lamp, washing the room in hews of yellow. Harry realizes that the lamp looks familiar; he’d gifted Louis that lamp, something kitschy and quirky and Harry had thought that Louis had thrown it out the window but its right there, right next to Louis’ bed, months later and even though Louis had teased him mercilessly for his weird and eclectic choice of a lamp, he’d kept it regardless.

Harry is so gone for him.

He watches as Louis pulls the blankets away until they’re at the edge of the bed. Harry notices a bottle of lube by the bed-side table and Louis’ bag of meds. He assumes the condoms are in there.

‘’Harry…’’ Louis calls his name, drawing his attention. He feels naked under Harry’s intense gaze, gulping when Harry steps into the bedroom and walks steadily until he reaches him. Silently, he pulls Louis’ jumper off along with his undershirt, leaving goose bumps in its wake.

‘’You’re so beautiful,’’ Harry murmurs before he draws him in for a kiss.

Kissing Harry had become as dire as air to him, something he never thought would be so amazing. It’s like Harry knows what he likes without even asking and it surprises him sometimes that he cannot help but point it out, telling Harry that he likes it when he does this or that, like he’s a map and Harry knows exactly how to read him with just one look.

He never calls Louis out on it the way Louis does; as if surprising himself when he gets it right. It’s as endearing as it is astounding because Louis had grown up with the notion that alphas were just high and mighty by nature and would never admit to their faults or think they’ve done something wrong but Harry always seems to put a lot of thought into his actions. He kisses Louis with intent and seems to commit his sounds to memory, as if he was in a test and has to make sure he remembers everything that makes Louis tick in order to ace every question or else he won’t graduate.

‘’Fuck,’’ he sighs when Harry pushes at his pajama pants and his boxers.

‘’This okay?’’ Harry asks before devouring his moans.

‘’Yes,’’ he wraps his arms around Harry’s neck when he’s finally standing there fully naked. ‘’Nothing you haven’t seen before,’’

‘’I’ll always want to see you,’’ Harry grabs his thighs and lifts him up, wrapping his legs around his torso, making Louis yelp into his mouth. Harry just kisses him harder, swallowing his gasps.

Louis sighs when Harry gently lowers him on the bed, holding Louis’ head before making sure his head’s on the pillow.

‘’You’re really sweet,’’ Louis reaches for his lips but Harry pulls back and leaves him on the bed. He’s about to ask why until Harry rids himself of his undershirt. His eyes stay on Louis’ body as he unties the drawstrings of his Pjs and pulls them down along with his underpants.

‘’You’re hard,’’ Harry says in awe. Louis then realizes that Harry was staring at his cock. His really hard cock.

‘’Are you gonna just stand there and enjoy the view?’’ Louis exhales and proceeds to wrap his hand around his dick. He feels a rush of wind and before he knows it, Harry is draping his body over him and kissing him with renewed hunger.

It’s all tongue and moans and before Louis knows it, he’s spreading his legs to allow Harry between them. He feels Harry’s hard cock against his thigh and releases his dick to touch Harry’s.

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry licks the side of Louis’ face as they both gasp for air. He proceeds to paint Louis’ neck with love bites, licking and pulling at his skin with teeth while Louis makes him harder with his hands. ‘’Your hands should be in a museum, fuck,’’

Louis chuckles but then whines high in his throat when Harry laves at his nipples.

‘’Babe...’’

‘’I want you to enjoy this,’’ Harry pulls at Louis’ wrists and holds them on the side of the bed while he continues worshipping Louis’ nipples.

‘’Harry…’’ he feels like his mind is blanking out. It’s just so sudden but when his back arches and the pressure in his wrists increase, something flashes through his mind…

_His hands were being held down and someone was bending his head backwards, forcing his jaws open…his neck hurt…_

‘’Hey, stay with me….where’d you go?’’

Louis blinks his eyes open and sees Harry’s concerned eyes, hands framing his face. He realizes he’s breathing harshly, eyes darting around.

‘’Lou?’’

‘’Um,’’ Louis looks at him, taking him all in. Harry’s cupping his face the way he always does; tenderly and gently, thumbs caressing his cheeks.

‘’Are you okay? Is this too much?’’ Harry asks, voice bleeding with worry.

‘’I think I got overwhelmed for a second,’’ Louis exhales. ‘’Just breathe with me, okay?’’

‘’Yeah, Lou.’’

Harry gives him time, allows him to just stare at Harry until he’s all he sees, all he feels. He can feel where their skin is touching, from their toes to their foreheads. He can feel himself growing hard again.

‘’I’m okay…I guess it’s just been a while,’’ Louis doesn’t know how to explain what flashed through his mind. It must be due to his wild imagination from a long absence of sex. Gosh, he hopes Harry doesn’t notice.

‘’It’s okay to be nervous,’’ Harry chuckles. ‘’I know I am.’’

‘’At least we’re nervous together,’’ Louis chuckles back.

‘’Yeah,’’

They stare at each other a little longer before they both go for a kiss, desire thickening in the air. Louis doesn’t want Harry to hold down his wrists again (he didn’t know they were that sensitive) and decides to wrap them around Harry’s neck, pulling him in.

‘’Let me put the condom on,’’ Harry says into his lips. The air feels chilly on his skin when Harry sits back, pulling a whine out of him.

‘’Come back here, already,’’ Louis says, caressing Harry’s knees under his legs.

‘’Miss me that much?’’ Harry teases. He winces; condoms are not usually used by alphas anymore as they are ineffective compared to omegas’ birth control. But Louis cannot help but think; since when did they ever have it easy?

‘’C’mon,’’

They get too busy kissing again, like Harry’s starved and Louis really did miss him. Louis doesn’t mind if they kiss forever but then he moans when a wet finger enters his hole.

‘’This okay?’’ Harry asks into his mouth.

‘’Yes,’’ Louis’ eyes are shut tightly closed, the feeling of Harry touching him down there just taking over…

_Something big and painful plugs him up and someone shouts…._

Louis opens his eyes and sees Harry’s brow furrowed and laced with sweat, looking down between their bodies. Louis doesn’t want to worry him, doesn’t understand what he’s seeing. He blinks sweat out of his eyes and looks too, keeping his arms around Harry.

‘’You’re so tight,’’ Harry sighs into his cheek. He keeps going at it until Louis feels ready for another.

‘’C’mon, give me another,’’ Louis moans.

Harry does as asked and Louis clumps his teeth over his lower lip because he feels himself getting louder. He doesn’t want to lose that much control, at least not yet. But Harry’s fingers just feel so good.

‘’Oh my god, that’s so good,’’ he cannot help but say when Harry scissors him and then whines loudly when Harry touches that bundle of nerves inside him. ‘’Fuck!’’ he cries out loud.

Harry’s lips are on his neck again while he fingers him and Louis does his best to keeps his eyes open at the ceiling, afraid of being overwhelmed again, of feeling something akin to panic and fear because those feelings are misplaced here. It’s Harry, just Harry who is making him feel so damn good and if he doesn’t let his mind wander away, he knows that Harry will keep him grounded, keep him in their bubble of pleasure.

‘’Shit!’’ Louis feels it when Harry lubes his fingers up again and inserts three. ‘’Haz…’’

‘’I love the sounds you’re making,’’ Harry sucks at his collarbones. ‘’Your’e so hot, babe, hottest omega I’ve ever seen,’’

‘’Haz…’’

He has no words because Harry keeps his fingers pressed up right there and he’s so fucking hard.

‘’C’mon, get your cock in me or else I’ll come,’’ he pleads, hips arching off the bed. Harry fingers him for a few seconds longer before he withdraws his fingers and pushes Louis’ hips down.

‘’You ready?’’ he asks, sitting on his knees and spreading Louis’ legs until he’s got them wrapped around his hips. Louis looks between his legs and sees Harry’s fingers around his hard dick, like he’s getting himself ready.

‘’You’re so big,’’ he cannot help but say. ‘’C’mon.’’

Harry positions himself and Louis cannot stop himself from closing his eyes as Harry pushes in slowly, cannot help the noises leaving his lips or the firm hold Harry has on his hip bones….

_The plunge is deep and rough and he feels his bones crushing, feels like a rag doll the way his legs are pushes carelessly away so that his wet hole can be filled again…._

His eyes burst open and he feels like he’s got Harry in a chokehold from the way his arms and legs tighten around Harry.

‘’I’m all the way in, babe. Oh my god,’’ Harry cannot help but say into his neck.

‘’Look at me, I want you to look at me,’’ Louis pleads because he doesn’t want to get lost inside his head, doesn’t know what’s happening to him.

Harry braces his arms beside him and stares down at Louis, hair like a halo from how messy and wet it is from exertion.

‘’You with me?’’ Harry asks and Louis feels himself calm down.

‘’Kiss me,’’ Louis pulls him in, one hand rubbing up Harry’s smooth back. The kiss distracts him, makes the sudden Goosebumps that erupted over his arms recede, calms him down further until all he feels is Harry again.

‘’You feel so good, Lou.’’ Harry kisses all over his face, his forehead, his eyebrows, his nose and his chin. ‘’Best boy ever,’’

‘’Start moving, babe. I want to feel you,’’ Louis feels so full and hard. He doesn’t want the night to end.

It’s a bit strange feeling wet down there when he’s been so dry for so long. Even when he’s in heat, not an ounce of slick ever blurts out. He’s expecting Harry to complain or to add more lube to make the glide smoother but then he looks at the new bottle of lube he’d bought, discarded on the bed beside him and sees that it’s already half empty so there’s that.

Harry starts moving and it’s a whole other level of euphoria. Between every other thrust, Harry would kiss him and Louis will get lost in him instead of himself and then feel nothing but him when Harry thrusts in again.

It gets a little frantic after that, Harry punching sounds out of him he never knew he was capable of, changing his angle and landing straight on his prostate and by then, he worries about what the neighbors might think because he knows he’s fucking loud but he doesn’t give a damn when Harry is moving like some kind of warrior in a battlefield, fighting his way towards Louis’ pleasure.

‘’Baby…’’ Harry murmurs into his lips. ‘’I’m going to come,’’

‘’You have to pull out,’’ Louis reminds him. ‘’You have to….’’

It’s one of the things that Doctor Martin had warned Harry about, that due to the quantity of medication that Louis is taking; it’s not recommended that he takes birth control pills. It’s also one of the reasons why they were apprehensive to go all the way with another or for Louis to spend Harry’s rut with him or for Harry to be there for Louis’ heats because there’s no condom out there that is guaranteed not to burst at an alpha’s knot and there’s no guarantee that any alpha can pull out in time.

It’s a good thing that Louis’ alert although he didn’t know it would really be a challenge with his mind wandering all over the place.

‘’Fuck…’’ Harry curses because it’s honestly a struggle. He can feel Louis’ hole getting tighter and with his momentum, he feels compelled to stay in, like he’s fighting his biology by pulling out. His Alpha is roaring at him to stay inside Louis’ wet heat, to breed his omega, to plug him up, to…

‘’Haz…’’

‘’Fuck!’’ he shouts. It’s with an almighty strength and sheer force of will that he’s able to pull out, eliciting a painful cry from Louis at the abruptness of it, before the condom rips and his knot forms, painting Louis’ lower abdomen with a jet-stream of his release.

They’re breathing harshly against each other, Harry losing all strength in his arms, spreading his weight on Louis, breathing against his skin.

‘’Did I hurt you?’’ he asks against Louis’ neck, caressing his side.

‘’No, I’m okay,’’

‘’That was so close,’’ Harry cannot help but say. Louis just hugs him, buries his face in his hair.

‘’No one else is as strong as you, you know that?’’ Louis tells him. ‘’God, I feel so lucky…’’

‘’Stop…’’ Harry hugs Louis back and feels Louis’ hardness against him.

‘’Babe…’’ Louis whines when Harry wraps his fingers around him.

‘’C’mon, Lou.’’ Harry swallows his moans as he pulls at his dick and keeps kissing him until Louis comes against his fingers.

_I can watch you all day…watch you make a filthy mess out of yourself…_

‘’You with me?’’ Harry asks.

Louis blinks at him.

‘’I’ve been calling your name. You look spaced out.’’

Louis looks at him and feels himself relax. Whatever is wrong, it’s with him alone because Harry is looking at him like he adores him. He’s on his side, no longer a pressure on Louis, leaning his head up against his palm, elbow on the pillow beside Louis’ head. His other hand is busy, mixing their release together on Louis’ chest. His eyes are on Louis’, big green beautiful eyes that have done nothing all night but look at him.

Harry cannot help but salivate at the sight of Louis’ heaving chest and his perked up nipples. The smell of their combined release stirs at something inside his chest, like a reminder that they belong with one another. Louis is giving him that blank look again though, only his eyes were wide open a few second before, like he’s overwhelmed again but now this unreadable expression is back.

‘’I love you,’’ Louis sighs and Harry’s hand stops moving.

‘’What?’’

‘’You told me that last night, right before you went to sleep. You didn’t give me a chance to say it back.’’ Louis clarifies.

‘’You love me?’’ Harry asks.

‘’How can I not?’’ Louis says helplessly. Harry’s eyes roam his face but it’s like he can’t help his honesty, not anymore.

‘’I was worried that you wouldn’t say it back, that it was too soon. I didn’t know I was talking in my sleep.’’ Harry admits. ‘’But it’s been on my mind since Niall’s birthday. I just couldn’t find the words or like, the right time.’’

‘’Is it too soon now? For me to say it?’’ Louis asks.

‘’No,’’ Harry shakes his head before he wipes his hand on the blanket and gets on top of Louis’ body again. He cups Louis’ face, his beautiful face and he knows that whatever is going on between them, that it’s different and unique and it’s all because of Louis, who trusted him tonight whole-heartedly, who took a chance with him, something he hasn’t allowed in years, who gave him his pure and unadulterated heart and allowed Harry the risk of breaking it because he thought of him as strong and sweet.

‘’I love you, Lou.’’ Harry tells him. ‘’I’ve never been in love with anyone the way that I’m in love with you.’’

‘’That’s a big statement to make,’’ Louis’ voice is thick.

‘’It’s true though. I feel like we fit already, like we’re no longer still trying the boundaries of this relationship.’’ He pauses, ‘’I feel like you belong with me,’’

‘’I don’t belong _to_ you?’’ Louis teases because Harry is giving him some really intense heart eyes and it’s really overwhelming.

‘’No, because I don’t own you; we belong with one another, if you’ll have me,’’ Harry’ forehead touches his as he closes his eyes and sighs. ‘’Please have me. You can have my entire heart, Lou. It’s all yours, love.’’

‘’I already said I love you,’’ Louis chuckles and when Harry opens his eyes, there are tears streaming down the side of Louis’ eyes despite his smile.

‘’Besides, I wouldn’t want anyone else,’’ Louis wraps his arms around his neck. ‘’I’m that in love with you,’’

Harry kisses him like there’s no tomorrow and hugs Louis closer.


	9. nine

_And there's no mountain too high_

_No river too wide_

_Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side_

_Storm clouds may gather_

_And stars may collide_

_But I love you_

_I love you_

_Until the end of time_

_Nicole Kidman and Ewan Mcgregor, Come what may_

Jay sat with him in the waiting room when Louis was called up for his CT scan. Harry was telling her about Doctor Martin and how forward he was to which she merely snorts.

‘’If you think he’s forward, it’s because you haven’t met Doctor Webbe yet,’’ she says.

‘’He’s worse?’’

‘’Well, let me just ask you not to feed into Louis’ attitude when you meet the man; you wouldn’t be able to hold your tongue from sever retorting but do try,’’

‘’I see but why him then?’’

She explains how no other doctor was as capable of helping Louis get his omega scent back and undo some of the damage that had been done to Louis during the accident. But it didn’t change the fact that the man was an alpha, a real-life bigot and just a really damn good doctor.

‘’Speaking of the accident, what exactly happened?’’ Harry asks, feeling like he can now. Louis had told Jay about their relationship right around the end of their first tour and when she had invited him over for dinner Jay had told him that she wasn’t surprised at all.

_‘’You two getting together was an inevitability waiting to happen,’’ she’d said with a smile._

‘’Louis didn’t tell you?’’

‘’Not exactly,’’ Harry replies. ‘’Louis told me some alpha hurt him but that his memory about the incident was shoddy,’’

‘’Honestly, nobody knows the full details,’’ Jay shook her head. ‘’All the police said was that there was some sort of a break-in. Louis and a bunch of his school friends had gone up to Leeds festival. He’d told me they had planned to stay for the whole week so I didn’t worry much since he was with good people. About two days in, I got a text from Louis saying he’d gone back to the hotel he and the boys had booked. He’d said he wasn’t feeling well and left early whereas the boys decided to camp out and wait for some band, Coldplay I think. It was a day after that when I got a call from Stan that Louis was missing and then a week later, he was found and rushed to the nearest hospital. I scolded Olly and Stan for not checking up on my boy but they told me they did and had even gone back when Louis hadn’t picked up their calls. According to the police, Louis was found at a run-down motel with a major head injury. He was in a coma for a week.’’

‘’What? Louis didn’t tell me any of this,’’

‘’You can’t blame him; he probably doesn’t even remember the full details. It was a very stressful time for him. Even now, he still struggles, trying to remember but in vain.’’

‘’Did the police ever catch the bad guys?’’

‘’Not at all. They were obviously clever to not leave a scent.’’

‘’But Louis is sure whoever it was, was an alpha.’’

‘’Yes, the doctors confirmed it too. I can’t really say much; Louis doesn’t really like to talk about it or let anyone know, when he can hardly remember it. If he wants you to know, I know he will tell you. It has to come from him, yeah?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry accepts that if Louis will eventually remember anything, he hopes he’ll come to him to talk about it.

They sit in silence for a little while longer before a nurse approaches them and escorts them to where Louis is waiting.

Harry greets Louis with a hug and it’s like déjà vu, what with Louis sitting on the side of an examination bed. Only this time, the doctor is already there.

‘’Ah, I see you’ve finally taken Doctor Martin’s advice,’’ the man says when Louis introduces Harry as his boyfriend. Harry notices the NDA on the table beside him. He knows that it was upon management’s strict instruction that people on the outside not talk about their relationship, something even he prefers.

‘’Excuse me?’’ Louis asks, raising one perfectly witty eyebrow.

‘’Very good choice,’’ the doctor says, pointing at Harry. He was a short man, even though he was sitting down on a rolling chair, with a pudgy stomach. He was also bald with thick glasses on. He looked kind though but Harry understands now how looks can be deceiving.

‘’I didn’t choose him because of his apparent virility,’’ Louis grits his teeth at the doctor. ‘’But I shouldn’t be surprised; apparently you’re still an asshole,’’

‘’Louis, manners,’’ Jay snaps sharply.

It surprised Harry the way Louis talked to the man, but then again, it just proves that Jay was right.

The man just shook his head with a smile, as if he were humoring Louis. He was reading something off a medical chart so Harry decided to pay attention to Louis. What he sees makes him frown.

He doesn’t like the fact that Louis was in a hospital gown, sitting on the examination bed, feet dangling over the side, barefoot. He cannot help but berate himself for not noticing sooner and immediately takes off his jacket and wrap it around Louis’ shoulders.

‘’Thanks, love,’’ Louis smiles at him.

‘’Ah, young love,’’ Harry grits his teeth at Doctor Webbe’s comment.

‘’Has there been any improvement then?’’ Jay asks, noticing the tension in the room. Louis had never liked the way Doctor Webbe made him feel like the accident was his fault or that the reason why his body wasn’t coping had to do with him. He also hated that the man seemed to understand what exactly was happening to his body.

Bringing Harry around made him at least feel better because he just couldn’t stand the man.

‘’Quite,’’ Doctor Webbe gestures with his hand in a so-so manner.

‘’Meaning?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Well, you have an alpha now so that’s incredible. As you know, I am a firm believer in restoring balance, so, well done,’’ he smiles with an air of arrogance.

‘’You just like the idea that I’m leashed now. Don’t think that it’s not apparent coming from you,’’ Louis grits.

‘’Louis please,’’ Jay looks at her son sternly.

‘’It’s alright,’’ Doctor Webbe assures with a fake smile. ‘’Kids, eh? What do they know?’’

‘’Well, lucky for me, Harry’s not like that so,’’ Louis cuts in. Harry wanted to say something but Louis seemed quite capable of handling his own battles so he chooses to remain silent for now.

‘’Still, I am happy for you, even if we do not share the same reasons,’’ Doctor Webbe says before he looks down at his file. ‘’On the other hand, you’ve reported in your journal that you’ve had two heats this month. That hasn’t happened in years but it is actually both good and bad news,’’

‘’How can that be good news?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Because according to your blood tests, your hormone levels are acting up. It’s like they’re eager to wake your dormant omega.’’

‘’So how come you said bad news?’’ Harry wonders out loud.

‘’Well, bad news because heats should not be so frequent. When an omega goes through a heat, they’re very vulnerable and it puts quite a strain through the body, especially if said omega spends it alone. Having one heat once a month is bad enough but two and with no alphas present? You must be dead tired.’’

‘’I’m fine,’’ Louis insists.

‘’Well, when can I finally spend it with Louis?’’ Harry asks boldly causing Louis to look at him in shock. Harry hates that he gets to have a rut twice a year like any other alpha and spending it apart from Louis can be bearable because it’s not like he has to go through it every month or hell, twice a month like Louis. He can hardly bear to be away from him now, let alone when he’s alone and vulnerable. ‘’I mean, will that help?’’

‘’Not really,’’ Doctor Webbe purses his lips. ‘’You see, Louis is taking too many medication for me to add birth control in the mix. It won’t be wise for you to knot him when we don’t even know if that will be safe.’’

‘’Well, I won’t do that. I’ll just...be with him,’’ Harry adds lamely, trying not to divulge the fact that they’ve been able to go at it sober more than once now and he’s been able to pull out every single time. He also knows that part of the reason why it worked is because Louis was alert enough to remind him to pull out, which he won’t be able to do if he’s under. It doesn’t change the fact that he wants to take care of Louis, feed him when he can’t, be there for him when he’s most vulnerable.

‘’Are you sure you can control yourself?’’ Doctor Webbe asks, looking at him from head to toe.

‘’Don’t you dare put Harry in that position!’’ Louis snaps. ‘’You’re the doctor here, not him.’’

‘’It is a quick solution though,’’ Doctor Webbe shrugs. ‘’The only reason your body is acting so boldly now is because of your obvious attraction to Harry. These results tell me that you’ve both been sexual,’’ Harry and Louis blush at this. ‘’And I’m not going to sit here and say that isn’t a good thing because it is but now, patience is a virtue we must all maintain. A soon as your heats get regular, Louis, as soon as you start getting slick, only then I can put you on birth control and only then Harry can knot you. Till then, it’s not safe, okay? Till then, scent marking and proximity, in my professional opinion, will have to do.’’

‘’You make it sound like it was really bad before,’’ Harry says quietly, somehow embarrassed for putting their sex life first before Louis’ safety.

‘’Son, Louis couldn’t even get hard before, let alone move or talk. Those were during the early days of the accident,’’ Doctor Webbe states like it isn’t a big deal.

‘’What?’’ Harry blinks in shock.

‘’Can you not embarrass me?’’ Louis demands.

‘’Then be honest with him,’’ Doctor Webbe says before he flips open a doctor’s pad. ‘’Anyways, I’m changing your prescription,’’ he says while writing up the new medication.

‘’Again?’’ Louis sighs.

‘’Are we almost done here?’’ Jay interrupts while pulling out her phone. ‘’It’s Lottie, dear. I’ll wait outside. Good day, doctor.’’

The doctor watches her leave before he turns back to the boys.

‘’Yes, it’s a new form of heat regulator and a new set of vitamins. Your old medication is useless now that your hormone levels have changed again. If some of them are still unopened, you can switch it with these new ones at the pharmacy.’’ He rips the paper off and gives it to Harry instead of Louis, which infuriates him because that’s such a conceited thing for an alpha to do, like he doesn’t trust an omega to handle their own medication.

‘’Anything else?’’ Harry asks and very conspicuously, hands the paper to Louis who packs it along with his journal and the NDA in his bag. Harry actually wants to smirk when he notices the way the doctor’s jaw tightens when he notices his very obvious gesture.

‘’You be careful with that now,’’ the doctor advises as he goes to open the door. ‘’It might fall in the wrong hands.’’

‘’You know,’’ Louis folds the paper in one of his bag pockets. ‘’I really feel sorry that you’re not getting any,’’

Harry catches the doctor’s surprised cackle and is glad that Jay was already waiting outside when the doctor leaves them be.

‘’That was so bold of you,’’ Harry tells him while Louis starts changing out of the hospital gown and into his regular clothes.

‘’The guy’s a massive prick,’’ Louis shrugs at him.

''What was he talking about? About you not being able to move or talk after the accident?'' Harry asks as he shrugs on the jacket Louis returns to him.

''I was apparently in a coma after the accident. Dark times, Harry, dark times,'' Louis grins at him, knowing that Harry will catch the Harry Potter reference.

''That's not funny, Lou. Why didn't you tell me?''

''It's not like I can change the past, love. Besides, I'm so much better now.'' Louis assures him.

''Thanks to Doctor Webbe, I presume?''

''Unfortunately,'' Louis sighs. ''The man's a bag of dicks.''

‘’Louis, give it a rest.’’ Jay berates him tiredly when she re-enters the room. Luckily, Louis was already wearing his underpants and jeans and was pulling his t-shirt and jeans jacket on. ‘’That man is the only one who knows how to help you,’’

‘’Doesn’t change the fact that he’s a knothead who acts very self-entitled,’’ Louis retorts, making Jay shake her head fondly at him.

‘’That is true but still, I raised you better than that,’’

Louis doesn’t say anything as he ties his shoelaces and Harry knows that Louis feels apologetic at least to a certain degree. It’s obvious in the way he sits close to her in the car and holds her hand after they leave the clinic.

Harry doesn’t say anything as Louis and Jay chat for the remainder of time they have left. Next thing he knows, he’s hugging her goodbye and they’re being driven off to the airport.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’Hey, you heard me?’’

Harry snaps his head up and looks at Niall.

‘’What?’’

‘’I said you’re an idiot.’’ Niall repeats.

‘’What for?’’

They were in the lounge area, waiting for their flight to Ireland. There are some cameras around but airport security formed some sort of barrier to get them to back off.

‘’For losing three times in a row, man.’’ Niall says as he waves his cell phone. They’re playing an online game together and Harry just keeps losing that it’s no longer exciting. ‘’It’s not a challenge playing against you, honestly.’’

‘’Oh, as if you’re such an expert,’’ Harry snaps at him.

‘’Drama, drama, drama…’’ Zayn mutters, eyes hidden behind some dark shades, dodging when Harry throws a light punch at him.

‘’Shut it, you,’’ but Zayn merely giggles. Harry decides to sign out of the game because he knows he’ll just lose anyway. Niall asks Liam to play and they both sit next to each other and start bantering with one another.

Louis was standing by the huge airport windows on the phone with his mum. He hardly spent time with his family Harry cannot help but think. Their time-off was just way too short.

‘’Hey man, you’ve been steady for how long now?’’ Zayn asks from beside him.

‘’If you count the x-factor days, it feels like forever,’’ Harry replies softly.

‘And how’s the bunny-humping going for you?’’ Harry whips his head around and sees that Niall and Liam have abandoned their game and are sat closer to him, Niall on his other side and Liam adjacent to him.

‘’Bunny-humping? What the fuck, Liam?’’

‘’They call that the honey-moon phase, Li,’’ Niall pats Liam’s head. ‘’Which by the way, has long-been extended with you guys.’’

‘’What are you talking about?’’ Harry asks.

‘’You reek, man.’’ Liam tells him. ‘’That’s not to mention Louis’ smell, honestly.’’

‘’Hey, he’s still on scent blockers,’’ Harry pouts.

‘’Doesn’t mean that he didn’t smell like you when you guys arrived,’’ Niall points out. ‘’You both smelt freshly fucked, it’s nauseating.’’

‘’They probably went down at it in the car on the way over,’’ Zayn contributes to which Niall and Liam nod with understanding.

‘’You guys are gross,’’ Harry wrinkles his nose at them. ‘’We did nothing of the sort. Jay was in the car with us.’’

‘’You are scarring me for life, man. Ugh, I can only imagine if my mum walks in on me having sex,’’ Zayn shudders beside him.

‘’We did not do it while Jay was in the car with us, what the fuck?’’ Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. ‘’We just made out a little after we dropped her off, that’ all.’’ They also made love before they left Louis' apartment and met Jay at the clinic but there's no need to bring that up.

‘’Anyways, my point is, you guys are steady, and I don’t think you’re in for a break-up either so why not be public about it?’’ Zayn asks.

''What's that supposed to mean?''

''You're right here and he's standing over there and when you arrived, you were almost one meter apart.'' Damn Zayn's observation skills.

''We can handle some distance, thank you very much,'' Harry says, indignant.

‘’Harry, c'mon. Why keep it under wraps? You know the fans won’t mind. Hell, I doubt management would mind either.’’

‘’You don’t know that,’’ Harry says quietly. ‘’Besides, shit happens,’’

‘’If it does, it will be because you guys are too insecure and not because your hearts don’t function properly,’’ Niall snorts.

‘’I think there’s something wrong with that sentence,’’ Harry tries to wiggle away, sitting on the edge of his seat to get away from their scrutiny.

‘’Harry…’’

‘’Time to board kids,’’ Paul interrupts. They don’t bring up the conversation again as they get on the plane. But it runs through Harry’s mind when he takes his seat beside Louis. It’s too soon to be public about their relationship, not when it could put them more under a microscope. It just feels like a hassle at some point and he knows that Louis agrees with him a hundred percent.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’Hey, Haz, quick,’’ Liam bursts into the dressing room, eyes looking around. ‘’Where’s Louis’ bag? That duffle he always brings with him?’’

‘’It’s on the counter, why?’’ Harry stands, hackles up. They’re set for a festival show, some open venue gig and the entire backstage is full of occupied dressing rooms with many other singers. There are reporters almost in every corner, along with promoters and DJs and managers. He'd just wrapped up his solo interview and had decided to go walk around while the other lads do theirs. But then he got tired of walking around, smiling and shaking hands with his idols. He could only take so much of being star-struck that he’d decided to just wind down with the boys and relax his voice.

It was only him, Niall and Zayn in the dressing room what with Liam and Louis doing their own interviews. It was really just a normal day at work until Liam had burst in.

‘’He’d just finished his interview,’’ Liam says in a rush. ‘’I waited around for him because he said he wasn’t feeling good. When I followed him to the bathroom, he started throwing up.’’

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry snatches the bag from Liam and is out the door. ‘’Which bathroom?’’

‘’Here,’’ Liam pulls his wrist and they go down a series of hallways, dodging roadies and other singers. Harry catches sight of Matt Healey from 1975 but is too focused on getting to where Louis is. ‘’Paul had the area blocked. His scent is all over the place.’’

‘’What? He can’t be in heat again. He’d just had one very recently,’’ Harry is starting to feel dread pool down his stomach.

‘’I don’t know, Haz.’’ Liam finally drags them down an empty corridor and sees Paul standing by the bathroom door. ‘’Harry’s here,’’

‘’Jack is in there,’’ Jack being the doctor who always travels with their team. If Jack is in there, then it’s bad. ‘’He hasn’t come out yet.’’

Harry pushes his way in and locks the door.

The first thing that hits him is the scent of panic and pain.

‘’Lou?’’ Harry passes the stalls until he comes to the only one occupied.

Jack is holding Louis up against his chest, wiping at his mouth and face.

‘’What happened?’’ Harry asks, getting down and pulling a pale and sweaty Louis towards his chest. It shocks him that Louis feels like a burning furnace.

‘’He keeps throwing up. He’s also too hot,’’ Jack says as he gets up on his knees and flushes the toilet. ‘’And really dizzy,’’

‘’Is he in heat?’’ Harry asks because Louis seems unresponsive. He’s all but trembling against Harry; eyes shut tightly closed, pained noises leaving his lips.

‘’I don’t think so, I don’t smell arousal in the air,’’ Jack replies and Harry notices that he’s right. The scent of wildflowers isn’t tinting the panic and pain that had first hit him. Actually, there is no sweet, floral scent at all and that’s not good because all he smells is just pure pain and panic. No wonder Paul had the area locked. Louis’ scent was like a beacon call; if any other alpha were nearby they’d respond to their inner-alpha and look for the distressed omega.

‘’Maybe it’s his new meds.’’ Harry tries but Jack shakes his head.

‘’No, he’s been taking them for a week now. If there was something off about them, it would have passed already,’’ Jack rips open the duffle bag and looks through the contents as quickly as possible. ‘’He has to take a second dose of his scent blockers. I’ll give him some painkillers too. It should be enough to tide him over.’’

Harry keeps holding Louis while Jack proceeds with his instructions. He’s worried sick and his inner-alpha is roaring not to let Jack touch Louis but he knows that’s irrational and he has to use every ounce of strength he has not to push the man away.

After Louis is doused in scent blockers and has taken his painkillers, Harry carries him outside the stifled stall.

‘’Where do we go?’’ Harry asks.

‘’I think I can walk,’’ Louis says, leaning heavily on Harry. ‘’Put me down,’’

‘’Are you sure?’’

‘’Yeah, I’m sure those pain killers will kick in soon,’’ Louis looks at Jack when Harry puts him down. He rinses his mouth with the water from the sink and washes his hands.

‘’You’re looking sober already,’’ Jack confirms. ‘’Forming sentences and all.’’

Harry doesn’t want to panic, even when Louis laughs tiredly and leans back against him when he’s done cleaning himself up.

‘’What do you reckon? Maybe just the flu, right?’’ Harry keeps Louis tucked into his side as they walk towards the door.

‘’No, I don’t think so but in any case, it’s bloody freezing out there so best take care not to catch colds,’’ Jack opens the door. ‘’We’re good here.’’

‘’Yeah?’’ Paul appraises Louis. ‘’You look as pale as a sheet of paper,’’

‘’I can perform. Don’t worry about it,’’ Louis pats Paul’s shoulder but his assurance falls short when his hand falls limply by his side, the other wrapped behind Harry’s waist.

‘’Well, rest up. You’ve still got a couple of sets ahead of you. Don’t go jumping around, yeah?’’ Paul escorts them to their dressing room, making sure they don’t get approached. Harry notices Alberto and Mark, the former in front of them and the latter behind them.

Harry keeps Louis close beside him until they reach the dressing room. As soon as the door closes, Louis collapses on the sofa, pushing Zayn away so that he can lie down.

‘’Hey, I was sitting here,’’ Zayn complains when his ass lands on the floor.

‘’He’s not feeling well,’’ Harry tells him, sitting on the edge of the sofa where Louis has turned into a ball. ‘’Babe, what’s wrong? How are you feeling?’’

‘’Either I’m having a migraine or some sort of vertigo. I don’t know which,’’ Louis murmurs, plucking the sofa cushion behind him and tucking it into his tummy.

‘’Are the pain killers doing anything?’’ Harry asks. He notices the boys crowding in.

‘’They are, I feel a little better. My head’s still pounding though.’’ Louis replies, shutting his eyes tighter. ‘’Can you turn off the lights?’’

Liam gets up and does as told. The only light on now is coming from the flash on Niall’s cell phone which he leaves on the counter. It’s enough for them to see each other.

‘’Thanks,’’ Harry tells him.

They don’t say anything after that, but they don’t do anything but stay by Louis’ side which Harry really appreciates. They’ve always been solid and supportive with one another whenever any of them falls ill, especially when they are far from home. This is no different.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’You’re really warm, Lou.’’ Harry cannot help but say, because their set is next and Louis looks really flushed.

‘’I know, Haz.’’ Louis says as he adjusts his ear piece. They’re lined up back-stage and it’s quite dark and much louder now than before. It helps Harry take advantage of the situation and stand right behind Louis, his hands on his waist.

‘’You sure you’re up for this?’’ he asks. The painkillers had kicked in but Louis was still complaining of a headache when he’d gotten up from the couch and tried to walk it off around the dressing room. Lou had to adjust his hair and make-up and he almost had a dizzy spell when he got up from the chair she sat him on.

‘’We have no choice.’’ Louis reaches for his hands and wraps them around his stomach. ‘’Besides, it will be over soon.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry cannot help but tuck Louis under his chin and scent-mark him, nose caressing the back of his ear and temple. ‘’But if at any point you don’t feel well, just come back here, yeah? I don’t want you to pass out on stage or summat.’’

‘’I won’t, love.’’ Louis assures him. They have to break off when a back-stage handler passes them by and before they know it, its show time.

As promised, Louis doesn’t go running around on stage the way he usually does. He clings to his mic stand most of the set and only moves around when they switch positions. At some point, Harry notices him massaging his temples and they’re only two songs in with three more to go.

By the fourth song, Louis’ shirt is totally drenched and his teeth are chattering from the cold. By the time they take their final bow, Louis is obviously swaying on his feet. Harry hurdles him backstage and the moment they’re out of sight, Louis throws up again.

‘’Fuck, Lou!’’ the backstage area is dark and Harry is quick to turn off Louis’ mic pack right after he’d turned off his. The boys do the same and throw them at some handler while Louis leans against a wall behind some crate, retching.

‘’Lou, are you dizzy again?’’ Harry pulls him towards his chest and brushes his wet hair away from his face. ‘’Lou, you’re burning up.’’

‘’Harry, something’s wrong,’’ Louis croaks, eyes shut tight. ‘’Something’s really wrong,’’

‘’Where’s Jack?’’ Liam asks Paul who’s forming half a circle with the lads around them.

‘’Get him up, Harry.’’ Paul orders. ‘’Jack’s waiting by the parking lot. Let’s get out of here,’’

Harry carries Louis up in his arms immediately and follows Paul out of the backstage area, bypassing cameras and reporters and A-listers. But he can hardly care.

‘’What do you mean wrong? What are you feeling?’’ Harry asks hurriedly, making sure Louis’ head stays firmly on his shoulder.

‘’Get me to a bathroom, please,’’ Louis pulls at the collar of his shirt.

‘’Do you need to throw up again?’’ Harry asks, the dressing room coming in sight.

‘’Yes,’’

‘’Paul, we need a bathroom,’’ Zayn calls out, obviously having heard Louis’ request. Liam doesn’t wait for Paul to turn around; he opens their dressing room door and shoves Harry inside. Harry doesn’t look back and with long hurried strides, he enters the connecting bathroom and closes the door with his foot.

Louis leaves his arms and almost falls, hand covering his mouth as he reaches for the toilet. Nothing comes out though.

‘’Maybe you ate something bad, Lou,’’ Harry rubs his back while Louis gags empty air.

‘’Harry…’’ Louis groans as he shoves away from the toilet and leans tiredly on Harry’s chest. ‘’I think I’m wet.’’

‘’What?’’ Harry’s eyes bulge, arm circling Louis’ waist and hand reaching for his cheek. ‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’I felt it on stage,’’ Louis opens his half-lidded eyes and looks at him almost pleadingly. ‘’I’m sure of it,’’

‘’Can I check?’’ Harry asks quietly. It hasn’t sunk in yet that maybe this is just a violent reaction to Louis having not been slick for years because all he can feel is pure and utter worry. Ever since their visit at Doctor Webbe’s clinic a week ago, Louis had been sleeping a lot, eating plenty and been complaining of short bouts of headaches. Harry had been doing his best to comfort him, resting with him when he needed a nap and preparing him healthy meals. It just all escalated today.

‘’Okay,’’ Louis closes his eyes, his breathing coming out slowly against his chin.

‘’Everything alright in there?’’ Niall calls from behind the door. ‘’Jack’s here, Harry.’’

‘’Just wait please, we’ll come out soon.’’ Harry calls back, eyes looking away while the hand not supporting Louis against him delves underneath the back of Louis' skinny jeans. It's a tight fit but sure enough, his hand is warm and wet.

‘’Fuck…’’ Harry doesn’t know if he should rejoice when Louis looks passed out against him.

‘’Lou…’’ he tries to rouse him but his voice gets stuck in his throat; that small feeling of joy is quickly replaced with terror when his hand comes back out red.

‘’What the…’’ when he looks back, he notices a pool of red on the tiles beneath Louis’ bum. It doesn’t take a sharp-nosed alpha to realize that what he smells is fresh blood.


	10. ten

_''I'm not saying that you're lying_   
_But you're leaving out the truth_   
_And I'm not saying that you're guilty_   
_'Cause I don't have any proof_   
_Feeling like I'm going crazy_   
_And I don't know what to do_   
_'Cause on paper, you don't break them_   
_But it hurts so bad the way you bend the rules''_

_-Niall Horan, bend the rules_

‘’Do you need another coffee, H?’’ Zayn asks.

‘’Sure, thanks,’’ Harry murmurs, left leg jerking up and down.

Mere hours ago, Jack had Harry carry Louis to an awaiting ambulance and he was rushed off to the nearest hospital. Harry explained to Jack what he saw and Dr. Webbe was immediately contacted. By the time they’d arrived at the hospital, Jack was informed that Louis was losing so much blood and they got the go-signal from Dr. Webbe to conduct a transfusion. A helicopter was sent to London to bring Dr. Webbe to the hospital immediately. Harry hasn’t seen Louis since the venue.

They were escorted to a conference room to await further news. Jack was constantly going in and out, bringing them updates. It’s been more than an hour now and he hasn’t been back since. None of the boys were sleeping, still in their performance attire, except for Harry. He’d taken off his green jumper and had wrapped it around Louis’ waist to cover his bum back in the bathroom. Paul had escorted him to the tour bus parked in the hospital parking lot to change clothes and clean up, his hand and shirt dirtied with blood. He wanted so badly to just turn into a ball and lie there in Louis’ bunk, close his eyes and pretend that everything was okay but just the thought of not being inside the hospital where Louis was got his skin crawling.

_‘’I couldn’t wake him up,’’ he’d told Zayn in the van on the way over. That’s all he could think of, that Louis was so tired, he’d passed out in his arms and he couldn’t rouse him up. ‘’He shouldn’t have gone on stage. We shouldn’t have let him.’’_

_‘’It’s not your fault, Harry,’’ Zayn had told him, attuned as ever._

‘’This is bullshit,’’ he stands up, shaking Liam and Niall out of their stupor. ‘’Why am I not being told anything? I have every right to know what’s going on!’’

‘’Jack already updated us,’’ Paul tells him, sitting with a couple of management guys and the rest of their security around the conference table, leaving the lads to the comfy sofas and arm chairs. ‘’He needs blood transfusions for now.’’

‘’But is he okay?’’ Harry demands.

‘’If he wasn’t, Jack will tell us,’’ Paul placates. ‘’Just sit tight and calm down, okay?’’

‘’That’s not good enough,’’ Harry mutters, sitting back down and gripping his hair. He’s worried sick; he feels like throwing up. They wouldn’t let him ride in the ambulance with Louis and it’s been hours since he’d last seen him.

‘’Here, Haz,’’ he looks up and sees Zayn standing by the door, closing it quietly with his elbow, both hands holding fresh cups of coffee. ‘’This will help,’’

‘’Thanks,’’ Harry holds the steaming cup of coffee between both hands. He appreciates what Zayn is trying to do but he doubts anything will help his anxious state of mind right now.

Another hour passes by. His coffee’s long gone before Jack enters the room, startling everyone off their seats.

‘’How is he?’’ Harry bulldozes his way through the men in suits that had immediately surrounded Jack. ‘’How’s Lou?’’

‘’Doctors won’t allow any visitors but I told Dr. Webbe that you’re here and he’ll allow you to see him,’’ Jack tells Harry.

‘’Okay,’’ Harry nods. He’s still holding the cup of coffee in his hands, now empty and looks around for somewhere to discard of it when Zayn touches his shoulder. Harry turns around and Zayn plucks the Styrofoam cup from his hand.

‘’Go to him,’’ Zayn says. ‘’And let us know, yeah? Don’t leave us hanging,’’

‘’I won’t,’’ he takes in a deep shaky breathe before he draws in Zayn to a hug.

‘’Wish you could all come with me,’’ Harry says quietly, quickly hugging Liam and Niall in return. ‘’He’d want to see you all,’’

‘’He’s not awake, Harry,’’ Jack says, standing by the open door.

‘’What?’’ Liam asks.

‘’Let’s go, yeah?’’ Jack steps out into the hallway. Harry shares one last look with the boys before he follows Jack towards the lifts.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’What are all those needles for?’’ Harry sniffles. ‘’There’s too many,’’

Somehow he can’t bring himself to stop crying, ever since he’d stepped into the room. Louis had never looked so small before, motionless and pale on the big, hospital bed.

‘’He’d lost a lot of blood so suddenly and so fast on the way over that his body went into shock,’’ Dr. Johnson says. He’s introduced himself to Harry as the Dr. who’d taken Louis into his care until Dr. Webbe arrived. Harry couldn’t help but think that he looked like a stalk-thin version of Ed Sheeran or maybe it’s just the ginger hair and freckles. The man is standing on the other side of Louis’ hospital bed, hands folded over a clipboard.

‘’It’s a good thing that his blood type isn’t rare so blood transfusion wasn’t a problem but he’s losing faster than he’s getting, it’s making his blood pressure go up and down so we’re giving him something for that.’’ Harry doesn’t respond to that; hand gently reaching until he’s holding Louis’ hand so the Dr. continues. ‘’When he was conscious a couple of hours ago, he complained profusely of a massive headache so we’re giving him something for his migraines as well.’’

‘’Is he in pain?’’ Harry croaks.

‘’Yes, a lot but not now,’’ Dr. Johnson responds. ‘’He was screaming but rest assured, he’s got painkillers and sedatives in there too as well as a cocktail of other medication.’’ he says, pointing at Louis' IVs.

‘’Can’t I…can’t I do anything?’’ Harry asks, chest constricting and voice coming out in hitches. Louis’ hand is cold in his and he’s been trying his best to warm it up. ‘’I’m healthy, I don’t smoke, I…’’

‘’If you’re talking about giving him blood, then sadly no,’’ the man interrupts kindly. ‘’You’re an alpha so it won’t work,’’

Harry’s face crumbles slightly. ‘’What exactly is happening? Like, why is this happening?’’

‘’My only guess based on the extensive information Dr. Webbe had provided me with is that this is due to years of extensive hormonal imbalance.’’ The man shrugs. ‘’If Louis’ hadn’t been injured all those years ago, his slick flow wouldn’t have been affected along with his omega’s other important bodily functions such as consistent heats. However, I must say…’’

‘’What?’’ Harry looks at him.

‘’I think Dr. Webbe ought to have tried brain surgery rather than hormonal therapy,’’ Dr. Johnson says, lips pursed. ‘’I’m surprised he didn’t take the obvious route.’’

‘’I don’t understand…’’ Harry starts before the door opens and Dr. Webbe joins them.

‘’Hello Harry, I see you’ve met my colleague Dr. Avery Johnson.’’ He says as he approaches the man and gives him a set of papers. ‘’I’ve informed the boy’s management team of your discretion. Here are their NDAs which you are required to sign and not just your staff. I would also appreciate your full cooperation with regards to my patient.’’

‘’Yes of course I will sign them,’’ Dr. Avery says and Harry knows he’s not the only one who can detect Dr. Webbe’s air of superiority in the matter. ‘’And since we are colleagues, as you have put it so eloquently, I would like to suggest immediate brain surgery for Mr. Tomlinson,’’ Dr. Avery says professionally but Harry detects a hint of sternness in the man’s tone of voice. Harry also realizes that Dr. Avery is a beta but he’s standing almost challengingly to Dr. Webbe. ‘’Your patient will keep on losing blood if we do not do something soon. He’s already more than 4 liters in.’’

‘’I would have to disagree with you, my friend,’’ Dr. Webbe says, plucking the clipboard from Dr. Avery’s hands. ‘’And besides, any calls regarding my patient will be my decision, not yours. With all due respect of course.’’

‘’Spare me the act!’’ Dr. Avery snaps. Harry wonders if they even know he’s still in the room. ‘’Your method of treatment is too slow and too time-consuming. He could have been fixed years ago. You think he’s the only omega I’ve treated with dysfunctional hormones? Guess what? He isn’t!’’

‘’Is that right? And how low is your mortality rate might I ask?’’ Dr. Webbe arches a high brow in scorn.

‘’Brain surgeries have always had risks but when successful, they are extremely effective. As a doctor, you of all people have no right to throw that at my face!’’

‘’You just want a quick fix with no regard to the consequences!’’ Dr. Webbe states coolly.

Harry has had enough of being frightened of their medical jargon. He whips out his phone and immediately texts Paul to come. He can’t bear hearing them discuss Louis’ condition as if his life was in stake.

‘’It is a quick fix! his case is hardly an anomaly, at least in terms of treatment.''

''It is an anomaly! How dare you call yourself a doctor with that kind of skewed knowledge?''

''Brain injury means brain surgery, it's as simple as that!’’

‘’No, it’s not! It’s a death sentence!’’

‘’Oh, so you’d rather kill him slowly then? Look at him!’’ Dr. Avery waves at Louis’ direction. ‘’Here’s what your so-called hormonal therapy has led to!’’

‘’Whether I disagree with you or not, I am still the patient’s official physician,’’ Dr. Webbe says firmly. ‘’I know his history better than you do…’’

‘’This is my hospital…’’

‘’But you still have no right to decide what’s right for him, beta!’’ Dr. Webbe sneers.

‘’How dare you pull that card on me, you archaic fool?’’ Dr. Avery roars. ‘’You are one immoral son of a b…’’

‘’What is going on here?’’ Paul enters the room with Ben from management and Harry feels utter relief to see them both stand between the two doctors who were nearly toe-to-toe.

‘’Do we have a problem here?’’ Ben asks.

‘’Yes, the boy’s mother needs to be contacted.’’ Dr. Avery says. ‘’An immediate decision must be made regarding Mr. Tomlinson’s health, otherwise, he will not recover.’’

‘’She has no say here. Harry does,’’ Dr. Webbe rebuttals to which Harry blinks his wide, teary eyes at the men.

‘’What?’’

‘’Mr. Tomlinson has written his name in his medical journal as his alpha.’’ Dr. Webbe says coolly. ‘’Louis is not below the legal age therefore no parent’s decision will do and Harry is right here. He should decide and not Louis’ mother.’’

‘’I disagree,’’ Dr. Avery says with a sharp smile. ‘’There is no mating mark on Louis’ neck therefore he cannot make that call.’’

‘’And neither can you,’’ Dr. Webbe says with a hardened face. ‘’The treatment I specified will continue and it will work. The bleeding will stop soon; his body just needs time,’’

‘’No, I will not allow this to happen,’’ Dr. Avery shakes his head before he turns around and immediately starts signing the NDA. ‘’I’m going to get the board members to read his medical file and we will come to a unanimous decision. If he doesn’t wake up by tomorrow, a brain surgery will be scheduled for him.’’

Dr. Avery then looks at Harry, eyes ablaze. ‘’Your boy needs saving and he’s running out of time. You best contact his mom soon or else this won’t end well for him.’’

He doesn’t say another word as he thrusts the papers at Paul and then leaves the room in a whoosh.

‘’Well then,’’ Dr. Webbe clears in his throat in the aftermath of the man’s abrupt departure. ‘’I best go check in with the nurses and see to it that they continue doing as instructed.’’

‘’Is he right?’’ Harry asks. ‘’About the brain surgery being an option?’’

‘’Yes, what was he talking about?’’ Ben adds.

‘’Look, it’s not guaranteed,’’ Dr. Webbe insists.

‘’Why?’’ Harry demands. ‘’And this is?’’

‘’There are so many drawbacks, Harry; for one, Louis could lose his memories and that is already fragile at best considering how the accident tampered with his biology. It will keep him alive, yes,’’ Dr. Webbe admits. ‘’But it will ruin many other things; it can ruin all the progress he’s done so far. It’s too much of a risk.’’

‘’But he’s not doing well now,’’ Harry says, fresh tears streaming down his face. Honestly, he feels like he’s been crying this whole time. ‘’Maybe we need drastic options. He can’t keep bleeding all night, can he?’’

‘’Harry, don’t let that man get into your head,’’ Dr. Webbe says sternly. ‘’I know what I’m doing, alright? It’s just a matter of time and the bleeding will stop. You have to trust me on this.’’

Harry looks at Louis and feels utterly helpless.

‘’Why did you say I can decide for him? Why not call Jay?’’ Harry looks back at the doctor.

‘’Because if they contact her and get her on their side, you have the power to contest her decision,’’ Dr. Webbe replies.

‘’That’s not possible; he was right when he mentioned the mating bite,’’ Ben informs.

‘’But it will buy Louis more time.’’ Dr. Webbe says before he looks back at Harry, eyes like sharp iron; firm and rigid. ‘’You can’t allow them to perform surgery on your Louis. Don’t do that to him.’’

Harry feels too young for the words he’s hearing; he cannot make life or death decisions, he cannot put Louis’ life on the balance. It shouldn’t be up to him to decide shit like that.

‘’I’m going to call my mom,’’ Harry stands up abruptly and leaves the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He texts Zayn later and got a message back saying that their team has booked them a hotel nearby and were forcefully escorted out. Harry has the feeling that the only reason he’s allowed to stay past visiting hours is because Dr. Webbe needed him for his grand back-up plan.

Anne had texted back and told him not to say a word and that she'd received word that Jay was on her way and will arrive early morning. Harry is not surprised that Jay was not informed immediately because management was too busy cancelling and re-booking the rest of their schedule.

He had a cot prepared for him in Louis’ room, to which he is grateful. Paul had brought him his duffle bag from the tour bus before he took the boys to the hotel. He felt relieved to hear that their security team will be taking shifts by the hour and stand by Louis’ door, just in case he needed something. But it did little to comfort him when he sat by Louis’ side and his boy was still unresponsive.

‘’I hope those meds work, babe.’’ Harry tells him, holding his hand and looking at his slacken face. ‘’I wish I had a way of knowing. All it is doing is making your scent all wrong. It’s weird.’’

Louis’ scent blockers had long lost its effect and Harry doesn’t like how Louis’ scent is tinted with chemicals.

‘’I can’t decide who’s right. I got so used to you fighting your own battles.’’ Harry tells him, voice hitching. ‘’You’d be throwing a fit if you were awake when those men were here arguing like there was no tomorrow. You would have gotten them speechless with just one snarky remark from you, yeah? I bet you have no idea the power you hold, love. You have me speechless all the time.’’

He gets his elbows on the bed and holds Louis’ hand between his, pressing a kiss to Louis’ knuckles before leaning his cheek against the back of his hand.

‘’You have to get through this, baby.’’ Harry pleads, tears wetting Louis’ skin. ‘’You have people waiting for you, people who need you.’’

He gets up on shaky legs and cups Louis’ face. He leans in and kisses his forehead.

‘’I’m right here, Lou.’’ He whispers against his brow. ‘’I’m waiting for you. You can’t leave me hanging, love.’’

When he sits back, Louis is still as cold as stone.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He doesn’t know why he’s not sleeping on the cot. He also doesn’t know why his legs feel numb. All he knows is that someone is playing with his hair and that it’s bloody cold.

‘’Hmm…’’ he yawns into his folded arms, body automatically moving his head to be closer to the hand playing with his hair.

Which….what?

His head snaps up immediately causing his neck muscles to spasm.

‘’Oh fuck,’’ he closes his eyes as he sits back, hand immediately massaging the back of his neck.

‘’Haz…’’

He opens his eyes and finds himself staring at blue.

‘’Louis?’’ He feels like he’s seeing things because when he blinks, Louis’ eyes are closed but then his head tilts towards him as if searching for his voice. He feels suddenly awake when he stands up and leans closer to Louis, cupping his face like he’s afraid he’ll vanish into thin air. ‘’Lou?’’

Louis opens his eyes slowly, like he’s drowsy and tired. ‘’Baby…’’

‘’Oh my god, you’re awake.’’ Harry croaks.

‘’I think I woke up a while ago,’’ Louis slurs, eyes at half-mast. ‘’Saw you sitting there and tried to wake you up…’’

‘’You playing with my hair is your way of waking me up?’’ Harry’s voice thickens and there goes the waterworks.

‘’It’s really soft and curly, did I ever tell you that?’’ Louis’ lips quirk a little, like he’s trying to smile. ‘’Took you long enough,’’

‘’It’s so good to hear your voice,’’ Harry cannot help but wrap his arms around him, almost lifting him off the bed to hug him but he’s the gentlest he’s ever been. Louis finds the strength to pat his back and take a sniff of Harry’s hair where his teary face is snug into his neck. ‘’I missed you…’’

‘’What time is it?’’ Louis asks, making Harry pull back. Looking outside the window pane, it barely looks morning but then again, it’s Ireland and it’s winter. He pulls his cell phone out from the pocket of his hoodie and sees that it’s 4 am.

‘’It’s quite early,’’ Harry replies before he caresses Louis’ cheek. ‘’I’ll call the doctor, alright? Dr. Webbe is here. He flew in from London.’’

‘’What happened? Why is he here?’’ Louis frowns, eyes barely open.

‘’He’ll explain everything, Lou.’’ Harry texts Paul and Ben quickly with his free hand before he puts his mobile away and presses the button the nurse told him about when she came in to check on Louis’ IVs last night.

‘’Where are the boys?’’ Louis asks quietly and Harry pays full attention to him.

‘’They’re in a hotel nearby. They’ll be here soon, I promise.’’ Harry cannot help but kiss his forehead. ‘’How are you feeling?’’

‘’Tired,’’ Louis closes his eyes, face leaning towards his hand as if seeking his touch. ‘’I feel like my whole body on the waist down is numb.'' he opens his eyes slowly. ''What happened at the festival? Did I pass out?’’

‘’Yeah, babe. You really scared me,’’ Harry admits, leaning down to kiss Louis’ cheek like he has to make sure Louis’ covered in his affections, that he’d never gone without. ‘’We got you straight to the nearest hospital and…’’

‘’Louis?’’

Harry turns around and sees Dr. Webbe by the door, neck tie in disarray and glasses askew. It looks like he’d slept overnight as well or not considering the dark bags he had under his eyes and his crumpled clothes.

If nothing else, Harry counts that as something.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’So, what now?’’ Jay asks. She’d arrived at around 6 am and had stormed into the room, bypassing the boys and Harry and straight up grabbing Louis into her arms.

‘’Now, we wait.’’ Dr. Webbe replies from where he's standing at the foot of the bed. ‘’The blood test we've conducted detected slick discharge so I’m quite sure the bleeding will stop soon. It has already receded. As I’ve said,’’ he looks here at Dr. Avery. ‘’It’s only a matter of time now.’’

‘’As in like, a couple of hours?’’ Louis asks. He’s been very uncomfortable since he’d been checked over; they had to pile his back with pillows. He’d complained of hip pains and the nurse helped him to sit up but other than that, he'd been instructed not to move any further.

‘’More or less,’’ Dr. Webbe assures. ‘’I’m quite sure you can even leave by tonight but I'd like to have you stay overnight, just to be extra sure.’’

‘’Sure of what?’’ Jay wonders.

‘’That he doesn’t fall into heat now that he’s slicking up,’’ Dr. Avery replies. He’d been very quiet since he’d joined them and Harry can tell it had a lot to do with Dr. Webbe’s knowing looks and smirking lips. The man is a damn good doctor but he's just so arrogant, he doesn't even try to hide it. ‘’He’s not showing any signs of it but there’s no harm in being too careful.’’

‘’Well, if that will be all,’’ Dr. Webbe announces. ‘’I will see you off before you leave tomorrow, Louis. Just sit tight and rest, alright?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’Thank you, both of you.’’

Dr. Avery cuts his colleague a look before he nods and takes his leave. Ben escorts Dr. Webbe outside along with Jack, already deep in discussion.

‘’Are you hungry, lads?’’ Jay asks. ‘’I can get some food from the canteen here if you’d like,’’

‘’I’m starving,’’ Louis admits.

The boys agree and Alberto decides to accompany Jay in order to carry all the food.

‘’How are you feeling, Louis? Honestly?’’ Liam asks when he sees Louis closing his eyes and squeezing Harry’s hand.

‘’I feel dreadfully weak, mate. I hardly did anything to feel like this,’’ Louis admits,

‘’Louis, your body had gone through something traumatic,’’ Harry says gently. ‘’Give yourself a break, yeah?’’

‘’That’s dressing it down, a bit,’’ Niall snorts, which makes Louis open his eyes.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Niall…’’ Harry warns.

‘’Louis, you almost died from blood loss and that Avery person wanted you to undergo brain surgery.’’ Zayn informs much to Harry’s chagrin. He didn’t want Louis to know, at least not so soon. Even Dr. Webbe didn’t bring it up when he could have gloated about it to Dr. Johnson’s face.

‘’What?’’

‘’Yeah, Ben told us,’’ Liam continues. ‘’Said that if you hadn’t woken up by now, he would have made Jay consent to the surgery.’’

‘’No, you mean, Harry,’’ Niall says.

‘’What the fuck?’’ Louis says as he looks at Harry.

‘’You guys are awful,’’ Harry shakes his head at the boys. ‘’Ben said it wasn’t possible anyways, not without a mating bite.’’

‘’Are you saying you were going to make that call if not for that?’’ Louis asks, aghast.

‘’No, of course not,’’ Harry stammers. ‘’I never once thought about it, Lou! I swear! Besides, I felt like it was the wrong call to make and it turns out it was!’’

Louis nods shakily, eyes lowered unto the bed.

‘’You believe me, right?’’ Harry hates that he has to ask.

Louis looks at him, smile tight on his face. ‘’Yes, of course I do.’’

The boys notice the tension in the air and start talking about their agenda. Zayn turns o the telly and stops at a channel showing an old football match. Liam updates them on the news, saying that the fans have caught wind of Louis’ stay at the hospital but management has spun it as an intense bout of flu.

The whole time, Harry doesn’t let go of Louis’ hand but Louis hardly looks at him, and when he talks, he talks at him and not to him. Harry doesn’t know what he did wrong.

‘’Food’s here, lads!’’ Jay says as she and Alberto enter with trays of food and drinks.

Harry is left to ponder Louis’ abrupt and sudden behavior.


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a filler chapter to cool down from the previous drama. But do buckle up for the next one :D

_There's no where in the world that I would rather be_   
_Than with you my love_   
_And there's nothing in the world that I would rather see_   
_Than your smile my love_

_-Brotherhood of man, united we stand_

Harry doesn’t stay overnight with Louis upon management’s insistence as they were able to schedule some of their interviews to be conducted in their hotel rooms. It didn’t help that Jay was cool with it, saying that she’s there anyways so she can stay with Louis and keep him company before she travels back to Doncaster. The only thing that perhaps appeased Harry was the fact that Louis didn’t look happy about the arrangement and has now been hugging Harry for a really long time. It’s the first real reaction he got from him since the boys ran their mouths earlier.

‘’It’s just one night, yeah?’’ Harry says, trying to comfort himself as well as Louis. He rubs Louis’ back one last time before he pulls back. Louis wearing a hospital gown will never be a sight he’d ever like to see, not to mention how tired he still looks. He doesn’t care if he’s keeping the boys and their team waiting outside while they talk; he’ll milk this little moment of privacy for as long as he possibly can, especially after Louis had been distant with him almost all day.

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis sighs, wincing slightly as he sits back against his mound of pillows. ‘’I can’t wait to get out of here. It doesn’t smell right,’’

‘’That’s true,’’ Harry couldn’t agree more.

‘’Good for you though; I mean, you can’t have slept well last night so this is a good thing; you need your rest,’’ Louis tells him, squeezing his hand.

Harry doesn’t want to bring it up, not when they’re about to spend the night apart but he can’t help it.

‘’We’re okay, right?’’

‘’Of course we are,’’

‘’I just felt like you were mad at me earlier.’’ Harry points out.

‘’No, Harry, it’s not that. I guess I just freaked out,’’ Louis confesses. ‘’I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,’’

‘’I’m still sorry…’’ Harry closes his eyes and swallows, sandwiching Louis’ hand between his. ‘’I’m sorry I felt so helpless…’’

‘’Haz…’’ Louis pulls him until his head is tucked under Louis’ chin, Louis hands wrapped around his neck.

‘’I care about you, okay?’’ he whispers against Louis’ neck. ‘’Please believe me,’’

‘’I do, love. I don’t doubt that.’’

‘’I really wish I could stay tonight,’’ When he pulls back and opens his eyes, Louis’ expression is unreadable. He inhales deeply after and looks away.

‘’Would it be alright if you…’’ Louis pauses, eyes looking down at Harry’s chest.

‘’If I what?’’ Harry encourages.

‘’If you give me your hoodie?’’ Louis bites his lower lip. He’s nervous. ‘’You’ve been wearing it since yesterday, right?’’

Harry blinks at him before he looks down at the hoodie he’s wearing. He feels like an idiot for being slow on the up-take. He can see Louis about to retract his request and laugh it off with his ongoing stunned silence so he quickly pulls at the hemline and starts taking it off. He’s only wearing a white T-shirt underneath and it’s freezing cold outside but if his omega wants to wear his clothes then his omega will wear his clothes, no questions asked.

‘’Here, babe,’’ Harry pushes the item of clothing at Louis’ lap and wraps his hands around his fingers, placing Louis’ hands on the garment. But Louis’ having none of it; puts his free hand inside one sleeve and is about to do the same with the other but the IVs get in the way.

‘’Oh,’’ Harry cannot help but frown when Louis other hand, covered in a sleeve, touch his other hand with the needles protruding out of his skin. He can see the way Louis’ mood dampens and it hits him that this is what’s it’s like for him, this is years of Louis living like this; in and out of clinics and doctor’s appointments, with probably a dozen, sudden incidents in between. It’s no wonder he hates hospitals.

‘’It’s alright,’’ Louis chuckles forcefully, placing his IV-covered hand outside the hoodie and in his lap. ‘’Thanks Haz,’’

‘’No, it’s really cold, babe.’’ Harry won’t have Louis feel down when he’s about to spend the night away from him.

‘’Where you going?’’ Louis asks, hand reaching for him when Harry turns away towards the cot that Jay will be spending the night in. He picks up his duffle back and starts rooting through it when he returns by Louis’ side. He pulls out a scarf, a jacket and a pair of fuzzy sweatpants as well as a pair of socks and throws them all on Louis’ hospital bed.

‘’These should do, yeah? For when you get discharged tomorrow?’’ Harry asks, face warming up. He hopes he hasn’t gone and become a complete idiot with his gesture.

Louis blinks down at the items and reaches for the collar of the jacket. It’s the one with the wool skin lining the hood. Harry is a bit embarrassed to admit that he hasn’t washed that jacket since he’d bought it. It hits him that maybe it’s the reason why Louis’ touching it now; the smell of his scent must be most potent in the garment than the others that have been washed and smell like laundry detergent. 

‘’These are perfect,’’ Louis tells him with a genuine smile; eyes sparkling. ‘’Thank you,’’

‘’I love you,’’ Harry cannot help it, especially when a knock hits the door, telling him to hurry up. Liam and his impatience can just sod off for all he cares.

‘’I love you,’’ Louis says. His eyes are wide like he’s scared by his admission, by saying those words. Harry knows it’s a huge thing to feel at eighteen for him, let alone for Louis who hasn’t been with an alpha in years. It’s enormous and heavy on the heart, but it’s a weight he wants, a weight that grounds him, keeps him whole and compact and tethered.

They go for a kiss at the same time, Harry cupping his face and Louis holding his waist.

The boys tease him mercilessly all the way back to the hotel.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_He doesn’t know why he can’t move his body; like he’s paralyzed. And either the room is dark or he’s blindfolded. All he knows is that the nightmare is not over yet._

_There are voices, multiple voices and they’re laughing and grunting._

_He feels a sharp pain at his back and he gasps then chokes because his mouth is full._

_He loses sense of everything again when someone cums on his already filthy face._

Louis wakes up with a start. But then he realizes it probably has a lot to do with the nurse pulling the drapes away loudly and greeting him like some sort of cookie-cut country housewife. Even her smile is too bright.

‘’Good morning, Mr. Tomlinson. How are we feeling today?’’ she asks, walking closer to his bed and pushing a button to raise it up to a sitting position.

‘’I’m fine. What time is it?’’ Louis grunts. He cannot understand the absence of a clock in his room. Either that or there is one but he can’t find it.

‘’It’s time for your final check-up,’’ she answers rather uselessly. ‘’Dr. Webbe is on his way. We’ve already drawn some blood for your final hormone test with us and you’ll be on your way in no time.’’

‘’Where’s my mum?’’ Louis wants her to leave; her overly cheerful tone is grating on his nerves.

‘’She went to fetch some breakfast so I’m sure she won’t be long gone. Can I get you anything?’’ she asks, smiling that damn plastic picture- perfect smile of hers again.

‘’Nothing, thank you,’’ Louis replies. Hopefully she’ll leave him alone.

She sadly doesn’t and assists Dr. Webbe in getting him checked up. It’s as embarrassing as it always is when someone gets you naked and then peers between your legs. Thank god his mum isn’t back yet. He’s had years of experience getting physical examinations but he never gets used to them, merely grits his teeth, sucks it up and prays its over soon.

Luckily, not only does it get done but Dr. Webbe has his IVs removed too.

‘’Congratulations, Louis,’’ he says as the nurse helps Louis cover himself up with the hospital gown. Your slick flow is back and the bleeding has completely and utterly stopped.’’

‘’Will that decrease my medication now?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Not really; we need to keep monitoring that this new progress continues regularly. Luckily, you have Harry for that,’’ Dr. Webbe says.

‘’What does he have to do with this?’’ Louis doesn’t like where the conversation is going and he really wants his foul morning to end already.

‘’Well, it’s not like you’ll be slick all the time; if Harry or any other alpha you fancy arouses you, and you get wet, then voila; success. You should record that in your medical journal as part of your update.’’ He mentions.

‘’What about my heats? Where do I go from here?’’ Louis asks because that’s the main issue here, not Harry. He’s still upset about what the boys mentioned yesterday and he needs some space to think about it.

‘’That will be our next hurdle to overcome,’’ Dr. Webbe says kindly. ‘’It won’t be long now, Louis. Just keep taking the medication I recommend you and stay on track with your health. I know this isn’t a walk in the park for you and the next mountain to climb will probably be higher than this one, but you’re going to be a fully functioning omega soon. It will please Harry too, right?’’

‘’Why do you keep bringing him up?’’ Louis snaps. ‘’His role in my life has nothing to do with my health. I could just easily watch porn if I want to get slick, asshole!’’

‘’That’s true but you’re still an omega and being with an alpha is part of the way of life…’’

‘’Spare me that crap!’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’Don’t think I don’t have an idea what you almost put him up to,’’

‘’What are you talking about?’’

‘’Oh c’mon; it can’t have been Ben who’d ever suggest to Harry to go against my mum about her consenting to brain surgery, which by the way, she would never have. That has you all over it!’’

Doctor Webbe just looks at him with nerves as calm as a cucumber.

‘’So?’’

‘’So?’’ Louis repeats, ‘’Why did you tell him he can decide against the brain surgery? What if we were mated and he’d accepted it instead and gone against what you wanted? What then? You’ll be okay with him having that power over me? Even if he’d made the wrong decision?’’

Doctor Webbe looks at him in stunned silence.

‘’Well?’’

’’Nurse Potter, could you give us a moment please?’’ he says without looking away from Louis. ‘’And do tell Mr. Tomlinson’s mum to wait outside. We won’t be long,’’

The nurse looks between the two of them before she nods and leaves the room.

‘’If you’re so against having an alpha with power over you because of your accident, then you’ll be living in fear your whole life.’’ Dr. Webbe warns. ‘’You can’t ever call that living, that’s merely existing. You shouldn’t fight your biology, Louis!’’

‘’I’m not fighting it; you are!’’ Louis argues. ‘’Omegas have minds, brilliant minds. We can fight our own battles, we can make intellectual deductions. We can be the owners of our own lives. We can choose to be with an alpha not because we need them but because we love them and want them. We deserve to be respected and to be free and not to be scorned for not being tied down. We can make our own decisions and not have to depend on an alpha to make them for us.’’

‘’And what if you hadn’t woken up, hmm? What then? You think I didn’t run a risk either? You think I was complacent when they called me from London and told me what was happening with you? This isn’t going to go away overnight, Louis! If that boy is your choice then he ought to get used to being put in difficult situations regarding what’s in your best interest at heart!’’

‘’No, it should be my decision, first and foremost and no one else’s and if I’m not conscious for that, then it becomes a decision made by professionals, by people like you. I’m not paying you to throw that responsibility, that burden on someone else’s shoulders. I wouldn’t have trusted you this long if not for the fact that you’re fucking good at what you do regardless of your shitty personality!’’ Louis snarls. ‘’A mating bite or not, it will never EVER be Harry’s decision what to do with my body. Nothing about that will change unless I say so. Am I clear about this?’’

Louis has never ever lost a staring contest with bigots like Dr. Webbe and he doesn’t intend on doing so now. In the end, the man huffs in defeat.

‘’Crystal,’’ he opens his prescription pad and starts writing down. ‘’These are your new medication. Follow them to the letter. I don’t care if you have to pop a pill while you’re performing or doing an interview. It needs to be done, yes?’’

‘’Crystal,’’ Louis says with barely hidden sarcasm.

‘’Doctor Martin has already been updated,’’ Dr. Webbe continues before he rips the paper and leaves it on the counter besides Louis’ glass of water. ‘’I shall take my leave, now. Make sure you call my secretary to schedule your next appointment when you’re back in London,’’

‘’Back to business as usual I see,’’ Louis says.

‘’Louis, you’ve said you point and I’ve said mine.’’ Dr. Webbe says as he stands by the door. ‘’I will still never agree with you and you know why?’’

‘’Enlighten me,’’ Louis says, lips skewed.

‘’Because one day, Harry won’t be the bambi-faced alpha he is now. He won’t be a little duckling running around after you like he’s your shadow, kissing the ground you walk on. One day, he will understand what’s truly best for you, what society deems is best for you, and you will lose him the moment you recover your memories, I guarantee it.’’

''You still refuse, until now, to tell me what happened to me and I agreed year ago that I must remember on my own, just as you had advised,'' Louis grits. ''But it does not mean that you ever think that you can use that against me!''

''It's because I know what it will do to you and if it is possible that you never remember what happened, then all for the better because you shouldn't let the past dictate your future and Harry is your future!''

‘’You don’t know a thing about us for you to make that statement,’’ Louis grits.

‘’I almost forgot to mention that your pride and misguided notion, you clinging to the fact that you don’t need anybody...that’s going to make you push him away and just....damn your pride, Louis.’’

‘’Harry knows my imperfections,’’ Louis shakes his head at him. ‘’He knows and he still accepts them.’’

‘’It won’t be like that forever,’’ Dr. Webbe says. ‘’Bonds forged between mates, Louis, as abstract as it may seem to you, are as real as I am and they exist because each party accepts that they are merely one half of a whole, that they can no longer function without the other. If you and Harry mate one day, you will understand that your imperfections will also make him imperfect and that only when you complement each other and compromise, you will work better and serve your society properly,’’

‘’If me and Harry mate one day, it will not be because we cannot function without one another but because we love each other and not because our biology dictates it.’’ Louis retorts. ‘’No matter what, we will always be imperfect. It shouldn’t be something we have to fight but rather accept.’’

‘’You’re that sure he loves you?’’

‘’He loves me more than I love myself, that’s for sure,’’ Louis says boldly. ‘’He won’t ever hurt me. He’ll strip his own back and run around cold and filthy if I ask him to. And yes, it’s scary having that power but he’s given it to me, willingly. He knows about my lack of trust and he knows how to be careful with me without me telling him out loud because he’s afraid of hurting my pride.’’ Louis exhales because he’s never had anyone take a big massive aim at his convictions before, let alone at his relationship with Harry. ‘’Harry won’t ever fight my battles for me, let alone abuse my trust in him. He won’t ever do that to me.’’

‘’Ask yourself then,’’ Dr. Webbe interrupts. ‘’What’s brought you here now of all times if your proximity to Harry had nothing to do with it,’’ Dr. Webbe opens the door. ‘’Him merely helping you? How naïve of you to think that because take it from me; alphas are not that chivalrous; they have needs and desires that seek fulfillment. He won’t wait around forever for you and just be an arm candy by your side. It’s silly of you to think that just as he’s given power to you over him that he won’t expect it in return,’’ the man snorts. ‘’You can’t fight science, Louis. Think about it.’’

Louis is left in stunned silence, rage and doubt swirling his mind.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Harry hasn’t even closed the door even a minute before it’s knocking. He’d just had breakfast with the boys and the crew in the section of the hotel restaurant assigned to them and a couple of hours before that, had hit the gym, too restless to stay sleeping any longer.

He smiles now, knowing there could be only one person behind that door, if his scent is any indication.

‘’Missed m…’’ he doesn’t give Louis a chance to finish that sentence because as soon as he opens the door, he barrels into Louis and lifts him up in his arms, taking him for a twirl.

Louis’ giggle and surprised laughter is music to his ears and he takes him for another spin before he stops and rests his back against the wall, Louis still in his arms, toes barely touching the ground.

‘’I was saying,’’ Louis breathes out, smile wide on his face. ‘’You missed me?’’

‘’Nah, not really,’’ Harry shakes his head, his wide grin giving him away.

‘’Hmm, thought so. That’s why I greeted the boys first,’’

‘’Liar,’’ Harry pulls him down just enough to reach his lips and finally kiss him. Louis’ arms tighten around his neck as he kisses back.

‘’There are cameras in the hallway,’’ Louis whispers against his lips.

Harry doesn’t plan on stopping though.

‘’Up,’’ he taps Louis' arse until Louis lifts his thighs one by one for Harry to wrap his legs around his waist and proceeds to his room, shutting the door loudly.

He keeps making out with Louis against the wall until their dry lips are soothed and the high and adrenaline slows down.

‘’I missed you,’’ Harry says, finally pulling back.

‘’Me too,’’ Louis shakes his head. ‘’Are we co-dependent?’’

‘’I think so,’’ Harry murmurs. ‘’Maybe you’re bad for my health,’’

Louis laughs. ‘’Or maybe I’m just a bad boy,’’ he says with an evil grin.

Harry finally puts him down. ‘’That you are, babe,’’

He sighs and looks Louis over and that’s when he realizes that Louis’ wearing his clothes. Not just some of his clothes but all his clothes; the scarf is wrapped around his neck, the beanie is covering his soft hair, the hoodie is underneath the jacket he clung to and the hem of his sweatpants are folded multiple times to accommodate Louis’ height but also putting his ankles on display.

‘’What?’’ Louis smirks at him.

‘’You look like you’re mine,’’ Harry says quietly, heat pooling down his stomach.

‘’Do I? How about a twirl so that you can enjoy the view?’’ Louis pulls away and turns around twice in the center of the room. ‘’What do you think?’’

‘’Still beautiful,’’ Harry says, eyes wide and heart filled with desire.

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Hell yeah,’’ Harry takes wide strides until he reaches his boy and kisses him hungrily, like he needs air to breathe.

It’s a good morning.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

After he was done packing, he enters Louis’ room with the key card Louis left for him and enters the bedroom. Louis is taking a shower from the sound of the running water so Harry sits on the bed and waits. Louis’ bags aren’t packed yet and he’s about to start folding some clothes when his cell phone rings.

It’s an anonymous number but it’s a London line so he steps out of the room and towards the balcony to take it.

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Hello, is this Mr. Harry Styles?’’

‘’Yes, who is this?’’

‘’I’m a reporter for the Sun Magazine. I would like to ask if…’’

‘’How did you get this number?’’

‘’Harry, you were spotted with Louis in a hospital in Ireland. Sources from inside the hospital are saying that you and Louis are in a relationship. Can you confirm….’’

Harry immediately hangs up and then shuts off his cellphone when the same number rings again.

Fuck, he’ll need to call Ben.

‘’Harry, you in here?’’

Harry snaps out of it and enters the bedroom, sees Louis wearing the hotel’s bathroom robe, digging for clothes.

‘’Hey, love,’’ he greets and pecks Louis’ nape before he takes a seat on the bed. It’s then that he notices Louis looking down on his cellphone.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ he asks.

‘’Zayn is telling me to check twitter,’’ he replies, his damp brow furrowed.

‘’A reporter just called,’’ Harry tells him, making Louis look at him. ‘’I think somebody spotted us in the hospital. We need to talk to Ben,’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis takes a seat next to him and opens twitter. They’re a trending topic, with grainy pictures of Harry outside of Louis’ hospital room, talking on the phone. He was talking to his mom then. As Louis keeps scrolling, there are pictures of Louis leaving the hospital today with captions saying that he’s wearing Harry clothes.

‘’How do they even know that?’’ Louis asks, shocked.

‘’Apparently I wear that jacket a lot, I don’t know,’’ Harry sighs.

‘’Ben is going to hand our asses to us when he finds out,’’ Louis cannot help but chuckle.

‘’I’m ready if you are,’’ Harry says, offering his fist, to which Louis smiles at him and fists-bump him back.


	12. twelve

_When you feel your love's been taken_

_When you know there's something missing_

_In the dark, we're barely hangin' on_   
_Then you rest your head upon my chest_   
_And you feel like there ain't nothing left_   
_I'm afraid that what we had is gone_

_Then I think of the start_   
_And it echoes a spark_   
_And I remember the magic electricity_   
_Then I look in my heart_   
_There's a light in the dark_   
_Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me_   
_That I wanna keep_   
_Please don't leave_   
_Please don't leave_

-Niall Horan, Flicker

It’s work, work, work, work and work after that.

There’s so much promo to do, so much acoustic recordings to do and just barely enough time to sleep.

They cling to each other more than ever and not just him and Louis but the boys collectively.

Before they know it, they’ve flown the globe twice, attended award ceremonies and had all fallen sick at one point or the other.

Louis getting sick though, even if it was just a stomach bug, still puts them on high alert and it’s a while for them to shake it off. Louis can barely keep himself from yelling at them. Eventually he does though and they finally back off.

_‘’What happened in Ireland was a fluke,’’ Louis tells Harry one night, sharing a bunk bed. They have a couple of hours of sleep before they have to be up for an early morning radio show in Milano. Sometimes it feels like they’ve done nothing but work, eat and sleep since Ireland._

_‘’But look at how that turned out, yeah? You can’t blame us for worrying,’’ Harry whispers, on the cusp of sleep. He’s so tired lately, not even up for waking up early to go to the gym anymore._

_‘’Yes but it won’t happen again, I’m fine,’’ Louis says and Harry is just too tired to reply._

Eventually, they all suck it up and give him room to breathe because they can’t worry about him and work properly at the same time.

It hits them though, how dependent they’ve become on each other, how they find very little comfort outside of their own circle, not when work gets to be so much sometimes, when faking smiles at rude reporters and holding one’s tongue at a pap walk gets under their skin, when no one gets it but them.

They’re in France now and they’ve just had it with playing nice.

They’ve gone with a very nice, sticking-close-to-the-truth story about Ireland, publishing pictures where all the boys were in the hospital and not just Harry and that Louis had forgotten his duffle bag in the venue so all the boys shared with an item of clothing and not just Harry, claiming the hoodie was Liam’s and the sweatpants’ were Zayn’s. The story of their alleged relationship dies down when the pictures come out but not many people are convinced. Even though the story was published weeks ago, the reporter still has to bring it up. And it then it becomes obvious why.

‘’So, you and Harry are best friends, yes?’’ the lady, Lucille as she had asked them to call her, asks. The boys are doing a photo-shoot somewhere and the magazine had asked for an interview with him and Harry and one with the other three lads rather than solo or group interview, saying they’re going for something different for their spread.

‘’Yes, we are,’’ Louis confirms, turning up the polite level at max because he knows what’s coming.

‘’Nothing more?’’ there it is.

‘’Is there more of these sweets around here?’’ Harry asks, playing with a candy wrapper. ‘’I found one in the photo-shoot area. It’s really good.’’

‘’I think that’s part of the props, Harold,’’ Louis always calls him Harold in interviews, never Haz or H or any of their usual pet names. Harry doesn’t say them on purpose and he’s sure neither does Louis but it’s interesting how nobody had noticed how he says Harold almost intentionally.

‘’You like them?’’ Lucille asks before Harry and Louis completely ignore her and the whole interview turns into them just talking shit.

‘’Oh I love everything French, even this candy wrapper,’’ the dimple comes out and Louis knows he’s maxing his charm.

The question is all but forgotten.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’They should know better by now not to let you guys have an interview together,’’ Niall laughs when they join the boys, waiting for hair and make-up to be done so that they can do the photo-shoot.

‘’Paul told us off for making a mess,’’ Harry shakes his head. Somehow the interview turned into some sort of battle about who can eat the most sweets and collect the most candy wrappers in addition to a sword fight with their water bottles. They probably made Lucille’s job a living nightmare with how sugar high they ended up being. It’s her fault though, for getting them the props bowl of sweets in the first place.

‘’You did make a mess,’’ Liam points out.

‘’Sorry dad,’’ Harry says, making the lads laugh and Liam hit the upside of his head in a huff.

Their management team comes to the conclusion that the boys are getting work-fever and need time to vent or else they’ll just go crazy and off-script in interviews so they clear their schedule the next day and the boys go sightseeing in Paris.

If Harry and Louis sneak a kiss at the Eiffel tower, nobody notices.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_‘’You’re his mate, you must decide,’’ Dr. Webbe insists._

_‘’I can’t,’’ Harry shakes his head. He’s standing by the end of Louis’ hospital bed. The room is dark and Louis’ under a spotlight, His eyes are closed. He’s also naked and there are needles sticking out of both his arms, all the way to the bend of his elbows. There’s a big mating bite on the side of Louis’ neck, fresh and raw._

_‘’The brain surgery is the solution, love. It’s the only way,’’ Jay pulls at his arms tears streaming down his face._

_‘’He has to wake up, he has to tell me…’’_

_‘’What is wrong with you?’’ Liam thunders, appearing out of thin air next to Louis’ bed. ‘’You’re an alpha, Harry. Where is your confidence?’’_

_‘’Since when do you take orders from omegas?’’ a voice booms out in the room. It’s similar to the voice of the activist they saw on TV all those weeks ago._

_‘’You must decide now or else he will die,’’ Dr. Avery says and Harry feels cornered._

_‘’I don’t know, I don’t know…’’ Harry panics._

_‘’He’s flat lining!!!’’_

_The room starts to flash with colors and streaks of red, like their intro spotlight before a show. He looks at Louis and sees the mattress underneath him soaking red._

_‘’Louis!!!!’’_

_‘’You must decide!!!’’_

_‘’Louis, please wake up!!!’’_

_‘’You’re killing my boy!!!’’_

_‘’You have to wake up!!!’’ and like a puppet on a string, Louis sits up and stares at Harry with dead eyes._

_‘’Yes, alpha, I am awake.’’_

_‘’Lou…’’_

_‘’The brain surgery will save him!!!’’_

_‘’Order me and I will obey, Harry,’’_

_‘’You must decide!!!’’_

_‘’You’re the alpha, start acting like one!!!’’_

_‘’You must decide!!!’’_

_‘’You must decide!!!’’_

Harry startles awake violently, shooting up the bed until he’s sitting and heaving, brow dripping with sweat.

‘’Fuck!’’

It’s a while before he calms down because he panics when he realizes that Louis’ not next to him and then he remembers that Louis went out clubbing with Zayn in a means to diffuse the rumors about their relationship.

He remembers going to sleep early to tamp down on how jealous he felt at the thought of other people ogling his boyfriend, even if he was with security and Zayn.

Now, he shudders at the thought of sleep.

Honestly, it’s been weighing on his mind a lot and even though he’s tried to put it behind him, Louis’ incident left some damage, scarred him from the inside.

He’s never been more scared of hurting Louis than he is now. He’s man enough to finally admit the fact that it is only a matter of when and no longer a matter of if.

He’s still deep in thoughts when he hears the door open quietly. Quickly, he lies down and lies on his side, so his back is to Louis.

As soon as Louis enters the room, Harry wants to growl. His smell is all wrong and it’s making his inner alpha wake abruptly from his slumber. Louis scent is totally absent and instead other scents cover him. Harry is so close to leaping from the bed before Louis finally opens the door to the connecting bathroom and the sound of running water permeates the air.

Harry is too worked up to go to sleep, cannot even pretend by closing his eyes. He stays awake and his heart hurts because he loves him but not enough to pull away, not enough to leave this room and promise him that he won’t ever hurt him. He listens to Louis shower and hum to himself. Looking at the digital clock on the bed-side table, Harry notices that it’s 2 am.

When Louis finally emerges from the bathroom, he turns on the lamp on his side of the bed, making sure to adjust it until the light is dim enough for him to see and not wake Harry up.

Too late for that now.

Harry turns around and lies on his back slowly. He notices that Louis is naked par for a towel wrapped around his shoulders that he’s using to dry the back of his hair.

‘’You’re awake,’’ Louis’ voice startles him, makes him look at his face instead of his chest. All those foreign scents are gone and the scent of flowers and soap is back.

‘’Couldn’t sleep,’’ Harry says, voice rough from disuse.

‘’Worried about me?’’ Louis asks warily, using the towel to dry up the other side of his head.

Harry slides out of his side of the bed until he sits up and plants his feet on the floor. He pulls the blankets away, revealing his boxer-clad legs and slowly drags Louis by the hips to the V of his legs. Holding the back of his knees, he plants his face in Louis’ stomach.

He’s never missed someone the way he misses Louis even though he’s right there, right within reach.

‘’How was the club?’’ Harry asks, lips moving under Louis’ navel, tasting his skin.

‘’It was fun,’’ Louis asks, tone careful like he’s trying read Harry’s state of mind. His hands come out to play with Harry’s hair and Harry cannot help the sound of satisfaction that leaves his lips when Louis’ fingers dig into his curls.

‘’You danced, baby?’’

‘’Danced with Zayn, danced with the crew, met some fans. They were nice though,’’

‘’Did you dance with the fans too?’’

‘’More like they danced with me,’’ Louis snorts. From his angle, he can see Harry’s broad back, the knobs of his spine, the length of his shoulders, the sharpness of his shoulder blades. He’s truly a perfect specimen of a human being.

He remembers what he’d said about him to Dr. Webbe and even if he only felt emboldened by the situation to say them just to stick it to the man, he believes in them now more than ever. He doesn’t trust easy, he reminds himself but if the fact that he’s trusted Harry and Harry hasn’t proven anything but his utter loyalty to him, then he knows that he need not worry about Harry ever betraying him, let alone hurt him.

‘’No wonder your scent was all funny when you came in,’’

Louis blinks his eyes at Harry’s mop of curls. ‘’Funny?’’

‘’Weird and strange. I didn’t like it,’’ Harry clarifies.

‘’Is it still there? I can take another shower,’’

‘’No,’’ Harry’s grip tightens around the back of his thighs. ‘’It’s alright now. You did good,’’

Something about the words makes heat pool down his stomach. He’s never taken it seriously when someone complements his voice or his appearance, always thought that he was just too mediocre compared to the others lads. Most people, when they say nice things to him, they either mean it condescendingly or are surprised because he’s ''merely'' an omega. But then he looks at his bandmates; Harry is charming, Zayn is mysterious, Niall is musically talented and Liam is truly a boy wonder. And then there is him, as if he were merely chosen because management wanted an omega in the band to get the world talking.

Hearing Harry complement him though in that rough, gravelly voice of his, is something else, something he hears and takes to heart, because it is in Harry’s intentions to make him feel every word and know them to be true.

‘’I did?’’

‘’Yeah baby, you smell so good now,’’

Louis swallows when Harry’s tongue delves into his navel. Louis’ fingers tighten into Harry’s curls as he feels Harry wet his skin with his saliva before he prints a ring of teeth around his navel.

‘’Haz…’’

‘’I want you…’’

‘’Fuck,’’ he can feel himself getting slick and it’s a shock because he’s still not used to it after so long without but Harry just turns him on so easily, especially when he gets possessive like this.

‘’I want to taste you,’’

Louis doesn’t have time to reply before Harry’s fingers delve between his arse cheeks. It makes him gasp and his toes curl from how Harry grabs one arse cheek to let his fingers in. It just makes him get wetter. He’s officially hard when Harry finally looks up at him, eyes nearly black from desire and pops his wet fingers into his mouth to taste Louis’ slick, eyes not leaving Louis’ face.

‘’Hmm,’’ Harry’s tongue swipes at his lips, as if to swallow every drop. ‘’You’re really sweet, like syrup,’’

It startles a strangled laugh out of Louis.

‘’Thanks,’’ he says lamely. Harry keeps looking at him like he can’t get enough and Louis cannot stand it, feels his face about to combust, burning from the attention so he quickly throws the towel away before he gets himself seated on Harry’s lap and starts kissing him.

He doesn’t realize that he’ll taste himself on Harry’s tongue the moment their lips lock and the moment they swipe spit, it hits him and Harry realizes that too, if his going tongue first with renewed vigor into Louis’ lips is any indication.

‘’I want to taste you again,’’ Harry says before he turns around and lays Louis on the bed.

‘’Okay,’’ Louis is beyond turned on; it’s not something they could have done before but they can now and he can barely keep himself from practically offering himself to Harry, spreading his legs wide open and letting his mouth be devoured, as if asking Harry to love him, to shower him with affection, to adore him.

He’s never felt more omega in his life than he is with Harry but at the same time, Harry never once points out the contrast with his personality, as if he were too busy worshiping Louis’ body to notice or care.

He feels himself gulp in a huge amount of air when Harry finally leaves his mouth and starts attacking his neck and collarbones. Louis’ eyes can barely stay open and he can barely contain the noises coming out of his lips as Harry keeps going down and down until his hands pull Louis’ legs apart and his mouth finally reaches his slick-wet hole.

‘’Fuck!’’ he screams and his back arches from the stimulation. He feels like shredding the bed sheets from how hard he’s clutching at them, feels the pillow dampen under his head from his rustling and his inability to keep his head still, almost thrashing from how eager Harry’s mouth is, how messy he’s slurping at him, how wet he’s getting.

‘’You taste so good, fuck!’’

Louis howls when Harry bites at his rim and pulls, opening him so that he can get his tongue in.

Harry keeps going at it fast, like he doesn’t want to waste a drop and he doesn’t know how he’s leaking so much after he’s been dry for so long, the shock of it leaving him almost speechless, with only gasps and moans filling the air. He wants to reach down and pull at Harry’s hair, tell him to slow down but at the same time, he doesn’t want to because he feels so good, that he feels himself harden even more.

‘’I’m gonna come,’’ the words are barely out before he feels the spray of his release reaching his chest and stomach, the noises leaving his lips almost echoing in the dim-lit room. He’s never come untouched before.

It’s like music to Harry’s ears but something about the way Louis’ breathing harshly reminds him of when he’d found Louis in the bathroom all those weeks ago. He shakes his head and sucks at Louis’ rim on last time before he puts a finger in him and looks up. When he finally opens his eyes, he sees Louis’ skin painted in cum.

Louis’ chest is heaving with exertion and he’s about to pull his finger out when he looks down and sees red.

‘’Wh…’’

‘’Haz, kiss me,’’

He looks up at Louis, sees his half-lidded eyes and rosy cheeks before he blinks and looks down again, sees nothing but slick slowly trickling around his finger plugging Louis’ hole.

‘’Haz?’’ he pulls his finger out and actually heaves with relief when all he sees and smells is slick. His mind must be playing tricks at him.

For some reason though, he doesn’t suck at his wet finger, feels something off with him, remnants of his dream catching up to him that he blinks his eyes wide at the bed sheets as if to make sure they’re intact.

‘’Why are your eyes like that?’’ Louis asks in an exhale.

‘’What?’’

‘’You look stunned,’’

He doesn’t want to alarm Louis; doesn’t want to turn their night sour so he pushes Louis’ knees down until his legs are flat on the bed and reaches his lips for a kiss.

‘’I’m just enamored by you,’’ Harry sighs into his lips.

‘’What a poet you are,’’ Louis says with a smile that Harry kisses his teeth.

''Let me kiss you, babe,'' Harry murmurs against his upper lip and Louis hums, his mouth getting occupied.

He drowns himself in Louis’ lips to shake the cloud of fear that had clustered his mind. He was sure he saw blood and for a minute there, he wants to check. He sniffs the air and finds nothing of that coppery scent he’d once had the displeasure of scenting in the bathroom when Louis had passed out in his arms. How could he have been so stupid? How could he not have noticed that Louis was already bleeding on stage when scents like that of blood, a scent so strong, ought to have been so apparent to an alpha?

He should have been more attentive, should have protected him…should have found a way to protect him even from his own body…

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ Louis asks and he realizes that he’s whining at Louis’ neck, teeth pulling at the skin and biting, ‘’hey!’’

Louis pulls at his hair until his face is no longer hidden and his eyes are meeting Louis’ confused and almost panicked ones.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Louis asks; a shakiness in his voice.

He realizes how lost in his thoughts he was, how his teeth were practically all over Louis’ neck, how his fangs have descended, ready to bite him for mating.

Oh no…

His fangs recede but he knows that Louis’ noticed, if his eyes looking at his mouth instead of his eyes is anything to go by.

He’s not in his right mind.

‘’Sorry, I got too into it, I’m sorry,’’ he lies his head sideways on Louis’ chest, breathing in a stutter.

‘’You’re just too beautiful,’’ he tries to appease and he does mean it.

‘’Okay,’’ Louis says as he slowly wraps his arms around Harry, one hand around his back and the other around his neck. He’s not pushing him away, thank god.

‘’I’m sorry I scared you; you were just phenomenal,’’ Harry says, looking up at Louis. ‘’I just couldn’t help it, I’m sorry.’’

The truth of the matter is; he was scared out of his mind.

‘’It’s alright,’’ Louis placates, sees the genuine guilt and the fear in Harry’s eyes, caresses his hair and his cheek. ‘’I’m flattered,’’

‘’You tasted really good too,’’ Harry sighs, reaching for Louis’ hand and kissing his fingers. ‘’The best,’’

‘’Stop it already,’’ Louis blushes beetroot red when Harry starts licking the remnants of Louis’ release, cleaning his chest and stomach even though his own body got soiled from lying down on him.

‘’Can’t get enough of you, though,’’ Harry murmurs before he sits up on his knees. ‘’Luckiest alpha in the world, me,’’

Louis laughs before he sits up on his elbows. ‘’You were just jealous I went clubbing without you,’’

‘’Can you blame me?’’

Louis shakes his head at him. ‘’I wanted you there too. Missed you like a missing limb.''

''That bad, huh?'' Harry teases but deep down, he feels his heart expand at Louis' words.

''How about a dance in the shower, yeah? I’ll make it up to you then,’’ he says, eyeing Harry’s hardness.

‘’Deal,’’

They don’t grind in the shower the way they would have in a club though. Instead, Harry presses Louis into the glass of the shower and kisses him while Louis hands work him up, fingers pressing at the head of his cock, jerking him off to the rhythm of their kissing until he comes all over Louis’ thigh.

He doesn’t stop kissing Louis even then, just pulls him away from the glass and slow dances with him as the warm water pours all over them, moving side-ways with one hand on the small of Louis’ back and the other holding his hand. Louis’ leaning his head on his shoulder, free hand holding the back of Harry’s neck.

The calmness turns off all the turbulent thoughts in his head, even if they’re left simmering underneath his skin. For now, he focuses on Louis, on making sure he’s loved and sated.

‘’I’ve never slow-danced in the shower before,’’ Louis says, eyes closed, forehead resting on the side of Harry’s neck. Harry keeps his lips on his temple.

‘’It’s like dancing in the rain, yeah?’’

‘’Dancing naked in the rain,’’ he hears the smile in Louis’ voice.

‘’True,’’

They remain quiet for a while; enjoying the hush of the bubble they’re in. It’s a moment, Harry thinks that he’ll treasure forever.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’Are you sure he’s not going into heat?’’ Liam asks.

They’re flying on a private plane on the way to New York from Denmark. The album is finally out and they’re going to finish promoting their new book before they break the news of the new tour on Jimmy Fallon’s show. They’ve got a lot lined up such as SNL, Jimmy Kimmel and all other American talk shows as well as radio shows.

The best thing about their flight is the fact that they’ve got their own private section and the seats they’re in can recline into beds.

It’s like living the dream.

It also doesn’t hurt that he and Louis can lie down together and cuddle up, leaving the fifth bed empty for the boys to pile their stuff on.

‘’No, he’s not,’’ Harry chides. He’d propped the pillow slightly so that he can scroll his phone while Louis sleeps, head tucked into his chest. He’d piled the blankets up high that only fluffs of his hair peak out. He doesn’t mention that maybe it’s to hide Louis’ love bites but that’s neither here or there.

Ever since that night in Milan, whenever they start getting passionate and up for sexy times, Harry always gets so deep into his head that Louis always has to push his teeth away from his neck because he always ends up there when they’re doing it. Louis just thinks he has a marking fetish and Harry agrees with him, because he can’t honestly tell him that he’s scared of what it actually means, not when the nightmare he’d had has become a recurring dream.

‘’He’s probably tired, I reckon. I know I am,’’ Niall yawns before he turns off his overhead light and slips under the blanket. ‘’Night lads,’’

‘’Night,’’ all three of them chorus back.

‘’Stop worrying, Liam.’’ Harry chides when he notices the frown on Liam’s face. ‘’It’s been weeks already,’’

‘’Yeah, we just haven’t been checking up on each other, that’s all,’’ Liam sighs. ‘’What about you? You’ve been quiet all day,’’

Harry couldn’t shake the new nightmare he’s had from his mind all day, as if his brain was tired of him ignoring his fears that it decided to pull him a new one. He had a dream that he bit Louis and mated him and then the nightmare shifted to Louis being taken away to a surgery room, screaming at him to stop.

He’d woken up in a screaming fit that Louis came rushing out of the shower to wake him up and soothe him.

It was quite awful. Louis had been touchy and clingy ever since, hoping to dispel the remnants of the nightmare from him and equally succeeding. If Harry had his way, they'll never be apart.

‘’I’m fine, you know how long flights get to me,’’ Harry doesn’t necessarily lie; they all know of his aversion to sleeping on planes because it gives him back problems.

‘’Well, best to sleep it out,’’ Liam advises as he too turns off his overhead lights and tucks in.

‘’Hey, Z, you staying up a bit?’’ Harry asks but notices that Zayn’s already asleep too. He sighs; he wishes he could talk to somebody about what he’s feeling and he knows he shouldn’t hide his anxiety from Louis but for some reason, he feels like if he opens his mouth, he will just say a whole lot of wrong shit and blow the whole thing out of proportion.

In the end, he heeds Liam’s advises, kisses the top of Louis’ head and goes to sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It becomes apparent quite soon that something is up when Louis says he’s going into heat and Harry says he’ll sleep alone in his hotel room. It’s obvious that Louis’ shocked and it hits Harry later that maybe he wanted Harry to finally spend it with him. They’ve been talking about it, or more like Louis had been bringing it up and Harry just hums away and not really putting his two cents into it.

Harry berates himself for reading into the situation wrong and texts Louis that he’s sorry for misunderstanding.

Louis doesn’t let him stew in guilt; emerges from his heat and goes straight to him like nothing’s happened.

‘’They’re still inconsistent, yeah?’’ Harry says. Louis wanted to expel some excess energy after their book signing event in the mall and told Harry to sit down so that he can make him some breakfast.

‘’Yeah but I think it won’t be long now, so…’’ Louis says, smiling at him when he places a plate of pancakes on the kitchen table. They’re alone in their hotel room and Louis had asked their team if all five of them could go clubbing tonight to make it up to Harry, who found it unnecessary but was never immune to Louis’ charms.

He’s been doing that a lot lately, ever since they’ve landed in the US, doing little things for him and Harry doesn’t want to say that Louis is being a good little omega but it rests there in the back of his mind because of how nice Louis’ being to him. Either that or it’s his guilt talking for being half present when he’s going down on Louis or when they’re humping in the shower and all he sees sometimes is red behind his closed eyelids when Louis’ slick touches his fingers.

‘’You heard me, love?’’ Harry blinks his eyes and sees Louis peering at him from where he’s standing by the steaming kettle.

‘’What?’’

‘’You don’t mind spending my heat with me when we can next time, right?’’ Louis asks. He doesn’t look hesitant or eager, but more like stating a fact, like it’s a given.

‘’It depends right? On our work schedule and if we can have the time off for it,’’ Harry replies.

‘’Yes, of course,’’ Louis chuckles but there’s a weird look in his eyes. ‘’But I mean, we’ve been steady for a while now and I trust you. You’re not opposed in general right?’’

‘’I don’t know; like should I do anything different?’’ Harry asks.

‘’Haz, don’t be dense,’’ Louis chides lightly. ‘’Just pull out, love. Nothing out of the ordinary,’’

‘’It’s not that easy!’’ Harry says sternly. He’s never reacted like that before and he can see that Louis’ surprised too. ‘’Look, we have two weeks until the New Year’s. Wouldn’t it be best if we do it when we get home?’’

‘’Yeah, of course, love. I just wanted to discuss it with you,’’ Louis says and finally takes a seat with two steaming cups of tea. The food looks lovely and Harry feels immediately guilty.

‘’Look, I feel like I’m not always in control when I’m intimate with you,’’ Harry tries to explain. ‘’You’re always telling me to pull out and you’re always telling me to stop biting you,’’

‘’You have a problem with me telling you what to do in bed?’’ Louis asks, curious and with no malice or condescension in his voice.

‘’No, you know I don’t. I honestly think it’s safer that way but don’t you think that when you’re in heat, the responsibility will be solely on my shoulders?’’

‘’Harry, I trust you. You’ve pulled out before without me having to tell you and you never ever bite me deeper, no matter how much I know you want to,’’ Louis grins filthily at him. It’s sexy and Harry cannot help but chuckle despite the gravity of the conversation.

‘’Louis, be serious,’’

‘’I am,’’ he lathers his toast with jam and takes a bite. ‘’Look, I know we’re not going to mate any time soon but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to knot me. You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t want to,’’

‘’Of course I want to, I can only imagine how mind-blowing it will be,’’ Harry mutters the last part.

‘’Mind blowing,’’ Louis smirks at him and Harry huffs.

‘’Is your mind always in the gutter?’’ Harry asks and shakes his head at him before he starts devouring his breakfast. ‘’This is really good,’’

‘’Thanks, alpha,’’ Louis says off-handedly, but Harry’s dick actually perks up.

He makes it until they’ve cleared the table and cleaned the dishes before he pulls down Louis’ pants and they start fucking on the kitchen table. He’s quite rough but then Louis just encourages him even further and they’re more animals than they are humans if the creak they hear from the table is anything to go by but they do come fast and hard which means they’re able to spare the table from actually breaking.

When they’re done, Louis pats his head and says, ‘’See, I didn’t say anything and you only left one mark and on my nipple this time,’’

‘’That’s because Lou will tear me a new one if she has to powder your neck again before we go live,’’ Harry pouts, carrying Louis to the shower. A side of him wanted to fuck Louis just to test his strength and he feels like Louis had teased him with innuendos all throughout breakfast like he can tell it’s what Harry wanted but another part of him is dreading and waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for him to make a mistake.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It’s New Year’s Eve and they’ve just finished performing at Madison Square Garden. The lads are in the tour bus on the way to their hotel. Two days from now, they’ll be on a plane back home and two weeks after the New Year, their second tour will start.

Harry will turn 19 soon and Louis had already turned 21 and they’ve just performed a show that is now marked as one of the highlights of their career.

Which is why it’s quite a shock that he and Louis are fighting.

‘’I ask you about your New year’s resolution and you tell me it’s to find the ability to resist me? What does that mean?’’ Louis asks, both amused and surprised.

They were on their way to the heat room for a quickie and amidst kissing and Louis asking about his New Year’s resolution, his mouth just blurted the first thing that came to mind, something that even he did not expect.

‘’I mean…you’re too much sometimes, you know?’’ Harry tries to placate and it’s obviously the wrong thing to say considering the way Louis looks at him.

‘’Too much?’’ Louis now stops right in front of the closed door, eyebrow raised. ‘’You mean that in a good way right?’’

Okay, so Harry’s drunk and tonight, Louis looked so good and so ethereal, surrounded by alpha celebrities who were admiring him and complementing him and living it up so easily in his company because they don’t know the truth; they don’t know that Louis is a flame and if they get too close, they’ll burn like a moth. All they can do is stand within reach but not come too close, like they’ll know he’s something dangerous and not just something beautiful.

Or maybe that’s just Harry’s drunken mind talking because his walls are down and for days now, he’s felt like he’s been splitting at the seams, plagued by nightmares, of decisions gone wrong, of irrefutable consequences.

‘’Why are you crying?’’ Louis asks, suddenly alarmed.

‘’I…’’ Harry’s voice hitches. ‘’I think I need a break,’’

Louis looks stunned. ‘’A break? From what exactly? We’re going to have two weeks off soon and…’’

Harry regrets it the moment he sees Louis blanch.

‘’Do you mean a break from me? From us?’’ his voice is loud but the boys and the crew in the bus are too busy being merry and boisterous.

‘’I can’t do it, Lou,’’ Harry admits because he’s tired, he’s just fucking tired of feeling tied down with fear. ‘’You don’t know…you have no idea what could have happened,’’

‘’What are you talking about?’’ Louis demands.

‘’I could have killed you, Lou!’’ Harry cries, tears blurring his eyes. ‘’I love you and I want to mate you but if it means the possibility of losing you then no just…no!’’

‘’Harry, love…’’ Louis swallows, obviously confused and a bit panicked. ‘’Can you please calm down and explain? Can you do that for me?’’

‘’I’ve noticed, okay?’’ Harry says.

‘’Noticed what?’’

‘’You’re already changing and that’s the last thing I want,’’ Harry looks at him pleading. ‘’I don’t want you to change Lou,’’

‘’Ch…Change? What do you mean?’’ Louis looks frustrated, beautiful face etched in a frown.

‘’You know…’’ Harry waves his hand, frustrated at his lack of eloquence. Louis, as quick-witted as ever, figures it out.

‘’Is there something wrong with me being nice to you?’’ Louis bites out. ‘’Something wrong with me being in love with you, with being worried about you? Is that what you mean?’’

‘’Hey boys, don’t go bunny humping in there!’’ Liam calls. ‘’We’re having a party over here,’’

They both ignore the boys, almost five feet apart and Harry feels like drowning. He knew this would happen; he’d always been clumsy around Louis, could never find the right words on spot, always has to think deeply before he talks and drunk, it’s almost impossible.

‘’No Lou, but I don’t want to influence you, okay? I don’t want to take you for granted or ever have any power of you…’’

‘’And I won’t ever let you,’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’I know you don’t want that, Haz. Where’s all this insecurity coming from? I thought you were over this...’’

''You want to mate right? You want the mating bite eventually, right?''

''I mean, not so soon but I guess, yeah, Haz. I thought we had that kind of relationship,'' Louis looks more confused than ever.

‘’But when we mate, everything will change and I don’t want,’’ more tears well up in his eyes. ‘’It will kill me to see you like that…’’

‘’Like what?’’ Louis snaps.

‘’Like a good fucking omega who just takes shit from me!’’ Harry yells. ‘’I don’t want to have any part in your brain surgery or your treatments if it means I lose you. Do you have any idea how that will fucking hurt me?’’

Louis takes a step back, like he’d been slapped.

 _Oh my god_ , Harry thinks. _What did I just say?_

‘’Lou, I didn’t mean…’’ he tries to retract. ‘’I’m just scared, okay?’’

The bus comes to a stop. They’re probably in the hotel parking lot already.

‘’You’re afraid of getting hurt,’’ Louis says quietly, eyes welling up. ‘’But you have no problems at all to stand there and hurt me,’’

‘’Please let me explain,’’ Harry begs.

‘’You did,’’ Louis nods, lips pulling to a grimace. ‘’You don’t want any part of this anymore. Is this why you’ve been hesitant whenever I talk about my upcoming heat?’’

‘’Not hesitant, I’m just scared,’’ Harry repeats. ‘’I’m scared that I’ll do something I can’t take back…’’

‘’Like what?’’ Louis grits. ‘’Like make me submit to you, make me obey you and do what you see is fit about my own body? Have you been thinking about that a lot?’’

‘’Yes but not like that…’’ Harry says hurriedly because Louis doesn’t seem to hear the rest of that sentence with the way his eyes fill with outright rage.

‘’How dare you?’’

‘’Lou, please, you can’t have not noticed,’’ Harry elaborates. ‘’You’ve been different lately; always eager to make it up to me, like you owe me or something…’’

‘’Oh, so I let you bend me over when we fuck and suddenly I do it because I owe you?’’ Louis says, aghast. ‘’I told you I liked it when you take care of me and this is what you make of it?’’

‘’I’m not explaining this right,’’ Harry mutters, sobering up really quick and questioning his entire existence.

‘’And I defended you,’’ it hits him right in the chest when tears brim over Louis’ eyes. ‘’I told Dr. Webbe, the biggest alpha knothead I know of, I told him that you’re different. I told him that you love me and I believed it. I believed that you’ll never choose yourself over me and that you’ll never take my trust for granted. And this is what you’ve been thinking all this time?’’

‘’Louis, baby…’’ Harry reaches for him, wants to hug him but Louis pushes his hand away like he’s been burned.

‘’Don’t,’’ Louis snaps and takes a good look at him. ‘’You can’t handle me anymore, that’s fine. I was obviously too blind to notice that I’ve become too much for you, like I’m deadweight. I am a burden to you now.’’

‘’No…’’ Harry’s eyes are wide with shock.

‘’I am,’’ Louis insists, voice thick. ‘’You can’t take care of me anymore and you weren’t man enough to admit it until now. I told you about my problems and you made me believe they don't matter, that you’ll be with me no matter what…’’

‘’Louis, please understand,’’ Harry interrupts.

‘’Understand what?’’ Louis yells.

‘’Boys?’’

Harry turns his head and sees the three lads looking at them, pushing the curtain closed so that it’s only them.

‘’Louis smells distressed,’’ Liam says, eyes shrewd. ‘’Is something going on?’’

Harry looks at Louis and sees his back turned to the boys, hand covering his mouth like they can’t tell that he’s crying.

‘’We’ll be out soon,’’ Harry says, pleads with them to leave them be and hash this out.

‘’Louis, do you want us to wait outside?’’ Niall asks carefully.

Louis nods but they can’t see from this angle.

‘’Guys, could you just…’’ Harry tries but Niall cuts him a deathly look. Only Zayn seems to be looking at him out of pity and maybe that’s worse than the anger he’s sensing from Niall and Liam.

‘’I didn’t ask you…’’ Niall interrupts, voice clipped. ‘’Lou?’’

‘’Just give us a minute,’’ Louis croaks out. ‘’We won’t be long,’’

‘’Let’s wait outside, okay?’’ Zayn says quietly, herding the other two with him. The bus is quiet when their footsteps disappear and the door closes.

‘’What do you want me to understand exactly?’’ Louis asks quietly, resigned.

And Harry hopes he hasn’t done enough damage to salvage what they have.

‘’That I didn’t know how seriously ill you were until Ireland happened and I wasn’t prepared,’’ Harry answers. ‘’You can't fault me for being cagey about what’s to come, for needing space, or like...’’ Harry retracts. ''For being scared. I don't feel ready, Lou. I need time but not time apart or....''

He wants to bang his head on the fucking wall.

‘’If you think you’re scared, then try putting yourself in my shoes,’’ Louis interrupts, tears hitting off his chin. ‘’I’m terrified, Haz. But I thought we were a team, that we’ll face this together. You promised me and now…you’re asking for space? For a break?’’

Harry winces because he regrets saying that. How could he say that?

‘’No, I didn’t mean it, okay? I just need time to think….’’

‘’You know what?’’ Louis takes a deep rattling breath. ‘’I was wrong for trusting you; I should’ve known that you can’t take it. I should’ve known better…’’

Dread spreads through his limbs. ‘’Lou, I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve talked to you, I should’ve been upfront and honest and…’’

‘’Well, you weren’t,’’ Louis interrupts, wiping his face with the back of his hand. ‘’I understand,’’

‘’Do you?’’

Louis smiles at him sadly. ‘’You were the best thing in my life, Haz. You still are and I‘m sorry that I didn’t notice that whatever insecurity you have about yourself, was still there and perhaps has even grown to eat at you…’’

‘’I can handle myself just fine, Lou,’’ Harry feels the dread spread to his chest.

‘’No, you can’t and I’m okay with that because this isn’t new to me; I’ve always been good at breaking beautiful things,’’ that sad smile is back again. ‘’I’m going to um…let you go now and I hope you enjoy your break…’’

‘’That’s not what I want,’’

‘’But I think it’s what you need and you were just afraid of telling me,’’ Louis finishes to which Harry cannot reply. 

Louis looks at him like there's a deep, visceral pain clawing at him and Harry hates that he's put that look on Louis' face.

‘’When have I ever made you feel like you can’t talk to me?’’ Louis asks like he can’t help it, voice thicker than ever.

‘’Louis, I love you,’’ Harry says hurriedly, feeling untethered for the first time in a long time and it’s just out of place when Louis is within reach. ‘’Please just let me get my shit together and we'll talk this through, okay? This isn’t the time for us to be apart,’’

‘’It is, babe because between the two of us, I’m man enough to admit that you’ve hurt me,’’ Louis says, chest heaving. ‘’And I believe that even if you won't admit it now, I believe you meant every word you said. You can't lie to save your life, Haz,''

''Give me chance, Lou...I'll explain myself better, I promise,'' Harry feels fresh tears drip down his cheeks when Louis shakes his head.

''After all that you’ve said, Haz, I’m also going to be man enough to walk away before you say anything more. I think you’ve done enough for one night…’’

‘’Louis…’’

Louis shakes his head at him again and turns away. He packs his things quickly, just throwing his things haphazardly into his bag and goes for the door.

‘’Louis, please…’’ Harry feels like he’s watching his heart leaving, a roll of string from his chest to Louis' unravelling the further Louis moves and when he closes the door with a thud, the string snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be mad, okay? That break-up is temporary, hence the eventual happy ending. Stay tuned, yeah?


	13. thirteen

_I'm jealous of the wind_   
_That ripples through your clothes_   
_It's closer than your shadow_   
_Oh, I'm jealous of the wind_

-Labrinth, Jealous

He has to sit down before he collapses or worse, run after Louis when he’s clearly unwanted. He doesn’t know that he’s making these shaky, hurting noises until he snaps his mouth closed at the sound of the door opening and closing.

‘’Why aren’t you with him?’’ he asks, panicked at Zayn standing by the entrance of the bunk area. ‘’I hurt him,’’

‘’You’re hurting too as far as I can see,’’ Zayn points out. ‘’Besides, Liam and Niall are with him,’’

‘’Oh,’’ he looks down and realizes that he’s sitting on Louis’ bunk, as if drawn to his faint scent without being aware of it. He sees tears forming wet circles on his trousers. He didn’t know he was still crying.

‘’You’ve been having bad dreams since Ireland, right?’’

Harry looks up at Zayn. His stance is not threatening, face expressionless but eyes intense.

‘’How did you know?’’

‘’Just because I sleep a lot doesn’t mean I sleep heavy,’’ Zayn snorts. ‘’I’ve woken you up a few times and you went right back to sleep before anything could come of it,’’

‘’There’s been a lot on my mind,’’ Harry says quietly. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience.

‘’Does Louis know about that?’’ Zayn asks, his tone not giving away much.

‘’I didn’t want to worry him,’’ Harry reasons.

‘’Didn’t do you any good though,’’ Zayn points out and Harry feels like jumping out of his own skin.

‘’What do you want from me?’’ he asks, voice hitching. ‘’What do you want me to say, huh? That I ruined the best thing I had in my life? Because I feel the loss already, okay? You don’t have to point it out to me,’’

‘’You don’t have to feel like this,’’ Zayn says. ‘’You can talk to him tomorrow, sort this shit out. Louis won’t turn you away,’’

‘’How do you know that?’’

‘’He’s invested too much in you to just throw it all away, Haz.’’ Zayn reasons. ‘’You’ve just got to step up, man,’’

‘’Invested too much…’’ Harry murmurs. Zayn’s got a point; surely Louis will give him another chance. He feels a splitting headache just thinking about the words he’s said.

‘’Best you sleep it out,’’ Zayn advises. ‘’It’s been a long day,’’

Harry lies down on Louis’ bunk, drunk and tired and heart wrung out. He’s asleep before Zayn’s footsteps recede.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’What?’’

He’s standing outside of Louis’ hotel room, banging at the door incessantly. He didn’t wake up early and he’s still a bit hung-over but just as Louis was the last thing on his mind, he was also the first thing he thought about when he woke up.

Now, he’s shocked to hear from Paul that he’s left.

‘’He’s gone back to London early this morning,’’ Paul explains after telling him to stop making a ruckus in the hallway.

‘’But we have interviews and…’’ Harry tries not to panic, tries to understand how Louis could just up and leave him.

‘’Yes, he compromised with management; said he’ll work over his time off,’’ Paul sighs. ‘’Look, you’ve got two more days here and then you can follow him. I’m sure whatever it is, you can work it out over the phone,’’

Paul doesn’t know that a conversation over the phone will hardly undo the damage he’d instilled last night. It won’t work out that way.

But alas, he tries.

He calls Louis all throughout the day. He sends texts. He DMs him over twitter, on Instagram; basically, he goes a bit crazy trying to reach him.

But Louis does not once respond.

Liam and Niall weren’t helpful either and were actually shocked.

‘’Louis told us this morning that everything was okay,’’ Niall explains in the van. They’re headed to some radio interview to talk about extra tour dates and the MSG show they just had and for all that Harry and the lads are dressed comfy and casual, Harry honestly doesn’t feel great at all. ‘’I thought he meant you guys sorted whatever it was that happened last night,’’

‘’Nothing happened; we just argued,’’ Harry hedges. He’s not ready to face their wrath even though he knows he deserves it.

‘’If you just argued, then why is he on his way back home?’’ Liam asks. ‘’Did something happen with Jay?’’

Whatever Louis told them, the boys don’t seem to be making a big deal out of it. He probably placated them and said it was some drunken argument, nothing more.

‘’What did Louis tell you exactly?’’ Harry asks.

‘’Last night, he just said he wasn’t feeling great, said he heard some bad news,’’ Niall replies. ‘’So, we thought we misunderstood and that maybe you were trying to comfort him or that he was just taking it out on you,’’

‘’Typical Louis,’’ Zayn murmurs, face hidden under an NY cap, probably trying to get some sleep.

‘’And then this morning,’’ Niall continues. ‘’He said he had it all sorted out. I didn’t think he meant he sorted an earlier flight,’’

Louis didn’t technically lie; he just withheld the truth.

‘’So what exactly did happen?’’ Liam asks. ‘’What did you argue about?’’

They don’t have time to talk any further when the sound of screaming girls reaches their ears. Zayn removes his cap and adjusts his hair.

Harry sighs as he braces himself; as the saying goes, the show must go on.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The next day, Louis still doesn’t reply but by the time the boys are in the airport, Harry finally receives one text.

‘ _’I’m not avoiding you; I just figured if you need space, then I might as well have one too. Take care of yourself, please,’’_

It doesn’t instill any assurance and he’s jittery and almost distressed throughout the flight. He tries to listen to music, tries to listen to an audio book but it’s all useless. He feels like there’s a pit in his stomach and his organs keep falling; like that swoop feeling you get when you’re riding a roller coaster.

Unable to sleep, he gets out his journal and writes down all the things he wants to say to Louis, just to get his thoughts aligned and straightened out because the next time they talk, Harry will get it right and he’ll win his omega back.

The problem is; he eventually falls into an exhausted sleep and doesn’t finish writing what he wants to say but the moment they leave the airport, he just can’t wait any longer. He tells the driver to get him to Louis’ place and yet, when he arrives, Louis is not there.

 _‘’Where are you?’’_ he texts.

Louis doesn’t reply.

He has no choice but to go home and try to sleep his jet lag away.

The next day, he receives a text from Louis, asking him not to come to Jay’s as he wants to spend time with the girls and his mum. He also texts him a link about the bluebell wood hospice football charity event taking place near the end of their time off.

_‘’I hope you and the lads can come. I’ll see you then,’’_

Harry believes that Louis is not avoiding him and that he just hadn’t spent a lot of time with his family even before they left the last time so he cannot begrudge the time he wants to spend with them now.

It’s just that the timing is really awful.

But, since he wants back in Louis’ good graces, he doesn’t argue or try to compromise.

 _‘’I’ll be there. I love you,’’_ he texts back.

 _‘’I know,’’_ Louis replies; short and simple.

Harry is unhappy about it but he gets about ready to keep himself as busy as possible for the next couple of weeks or else he’ll do nothing but mope around his empty house, thinking about no one but Louis.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’You haven’t talked since MSG?’’ Niall asks, shocked.

They’re standing by the sidelines of the football field, seats quickly filling with fans and parents and cameramen.

Louis’ charity football match is taking place in Old Trafford and he, Liam and Niall have arrived bright and early in heavy winter gear to stave off the cold.

‘’Yeah, he’s been busy working,’’ Harry replies which isn’t exactly a lie. He’s been listening to Louis’ radio interviews and watching his promo clips about the charity, following news about the highly anticipated line up of celebrities that will take part. Their texts were far in between, something that didn’t sit well with Harry; mostly because he felt guilty for taking any time away from Louis’ family.

He just wishes they could have their issues sorted out already.

‘’Oh, here they are lads,’’ Liam points out and their eyes look up and see the other side of the field where the players are coming out; one team in red and the other team in blue. Niall, ever the inside man, points out who is who and oohs and ahhs at some of the veteran football players participating in the event. Harry spots Simon Webbe from Blue, Jack Whitemore and Scott from BBC radio 1. When he sees Louis in his blue football gear, he’s glad his jacket is knee-long and zipped up.

Louis looks really good in his football shorts, skin tanned despite the cold and hair already messy from the wind. He looks delectable enough to leave room for untimely boners.

‘’Who’s that guy Louis’ talking to?’’ Liam asks, nudging Niall’s side.

Harry immediately zeroes in on the big beefy guy who drapes his arm around Louis’ shoulders. They’re too far away for Harry to tell if the man is an alpha or a beta or an omega. He hopes to god he’s not an alpha.

‘’I don’t know; doesn’t look like a celebrity,’’ Niall says. ‘’But I see Stan and Olly in the field so maybe he invited some friends around,’’

Harry hopes the tall, beefy man is just like Louis’ childhood friends; a beta and nothing more.

It’s hard to dwell on those thoughts when the match starts; the fans erupt in cheers and the players both young and old, take the match dead serious.

The score board shows the number to text for donations to support Louis’ charity and every once in a while it will light up with the amount of money donated so far. Harry takes out his phone and donates too.

By the end of the match he knows one thing; that sweaty and athletic Louis is sexy as fuck, that his leg muscles look really hot when he’s running around and that he’s missed his voice so much; even if it’s not directed at him but merely bantering around with the other players in good spirit.

He feels like he’s cheered the greatest when Louis scored and when the Blues win, he wishes he could run across the field, carry Louis like a trophy and shout to the masses, ‘’did you see how great he was? How amazing he was?’’

In the end, it’s Louis who comes to them.

He hugs Liam first, then Niall and doesn’t hesitate to hug Harry too. It surprises him that there’s no hesitation whatsoever and chastises himself for not hugging back as tightly when Louis pulls away.

‘’Did you enjoy the match?’’ Louis asks all three of them like that argument that occurred all those days ago didn’t even happen. But then he remembers Louis’ story to the lads and realizes that he’s going to have to play along and keep up pretenses.

‘’It was wicked, Lou,’’ Liam says.

‘’How did you contact all those players, man?’’ Niall asks.

‘’Yeah and who’s that guy?’’ Harry asks, not the least bit sorry for seg-waying Niall’s inquiry.

‘’Which one?’’ Louis asks, finally looking at him proper.

‘’The beefy one?’’ Harry specifies. ‘’The name Arnold is written on the back of his jersey,’’

‘’Oh here he is,’’ Niall looks behind Louis and the tall man, practically a Chris Hemsworth size of a man, drapes his arm around Louis’ shoulders.

‘’Are these your bandmates?’’ the man asks. Harry frowns; the man’s an alpha. Funny enough, Liam and Niall try not to wrinkle their nose at the alpha stench. They’ve become too much of a pack to realize that they’re being territorial.

‘’Yeah, mate,’’ Louis replies. ‘’This is Liam, Niall and Harry. Lads, this here is Tommy. We went to school together,’’

‘’I thought you were five in the band,’’ Tommy says, confused. It irritates Harry that Tommy is actually quite handsome. He’s got bluish eyes and jet-black hair, a marble face and a really strong built.

‘’Yeah, where’s Zayn, lads?’’ Louis asks.

‘’He’s got his sister’s wedding, remember?’’ Niall reminds him.

‘’Oh, right,’’ Louis says and then turns his neck when he hears Stan beckoning him for a team photo. ‘’Well, I’ve got to go. We’re on for that match tomorrow, right?’’

They’d made plans while on tour to go and watch a premiere league match when they go on break; Liverpool vs Tottenham. Harry honestly forgot about it.

‘’Yeah, we’ll see you there, Lou,’’ Liam says and hugs Louis goodbye, followed by Niall.

‘’Nice to meet you Tommy,’’ Harry says before he hugs Louis as well. This time he tightens his arms and tries to linger a little bit longer without making it awkward.

''I miss you,'' he whispers to Louis. Despite being aware of eyes on them, he can't help but make the hug linger anyway. He hasn't held Louis in almost two weeks and he can't seem to be able to let go now.

''Please, Haz. Not now,'' Louis whispers back and pushes at Harry's chest gently.

When he pulls back, Louis looks at him like he wants to say something more.

''We'll talk soon, yeah?'' Harry asks hopefully.

Louis nods and is about to reply when Tommy pulls at his arm, waving at Stan and Olly and not really aware of the tension going on between Harry and Louis.

‘’Nice you meet you all,’’ Tommy says, already walking backwards. ‘’Let’s go Tommo,’’

He’s disappointed by the fact that he hoped he and Louis could talk right there and is only aware of how irrational that is when he looks around him and finds security headed their way to usher them from the packed stadium. He can already see a hoard of fans approaching and he wishes he were in the mood, just to stick around and keep Louis in his peripheral. Alas, he doesn't have his way.

‘’Good match, yeah?’’ Niall asks in the van.

Harry feels like drowning with the weight of longing that has doubled in size since he’d hugged Louis.

‘’Good match,’’ he murmurs, eyes out the window at the passing cars. Irrationally, he wishes it would rain.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It shocks Harry that Louis brings Tommy along to the match. Zayn is still unaccounted for but this time, Harry is undeterred. He plops himself right next to Louis after they all share greetings and wait for the match to start. They’re early due to security reasons and that’s just fine by Harry.

If only Niall and Liam didn’t want Louis’ time too.

‘’So, Tommy, tell us how you know our Louis here,’’ Liam says.

‘’Yeah, tell us about yourself,’’ Niall adds.

On a second note, maybe it’s not so bad that Niall and Liam are there too, asking all the right questions.

‘’We went to school together, Lou and I,’’ Tommy replies. They’re seated in a private box all for them, high up with a view of the entire stadium and Harry is glad for the privacy. ‘’My dad is American and he and mum had me by accident. Back in my last year of school, I told my mum I wanted to go to uni and my dad, trying to be a part of my life, agreed to pay for it as long as it’s the US so that we could spend time together. I only agreed because mum didn’t really have the money and it wasn’t an opportunity to miss. I transferred schools to Boston and I actually haven’t seen Louis since.’’

‘’Are you now in uni then?’’ Liam asks.

‘’No, Tommy here figured uni life wasn’t for him,’’ Louis replies, with a hint of amusement in his voice. ‘’And instead joined the army,’’

‘’What?’’ even Harry is taken aback.

‘’Yup, joined at 18 and sprung the news to my dad right after I got in,’’ Tommy shrugs. ‘’He didn’t like it but I didn’t care; I just got sick of him trying to control my life.’’

‘’I must say you have a bit of an accent,’’ Liam observes.

‘’Well, I was born in Boston but my mom took me home right after. She stayed in contact with my dad for child support and he did his job and even gave me his bloody American citizenship, so I got into the US army and I did two tours in the Middle East. I actually just got back home a month ago,’’

‘’Wow,’’ Niall says, in awe. ‘’Were you in the war?’’

‘’Yeah, they even gave me a proper medal for it,’’ Tommy replies, looking bashful and uncomfortable.

‘’When Stan told me he was back in Donny,’’ Louis says, ‘’I had to see him. It’s been years, hasn’t it?’’

‘’Yeah and you’ve gone ahead and become a pop star,’’ Tommy says, his cheerful demeanor back. ‘’Who knew, ay?’’

‘’And what are your plans now? Any job?’’ Harry asks because he doesn’t like the way Tommy and Louis are being all chummy with each other.

‘’I don’t know; the army is paying me well, enough to support myself for a while so,’’ Tommy shrugs. ‘’I just moved back in with my mum and I was thinking of finishing school. We’ll see, I guess. That football match though was the first amazing thing I did since I got back,’’ he says, looking at Louis with awe. ‘’And this funny guy hasn’t changed in one bit; I mean, he invites me to a football match for old-time’s sake, acting like it's gonna be same old, same old and I get there and find myself being tackled by Robbie Williams from Take That! How mad was that?’’

Harry soon realizes that there’s no room for him to talk with Louis at all, not with Tommy being his exuberant, pleasant self, even drawing Niall and Liam to actually look like they genuinely like him. He’s like a young James Cordon with a jovial laugh, a chatty mouth and a self-deprecating sense of humor. Moreover, he’s every bit the opposite of what Louis likes in an alpha. Not that he knows of Louis’ preferences but Louis’ talked about his exes before and he can see that Tommy fits the bill.

He secretly hopes that this friendship of theirs is nothing but the high of a reunion and nothing more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

He’s mistaken completely when he and Zayn are on their way to the car park outside the O2 arena and see Louis and Tommy leaving the tour bus. They’ve just finished rehearsals; Louis running off with his phone to his ear and Liam and Niall in search of refreshments. He and Zayn had decided to play footie for a bit –well, actually to talk somewhere private – and now this.

‘’What the fuck?’’ he says loudly to get their attention.

‘’Hey, Lou,’’ Zayn says politely, eyeing Tommy. ‘’Who’s the friend?’’

‘’You must be Zayn.’’ Tommy shakes Zayn’s hand like an over gratuitous fan. ‘’I’m Tommy, Louis’ friend,’’

‘’Yeah, Tommy is coming on tour with us,’’ Louis announces.

‘’I beg your pardon?’’ Harry blinks his eyes, shocked.

‘’Yeah, I sorted it out with management,’’ Louis says cheerfully. ‘’Tommy doesn’t really have plans for now and you know, he’s kind of a war veteran. He hasn’t really seen much,’’

‘’Yeah, I’m actually excited, I haven’t been to any music event since Leeds,’’ he looks at Louis like there’s an inside meaning there before he continues. ‘’Tommo is just great isn’t he? Doing this for a friend?’’

‘’Louis, can I talk to you?’’ Harry says, barely able to keep himself in check.

Louis looks at him with that expressionless face.

‘’Now?’’ Harry presses.

‘’Hey, why don’t I give you a tour of the dressing room and the backstage area, yeah’’ Zayn offers Tommy.

‘’Oh I’d love that!’’ Tommy is eager and like an excited puppy, he follows Zayn back inside the venue and leaves them be.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Harry cuts through the chase. ‘’Because if you are trying to get me jealous, it’s working and I'm not one bit happy about it,’’

‘’I’m not trying to get you jealous,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’Am I not allowed to have friends on tour with me?’’

The thing is, he’s totally allowed; they all are. Harry had Gemma come up for a couple of shows back during their first tour and Niall had his brother and cousins come up as well. Zayn’s got himself a girlfriend now and she is actually going to hit them up in Australia, same with Liam’s girlfriend. Louis had gotten his sister and Stan and Olly before too. It was not a big deal.

But it is a damn big deal now.

‘’You are allowed but…’’

‘’But what?’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’Look, he left the army due to getting shot under fire, okay? They had to dig out bullet pellets from his back for god’s sake,’’ Louis softens his voice. ‘’He’s just a good friend, Harry, a friend who’s a bit directionless now and is still recovering and is a bit traumatized. Wouldn’t you do the same thing?’’

Harry is taken aback by the sincerity in Louis’ voice and feels a bit ashamed for only thinking about himself.

‘’He sure doesn’t look traumatized,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’Well, it’s easy to pretend you’re alright when other people are around, yeah?’’ Louis says and Harry may be paranoid but he knows a hint when he hears one.

‘’Are you pretending right now?’’ Harry asks, that swooping feeling back again.

‘’Do you even have to ask?’’ Louis shoots back.

‘’Louis, I’m sorry; I don’t know how many times I have to say it,’’ harry says, frustrated.

‘’You’re just sorry that we’re like this,’’ Louis waves his hand at the space between them. ‘’But you’re not sorry for not telling me. You thought you could handle yourself and that you didn’t need any help from an omega like a good old-fashioned alpha!’’

‘’That is not true!’’ Harry argues.

‘’So what then?’’ Louis rebuttals before his eyes turn watery. ‘’I tore my heart out to you,’’ Louis inhales in rattling breath. ‘’I trusted you with my whole soul and then you…did I scare you away? Is that it?’’

‘’No, Lou…’’ it hurts and he wonders; will he always make Louis cry whenever they talk now? 

‘’Don’t lie to me,’’ Louis’ tears spills. ‘’Don’t try to appease me because you’re jealous!’’

‘’You didn’t scare me away, okay? Not you,’’

‘’Dr. Webbe then? Was it him?’’

‘’He said some scary shit, Louis! And he’s a doctor! He isn’t exactly in a profession that will make me think lying is in his nature!’’ Harry reasons.

‘’He’s a fucking stranger, Harry, a mere professional acquaintance at best! Nothing more and nothing less!’’ Louis says heatedly. ‘’I don’t ever see him unless I have to, I certainly don’t invite him over for a cup of tea every once in a while and I most certainly don’t see him as family or a friend!’’

That shuts Harry right up.

‘’Look, you need to work on your self-esteem,’’ Louis says softly. ‘’And I can’t help you without making you feel worse about yourself even if I want to,’’

‘’You’re always helping others,’’ Harry cannot help but say. ‘’Have you even been taking care of yourself?’’

‘’I have, babe,’’ Louis smiles sadly. ‘’I have to, yeah?’’

Harry feels like crying. He knows he has issues but it’s never been more apparent now.

‘’Just give me time, okay? I promise I still love you. That hasn’t changed,’’

‘’I know, Haz,’’ Louis takes a step closer and pulls his waist in for a hug. Harry immediately wraps him up in his arms. ‘’We’re not broken up, I promise,’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry takes a whiff of his hair and he feels like he can breathe for the first time since that night went wrong. ‘’Thank you,’’

‘’But we will need to go really slow, alright? You need it, love,’’ Louis says, voice slightly muffled. ''I need it,''

''Because I hurt you?''

''Can't deny that,'' Louis sighs. ''But you're hurting too and that's a lot of room to make space for, you know?''

''Okay,'' Harry just wants to keep holding him and let Louis dry his tears on his shirt. ''You're right; you're always right,''

''Not always,'' Louis shakes his head. ''I just think maybe this is the right time for us to know ourselves better and that's always a good thing, right?''

''Yeah,'' Harry rocks them side-ways gently. ''This is a good thing too,''

''What, hugging in the parking lot?''

''Yeah,''

''You know what else is a good thing?''

‘’You entertaining Tommy on tour?’’ Harry guesses with a pout to which Louis chuckles.

‘’Hey, he’s not all bad and it will help things not be so intense all the time between us, like he’s some sort of a buffer,’’ Louis pulls back. ‘’Don’t tell him I said that, yeah?’’

Harry chuckles wetly. ‘’Does he know about us?’’

‘’How can he not know with you posturing every time you’re around him?’’ Louis snorts.

‘’I thought no one noticed,’’ Harry murmurs.

‘’Well, I did,’’ Louis smiles at him, as if saying, ‘what will I do with you?’

‘’We’re good?’’ Harry checks.

‘’We’ll get there,’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that Tommy will not be around for long , okay? :D


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the absence; i was quite sick for a while there. But here is an update. Finally :D  
> Beware the tags here; you have been warned

_Step by step, heart to heart, left right left_   
_We all fall down_   
_Step by step, heart to heart, left right left_   
_We all fall down like toy soldiers_   
_Bit by bit, torn apart_   
_We never win but the battle wages on for toy soldiers_

-Eminem, Like Toy Soldiers

Tommy turns out to be quite harmless and Harry discovers how fun it is to show him places and to see his reaction when they meet famous people. He kind of brings them down to earth; not that they aren’t still awe-struck whenever they meet their idols but Harry has to admit that he didn’t realize their fame has made them a little bit jaded and given them thick skin. But chaperoning Tommy around brought back the newness of it all, brought back the fact that their lives is still worth pinching yourself over just to make sure it isn’t a dream.

Louis was right; it wasn’t a bad idea bringing him on tour at all.

‘’It’s like adopting a pet,’’ Niall agrees.

‘’What?’’ Louis chuckles. ‘’Last I checked, Tommy isn’t a dog or a cat, he’s very much a human being,’’

‘’Human beings can be adopted,’’ Zayn says wisely.

‘’That’s not my point,’’ Louis shakes his head at them.

‘’Louis!’’ Tommy calls.

‘’Yeah bro?’’

‘’You have got to check this out!’’ Tommy runs out of the balcony. Harry has to agree with Louis; Tommy is almost 6,5; he can hardly be considered a pet. No wonder he thought he was older when they’d first met and not someone close to their age group. Although he has to admit that his boyish, innocent face does melt hearts like a pile of puppies.

‘’What?’’

‘’There’s a sea of people down there!’’ Tommy gesticulates with his hands so the boys all rise from the living room. They’re in a hotel room in Scotland and the windows were closed due to the weather but now that Tommy’s opened the balcony doors, Harry has a hint of what they’re about to see.

Indeed, there is a sea of people, fans holding banners and singing their songs at them and when they emerge, the screaming reaches a whole new level.

‘’What is this madness?’’ Tommy exhales. ‘’Those girls are crazy for you guys,’’

They all feel sheepish and a little bit embarrassed but Tommy seems to be having a good time.

It’s a good life.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’We’ve got a show in half an hour,’’ Louis gasps into Harry’s greedy lips. They’ve found a dark corner backstage before their show in Sweden. And Louis is right, they don’t have much time.

The thing is though; he hasn’t had Louis in almost two months. Those two weeks of break that they had was nothing compared to how desperate he feels now. They’ve just got more shows now and less time to do anything but fly to one country after another, sleep, eat and perform. They’re not even half-way yet.

Harry is already losing his mind.

It’s like they’re never alone and when they are, they’re too tired to do anything but sleep. Every waking moment is almost spent with them always getting interrupted, whether by Tommy or the lads or the crewman or a show. There’s never enough time and while he’s tried to follow Louis’ take and look at the positive side of the whole matter, at the whole situation helping them take things slow, it’s also getting into Harry’s head.

He’s spent enough time self-reflecting and growing more and more in love with Louis to realize that he can do this; he can make things work out with Louis, he can be less insecure. There was one night when Liam was doing an interview and he stood behind the camera with his girlfriend and though he didn’t have much to talk about with Sophia, he also had quite an enlightening conversation with her.

_‘’It’s nice to be with an alpha who can make you feel safe, you know?’’ she’d said when Harry had asked, in a joking kind of way, what she saw in their Lima Bean._

_‘’Safe?’’_

_‘’Yeah, I mean, he’s not my world, like he doesn’t try to be my entire world like most alphas do but he does make my world safe, you know?’’_

_‘’Like most alphas do?’’_

_‘’Yeah, you know how some alphas want their omegas to be totally dependent on them, to be assured that they’re the only thing that can keep them safe? That type?’’_

_‘’You don’t like that type?’’_

_‘’I mean, it’s not bad but that’s not what most omegas want or seek in an alpha.’’_

_‘’What do you want in an alpha?’’_

_‘’Well…’’ she’d looked at Liam here softly and when he’d followed her gaze, he’d seen Liam looking off camera at her before answering a question. ‘’So far I like the fact that he doesn’t act like he’s responsible for my safety or at least he’s a gentleman about it you know? I don’t need his permission to do my thing and he takes care of me in a way that doesn’t make him assertive but rather it makes our relationship feel liberating. I feel…’’ she’d looked at him here, ‘’…free when I’m with him, like his equal. We take care of each other, we make each other feel safe and he doesn’t get mad when I give him shit for being a little extra sometimes and I don’t get mad when he admonishes me for being reckless sometimes. It’s nice,’’_

Harry had learned a lot from her that day.

He’d also learned that he’s not a very patient man when it comes to Louis.

‘’I know, I know,’’ Harry says but he can’t stop his wandering hands from reaching under Louis’ shirt and exploring his back. He can’t stop his lips from swallowing every gasp leaving Louis’ mouth.

‘’I miss this,’’ Louis gasps, pulling at his hair. ''I miss you...''

They really don’t have enough time.

‘’Turn around,’’ Harry doesn’t wait for him and just grips his hips and turns Louis until he’s facing the wall.

‘’Haz…’’ Louis croaks but he’s already on his knees, pulling Louis’ skinny jeans and underpants down. ‘’Oh fuck…’’

He goes to town then, spreading Louis’ arse cheeks and slurping Louis’ slick like he’s on a mission.

‘’You’re loud,’’ he bites Louis’ arse, making Louis squeak before he continues licking.

‘’You’re a tease,’’ Louis hisses. He cannot see Louis’ face from the dark but he bets he’s flushed all the way down his chest. ‘’Stop being a tease,’’

‘’Fine then,’’ he gets up and starts rutting against Louis, knowing that Louis can feel his hard prick very well. He holds Louis around the waist to keep them pressed together and with his free hand, he starts jerking Louis off.

‘’Uh…’’ Louis seems to be out of words. He reaches back for Harry’s hair and strains his neck to kiss him. Harry just presses closer, lowering his head so Louis can reach his lips. Louis’ free hand reaches behind him and squeezes his ass. ‘’Faster, c’mon,’’

Harry releases Louis’ waist and holds Louis’ head instead, keeps their lips locked. Harry’s not sure but between one squeeze and the next, he comes inside his pants and then swallows Louis moans when he spills into his hand.

They stay breathing into each other’s mouths for a while before Harry feels Louis’ legs shaking. There’s a crate somewhere near his leg that he’d felt when they’d stumbled into the dark corridor so he pulls Louis with him and seats him on his lap, Louis’ back against his chest. His longer legs bracket the inside of Louis’, keeping them open on the outside of his legs. His hand is still on Louis' softening dick.

‘’This is not us taking it slow,’’ Louis whispers, exhaling against his chin.

‘’No, it isn’t,’’ Harry says as he licks Louis’ release from his hand. He’s quite sure Louis knows what he’s doing even if it’s dark.

‘’And I’m guessing you don’t regret it anyways,’’ Louis observes, voice hypnotized by what he can see of Harry, cleaning his hand with his tongue.

‘’I don’t regret any time I spend with you,’’ Harry wraps both hands around Louis’ waist before he dips down and kisses him. ‘’And I won’t start doing that now, okay?’’

Louis folds his arms on Harry’s tight ones around him. ‘’Okay,’’

‘’I’m alright, Lou,’’ Harry says, lips brushing against his forehead. ‘’I know what I want now,’’

Somehow, Louis feels like crying. He wants to trust Harry again but he won’t admit that he’s scared shitless because that would be like admitting they’re both ruined for each other and he won’t accept that.

‘’I’m cold,’’

He knows Harry is looking at him regardless of the shadows they’re in and yet he doesn’t say anything until he helps Louis stand up and pulls up his trousers and underpants back up.

‘’Are we not going to talk about it?’’ Harry asks once they’re proper.

‘’About what?’’

‘’About you trusting me again?’’

Louis looks at him, face half in shadows and half in light.

‘’I told you I’m not going to be easy for you,’’ Louis says simply.

‘’I know but don’t play hard to get with me,’’ Harry warns. ‘’Because I am not above chasing you,’’

Louis doesn’t want to get slick again, not when Harry is trying to have a proper conversation. The thing is; his omega side seems done with him being so stubborn.

‘’In case you haven’t noticed, love,’’ Louis says before he steps out of the shadows. ‘’I don’t really mind a little bit of a chase,’’

‘’And when I catch you? What do I get?’’

Louis forgot that Harry has a very competitive streak and also, he can smell Harry’s arousal. He’s aware now that his omega is addressing Harry’s alpha and from the way Harry is looking at him, eyes almost black, Harry’s alpha is very much present too.

‘’You know what you’ll get,’’ Louis says before he flees back to the dressing room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He’s out with the lads getting snacks from a high way convenient store while their tour bus driver fills up the buses from the petrol station. They’re on a high from their show in Amsterdam and it’s been a blast. Niall had just gotten back before their show, fresh from a rut and he’s been rough-housing everyone, asking for some quality bro time. It’s like their job requirements is simply to go on road trips and hang out with friends while singing for a couple of hours every other day of the week.

It’s a blast so far.

When they return to the bus, it’s quite dark outside and Louis and Tommy are not in the lounge area.

Harry doesn’t try to get jealous because he knows Louis won’t cheat on him. But he does his best to stay seated and goof around with the lads, trying his hardest not to storm into the bunk areas because he can smell that Tommy is there, sitting with Louis and talking quietly. He knows and he doesn’t want the thin ice he’s in with Louis to get shattered with his paranoia.

An hour after the bus starts moving, Louis and Tommy join them and Harry is glad when Louis sits next to him, actually pushing Niall away to take his seat.

He’s ashamed to admit that he still needs to work on his jealousy issues.

Later that night, he gets up from his bunk, frustrated that he can’t sleep and walks to the kitchen area, hoping that a glass of water will help. It's pitch black outside and the bus is gliding smoothly across the highway. No one is awake from the lads but him which is a shame because he wouldn't mind some conversation.

therefore, he’s surprised to find Tommy sitting in the dark on the lounge sofa.

‘’Hey man,’’ he greets, softly closing the curtains to the bunk area.

‘’Oh hey Harry,’’ Tommy sniffs. ‘’Didn’t see you there.’’

‘’Couldn’t sleep?’’ Harry asks as he walks to the little kitchenette. He turns on the lights and sees Tommy flinch away from the suddenness of it. ‘’Sorry; just wanted a drink,’’

‘’No, that’s alright,’’

They’re quiet for a bit, Harry trying his best not to steal glances while sipping his water and Tommy trying to cover his eyes with his hair.

‘’Louis told me,’’ Harry says, unable to stand the awkwardness.

‘’About what?’’

‘’About you being traumatized or something?’’ Harry ends it in a question. ‘’It’s why he thought you coming on tour with us was a good idea,’’

‘’Louis told me he tells you everything,’’ Tommy smiles tightly. ''Apparently he's right,''

‘’I’m sorry for bringing it up…‘’

‘’No, it’s alright; it’s very alpha of you; being this protective. I’d know,’’ Tommy chuckles.

‘’Right,’’

‘’Louis is really a great lad,’’ Tommy says. ‘’Never likes to play up to people’s standards. Loves you to death, might I add.’’

‘’That’s….’’ Harry flushes. ‘’Well, that’s always nice to hear. You seem to know him very well,’’

‘’Louis hasn’t changed much….he still has nothing to make up for,’’ Tommy says somberly. ‘’And he sure as hell doesn’t owe me anything,’’

‘’Oh,’’ Harry frowns before he takes a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. ‘’You think he brought you on tour because he owes you something?’’

‘’He thinks I left England because of what happened to him,’’ Tommy says quietly, eyes a little lost. ‘’That I joined the army as some form of self-punishment…’’

‘’You know about that?’’ Harry asks after a while of taking that in. ‘’About his accident?’’

‘’I was there,’’ Tommy looks at him, eyes wet and swimming in guilt. ‘’I was in Leeds with him and Stan and the lads.’’

‘’Oh,’’ Harry sits back and looks towards the bunk areas. Louis didn’t say anything but he should have figured it out when Tommy mentioned it back when they’d hung out at the match.

‘’Not a day goes by when I don’t think about it,’’ Tommy says, eyes lost in the past. With nothing but the kitchen lights on, his face looks younger. The shadows throw his big bulk away, turning him into a little scared kid. ‘’He was the only omega in our group of friends and I was the only alpha in our group of friends. Of all people, I should have been more alert. I should have walked him back to the motel. I should have made sure he was okay. But you know what I did instead?’’

‘’What?’’ Harry asks quietly.

‘’I told Stan to stop calling him, that he was missing out on a good show. Louis told us he was just a bit tired so I reckoned he was probably asleep already and Stan was disturbing him. I had asked that Louis text us when he’d arrive but he didn’t,’’ Tommy takes in a deep rattled breath. ‘’Yet I told Stan not to worry about it, that maybe the Tommo just forgot, maybe he got hammered a little bit too early,’’ Tommy laughs bitterly. ‘’We were drinking early in the day, having fun and I figured we still have more time and he won't miss much from just one night so I wanted the lads to back off and pay attention so that we can rib him about it later. I was just excited to see Cold Play that I didn’t give a fuck that one of my best mates was getting kidnapped,’’

Harry looks at Tommy now and sees him in a whole new light. He has battle scars but they don’t hurt him as much as reliving the past does. He wonders if Louis knows about all this, about the real trauma that he is still living.

‘’It’s been years,’’ Harry says carefully. ‘’I’m sure he doesn’t blame you,’’

‘’But he should,’’ Tommy answers miserably, ‘’because I couldn’t face him after that. I couldn’t bear to see him after he was found. I just took off back to Donny, called my dad and booked a plane ticket out of there.’’

‘’I’m guessing it wasn’t enough…’’

‘’Mate, I could try to run further away than Yemen and Kenya and it still wouldn’t be far enough,’’ Tommy says, a few tears spilling.

‘’Is that where you’ve been?’’

‘’Yup,’’ Tommy wipes at his eyes. ‘’Thought I’d die there too. Had this stupid notion that if I die a hero, I’d redeem myself.’’

‘’Tommy…’’

‘’It’s alright,’’ Tommy smiles at him reassuringly. ‘’I don’t think like that anymore. Honestly, seeing him healthy and strong, just seeing him again…’’ Tommy’s smile turns soft. ‘’We talked tonight.’’

‘’Walked down memory lane?’’

‘’Sort of,’’ Tommy shrugs. ‘’He told me about what happened after he woke up. He doesn’t know much about the details he said but that he was confused when I left and didn’t say goodbye. I thought he’d be all confrontational. I thought he’d at least blame me but he didn’t,’’ Tommy looks at Harry here, like he’s confused by Louis response. ‘’he made me feel like I was guilty for nothing,’’

‘’You guys are friends; of course he wouldn’t blame you,’’

‘’Yeah but I still said sorry. He needed a friend back then and I wasn't there alongside the others. I owed him that much.’’

They share a comfortable silence after that. Harry finishes his glass of water and rotates the glass in his hands.

‘’Is this why you couldn’t sleep?’’

‘’Oh, I can’t sleep in general. It’s not a big deal,’’ Tommy smiles kindly.

‘’Due to army stuff?’’

‘’I was told the after affects are quite normal,’’ Tommy relents. ‘’I’m okay with it though. It comes with the job,’’

‘’I see,’’

‘’You know what I’ve been thinking about lately though?’’

‘’What?’’

Tommy looks at him and for a moment there, his alpha stirs. He’s never felt like a predator before, even though as an alpha, society deems him to be in the strongest category, like he’s the top of the food chain. He’s young but body –wise he already fits the description physically. With Tommy though, after getting to know him, it’s sometimes easy to look past the bulk and get lost in his vivaciousness and youth.

Now though, he’s looking an alpha predator in the eye and his alpha feels its presence.

‘’I’ve been thinking that if I ever get my hands on that alpha that had hurt him, I’m going to tear them limb from limb. I’ve done it before. I won’t hesitate to do it again,’’

Harry doesn’t break eye contact and neither does Tommy, despite how chilly the words were and how blasé Tommy spoke them. Harry wants to salute him but he settles for meeting his stare.

It’s acknowledgment enough.

‘’You and me both,’’ Harry nods.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Harry has just finished showering when his hotel door knocks. He’s supposed to get ready for a night club outing with the lads and he’s still got half an hour. He wraps a towel around his waist and checks the eye-hole in the door. It’s Louis and he’s already fully dressed.

‘’Hey,’’ he opens the door and goes back to his room. ‘’Am I late? I thought we said 11?’’

He and Louis had gone back to separate hotel room as a way to take things slow but they’ve also gone down on each other in dark corners of every backstage room in almost every country they’ve been in so far. Somehow, after his talk with Tommy, he feels like he’s got fewer things to fear when it comes to his relationship with Louis. There are worse people out there for him to get his hackles up and it is all the more reason why he should appreciate the life and the love he has. He should take in every waking moment he has with Louis and not waste it; instead, he should cherish it. He’s done being afraid. Hanging out with Louis tonight, even if it's with the lads, is a step into enjoying that liberation.

‘’No, you’re not late but I’m not going so,’’ Louis says before he closes the door to Harry’s hotel bedroom.

‘’Why not?’’ Harry turns around, a crisp white shirt in hand.

‘’Can’t you tell?’’

Harry frowns at him and sees his sweaty brow and his flushes red face. He then inhales and realizes there are wild flowers in the air.

‘’Lou, are you…’’

‘’Not yet, but close,’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’Enough for us to talk first,’’

Harry swallows and puts the shirt back on the bed. ‘’Okay,’’

‘’I’m going to trust you again. I’ve always known that it’s just a matter of time and I think that time is now,’’ Louis starts. ‘’That and Tommy and the lads knocked some sense into me,’’

Harry chuckles. ‘’Right,’’

‘’You love me,’’

‘’I do,’’ Harry nods resolutely. ‘’And I won’t ever hurt you again. I promise,’’

‘’Can you make that same promise tonight?’’ Louis asks. ‘’because I think I’m going to need it,’’

Harry’s alpha rouses inside him and he feels challenged. His omega needs him and he’ll be damned not to be present and there for him.

‘’I’m yours,’’ Harry states.

Louis just flushes more and Harry can smell his slick.

‘’I want us to talk first,’’ Louis says. ‘’I also want to mention some conditions I have because I might not be able to remind you,’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry acquiesces. ‘’Would it be alright if I hold you?’’

Louis is about to shake his head but Harry is quick. ‘’I’ll behave, I promise.’’

Louis smiles at him before he takes measured steps towards him. Harry sits on the bed, leg folded so that he’s facing Louis.

Louis gathers his night club clothes and holds them in his lap. He then untangles one hand and places it in Harry’s open palm.

‘’Harry, I think I remember,’’ Louis says softly after they've been sitting quietly for some time.

‘’Remember what?’’

‘’What happened to me that night,’’ Louis replies.

Harry’s alpha is very much trying to break out of his cage, like Louis’ a beacon, calling for his need to protect, to serve, to claw at the walls with rage at the thought of Louis’ memories breaking the surface, putting that pained look on his face.

‘’You remember?’’

‘’I think so,’’

‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’ Harry asks carefully.

‘’I think I have to,’’ Louis nods. ‘’Trust goes both ways and if we’re doing this, I think you have every right to know,’’

‘’Don’t say that,’’ Harry shakes his head. ‘’It’s only my right if you allow it.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Louis exhales before he looks at him, face trying not to crumble. ‘’Promise you won’t judge?’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Promise?’’

Harry wants to shake his head but he can see how much it’s distressing Louis to talk about so he squeezes his hand in comfort. ‘’I won’t. I never will.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Louis nods shakily. ‘’I…it started the night we were together back at my place. Our first night…’’

‘’What started?’’

‘’I um…I got these flashes, bits of memory…I wasn’t sure back then what they were…if they were even memories,’’ Louis shakes his head. ‘’I didn’t know and it didn’t seem important. But after that, I kept having these…I’m not sure if they’re dreams but right before I’d wake up or even when we’re together sometimes, I’d get these flashes of images…voices…’’

‘’Louis, you’re trembling,’’ Louis looks down and sees Harry folding his big hand over his, keeping his shaky hand between his big paws.

‘’I think those voices I’ve been hearing, are their voices…’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Harry, I think, no, I’m sure,’’ Louis looks at Harry’s eyes. ‘’It was more than one alpha.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’They were more than one. I think there were three of them,’’

Harry wants to roar.

‘’Three alphas that hurt you?’’

‘’Yes. They clawed at me and bit me but I don’t remember that,’’

‘’What?’’ Harry looks at Louis’ arms and neck, like he can’t help but search.

‘’They’re gone now but it’s happened…’’

It feels like time stands still and everything becomes a silent film. Like an untamed wolf, his alpha howls and howls inside a cage but there is no sound, not even an echo.

‘’Do you know what they look like?’’ Harry asks softly.

‘’No, I think I was blindfolded, I’m not sure,’’ Louis continues, somehow in a trance. ‘’I also think I was drugged because every time those flashes come up, I always can’t move, like I’m not in control of my own limbs. I kept seeing myself getting tossed and moved around like some puppet on a string and…’’

‘’And…’’ Harry prompts when Louis pauses.

‘’I keep hearing them saying some weird shit to me, like….’’

‘’Like what?’’

‘’Harry,’’ Louis looks at him again. ‘’You know I’m not a virgin right? That you’re not my first?’’

‘’You know I’m not either,’’ Harry feels whip-lashed at the change of subject. He knows Louis had a couple of boyfriends when he was 16. He also fooled around too before the x-factor. It’s not news to them anymore.

He doesn’t know why Louis is bringing it up.

‘’Well, I think those alphas…’’ Louis swallows. ‘’I think they thought they were my first,’’

Harry bulks at this, the admission making him almost physically recoil.

The wolf inside him somehow gets tired of howling in silence, somehow gets tired of prowling around in his big damn cage. The wolf starts growing in size until he’s flat against all four sides and just like that…

Just like that…

He explodes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis doesn’t know how long Harry stays inside the bathroom, breaking things, roaring like an untamed alpha.

He also doesn’t blame him. Harry was actually very calm when he’d put his hand gently on the bed and excused himself to the bathroom.

When the breaking started, Louis decided to stay put and simply wait it out.

You see, he didn’t react like Harry did when he’d pieced things together. He didn’t react at all when he’d called Doctor Webbe over the phone and told him.

He also didn’t react when Doctor Webbe finally told him the truth; that he had claw marks over his body when he’d been found, multiple bite marks that left his neck bleeding.

He was cleaned so thoroughly when they’d left him to die after they’d sexually abused him that there was no semen to extract DNA from, no proof of how many they were considering he was gone for a whole week. All they knew was that the culprits were definitely alphas.

Doctor Webbe had also told him that the multiple bite marks had mitigated a mating bite due to how over layered they were, how they were spread all over his body, how some if not all the bites, were made fresh over and over again, by different sets of teeth and mating fangs to the point of breaking and tearing skin. He was also told that there were heavy traces of a paralyzing drug in his system that was most probably used to keep him docile and how his omega was so frightened and traumatized that his CT scan at the time showed signs of him falling into multiple omega sub drops not to mention severe multiple concussions. They'd found blood on a marble paper holder, along with traces of his hair and skin on it so it had been assumed that his head had been clubbed with it. With all that stress on his body, Doctor Webbe wasn’t even sure he’d ever wake up. While he’d been recuperating, the claw marks and the bites had scarred him so badly that his mum insisted on Doctor Webbe doing something about it.

He remembers asking about the bandages wrapped around his chest, his neck, his stomach and his thighs when he’d first woken up and at the time, the reply was that he was severely bruised. He had his first surgery after that and when the bandages were taken away, so were the ‘bruises’.

He still had some scars that he still has no recollection on how he'd gotten them but in time they'd healed and are very faint now; scars around his wrists from where he was found apparently shackled to the headboard. Scars on his arse and back from where they'd gotten rough with him. Scars on his ankle which had been clawed deep to the bone as if they wanted to be extra sure he wouldn’t be able to escape.

_‘’You know the truth now,’’ Doctor Webbe concluded over the phone. Louis was glad the man couldn’t see his face; he’s yet to break down in front of the doctor and he doesn't intend to do so._

_‘’Is this why my body is the way it is?’’_

_‘’Yes; your omega took the brunt of the abuse to protect your mental state. Having to go through omega sub drops over and over again was scarring and damaging enough to make it retreat so far into a corner, even as far as hiding from you. It’s the reason why it took you so long to remember.’’_

_‘’My omega remembers…’’_

_‘’Yes, perhaps even your omega has known this whole time and because you’re starting to sync up with your biology again, I knew it was inevitable that your memories will come back to you…’’_

_''Not all of them yet,''_

_''Maybe never due to the drugs. It can't be helped, Louis. Even I cannot help you with that,''_

_‘’All I get from this is that now I understand why I’m distrustful of alphas; they never showed up to save me…’’_

_‘’Some alphas are sadly that way; so far off their nature that no matter how much an omega tries to elicit from them their true instincts to protect, it just falls on deaf ears.’’_

_‘’High and mighty alphas,’’ Louis says bitterly._

_‘’No, they are a disgrace to our kind,’’ Dr. Webbe says coolly. ‘’think of them like dogs with rabies; they just need to be put down because there is no cure, no antidote when one goes against his very nature. Once that line is crossed, they’re no turning back.’’_

It surprised Louis how utterly unflappable the man was. In a way, Doctor Webbe took pride in alphas because of what he believes they should be, because of their ideals, because they are not just supreme beings but are beings raised to maintain and uphold chivalry and justice in society. In a perfect world; alphas are the bread winners, the strong, the protectors, the brave and the courageous. They cannot be abusers of powers, greedy and selfish because if they are, that does not fit their description and if they do not fit, then they owe to be put down because they are no longer the alphas that they owe to be.

In a way, Louis likes that because he knows what alphas owe to be like and his abusers are not. They're monsters, worse than rapid dogs.

Alphas owe to be more like Liam; outspoken and fearless

Like Niall; brave and carefree

Like Tommy; heroic and loyal.

Like Harry; loving and protective and currently throwing a fit in the bathroom over the injustice of it all.

He’d taken a heat blocker so he knows he has less than a day before his heat finally hits. They’re in Germany and Liam is on a rut leave so he knows they have no show or schedule coming up. Niall, Zayn and Tommy are out clubbing too so there’s that.

He sits and waits. He has time. He’ll let Harry do the breaking down for him because somehow, he doesn’t understand why he can’t have one instead.

He hears the sound of another thing breaking in the bathroom and he thinks Harry is crying from the muffled sobbing he hears.

He stays put on the bed, unmoving.

Waiting…


	15. fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexy times ahead :D but also do heed the warnings

_And I'd give it all for you, if you'd let me._   
_This heart don't have a home without you in it; no._   
_And I'd stand before you as a man who's been broken_   
_Truer words never spoken; no._

_Is that enough?_   
_Is that enough,_   
_For your love?_

_-Alex Roe, Enough_

The mirror has a few large cracks on it.

Looking at it, Harry doesn’t really remember how he broke it. He’s just glad he didn’t break it with his fists or god forbid; his forehead.

But looking at it now, he sees the shower curtains are half ripped off, the towel drawers are upheaved and broken on the floor, the towels themselves are strewn all over the place and the counter is cluttered with tiny shampoo bottles, shower gels and soaps that they don’t use because they always bring their own stuff anyways.

The door is also not in a good shape.

He can feel his knuckles throbbing come to think of it. Ben is going to get pissed at him when he realizes they’re going to have to pay for property damage.

Tonight, he hardly cares.

His chest is heaving with exertion but his alpha is somewhat calm, appeased at having gotten the chance to release its anger.

But Harry is still angry. He’s mad at himself for thinking that Louis’ accident was just a head injury and nothing else, that maybe he was robbed and was just dumped somewhere with no wallet and no cell phone to get back home in less than a week. How naïve of him, to think that it couldn’t have been worse.

He has so many images and questions floating in his mind. Did they knot him when he was unconscious? Did they at least let him rest? Did they break his bones? Did he try to escape and they caught him?

The more he thinks about it, the more his alpha wails at him to break something and he can’t breathe.

He’s not stupid; he knows those things happen but he doesn’t want to accept that it had happened to Louis. His Louis.

He looks at himself and fears what he’s capable of, fears what those alphas did. No alpha ever extends their claws unless they’re trying to defend themselves. It’s against the law for alphas to attack using their claws. They are never to let them come out in public and even if it was in self-defense, the law is not so lenient and simple to accept the act without solid proof of danger, as alphas are already known to have the upper hand in almost all situations, so an alpha with claws out is not to be taken lightly no matter the reason for it.

And to think someone, no; more than one person clawed Louis, a defenseless omega who could never ever pose a threat to one alpha, let alone three of them.

It is beyond him how they were not apprehended, that they were not found at all. It’s that unreasonable fact that makes his blood boil.

Looking at the cracked mirror, he can see his forehead beaded with sweat, his eyes confused, questioning and angry.

Something dies a little inside his heart. He doesn’t feel like a boy anymore. Louis was two years younger than him when he’d gotten hurt and alpha or not, he can hardly imagine being in his shoes. He knows what he was like at seventeen; all bubblegum poster boy with cherubic hair and the sweetest dimples. Maybe he’s still that boy now.

But he can’t be that tonight when he walks out of the bathroom. He can’t be the boy who’d follow Louis like a little duckling, waiting to be guided and petted and mother-henned.

Tonight, Louis needs him and Harry cannot go out there, unprepared to shoulder his burdens.

He wipes the fallen tears off his cheeks and picks up the towel that fell on the floor. He re-wraps it around his waist and opens the door.

When he steps outside, the scent of wildflowers is heavier in the room. Louis’ clothes are on the floor and said boy is in his bed, blankets up to his waist, shirtless.

Louis had decided to get comfortable while waiting for Harry to come out. It was starting to get a little hot so he’d decided to just take all his clothes off and get under the blankets. His senses are a little more heightened than usual and Harry’s blanket and pillows smell like him. Lying down in a bed of his scent is like lying down in a meadow. While Harry was raging a door away, the scent made him feel peaceful.

He only sits up when the door finally clicks open.

They look at each other for a while and he cannot help but think that his Harry is really brave and strong, the words ‘gentle giant’ a mantra in his mind.

Harry approaches until he reaches the bed and sits on the edge of it, right by Louis’ hip. He notices Louis is wearing his paper-airplane necklace.

Seeing the necklace brings back memories of their first date, when he’d dived in unprepared into his feelings for Louis and took a leap into the unknown, heart filled with too much to give and not enough thought into navigating the turbulent road ahead with just his love and nothing else.

They’ve come a long way now.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Harry clears his throat. ‘’I didn’t mean to keep you waiting,’’

‘’It’s alright,’’ Louis says quietly.

They’re silent for a while after, both a little lost in their own thoughts; Louis cannot help but take in Harry’s form, the sadness in his eyes and not the pity, the anger in his frown that isn't directed at him. He takes in his disheveled hair, the remnants of tears based on the dry trail on his cheeks. He observes as Harry reaches for his hand and holds his wrist gently in the circle of his long fingers, barely pressing in.

‘’I’ve always wondered about this scar,’’ Harry says, thumb moving across the inside of his wrist where a faint white line, hardly a bump on his skin, rests. ‘’Is it from the accident?’’

‘’I think so,’’ Louis looks at where he’s being touched. ‘’I don’t remember all of it,’’

‘’This too…’’ Harry lets go of his wrist and reaches for his side. The blanket dips a bit but just enough for Harry’s hand to engulf the jut of Louis’ hip. There’s a small nick of a scar there, a raised bump that is hardly noticeable unless one is looking.

‘’I know there’s another one on your ankle…’’ Harry says, eyes getting this tense look to it. Louis reaches for Harry’s hand and holds it in his lap, making Harry look up to him.

‘’You don’t have to count them,’’ Louis says. ‘’And you don’t have to be hurt by them.’’

‘’Don’t say that,’’ Harry shakes his head. ‘’I hate what they did to you…’’

‘’But you can’t undo it, Haz.’’ Louis interrupts kindly. ‘’And I’m not expecting you to. Please accept that you can’t fix everything because I’m okay with it.’’

‘’I’m not,’’ Harry says firmly.

‘’Haz, I don’t love you because you’re perfect.’’ Louis tells him. ‘’I don’t love you because of your chivalry or your blatant need to raise hell for me. What I love is that right now, you’re here with me,’’ Louis can’t help but reach for Harry’s face and push his fingers into his hair. ‘’You’re always here for me,’’

‘’It’s not good enough,’’

‘’I’m not finished, love.’’ Louis smiles, eyes soft and sweet. ‘’I love how you’re angry on my behalf. I love that you know the placement of every mark on me and that you’ve never asked before but just accepted them as part of who I am. I love how hard you’re trying and how good your heart is but most of all, I love that you’re present when it counts. That’s all that matters to me,’’

‘’You need to have better standards,’’ Harry reaches for Louis’ hand on his face and holds Louis’ hands to his lips, kissing his knuckles. ‘’Don’t settle for me,’’

‘’I wouldn’t do that,’’ Louis smiles again. ‘’I don’t trust easy, remember?’’

Harry cannot help but drown in his eyes. It’s pivotal, the way his world begins and ends with Louis in this room. The outside world does not exist, bad alphas do not exist, the band does not exist. It’s just Louis now, front and center, the core of his very existence, the nucleus to every atom in his being.

He stands up just enough to rid of the towel around his waist before he gets on the bed and sits down gently on Louis’ legs. He holds his hands again and inhales the deep scent of wild flowers.

‘’You know, I don’t think you’re aware of this,’’ Harry says, eyes never leaving Louis’, ‘’so I think it’s about time that you know what goes on in my head most of the time,’’

‘’Besides me?’’ Louis teases, his tone self-deprecating.

‘’You’re all that’s on my mind,’’ Harry says, voice clear and cutting through his bullshit. Louis’ amused smile disappears from his face by the sheer intensity of Harry’s eyes on him. ‘’You’re in every thought, every moment, the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last when I sleep but also everything before, after and in between.’’

Louis gulps. Harry isn’t trying to be romantic and he sure isn’t courting here. He’s dead serious, like he’s stating a blatant fact in a debate after someone’s been trying to prove him wrong.

‘’When we argue or fight, it’s because I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings and I mean that the Notebook way,’’

It startles a short, watery laugh out of Louis.

‘’I don’t want to treat you like glass or fine china because you’re not breakable. No, you’re like the rock that breaks the waves apart, the tide that won’t recede. You have nothing to be apologetic for and if you and I are one half of a whole, then you’re not just the better part of me, no you’re the best of me and I hope, in time, I can be even a little bit of that to you,’’

Louis’ throat feels clogged. There’s not a lot in this world that could get him to be speechless and there’s certainly not a lot of people out there that could get him stumped. But then, Harry has always had the uncanny ability to make him laugh impromptu, and when he’s not confused or drowning in fear, he speaks with an affinity so raw and so open, it’s hard to find a flaw in him.

‘’Um,’’ he clears his throat. ‘’The best of me is also a Nicholas Sparks book, in case you didn’t know,’’

‘’That’s all you got out of all that?’’ Harry smiles, amused.

‘’Well, of course not,’’ Louis huffs, fighting a smile. ‘’It was just hard to focus with you all naked in my lap.’’

‘’But you understand, right?’’ Harry asks. He knees forward a little bit more until they’re now almost chest to chest. He cups Louis face tenderly, the way he always does and Louis just feels himself melt. ‘’That you’re it for me, whether we mate now or a couple of years from now, this is it.’’

The word ‘mate’ stirs something in him and he really hopes his heat doesn’t hit sooner, not when Harry’s words are like syrup; smooth and hypnotizing. He wants to remain present for that.

‘’I am never giving my heart out to anyone else because there’s no one else, Lou.’’ Harry tells him. ‘’There’s no one else.’’

‘’That’s…um,’’ Louis stutters. ‘’I…’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I want you,’’ Louis feels himself getting slick.

‘’You have me,’’

‘’You’ll take care of me,’’ Louis nods, eyes on Harry’s lips. ‘’I trust you,’’

‘’Anything you want, just say it, Lou.’’ Harry’s lips brush against his. ‘’I promise you’re the safest with me tonight. I promise,’’

‘’It’s been a while, okay?’’ Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck. ‘’My heat is going to hit soon and I hope…I….’’

‘’What?’’

It’s hard to talk when Harry keeps pecking him, dotting his upper lip and cheek with tiny mouth kisses.

‘’I don’t want to disappoint you, alpha.’’ Louis whispers.

‘’You won’t, baby,’’ Harry kisses him lovingly, hands like silk on his sides. ‘’You’ll be the most cherished tonight and that’s all that matters,’’

‘’Haz,’’ Louis closes his eyes, rests his forehead on Harry’s and inhales. ‘’Before we start, I want you to promise me something?’’

‘’Anything,’’

Louis feels like he can tell him everything, like Harry’s an impenetrable shield and no one beyond him can hear his whispered words.

‘’Make sure I keep my eyes open, yeah?’’ Louis asks. He doesn’t want to feel ashamed of the reason and he knows when he opens his eyes and sees the look on Harry’s face that he’s thinking the same thing. ‘’I just want to make sure it’s you, that’s all.’’

‘’Did you feel like it wasn’t me before…whenever we’re together?’’

‘’Sometimes,’’ Louis answers honestly. ‘’And it’s not fair to you because I’m not thinking of anybody else, okay? I don’t mean to think of them but it just happens and I don’t want it, okay? I’m faithful, I promise…’’

‘’Hey, don’t start that,’’ Harry kisses him soothingly but cuts it short when Louis tries to follow his lips. ‘’You are faithful, I never doubted that,’’

‘’Okay,’’ Louis nods shakily. ‘’You’ll help me keep my eyes open?’’

‘’Yeah, Lou. Anything you want,’’

‘’And don’t press on my wrists too hard. I like it but…’’

‘’It’s a trigger,’’ Harry concludes. Louis nods.

‘’I’ll get over it. I want to beat this, Harry.’’

‘’But we’ll do it at your pace,’’ Harry soothes. ‘’Don’t rush for me, okay? That’s most important.’’

Louis can’t think of anything else to say and not because he thinks he’s not ready for Harry to leave this room and not spend his heat with him if he adds more reservations. He’s tired of pushing Harry off because of his past, tired of living in fear of his own reactions. His omega is sitting in a corner, waiting to see what Harry will do and that’s not how an omega should react in heat when a loving alpha is present, or at least that’s not how he wants to react in heat when he’s with Harry. It shouldn’t be a means to test him and yet somehow it feels like one.

‘’Lou, are you still with me?’’ Harry asks.

Louis feels way too warm and his eyes are glazed.

‘’I think it’s happening,’’ Louis murmurs.

‘’Lie down then,’’ Harry lets him get comfortable in bed and it’s a bit tricky getting the blankets away from underneath his legs, what with Louis’ arms like a vice around his neck but he manages.

He starts kissing Louis when they’re finally skin to skin and it’s like dipping into a hot spring. The heat between Louis’ legs draws him in and Harry can tell how wet he is down there already.

‘’You’re so beautiful,’’ Harry whispers and he is. Louis’ blue eyes are rapturous and his lips are the loveliest shade of red and they pull him in.

It doesn’t take much for Louis to come as they rut against each other and it also doesn’t take much for him to get hard again which is a first in Harry’s book.

Louis in heat is also different in a way that he’s not vocal at all, which is strange considering how aware he is that it is one of Harry’s turn ons. He still makes the loveliest sounds but he’s also not throwing out any words. It’s a bit disconcerting.

‘’You’re okay, babe?’’ Harry asks when Louis’ eyes become half-mast. He picks up his legs and get them around his waist, rises on one elbow and reaches with his other hand down to touch Louis’ hard dick. It startles a quiet gasp from Louis.

‘’Babe, say something,’’ Harry says.

Louis just looks at him. He looks really vulnerable like that night on the bus when he’d carried him to his bunk and sprayed him with his blockers. While he still looks lovely, Harry is not used to it being so blatant. He didn’t know that Louis in heat would bring all his walls down like this and Harry won’t say he doesn’t like it but it just maximizes his protective side and it brings out the alpha in him.

He jerks Louis to the sound of his moans and kisses him when Louis whimpers high in his throat. He doesn’t stop touching him even after Louis comes again but he makes sure to stop kissing his lips and instead kiss his eyelids.

‘’Open your eyes, baby,’’ he urges, his voice alpha rough and Louis’ eyes open in obedience.

‘’Good omega,’’ Harry complements. Louis’ hair is wet with sweat and his skin is glowing, blooming like a rose. He’s never been hotter and Harry feels like drowning in a sauna from the sight.

‘’You’re not tired?’’ Harry asks when Louis reaches for his dick. He looks down and sees Louis holding it with one hand and his other hand collecting slick from his hole and covering his dick with it. It makes him groan because that is so sexy.

‘’You want me to put it in?’’

Louis doesn’t seem to be listening because he just keeps coating Harry’s hard dick with his overflowing slick.

‘’That’s good, love,’’ Harry says and though he knows it’s risky to go in him bare, it’s also something he knows that Louis wants so he’ll meet him half way. ‘’I’m ready now,’’

He holds Louis’ forearms and gets them around his shoulders before he proceeds to enter Louis. It’s utter bliss, the way it feels with no rubber between them, nothing but velvet heat and molten lava.

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry groans when he hears Louis gasp and not the good kind. His head snaps up and sees Louis’ eyes are closed.

‘’Hey, open your eyes, love,’’ he holds Louis’ face and stills, only the head in. ‘’Baby, stay with me. Open your eyes,’’

He kisses allover Louis’ face and keeps urging him, petting him until Louis’ eyes open.

‘’Good job, love,’’ Harry awards him with a forehead kiss. ‘’You know who I am? You know who you’re looking at?’’

Louis nods minutely and tries to urge Harry in with his legs but Harry won’t have it.

‘’Say my name first,’’ Harry pleads. ‘’C’mon, tell me.’’

He sees Louis mouth his name and he awards his effort with a nose kiss.

‘’That’s good,’’ he says and loves the pleased smile on Louis’ face. ‘’But I want to hear your voice, yeah? Please?’’

Louis looks at him confused and Harry hopes he remembers to tell him about his omega’s strange behavior.

For a minute there, he sees Louis’ eyes clear a little so he urges some more.

‘’Can you say my name? It sounds beautiful when you say it, love and I really want to hear it. Can you do that for me?’

‘’Harry,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’My Harry,’’

Harry nods and bites his lower lip in stop himself from smiling wide.

‘’Damn; aren’t you just amazing?’’

When he kisses Louis this time, he also starts inching in. Louis tries to pull him in faster but Harry sets his own pace and when he’s fully in, he doesn’t start moving until Louis’ used to the girth.

‘’Don’t stop looking at me, yeah?’’ Harry says, stopping himself from dipping his head into Louis’ neck. He keeps his arms braced on either sides of Louis’ head to make sure he keeps his face in view. ‘’I won’t start moving unless you do that, okay?’’

Louis just bites his lower lip, but he does blink his wet eyelashes at him so Harry follows his instincts and starts moving.

It’s hard not to get distracted by the sounds leaving Louis’ lips or the way his hands trace his sides until they reach his rear and squeeze him. The deeper he thrusts, the more Louis moans and the more ethereal he looks. Harry feels like they’re lying in a field of Sweet Peas with how more vibrant and potent Louis’ scent becomes.

He knows he’ll have to pull out soon, no matter how hard it is to stop but he’d promised Louis to protect him, even if it means protecting him from Harry himself.

Louis whines sharply when he does and scratches at his back to try to get him in again. There’s no time for him to put a condom on, none when his knot is about to form so he just reaches down and holds both their dicks together.

‘’Shh, shh, it’s okay, I got you, it’s okay,’’ Harry whispers into his lips, jerks them fast and gets his legs adjusted to bracket Louis’ in so that he doesn’t keep trying to pull him in. Louis comes again and Harry swallows his most frenzied, sweetest sounds. He allows Louis to get a hold of his dick and his knot starts to form the minute Louis touches him. A minute later, he’s coming against Louis’ abdomen and doesn’t do anything to stop Louis from milking him.

He does stop him from trying to get his knot into his hole though.

‘’Wait, baby, just wait,’’ he says when Louis whines again, like a wounded animal when he gently bats his hands away. Harry hates to leave him so he just reaches for his toiletries bag on the floor and gets it on the bed. He gets out a familiar dildo and shoves it into Louis’ wet hole before he gets his mouth on Louis.

It’s the best distraction and When Louis comes into his mouth, he finally passes out in bliss.

Harry knows it’s going to be a long couple of days ahead.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

A couple of hours later finds him trying to find a way to sleep the early morning light away in the bath tub after he’d startled awake to Louis riding him frantically. Usually Louis would put a condom on him before they get down to business but he knows Louis’ mind is clogged up in heat so he doesn’t blame him.

Still, it’s a risk he cannot take and is glad he’d woken up before coming inside Louis. He’d turned them around and got Louis on his back. He’d made his first mistake by holding both of Louis’ wrists in one hand over his head while reaching into his bag of toiletries to put a condom on.

Louis had actually screamed in fright, the first time he’d been loud since last night started...

‘’Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’’ Harry immediately lets go and watches in horror when Louis turns sideways and held his wrists to his chest, heaving and almost hyperventilating.

‘’Baby, I’m sorry, I’m super fucking sorry, I didn’t mean it, I was just trying to get a condom on, I’m sorry,’’ he doesn’t stop apologizing, doesn’t touch Louis at all, keeps his head at eye level so that he doesn’t tower over him and then realizes that he needs Louis to know that it’s just him because that is the crux of the whole matter. He’s held his wrists like that before, when Louis would try to be naughty and enticing. And he’s slowly coming to realize that Louis’ omega is more scarred than he’d thought he’d be and he cannot belittle that ever.

‘’It’s just me, my love. It’s just Harry. I’m here. You know me. I’m here, baby,’’ he keeps it up until Louis looks at him from underneath his fringe. Harry sees him reaching for the paper airplane, holding it to his chest.

‘’I gave that to you,’’ Harry tells him. ‘’It used to be my lucky charm.’’

Louis keeps looking at him and he looks so small, leg folded up and arms tucked in.

‘’We had our first date in a hotel room,’’ Harry continues. ‘’We had burgers and coke and not a lot of time but it was fun. Best first date I ever had,’’

Louis’ eyes are unmoving and then his lips move.

‘’Harry,’’ Louis exhales.

‘’Yeah, baby, it’s just me,’’ Harry smiles at him, relieved. ‘’Can I come closer now?’’

Louis nods and slowly unfolds himself until he’s got his arms around Harry again. He’s starting to feel that it gives Louis control having his arms around Harry, having the freedom and ability to hold him and Harry likes nothing more than to be held by Louis.

‘’You forgive me?’’ Harry asks but Louis is having none of that, just starts kissing him and pulling at his hair.

It’s not long before Harry is hard again and this time is ready when he starts inching inside him.

It’s easy to desire him, easy to get wrapped up in him again but like this, with Louis almost as warm as a furnace, it’s also almost easy to get lost in him. But Harry notices more differences, like the fact that Louis isn’t as demanding as he sometimes is. He doesn’t tease, doesn’t play coy and yet, he’s not also docile and submissive. It’s like his body is at war with his mind, hot and cold, distrustful and wary but at the same time unable to quench his body’s need for release but not being apologetic or ashamed about it.

Harry cannot help but wonder if when Louis is spending his time alone, it’s his mind that’s at war with his body, if when he’s on his own, he can’t help but yearn for someone but at the same time is satisfied that his omega feels safe behind locked doors and four walls.

Harry never wants him to feel unsafe with him. He never wants him to ever feel alone again.

He tries not to be rough despite Louis practically trapping him within his legs and squeezing him with his thighs so he mixes it up between going slow and deep and then hard and fast. The room starts turning greyish white with dawn breaking in, washing the walls in morning light. When he starts to feel himself pulse inside Louis, he almost forgets to pull out and his knot catches itself at Louis’ rim. He knows it will sting sharply but Harry pulls out completely from the ring of muscle just a second before the condom rips. He immediately makes up for it by manhandling Louis quickly, almost folding him so that he can pull his hips off the bed and get his tongue in him. Louis is lost in his heat, mouth unable to close from the bliss of it and he’s so beautiful.

It turns him on, how Louis’ hips fit into his hands. He’d never tell Louis how much of a size kink he’d started to develop ever since he and Louis started dating (although if he’s being honest, maybe even before they started dating, when he'd started getting taller than Louis) and if not for Louis’ thrashing, he’d keep gripping his hips until his fingers leave a mark. Instead, he hauls Louis further up by wrapping his arms around his torso and practically burying his face in Louis’ delicious slick.

He almost doesn’t notice Louis coming if not for Louis clenching and when Louis’s body finally goes slack, he licks him broadly one last time before he lets Louis' body slide back down unto the bed.

Louis’ wiped out and Harry finally takes the chance to breathe.

He cannot fathom his own strength but tonight, he’s glad he has it. Looking at Louis, he notices a thin trail of saliva over his chin and gently wipes at it. He doesn’t notice his knot hasn’t died down until his dick touches Louis’ sternum and when he looks down and touches himself, a bit of release ejects and joins Louis’ own release on his skin.

It’s a sight he’ll never get tired of but he is also too wiped out to clean Louis out with his tongue. Mostly, he doesn't want to wake his boy.

Instead, he gets Louis’ head gently back on the pillow and then gets off the bed.

His legs are shaky and he knows it’s because he’s barely slept and they’ve more or less been going all night. Still, he manages to somehow organize the bathroom –can’t do anything about the door or the mirror – and finds a wash cloth that he dampens with lukewarm water.

He cleans Louis up gently so as not to wake him before he tucks him under a fresh set of blankets from the closet.

He picks up the duvet and returns to the bathroom before he realizes how stupid it is to want to sleep in the bath tub and leave Louis alone out there. But then he thinks about the previous events and he shudders at the thought of what could have happened.

He doesn’t mind Louis riding him; hell, Louis had woken him up a couple of times before like that but back then, he wasn’t in heat. Back then, he was fully alert and he was his cheeky self.

He sighs and hopes his back doesn’t break. He makes sure to get his phone and sets an alarm for just a half an hour power nap before he locks the bathroom door. Right before he blacks out, he hopes and prays that he wakes up before Louis stirs and starts looking for him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He startles awake when he hears the bathroom door banging loudly. He panics thinking that he’d slept through his alarm and realizes after a mini fight with the duvet that he did. According to his cellphone, an entire hour has passed.

‘’Fuck!’’ he curses and looks up when the door knob rattles furiously. ‘’Lou!’’

He ignores the fact that he almost cracks his head open in his rush to leave the tub because of how his legs get tangled up in the duvet. He leaves the bloody thing on the floor and immediately unlocks the bathroom.

‘’Lou, I…’’ he opens the door and immediately catches Louis as he falls on his chest mid-knock. ‘’I’m here, I…’’

When Louis looks up, Harry sees that he’s crying, hiccuping and shuddering in his arms.

‘’Babe, why’re crying?’’ Harry asks, alarmed. Louis’ eyes move all over him and then his hands leave his chest and starts touching his face, his neck, his shoulders, like he’s kneading bread dough.

‘’Hey,’’ Harry says softly and gathers him into his arms when Louis’ tears thicken. ‘’Come’ ere,’’

‘’I didn’t leave, I promise,’’ Harry soothes, rocking them gently. ‘’I just fell asleep in the bath tub, that’s all.’’

Louis looks up at him questioningly and then, it’s like he notices that Harry’s lips are right there and instead reaches out and kisses him.

‘’Hmm, good morning,’’ Harry says, deepening the kiss. ‘’You want a shower?’’

Louis nods but doesn’t stop kissing Harry so Harry does the best thing he can do and gets Louis’ feet off the ground by wrapping his legs around his waist. Like it is second nature already, Louis’ arms are immediately around his neck, like they belong there.

Harry pulls the previously destroyed shower curtain aside and turns on the water with one eye open, lips occupied. He waits for the water to turn warm before he steps under the spray and only then, he puts Louis down.

They don’t really do much; they don’t shampoo, they don’t soap and for some reason, Harry is okay with it, is fine with just holding Louis.

‘’We’re slow dancing again,’’ he startles at Louis’ voice and when he looks down he sees that familiar glint in his eyes. It’s not as sharp but he’s not under a cloud of heat either.

‘’Hey,’’ Harry greets. ‘’Welcome back,’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Louis steps on his toes for a kiss before he lands back down and inhales Harry’s neck. ‘’Did I tire you out?’’

‘’A little,’’ Harry shrugs. ‘’Missed talking to you,’’

‘’Missed my dirty talk, you mean,’’ Louis snorts.

‘’Not exactly,’’ Harry says carefully and waits for Louis to look up at him again. ‘’You’ve just been very quiet, that’s all.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’You’ve never been aware of it?’’

‘’Never had a heat with anyone since the accident, you know that,’’ Louis says quietly.

‘’Yes, of course.’’

‘’Was it bad quiet?’’ Louis asks after a while.

‘’Um,’’ Harry thinks about it and putting everything into account, he shakes his head minutely. ‘’Not really. I think it was jarring that’s all, since it’s not what I’m used to.’’

‘’Not what you’re used to?’’ Louis repeats, amused.

‘’You know; I’m used to bratty, chatty lads, that kind,’’ Harry grins. ‘’The little shit kind,’’

‘’I hate you right now,’’ Louis says even though he’s laughing.

‘’No you don’t,’’ Harry says even as he dips down and catches Louis’ lips mid laugh.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It’s the night of the third day when Louis’ heat finally recedes. He’d been smart enough to order room service when Louis was still himself and was able to get coffee in him and water into Louis before his heat had started again.

The term bunny-humping had never been more fitting in his life than the three days of Louis’ heats. Also, he blames Liam for putting that term in his vocabulary.

''Shortest heat I've ever had,'' Louis sighs, draping himself on Harry when he gets back in bed after getting a plate of fruits.

‘’C’mon, you have to eat,’’ Harry says to Louis who is too busy mouthing at his nipple.

‘’I’m eating right now,’’ Louis says before he proceeds to bite Harry’s pectoral.

‘’You’re a little vixen, that’s what you are,’’ Harry hisses and massages his bitten skin. He’d always known that Louis was kind of a biter but it’s also obvious that he’d been holding back. He has a feeling he’ll be one hell of a sight when he meets the lads.

‘’C’mon, kiss me,’’ Louis asks, cuddled into Harry’s side, head resting on his chest. Harry knows he’s dead tired with the way his eyes look droopy. He’d barely had anything except orange juice, water and some bananas.

‘’Aren’t you hungry?’’ Harry asks, keeping Louis in with one arm and keeping the plate of fruits in his lap with his free hand.

‘’I’m sleepy,’’ Louis protests.

‘’Well, I don’t like you sleeping on an empty stomach, it’s not good,’’ Harry picks up a piece of orange. Louis eyes the fruit shrewdly before he narrows his eyes at Harry. His omega is still simmering very close to the surface despite the offset of heat and Harry likes seeing this playful of Louis.

‘’Kiss me first,’’ Louis demands.

‘’That’s not a hardship, sweetheart,’’ Harry says before he dips down and kisses Louis, tongue first. Louis holds his neck and keeps him from leaning back and they only separate when the need for air becomes dire.

‘’I’m full now,’’ Louis smirks at him.

‘’Open up,’’ Harry insists and tries to ignore his arousal, pointing the orange at him. ‘’I mean it,’’

‘’Look at you being all bossy,’’ Louis says before he opens his mouth and fishes the orange right out of Harry’s hand with his teeth. ‘’It doesn’t suit you,’’

‘’You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full,’’ Harry admonishes weakly; he’s not really fooling anyone with how the sight of the juice wetting Louis’ mouth and messing his chin is making him feel. Fuck, who told him to date one smoking hot omega?

‘’Why are you acting like my mum?’’ Louis asks, picking up another piece of orange and shoving it in his mouth. ‘’It doesn’t suit you either, alpha,’’

‘’God, Louis!’’ Harry laughs, head leaning back against the headboard. ‘’Are you trying to kill me?’’

‘’Why? Is it working?’’ Louis teases. Harry just shakes his head at him fondly, unable to do anything but smile. He picks up a tissue from the food cart he’d rolled beside the bed and wipes gently at Louis’ mouth and his juice-covered chin. He gets a little too into it to realize that Louis is staring at him.

‘’What?’’ he asks self-consciously.

‘’I just realized how much I want you to mate me,’’ Louis says quietly. ‘’How I wouldn’t really mind if you bite me right now or tomorrow. I’d be okay with it.’’

Harry swallows. They’d always said they were too young and it was too soon, that the adult thing to do is to wait until they are officially adults because it just seemed like the logical and mature thing to do.

But to be fair, Louis couldn’t have said it better. He won't mind being mated right now and telling the whole world that he's permanently and completely taken.

‘’You’re serious?’’

‘’I’d let you do it here,’’ Louis takes the tissue out of his slack hand and throws it on the cart before he reaches for his hand and places it on his neck. He moves Harry’s pointer finger and presses it against the side of his Adam’s apple. ‘’Right here,’’

Harry’s officially hard.

‘’And I want to be there when you go into rut,’’ he continues, leaving Harry’s hand on the side of his neck to reach for his lips, tracing it with his wet fingers. ‘’I’d let you do all sorts of things to me.’’

‘’Babe…’’ he can’t help but dip Louis’ juicy fingers into his mouth, licking the taste of him.

‘’I’d go down on you whenever you want and I won’t let you chase after me and wait.’’ Louis’ blue eyes turn soft when Harry releases his fingers and looks at him. ‘’I’d take care of you the way you took care of me and I’d make sure you’d never be left for naught,’’

‘’You don’t owe me, Lou…’’

‘’I know but I want to do that for you,’’ Louis cups his cheek. ‘’I want you to let me,’’

‘’Come here,’’ he’s quick to put the plate on the bed side table before Louis gets on his lap.

‘’I love you, I love you, I love you,’’ Louis says in between kisses. It’s overwhelming but in a good way and when before, the thought of Louis being with him during his rut frightens him, it now eases an ache in him he never thought was there before, the idea that Louis is willing to go that far for him, to take care of him.

‘’I’ll mate you any day you want, Lou.’’ Harry says when they breach the surface for air. Harry keeps Louis locked in his arms, face a mere inch away. ‘’Just name the time and it’s done. Anything you want, sweetheart,’’

‘’You’ll give me the world while you’re at it?’’ Louis asks boldly, cheeks blooming in the sweetest blush.

‘’You know I will,’’ Harry replies resolutely. 


	16. sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the absence. I had a bad case of writer's block.
> 
> Now, HEED THE TAGS AND THE WARNING PLEASE
> 
> we're jumping into the deep end here. brace yourselves. 
> 
> Remember, this is all fictional but please proceed with caution

_''Hell is empty and all the devils are here,''_

_-William Shakespeare_

They go back in London after the end of the European tour in order to attend their movie premiere. They don’t have much time left before flying to Japan for the movie promo there and then the US for the latter as well as the continuation of the tour. So of course, Louis had to go see Doctor Webbe for an appointment.

The boys weren’t hostile towards the man so much as they were wary and reserved. The only good thing that came out of the place after they left was the fact that Doctor Webbe had guaranteed that Harry spending Louis’ heat with him was very impressive and that he is quite sure that Louis’ heats will finally be regular from now on.

‘’Therefore, here’s your prescribed birth control pills,’’ he’d said. ‘’Which before you get ahead of yourself, I don’t advise you taking them immediately. Only start taking them when the next heat hits.’’

‘’Which you’re sure won’t be next month?’’

‘’I didn’t say that; I said that according to these results, your hormones are very balanced right now, almost normal but we want to make sure they stay that way and if they do, then it won’t be next month. There might be one more rebellious heat if I’m being realistic due to the change in medication…’’

‘’Again?’’

‘’Yes; to accommodate these new changes,’’ He’d tapped on the lab results in his hands. ‘’But if all goes well, I am quite sure that will be the end of it. I’m proud of you, Louis.’’

It was the best news ever. If all goes well, Harry’s next rut will be the last he ever spends alone and after that, they plan on mating.

The world was finally spinning in their favor.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day before they leave Japan, they have little work to do. It's still the same beautiful country they've seen the first time around and to be back is exciting and amazing even if they only had five days to stay. They are to go to America the next day when Harry suggests that Tommy comes with them instead of back to the UK.

‘’We’ll be there for the next five months,’’ Harry says with Louis standing beside him. ‘’And when we go to Boston for our concert there, you can show us all the good places to see this time around.’’

‘’You serious?’’ Tommy asks, surprised.

‘’Oh c’mon,’’ Louis slaps his shoulder lightly. They’re in the dressing room, with a few minutes to go before they shoot a mini acoustic set for TV. ‘’When the tour’s over, you can start looking for a job then but right now, you can enjoy your life and you can do that with us.’’

‘’Lou, that’s too much…’’

‘’I tell you what? You can even call up your mates from over there and we can make a right proper night out of it.’’

Looking at the two of them, Tommy felt like there was no way out but to yield.

‘’Hmm, well, who am I to refuse then?’’

They don’t have much time to talk before shooting time but Harry is quite happy that Tommy said yes. It was fun roaming Osaka with him and he is quite sure it will be even more fun with him in the US.

After the shooting was over, they head back to the dressing room to rest for a bit before their interview.

‘’Hey, these things arrived for you guys,’’ Tommy announces, pointing to what looked like fan mail on the coffee table.

‘’Oh sweet,’’ Niall dives in and starts plucking the ones dedicated to him.

It’s not unusual for management to leave fan mail in their dressing room and they don’t mind spending some down time replying to some of them, especially when they come with heart-felt presents.

Off the bat, Niall’s fan mail gets them to ooh and ahh.

‘’Do you guys have any idea how much is this?’’ Niall says, holding the metallic-blue electric guitar in his hands like he’s holding the Holy Grail. ‘’I can’t believe they sent this to me. What the fuck!’’

Tommy takes a picture of Niall with the guitar and Niall immediately sends a tweet, thanking the fans for it.

It’s fun and really sweet because they really have the best fan base out there. While some of them can be so forward and sometimes gawk at them unable to speak, others are really thoughtful and put effort to try to get to know them as people.

Zayn is quiet in a corner, reading a long letter from a fan whose mail came with a set of acrylic paint and a big sketch pad. Liam loves to mail back his replies to his fans by posting about it on Instagram and following whoever had sent the mail.

Harry likes to go old-school and spends time personalizing hand-written letters in reply to his fans and asking management to make sure each letter is sent with a bouquet of flowers.

As for Louis, it doesn’t surprise him that most of his fans are omegas, who relate to Louis in terms of their struggles in getting up ahead in the world. Louis always sends short but heartwarming letters back, words full of encouragement and strength and hope to never give up. He types out his letters because he insists that his handwriting is illegible, much to Harry's dismay.

He gets fan mail from alphas too and Harry won’t ever admit it but when he gets the chance, he likes to censor them and throw out the ones that write to Louis horny letters as if he were a piece of meat. Louis just laughs at him when he gets caught.

Looking at him now, he sees a CD on Louis’ lap.

‘’What’s that, babe?’’ he asks, getting an arm around Louis.

‘’I think it’s a collection of songs, kind of like a mixed tape,’’ Louis guesses as he looks at the CD. It looks really plain, with no writings on it.

‘’Did it come with a note?’’

‘’Yeah but no sender,’’ Louis says, showing the small card to Harry. ‘’Look,’’

The card’s content was not hand-written. There was just a paper glued to it with a typed out note;

‘’A toast to the best omega ever’’

It wasn’t signed and that’s all something they’re all used to; some fans are shy and some don’t think their mail would ever reach them anyways so they don’t bother expecting anything in return. The boys do their best but sometimes the mail doesn’t really get to them since they’re constantly on the move.

‘’Well, I do agree,’’ Harry smiles as Louis puts the card back in the envelope and pulls another package. ‘’You really are the best,’’

‘’Shut up, you,’’ Louis elbows him gently before he rips the package wrapper. This time, it was a shoe-box full of carrots.

‘’I can’t believe this never grows old,’’ Louis groans while the lads shake their heads in laughter. Even Harry can’t help but join.

‘’What’s with the carrots?’’ Tommy asks.

The lads immediately jump on the opportunity to tell the story and laugh at Louis’ expense which dissolves into carrots getting chucked all over the place.

After they make a mess of things, Ben calls them up to get ready. Harry dilly-dallies a bit and gets a chance to talk with Tommy after everyone leaves the dressing room. He’d pretended to go for a quick wee and is glad to find Tommy alone in the room.

‘’Hey, do me a favor?’’ he says hurriedly, knowing Louis might be waiting for him outside the door.

‘’Sure,’’ Tommy nods.

‘’Get Louis to hang out with you today,’’ Harry tells him. ‘’We have the rest of the day off and I want to buy him a promise ring. He’ll get suspicious if I go on my own so the lads will come with me. Tell him you want some bro time or something,’’

‘’Consider it done,’’ Tommy shakes his hand on it. ‘’I’ve never been to Tokyo before so he’ll jump on the chance to show me around,’’

‘’Yeah,’’

‘’Promise ring, ay?’’ Tommy smirks. ‘’You guys are getting serious,’’

‘’Mate, you have no idea,’’ Harry sighs.

‘’You guys are perfect for each other,’’ Tommy tells him.

Harry cannot help but smile big when he leaves the dressing room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to buy Louis a promise ring in a country that ha can barely speak the language of.

Furthermore, if they were easily recognizable in America, they were definitely pulling in a crowd in Tokyo.

‘’Seriously, Harry; the lads had to be with you for this?’’ Paul huffs near the driver. They were barely out of the car when fans gathered outside the street. In less than 5 minutes, it got so crowded, Paul had to herd them back in the car and now they were causing traffic.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Harry apologizes while on the phone, trying to find the online page of the jewelry store and ask if they could spare some parking space for them.

He’d found Louis’ promise ring online and didn’t want to purchase it before seeing it in person, just in case he’d changed his mind and liked another one. At the time, buying it in Tokyo seemed like a great idea because the ring would be unique and not from like a usual brand-named store.

The lads were all for it too. They were a pack now and it just seemed right that they would be with him for such a huge thing, like getting their blessing or something.

‘’Did you get that number yet?’’ Liam asks. The windows are tinted black and though no one outside could see in, they could see out and they could definitely see all the hands pounding on the window and the faces trying to peer at them. Niall seemed to be getting claustrophobic by the second and Zayn looked on edge. None of them liked the fact that the car was surrounded and could not move.

‘’Yeah, here,’’ Harry starts dialing and hopes someone on the other end could speak English.

As luck would have it, the language barrier proved to be a problem. It took a while for Harry to make his point across until the saleslady figured out that maybe a manager needed to be on the line.

‘’Thank God,’’ Niall sighs when traffic police help them out and the car finally eases out of the crowd.

‘’I think you better reschedule, Haz,’’ Zayn advises. ‘’I don’t know if we can go back there now,’’

‘’What’s the manager saying?’’ Liam asks when Harry looks at them helplessly.

‘’He put me on hold again,’’ Harry says sadly. The manager spoke good English but he didn’t seem to know how to help Harry.

‘’Mr. Styles?’’ the man says and Harry focuses.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Our cameras caught the activity outside the store,’’ the man continues. ‘’I am truly sorry for your inconvenience. I see that you have a made a temporary purchase but wanted to pick up the ring in person,’’

‘’Yes, that’s true,’’ Harry says eagerly.

‘’We can send it to your hotel if you’d like…’’

‘’No, I want to see it myself in case I change my mind and choose something else,’’ Harry interrupts gently. ‘’You must understand, I can’t disappoint L…’’ he pauses. ‘’I mean, you know omegas; if it’s not the right one, it will be a disaster,’’

‘’I understand,’’ the man chuckles. ‘’Well, I have a solution for you,’’

‘’Yes?’’ Harry bit his lip, hopeful.

‘’You can proceed to our other branch. It’s not far and they have an underground parking space as it’s in a mall. We can have our security there for you and alert the mall security as well. I made a call and they have the ring you want there…’’

‘’Yes please, that’s great,’’ Harry practically bounces in his seat. ‘’We are on our way, just text me the address and I’ll be there…’’

Eventually, after they’ve finally arrived at the store unscathed and he was shown the ring, Harry realized that no change was needed to be made.

‘’I think it’s perfect, Haz, ‘’ Liam confirms. Harry was flanked by his boys, staring at the most gorgeous ring in the world. Its online picture didn’t do it justice.

‘’Louis is gonna love it,’’ Niall chuckles.

‘’You think so?’’ Harry asks, in awe of how such a little thing could make his heart pound.

‘’Well, he’d better,’’ Zayn snorts. ‘’It is quite expensive,’’

‘’I don’t care,’’ Harry shakes his head. ‘’I don’t care how much it costs. If it’s the one, it’s the one,’’ Harry looks up at Zayn. ‘’It is the one, right?’’

‘’If that’s what your instincts say, then go for it, mate,’’ Zayn smiles at him.

Harry nods. He just needs to buy a chain to accompany the ring so that Louis could wear it as a necklace and then he can finally get back to his boy.

That’s when he and the boys don’t see eye to eye. They argue over which chain goes with the ring better and for a while, it gets a bit heated that the manager cannot help but chuckle and all Harry feels is embarrassed on their behalf.

Harry knows he’s going to have a lot of apologizing to do seeing as they have been almost gone all day, what with traffic and trying to find the new location and now choosing a chain to go with the ring, not to mention that the boys now wanted to buys some jewelry too.

‘’My mom would love this,’’ Niall coos at a bracelet a sales lady was showing him. Even Zayn was walking around, looking for something to get for Perrie and his mum and Harry doesn't want to take away the fact that the entire store has been emptied just for them and who knows when the boys will ever have this type of freedom again. They don't like to be demanding and they don't like special treatment so Harry knows that this is a rare chance for them to just be.

In short, Harry was fucked. All he could think of to get him through the day was the fact that he hoped it will all be worth it to see the look on Louis’ face when he sees the ring and how much commitment Harry was cementing into their relationship.

He couldn’t wait to get back to his boy.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘’They’re running late,’’ Louis sighs. He’d gone shopping with Tommy and while it was fun and all, Tokyo was a crowded city and he was sick and tired of getting recognized and bombarded by paps everywhere they went with only Albert for cover. He didn’t have a lot of security since they were prioritized to the other four members of the band but Tommy sensed that Louis has had enough and asked if they could just hang out at the hotel bar.

This uplifted Louis’ mood drastically and they even got to watch footie on the tellie while having lunch even if the match had English subtitles.

‘’Hey, I just figured out that some friends of mine from the army are here,’’ Tommy says and eagerly shows Louis a chat group.

‘’That’s great!’’ Louis cows. ‘’What for?’’

‘’Backpacking, I guess.’’ Tommy replies, eyes on the screen and fingers typing out a response. ‘’Same as me I suppose; wanted to explore and do some soul searching before setting down for a job,’’

‘’Well, why don’t you invite them over?’’ Louis suggests. ‘’Tell them where you’re staying and have a bit of a reunion…’’

‘’I don’t want to tell them about you and the lads,’’ Tommy says sheepishly. ‘’Wouldn’t that put you in a bind?’’

‘’Well, you don’t have to tell them,’’ Louis chuckles. ‘’You’re technically doing the same thing as they are. Besides, you’ve got your own hotel room. They can come for a couple of hours.’’

‘’Nah, I’ll just meet them at a café,’’ Tommy interrupts before he points at his phone. ‘’I think they’re leaning mostly towards that,’’

‘’Well, suit yourself,’’

‘’You’ll be alright on your own?’’ Tommy asks. ‘’I can cancel if you want…’’

‘’No, I’m knackered. I could use a nap.’’ Louis says. ‘’Go hang out with your buddies, yeah? I’ll really just sleep. God knows we won’t have a lot of time for that later…’’

Tommy doesn’t see the harm and so, after lunch, they part ways.

It was weird that no one was in their floor as most of their security was with the boys and the rest of the team was in the floor below them enjoying their down time.

Louis was honestly happy for Tommy and glad that the universe seemed to be looking kindly upon him. He also really wanted to sleep the afternoon away, or at least until Harry got back.

The moment he got back to his room, he heard the hotel phone ringing. He raced for it and was able to catch the last ring.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Mr. Tomlinson, It’s Mr. Takashi from reception,’’

‘’Yes, how can I help you?’’ Louis asks as he takes off his vans.

‘’There are a few people here saying they are friends of Mr. Arnold. Should I let them upstairs?’’

The room Tommy was staying in was booked under management just as their rooms but Louis found it very professional how they’d refer back to him, knowing that Tommy was his friend.

‘’Sure, he’s probably expecting them,’’ Louis replies. He’s glad that Tommy changed his mind. He knows the fans might recognize Tommy and he’d be out there with no security so better this way. At least they can enjoy their reunion in privacy.

After he hangs up, he changes clothes and decides to listen to some music to help him sleep right away. Louis is usually one to toss and turn a lot before he could drop off, always high with energy even when tired.

It happens that the CD he got from that fan was in his suitcase and it was exactly what he was looking for. He opens Harry’s laptop that he’d left over the night before when they’d watched a movie and puts the CD in. The laptop didn’t have much battery on when the CD started playing so he quickly got the charger out from under the bed and was just about to plug the power jack into the socket when he heard a knock on the door.

He plugs the power plug into the socket and goes to press pause on the media player which was strangely playing a video. The paused video is on a bedroom and there was a body lying face down on it.

The knock comes again before he could think much about it and he races to the door with a smile on his face.

‘’Harry, the door’s unlocked, love…’’ Louis chastises loudly when he opens the door.

But it’s not Harry. It was the last thing on his mind before the punch that came out of nowhere blocked him out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When he comes to, he feels dizzy and his eyes are blurry. He could hear moaning and the sound of flesh slapping flesh. He tries to move but feels his limbs weighed down and heavy.

‘’We don’t have a lot of time; wake him up already,’’ he hears.

Before he knows it, somebody is splashing water unto his face. He splutters and tries to sit up. He looks down at his soaked shirt only to realize that he’s shirtless. Actually he’s completely naked and his arms are hanging on the sides. He could barely lift them up.

‘’Wh…’’

‘’Here, maybe this will help you wake up some more,’’ his hair was pulled from the back and he found himself staring at Harry’s laptop.

The video is playing now. He blinks and finds himself in it. Someone is moving the camera around like some home-made video, recording a man in a black mask and nothing else, holding his legs wide open and fucking him so roughly the headboard was banging against the yellow-painted wall. His hands were chained to the headboard and he was unconscious.

He was looking at his seventeen-year-old self.

‘’Remember us now?’’ the man pulls his hair further back and he finds himself staring at three alphas, their stench overpowering and loud.

Fuck.

He tries not to panic, tries not to recall the familiar paralyzing sensation he’d felt glimpses of back then, tries to move.

He can’t fucking move.

‘’Are you gonna cry, babydoll?’’ the man pulling his hair smirks. They are all wearing them black masks but Louis recognizes the voice, like a monster rattling from inside a closet, a nightmare from his childhood.

‘’H…’’ he tries to call Harry. He tries to call for help, tries to utter a word but that panic was now lodged in his throat.

‘’You know; we’ve been doing this a long time now but we never thought that one of our omega playthings would ever go ahead and become a superstar.‘’ the one who splashed water at him sits down on the bed and puts the empty glass next to the laptop. The video is still playing loudly and he can hear his younger self getting slapped in the face and laughed at when he didn’t react.

Fuck, they recorded him?

‘’Yeah, imagine our surprise and we actually thought,’’ the third man, short and stout, puts his knee on his dick and presses, making Louis groan in pain. He can’t double over, not with the hand still holding his hair back and he doesn’t want to cry but the tears are sliding down his hairline anyways. ‘’Omegas are usually ripe at a young age but you…’’ the man clicks his tongue as he presses harder and breathes straight into his face. ‘’You just blossomed even more. How is that possible?’’

The man eases his knee only to sit on Louis’ lap, facing him. He's heavy and Louis worries the chair might break. But then the man wraps his hands around Louis’ neck and starts squeezing.

‘’Stop…’’ Louis utters; eyes wide and terror spreading through his limbs.

‘’But you look really hot like this, hotter than any omega our pack’s ever seen,’’ the man inhales. ‘’And you’re alive too and here in Japan of all places and all alone. Isn’t this reunion meant to be?’’

The man gripping his hair pulls his head back even further until Louis is staring at him upside down.

‘’Right place at the right time,’’ the man says lasciviously. Louis can hardly believe what’s happening. How is it possible?

‘’You’re probably wondering how we found you, hmm?’’ the man asks, sickeningly sweet, while he gasps for air. He is unable to move when the man on his lap lets go of his neck and starts sucking in his nipple.

He can’t move.

‘’Your friend Tommy has been an excellent guide,’’ the man continues. He looks so tall and menacing from his position. ‘’Posting allover social media about his adventures, traveling with the biggest boy band in the world. Very kind of him, yeah? One alpha helping another…’’

‘’We sent the CD after your band’s twitter account said that you were going to be in Tokyo to do some promo,’’ Louis hears. It was the man on the bed and from the corner of his eyes, he sees the man playing with his phone. ‘’We were already here on business anyways and we thought it would rattle you a little. Thought how fun it would be, to rock your world like that and for you to realize that someone out there has that power over you. We honestly didn’t think we’d ever meet again.’’

Louis feels like choking. He can feel hands roaming up and down his chest.

‘’We sent the CD and thought nothing of it until we saw you guys shopping today, just a coincidence really and we recognized your scent instantly. We followed you to the hotel bar. Watched the match right there with you,’’ the man says smoothly, throwing his phone to the side and looking at him lazily. ‘’Plucked our chance when we realized that you’d be all alone here in your hotel room. Do you see how crazy you’ve made us lust for you again, even after all this time?’’

‘’I’m going to tear you to pieces,’’ he manages to choke out despite his tears. ‘’You won’t get away this time…’’

‘’You’ve got a mouth on you,’’ the man on the bed stands up and towers over him beside the other guy. Even with the mask on, with nothing but holes for the mouth and the eyes, Louis could see the shiny glint to his eyes. ‘’I don’t think I’ve ever fucked such an omega superstar. Still, don’t you know your place?’’

‘’You’re supposed to be quiet and docile, slut,’’ the man on his laps says, sitting up and gripping his dick. ‘’I remember now why you caught our attention back in the festival; you were loud,’’ his hands twist. ‘’You were bratty,’’ they twist again. ‘’And you needed a collar and a leash, needed an alpha to get a hand on you, teach you a lesson…’’

‘’Stop,’’ the man’s other hand was squeezing his balls too tightly and the pain was getting to his head. ‘’I’ll fucking kill you…’’

‘’You’re really in no position to threaten us, babydoll,’’ the man who was gripping his hair bends to his eye level. His eyes up close look big and wolfish; a brute of an alpha and Louis stares in horror as those eyes turn red. ‘’Let’s see what we can do to rectify your attitude, hmm?’’

Shit.

‘’Yield to me, omega!’’ the man orders, voice deep and guttural. He feels himself dropping and tries to look away but he can’t move his head, not with his body out of his control, not with the hand gripping his hair.

‘’Yield,’’ the man on his lap follows and the third man repeats the order. He feels like he’s slipping under and tries not to give in. He feels his omega fighting his way to the surface trying to following the instinct to obey, to submit, to spare him and try to save him because if he yields, they will see how obedient he is, how good he is and they won’t hurt him.

Louis knows that they will and he fights. Fights their alpha voices and fights his omega. Fights the ever-roaring terror flaying his veins alive.

‘’Harry!’’ he tries to shout out of sheer desperation and the man on his lap suddenly gets up and kicks the chair.

Louis yelps when the back of the chair hits the floor and he falls to the side. He feels his brain shutting down, feels his vision tilt on his axis.

‘’I said yield!’’ he feels another notch to his will slip and he knows, he just knows that if he goes under he’s doomed. He tries to move his limbs, tries to crawl to the door, gets as far as turning till his stomach touches the floor.

He doesn’t make it.


	17. Seventeen

_How can I live without love?_   
_How can I be what you want?_   
_'Cause when the morning comes around_   
_You're still gone and I'll say_   
_How can I see through the dark?_   
_All I can do is wonder where you are_

_-Ed Sheeran, Way to break my heart_

He doesn’t make it because suddenly he finds being pulled by the ankles, body scrapped raw against the carpeted floor. He finds himself being turned like a ragdoll.

The audio from the video fill the air with cackles and as he slips further under, he cannot discern which voice is in the present and which is from the past. Memories hit him left and right but what pulls at his shattering mind is the ever present doom mounting his chest.

He stares a monster in the eye as long, chubby fingers grip his neck, trying to snuff the soul out of him. He feels himself choking, staring at three pairs of eyes, watching him with manic grins.

‘’How about some claws, slut?’’ the stout man practically purrs with glee while the other two keep demanding him to yield. ‘’How about a bite, ay? Will that do it for you?’’

‘’H…’’ he tries to shake his head, tries to free his windpipe, tries to call out to Harry again.

‘’We let you get away once, we honestly left you for death,’’ the man continues. ‘’We don’t usually let our toys live very long, not really our style,’’

There are black spots forming in his vision. He doesn’t want these people to be the last thing he ever sees in his life. He’d rather pass out but his body is on instincts. He tries so hard to move his hands, anything to get air into his lungs when he’d rather hold his breath.

‘’We were going to wait, you know, taunt you further, send you more gifts,’’ the man exhales. ‘’Bid our time to strike but…this opportunity is just too priceless to pass up, isn’t it boys?’’

‘’You practically landed at our feet,’’ the man who kept calling him baby doll caresses his face and swipes at his fringe, like he was doing him a kindness.

‘’Where you omegas belong,’’ the pressure at his throat doubles and their three faces blur into a million pair of eyes.

He doesn’t notice when a roar fills the air and assaults his wired senses. He doesn’t notice the fingers aggressively leaving his neck, blood blooming against his skin, claws swiping in their wake.

Like watching behind sheens of glass, he sees limbs flying and colors fade. He hears roar upon roar, as loud as lions, reverberate and grumble, making him slip further under. He watches through his omega’s eyes, his heavy lidded teary eyes as alphas bulldoze through his room like some mythical creatures, wreaking havoc.

He tries to breathe and coughs up blood instead.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

In times of war, a combat soldier will tell you that when it’s time to go into battle, there’s no time for fear. If you’re scared, it won’t help to show it because if the enemy sees you scared, it won’t do you any good. Sure, he’s just taking orders. It’s nothing personal. But just as you’ve been ordered to shoot the enemy, the enemy will also not hesitate to shoot you.

Long ago, when the earth wasn’t as highly populated, packs have been known to fight for territory and when a rival pack announces war it will do its best to play on the fear of its opponents. It’s a good tactic, playing on fear.

But what happens when there’s no fear to play on?

What happens when the defining factor is sheer numbers?

Tommy roars and his growls echo until the very walls shake. He sees nothing but red and like muscle memory, he fights as a man with nothing to lose and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take down at least one of them with him. For every swipe of his claws, he gets maniacal laughs, like they’re goading him to lose himself more to his alpha. He’s surrounded by hyenas, taunted like he’s food to be played with. In his periphery he sees Louis’ body on the ground and lunges again, leaving himself exposed.

Back in the war, he didn’t think. There was no room for fear when facing imminent death, no room for hesitation.

If there was room for anything in his mind right now, it’s pure and raw anger.

He breaks bones as easily as melting butter, twists necks and bites flesh like a barbarian.

He feels the walls rattle with his cries of anger and roars of doom.

His eyes bleed and his skin splits to the bone.

His rage and pain consume the air until the dust settles.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’I can’t believe the traffic in this country, man!’’ Niall huffs as they take the elevator back in the hotel. Yes, they’re finally back, Harry thinks with sheer relief.

‘’You wasted my day off, I’ll have you know,’’ Paul says gruffly, even though there’s a fond smile on his face. Their other security detail, Mark and Preston are with them on the same floor. The rest of the guys went off to the bar to enjoy what was left of the day.

‘’Hey, don’t you believe in true love and all that?’’ Liam says, doing a bad impression of a mafia boss.

‘’You’re lucky I like Louis, otherwise I wouldn’t have let you waste all that money,’’ Paul says to Harry who was just quietly watching the numbers of the levels rise up. Seriously, why did they have to stay in the highest floor possible? Is it a celebrity thing?

When they finally arrive to their destination, they’re all laughing at Niall’s impromptu impressions but the moment they step out of the lift, the scents hit them.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Zayn asks when the alphas keep sniffing the air.

‘’What’s with all the blood?’’ Niall says anxiously and then they hear the muffled roar.

‘’Tommy!’’ Harry immediately breaks off from the group and runs towards the source of the scent. His hackles are up in an instant.

‘’Call security!’’ he hears Paul say and Preston breaks off while the rest run off in Harry’s direction.

‘’Harry, wait!’’

Harry tries to knock down the door before he realizes he has a key.

‘’Tommy, you in there?’’ Liam shouts.

‘’Harry, get in here!’’ Tommy shouts back and then they hear the sound of scuffle followed by a deep guttural groan of pain.

‘’Tommy!’’

‘’There are other alphas in there,’’ Niall says almost to himself, eyes wide and horrified.

Harry doesn’t care about that because one deep sniff and he knows that Louis is in there too.

Harry drops the gift bag in his hands and searches himself hurriedly for the key Louis gave him before they are all startled back when Paul barges at the door with his shoulder. The wood splinters and he does it again.

‘’Harry!’’ Tommy shouts again.

‘’You boys stand back!’’ Paul orders. ‘’No one fucking enters the room until security comes in!’’

 _Like fuck I will_ , Harry thinks and just as he pulls the key out of his damn back pocket, Paul stands back and kicks the door open with his left foot. The door breaks off its hinges and flies into the room.

Harry pushes Paul away and almost tumbles in his haste to bypass the bigger man.

Paul pulls his shirt back and almost rips it, forcing him to a stop at the sight that beholds them. When they cross the threshold, they freeze just outside the bedroom door at the sight of Tommy in a chokehold, struggling for air on the floor. He’s bleeding and his nose looks broken. He’s scrabbling at the arms of the man holding him hostage from behind. There are two other visible bodies on the floor but what grabs their attention is the fact that the alpha that has Tommy’s neck in his grasp has a knife and he’s trying to drive it deeper into Tommy’s chest.

‘’Get Louis out of here!’’ Tommy chokes out, lips split and swollen. ‘’Move!’’

Harry is just about to enter the room, is just about to look for Louis when the man rips the knife out of Tommy’s chest and aims it at them.

‘’Get down!’’

‘’No!’’

Harry doesn’t know what happens but between one blink and the next, he’s on the floor.

There’s the sound of grappling and tussles and Harry hurries to get up but Paul and Mark beat him to it, entering the room and…

‘’Tommy!’’

Harry looks up just in time to see Paul and Mark stop Tommy from beating the living crap out of the alpha who threw the knife and by the time they’re separated, the other man passes out like a sack of potatoes.

‘’Har…reh…’’ Tommy grits out weakly, heavy as Paul and Mark try to sit him up. His leg looked twisted and his chest is bleeding badly. ‘’G-get Lou…’’

Harry moves into the room then, just as security, Ben and Preston barge in.

It’s no wonder they didn’t see Louis at first since he was by the door. His neck is bleeding. The knife is lodged into the wall above Louis' head.

Fuck.

Louis' naked and unmoving, beckoning him over. The fact that the knife was aimed at him and not them is something he cannot think of right now.

‘’Lou!’’

Harry immediately takes off his coat and covers Louis up. The boys surround him as he gets up into Louis’ face and tries to figure out what’s wrong. The scent of pain is heavy in the air and Louis’ blood is making his alpha crazy with the need to help, to do something and just…

Why isn’t Louis moving?

‘’Louis? Baby?’’ Harry cups Louis’ face and doesn’t understand how Louis’ eyes are open but not looking at him. His cheekbone looks swollen and bruised, like he'd been punched and there’s blood on his lips, trickling down his chin. ‘’Louis, talk to me,’’ he doesn’t understand why he’s not responding.

‘’His neck…Harry!’’ Liam quickly takes off his scarf and presses it against Louis’ neck where the blood was wetting the carpet. Harry holds it to Louis’ neck, applying gentle pressure and notices the bruises around Louis’ throat. They look finger-shaped and just…what happened?

‘’Lou, can you hear me? Baby, talk to me!’’ Harry’s tears are wetting Louis’ ashen face and he doesn’t know that he’s whining like a dog that’s just lost his master. He’s finding it harder to form words with his alpha trying to breech the surface.

‘’Harry…’’ Liam calls his name but he doesn’t even notice, too busy whimpering and licking at Louis’ tears, licking at the blood on Louis’ chin. It’s just that Louis looks so small in his hands and hurt. He looks so hurt and his eyes are hollow.

‘’Hey…hey! We need help here!’’ Zayn pulls one of the security men checking up on the other bodies. The room is suddenly crowded and swarmed with EMTs. ‘’He’s alive!’’

‘’Louis?’’ Harry caresses Louis’ cheekbones with his thumbs, trying to get him to look at him. He doesn’t know why Louis’ eyes are open but are looking lifeless and so pale. ‘’Baby, can you see me? Can you hear me?’’

Fuck, what on earth happened?

Quickly a medical examiner tries to push Harry away and he instantly roars back and covers Louis’ face with his body.

‘’Harry, he’s a doctor, hold your alpha back, will you?’’ Zayn chastises and immediately pulls Harry gently away. Harry whines, doesn’t understand Zayn’s actions but that split second of looking up at him helps him come to himself a bit. He still doesn’t want to move and moreover, he doesn’t want to stop touching Louis so he just gives enough space for the professional to pull Harry’s coat down to chest level. The boys huddle away from the door as bodies are carries out and Harry sees Niall try to check on Tommy with Paul and Mark.

Harry wants to check with him, wants to know what happened with Tommy but Louis…his Louis….

‘’What are you saying? Speak in English!’’ Zayn demands as the Japanese doctor tries to tell them something.

‘’He needs hospital,’’ the Asian man says. ‘’Now!’’

‘’What’s wrong with him?’’ Liam asks.

Harry doesn’t bother to listen and is about to carry Louis and march him to a damn hospital but the doctor pushes him back.

‘’No sudden movements, his neck is not good,’’ the man explains in his broken English. Another medical assistant appears with a stretcher and Harry whines and tries to cover Louis bodily again despite Liam and Zayn holding him up to his feet.

‘’Haz, it’s okay, it’s okay, they’re going to take care of him, alright?’’ Liam tries to assure him and his voice is firm and steady, slowly snapping him out of it.

‘’Lou, Lou…’’ he hears someone saying and as Liam’s voice enters his head, he realizes that it’s him who keeps repeating Louis’ name. He feels like he’s losing time because it all happens so fast. One minute Louis is on the floor and the next he is being carried out of the room.

‘’I’m coming with you,’’ Harry tells the paramedic. ‘’Please,’’

‘’Ben, what’s happening?’’ Zayn asks as they follow Louis out of the room and find Ben and management outside.

‘’You boys need to stay here…’’ Ben pushes them and blocks their path, pulling Harry by the elbow away from the stretcher.

‘’Fuck you! Are you crazy?!’’ Harry shouts and pushes at Ben’s chest.

‘’Harry, just until the car is ready, I won’t separate you goddamnit!’’ Ben scuffles with Harry and pushes him back. ‘’Please, there’s been a murder!’’

That stops Harry and the boys in their tracks.

‘’What?’’

‘’I’ll explain later, but please just wait in your rooms while I sort this shit out, okay? Security will be with you…’’

‘’Don’t fuck with me, Ben!’’ Harry pleads angrily. ‘’That’s…’’

His eyes catch the gurney carrying Louis disappearing into the elevator, followed by Paul and the rest of their security team.

‘’That’s my…that’s…’’ Harry cannot get the words out, cannot do anything but point in Louis’ direction, cannot utter that there’s a hole forming and getting wider in his chest because his heart is leaving him and he cannot follow.

‘’I know,’’ Ben says shakily. ‘’I’ll fix this, I promise,’’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They are ushered into Zayn’s room since it’s the furthest from the crime scene.

Alberto is with them and he’d managed to grab the jewelry bag that Harry had dropped on the floor before the door closes. He kept apologizing to Harry, kept saying that if he was there, none of this would have happened and Harry forgives him but he can’t hear any more about it. He locks himself in the bathroom and tries to wash Louis’ blood away from his hands but fails to even turn on the faucet.

Zayn helps him do it and when they come out, there are two investigators asking to question them.

With a translator present, he along with the boys explains in a monotone, shocked voice what they saw and what happened. They have a lawyer from management present for their statements.

They’re left alone after that and the silence is killing him. Harry can’t sit, too anxious and frazzled, waiting for the go-signal to start moving. It’s like Ireland all over again and he hates it. Only this time, he feels he’s swimming at the end of a very deep cave pool. He wasn't there like Ireland. He wasn't holding Louis, wasn't even in the same room...

There are so many questions running through his mind, so many things to catch up to.

Why were those men in Louis’ room?

Why was Tommy beating the hell out of one of them?

Who killed the other two?

Why were they in Louis’ room?

Why was Louis hurt?

Why?

Harry has so many questions and he just doesn’t understand…

‘’You okay?’’ Niall startles him, holding him by the elbow. He’s so lost in his thoughts when he blinks and realizes that Niall just asked him a question.

‘’What?’’

‘’You’re breathing funny,’’ Niall points out. Harry looks down and sees his hand rubbing at his chest.

‘’I don’t know,’’ Harry’s head feels like it’s filled with cotton. He turns around and keeps walking up and down the living room and that’s when he notices a familiar gift bag on the coffee table.

Louis’ promise ring….

‘’I can put it with the others, Haz,’’ Zayn says when he notices where Harry is looking. Harry doesn’t stop him when Zayn snatches the bag and disappears into his room.

A minute later, Alberto gets a call and they’re finally ushered to the parking grounds of the hotel.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It’s another waiting room, another set of NDA’s. Harry feels like he’s slowly losing his mind. It’s worse because even though Jack is with them, not all the nurses he speaks to can say much in English and those who can, are not handling Louis’ case.

‘’I tell you one thing though,’’ Jack says when he sits down on the arm chair. They weren’t given a conference room this time but an empty doctor’s office. There’s a sofa and two arm chairs plus a chair behind an imposing desk for their team to occupy. The boys stay crammed on the sofa, loathe to sit apart.

‘’What?’’ Liam asks.

‘’Those investigators are here,’’ Jack replies. ‘’I think something big is going on,’’

‘’What do you mean by that?’’

‘’I mean, I don’t think those three men were random burglars or even nasty stalker fans,’’ Jack says in an undertone. ‘’I think they were in Louis’ room for a reason,’’

‘’Like they know him?’’ Zayn inquires.

‘’It feels that way,’’ Jack nods.

Harry stares back down at his hands. He didn’t wash them all that well and when he holds his face, the ghost of Louis’ blood reaches his senses and he wants to inhale deep, wants to keep this small part of Louis because for now, it’s all he has.

‘’I want to see him,’’ he mutters quietly. He feels an arm drape over his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades.

‘’Ben got us here,’’ Niall says. ‘’He’ll keep to his word. We’ll make sure of it,’’

Harry looks up the moment the door opens, dislodging Niall’s arm in the process.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It’s not a nurse or a doctor or Ben telling them they can go to see Louis now.

It’s a different investigator to the one who talked to them before.

‘’My name is Haru Omora,’’ he introduces himself. His English isn’t so bad. ‘’I’m leading this investigation on behalf of my colleagues.’’

‘’The boys have already spoken to your colleagues,’’ Ben says. ‘’What else do you need them to say?’’

‘’Nothing, I am here to inform you of what is going on,’’ Omora replies before he points to the other empty arm chair. ‘’May I have a seat?’’

Ben looks at the boys and Harry nods his head. If they get this over with quickly, the faster they’ll get to see Louis for sure.

‘’Yes, please,’’ Ben lets him pass and the man takes seat. He’s quite short and small for a man who looks very important. But he walks and talks like a man who’s been around and even though he’s an alpha, he doesn’t wear it like a cape over his shoulders.

‘’First of all, I would like to inform you that the hotel is going to pay heavy compensation for your troubles,’’ He starts. ‘’Their security should have been more alert, especially when allowing wanted criminals into their building,’’

‘’Wanted criminals?’’ Ben repeats.

‘’Yes, that is why I have been put on the case,’’ Mr. Omora continues. ‘’The three alphas who entered Mr. Tomlinson's room, apart from the other alpha boy, are wanted criminals back in your country and have fled to Japan to escape their arrests.’’

‘’Three alphas?’’ Harry feels panicked.

‘’Yes, they’re an alpha pack,’’ the investigator looks at Harry, his eyes hard but compassionate. ‘’They commit crimes against omegas. They record their crimes and keep them as souvenirs,’’

‘’What do you mean record?’’ Harry doesn’t want to know but can’t help but ask.

‘’When they kidnap an omega, they don’t kill them right away,’’ Ben says carefully. ‘’They abuse and torture them first before they bite and claw at them and leave them to bleed to death. They keep records of it for fun. They sometimes send copies of them to police as some sort of bragging rights. When they came here to Japan, my department has received three of already dead victims.’’

The room is silent. Nobody is in the room with them except for Ben and Jack as all security is outside Louis and Tommy’s room.

‘’They did something similar to Louis?’’ Zayn asks slowly. Harry realizes that the boys don’t know much about Louis’ accident. All they know is that he had one that affected his hormones and not much else. Fuck.

‘’He was one of three victims that got away from them,’’ Mr. Omora replies. ‘’He was found just in time more than three years ago, before he could bleed to death.’’

‘’How the fuck did they find him?’’ Harry stands up, anguished. ‘’We’re in Japan for god’s sake!’’

‘’Oh my god,’’ Liam holds his head in his head, shocked. Niall’s eyes are wide and he looks like he’s not breathing.

‘’You’re not hard to find, Mr. Styles,’’ Mr. Omora says sadly. ‘’Half your fans know the name of your hotel, I'm sure.’’

‘’They came to finish the job tonight, didn’t they?’’ Zayn asks coldly. ‘’That’s why they were in his room?’’

‘’I believe so. The other two victims who had made it died two years ago, with a souvenir in their rooms. Louis was the only one left,’’ Mr. Omora says before he looks at Harry. ‘’They also left a souvenir in his room,’’

‘’What is it?’’ Zayn asks.

‘’A video recording of what happened when they’d first gotten to him,’’

‘’I want that CD right this instant,’’ Ben demands with haste. ‘’That cannot ever be released to the public. It will kill Louis for real!’’

‘’It’s been destroyed. Rest assured, they have answered for their crimes,’’ Mr. Omora says.

''What about copies? Are there any of those?''

''We will find those copies now that we have their phones. I will make sure that video never sees the light of day,''

‘’What do you mean they've answered for their crimes?’’ Ben asks with suspicion.

‘’The alpha boy, he killed them,’’ Mr. Omora replies.

Harry loses feeling in his legs and drops on the coffee table, Jack immediately getting behind to steady him.

‘’What?’’ Harry exhales. ‘’Tommy…killed them?’’

‘’He’s a hero, Mr. Styles,’’ Mr. Omora says with a tight smile. ‘’Do you have any idea how many parents of victims are going to be able to sleep well tonight for what he has done?’’

‘’I…’’ Harry cannot honestly believe it. He remembers that night in the bus all those weeks ago, the look in Tommy’s eyes, the anguish and the determination and the power behind his words. He never knew a broken boy could have that much power within him.

‘’He saved Louis,’’ Liam exhales. ‘’he saved him,’’

‘’That he did,’’ Mr. Omora confirms.

‘’Is he okay?’’ Jack asks. ‘’Tommy…is he alright?’’

‘’I will get the doctor here as soon as possible to assure you all about him and Mr. Tomlinson but for now, I just wanted to inform you that the case has been closed and Mr. Arnold will not be arrested for self-defense,’’ Mr. Omora stands up and adjusts his suit. He takes out a calling card and hands it over to Ben. ‘’If you have any questions, please let me know. I’m afraid this case has already reached the press but I am going to hold a press conference and will make sure not to reveal the names of the victims involved,’’

‘’The hotel must make sure of that too,’’ Ben says.

‘’Rest assured, we will handle it. We are known for our discretion,’’ Mr. Omora bows slightly before he straightens up. ‘’You have given a great service to my country with your music and entertainment. It is only right that we give you the privacy that you deserve,’’

Harry finds strength in his legs to stand up and shake the man’s hand firmly.

‘’Thank you…I don’t know what to say, but thank you….’’ Harry doesn’t know why he’s thanking him for doing his job but he just feels like maybe everything will be okay from now on.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Everything is not okay.

Tommy is undergoing surgery for his leg and stab wound. He still hasn’t come out.

And then there’s Louis.

‘’There was a drug in his system that kept him sort of paralyzed but by the time he’d arrived here, it had mostly worn off,’’ Doctor Katy says, an American doctor who’s working in the V.I.P. ward of the hospital and deals with trauma patients. He thanks management for going all out for Louis. He truly appreciates it.

‘’He was drugged?’’ Harry asks. No wonder Louis had looked unresponsive.

‘’Yes, apparently so but our major concern right now is his neck,’’

‘’It was bleeding when we found him,’’ Liam says. 

‘’Yes, his neck has sustained a severe injury,’’

‘’How severe?’’

‘’His windpipe has been ruptured due to severe pressure from strangulation, hence the coughing blood and swelling,’’

‘’That sounds really bad,’’ Harry is already crying and she’s not even finished yet.

‘’He’s in surgery as we speak to clear his air ways and it will be five to seven days of vocal rest but he’ll be alright. He’ll need to rest his neck a lot,’’ Dr. Katy warns. ‘’No football for a while, I know you Brits love your footie,’’

‘’No footie,’’ Harry nods like a child taking down notes for an important exams.

‘’What else?’’ Liam asks.

‘’Well, for now, that’s it until he comes out of surgery. I will have a specialist by to check on his omega. I was told when he’d arrived that he’d dropped,’’

‘’What?’’ Harry must have misheard.

‘’Yeah, so that’s going to be tricky,’’ Dr. Katy says sympathetically. ‘’Hopefully when he sees you guys, he’ll snap out of it,’’

Harry knows that after what had happened with Louis, it’s going to be easier said than done.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They have no choice but to postpone their promo dates and the American leg of the tour. Honestly, he and the boys could care less for that. They leave their PR team to deal with the situation. Their things are brought out to a new hotel which is closer to the hospital. They’ll be staying there for the coming days ahead. Sadly, Harry is offered no leeway into staying in the hospital.

He doesn’t want to sleep, feels like going to the rooftop and howling at the moon.

For the first time since the x-factor days, he the boys stay in one bedroom, needing each other for comfort.

''Haz?''

''Yeah bro?''

‘’You knew about Louis’ accident, didn’t you?’’ Zayn asks softly from the sofa. They’d gotten a third bed into the room and dragged the sofa from the living room so that they can all lie down comfortably for the night. ‘’About those alphas?’’

‘’Louis couldn’t remember,’’ Harry says quietly. The lights are turned off in the room but he can still see the ceiling and wishes it could consume him so that he can blink this heavy day away. ‘’He told me he was drugged back then too. I think it was all too much that it affected his memory…’’

‘’Fuck’s sake,’’ Niall sighs.

‘’Yeah,’’ Harry continues. ‘’It affected his hormones too, because they’d clawed and bit at him. Made his omega go all wack,’’

‘’I knew it wasn’t genetics,’’ Liam exhales rebelliously.

 _They messed him up real bad,_ Harry wants to tell them. _They fucked him thinking he was a virgin. They hurt him so bad. They hurt him again tonight. What are we going to do?_

‘’I’m sorry, Harry,’’ Zayn says quietly. ‘’I know this is hurting you a lot,’’

‘’I just hope,’’ Harry starts, silent tears rolling down the sides of his eyes. ‘’That he won’t forget me, that he’ll allow us to be there for him, you know?’’

‘’Yeah,’’

‘’We have to be strong tomorrow,’’ Liam says with conviction. ‘’We have to be united,’’

Harry couldn’t agree more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The surgery is a success but seeing Louis’ small form in the hospital bed doesn’t feel like it. His neck is all covered up in thick bandages and there’s a tube sticking out of his neck to help him breathe. It looks quite gruesome.

‘’How long should that be in there?’’ Harry asks. Louis is asleep and Harry keeps his voice low to make sure that Louis rests some more.

‘’Five to seven days,’’ Dr. Katy says. ‘’Just until the swelling goes down and his trachea muscles and tissues repair themselves,’’

‘’How can he eat?’’ Zayn asks, aghast.

‘’There’s a G-tube that we’ve inserted to his stomach to get nutrients directly into him, so you don’t have to worry about that,’’ she assures them.

‘’Will he be able to feel that?’’ Harry asks, pointing at the tube in Louis’ neck. ‘’When he wakes up?’’

‘’He’ll be sedated till we take it off,’’ she says kindly. ‘’Just make sure you don’t get him to talk at all when he wakes up. Perhaps now is the time to come up with ways of communication until then,’’

‘’He wasn’t hurt anywhere else, right?’’ Harry asks carefully. He wonders if she’s keeping something from them because to her eyes they’re just a bunch of kids and Louis’ mom is not with them. They’d dumbed down the case to Jay, assuring her that it’s not as bad at all to prevent her from flying all the way to Japan in her precarious state. She’s pregnant with twins and hardly in any condition to sustain extra stress.

‘’No, I assure you, I know what happened, I signed your NDA’s and everything,’’ she says with understanding eyes. ‘’And I know you’re worried about his mental state but let’s not jump to conclusions yet, alright? He’s in good hands, I promise,’’

Harry cannot hope for anything more than that.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Louis doesn’t wake up that day, they get worried. They were told that it wouldn’t take that long and are assured that it happens sometimes.

When Louis doesn’t wake up the day after either, they get blatantly concerned and demand that the specialist comes now rather than when Louis wakes up.

‘’It’s the drop; it’s keeping him under,’’ Dr. Katy explains after the specialist exists the room. They weren’t allowed inside while Louis was examined because Harry's alpha scent of distress wasn’t helping the doctors. ‘’We’re going to allow you to stay in the room tonight to make him feel safe. He needs to be surrounded by people he knows. It will help a lot,’’

It’s something that Harry can definitely work with and the boys are all on board for it. Paul gets them their bags from the hotel with enough clothes to last a week. It’s nice to feel needed, to feel like he can do something. He’d take sleeping on the floor in Louis’ hospital room over another sleepless night in a comfortable hotel bed.

They spend the rest of the day just talking to one another, surrounding Louis’ bed, hoping that their mingled scents will help pull him out of the drop. Harry touches him constantly, caressing his hand, playing with his fingers, kissing his knuckles, anything to let Louis know that he’s there for him, sitting right beside him.

‘’Is that a good idea?’’ Zayn asks when night has fallen. Nurses came by with two extra cots since there was already one and a sofa. But Harry has something else in mind.

‘’I don’t know,’’ Harry says, trying to find a way to sleep right next to Louis without moving the tubes and every other thing attached to him. ‘’It might help though,’’

‘’Or you might do more harm than good,’’ Liam warns. ‘’Look, just move the cot closer to the bed, okay? Don’t even think about sleeping on the same bed. It might not handle your combined weights,’’

‘’Fine,’’ Harry says, sullen because he hates it when Liam is both rational and right.

They help him move a cot right up to Louis' bed and it’s better than nothing. It’s past midnight when they turn off the lights and Harry sleeps with Louis’ hand pressed against his lips.

‘’I love you,’’ he whispers to his skin.

Louis doesn’t wake up the next day either.


	18. eighteen

_''Love of my life, you've hurt me  
[You've broken my heart, and now you leave me](https://genius.com/Queen-love-of-my-life-lyrics#note-15783350)  
Love of my life, can't you see?  
[Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me  
Because you don't know what it means to me](https://genius.com/Queen-love-of-my-life-lyrics#note-16431114) ''_

_-Queen, love of my life_

The boys have taken to checking up on Tommy while Harry whiles the day away in Louis’ room. They’ve given Harry some of the things that were on Louis during the attack, like his paper airplane necklace. Harry is loath to put it on again so he keeps it wrapped around Louis’ palm where he’s holding Louis’ hand, the metal warm between their skins.

‘’Those cops are always going in and out of his room,’’ Liam reports. Bless Paul for getting them coffee and sandwiches. Harry shudders at the thought of hospital food.

‘’Why?’’ Harry asks. ‘’I thought that Omora guy said he was off the hook,’’

‘’I don’t think he is, Haz,’’ Zayn sighs. ‘’If only they spoke English, we’d know what’s really going on,’’

‘’Do you think he lied to us?’’ Niall wonders.

‘’No, I think they’ve discovered something new,’’ Liam answers. ‘’I think those guys that interrogated us back in the hotel are still involved; they’re always around for some reason,’’

It piques Harry’s interest enough that he finds himself standing and abandoning his lunch.

‘’Where are you going?’’ Niall asks.

‘’I need to stretch my legs,’’ he says, kissing the back of Louis’ hand and pecking his forehead before leaving his side to check up on the man that saved Louis’ life.

‘’Need some company?’’ Zayn asks but Harry waves at him at the door. He assures Alberto and Preston standing guard outside when they see him. Alberto wants to follow him but he insists he won’t go far anyways.

He takes a stroll until he reaches Tommy’s room, which the boys have said is in the same floor as Louis’ room. He feels reluctant leaving Louis’ side, feels that tugging ache in his chest again and is about to decide to just head back and let the boys do the digging when he overhears voices around the corner to Tommy’s room.

They’re not talking in English but that’s definitely Omora’s voice and he does not sound happy. Harry keeps his back to the wall and waits for the man to finish talking. He’s on the phone since Harry doesn’t hear any other voices.

‘’I know you’re there, alpha,’’ Harry hears and startles when Omora turns the corner and smiles at him.

‘’Hi,’’ Harry says lamely. ‘’I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,’’

‘’That’s alright,’’ the man shrugs. ‘’You feel out of the loop, yes? Would you like me to give you some updates?’’

‘’Is that allowed?’’ Harry asks without leaving a beat.

‘’Not really but we have a shared goal here and perhaps you can shed some light on the current situation,’’

‘’What situation?’’

‘’Well, you see, my colleagues, the men who interrogated you,’’ Omora starts carefully, ‘’they feel like your friend is not what he appears to be,’’

‘’You mean Louis?’’

‘’No, Mr. Arnold,’’

‘’He saved Louis’ life, you said he’s a hero,’’ Harry frowns.

‘’But then, why did the hotel report to me that the only reason they let those alphas into Louis’ room is because they said they were Tommy’s friends, hm?’’ Omora raises one eyebrow at him. ‘’How could his friends be here, all the way from England and how is it that Louis gave the hotel his okay without even knowing who these friends of Tommy really are?’’

‘’I know what you’re trying to get at,’’ Harry hisses.

‘’And what am I trying to get at?’’

‘’Tommy cannot have been involved!’’ Harry says fiercely. ‘’If they were his friends, then why did he kill them?’’

‘’Look here, young Harry,’’ Omra pulls his cellphone out of his pocket. ‘’Here are screenshots taken from Tommy’s cell phone,’’

Omora shows him the screenshots. Harry sees that it’s a chat group conversation and reading the text, he sees that Tommy was supposed to meet a group of friends from the army who were backpacking in Japan.

‘’How did you get Tommy’s phone?’’ Harry asks. ‘’Is that legal?’’

‘’It carries important evidence and that is what matters,’’ Omora says. ‘’Tommy was supposed to meet these friends of his at a café but he never showed up,’’ Omora concludes. ‘’My colleagues interrogated Tommy’s friends from the chat group and they said they kept waiting for him and called several times but he never picked up his phone. Doesn’t this read to you as a clear set up?’’

‘’That can’t be true,’’ Harry shakes his head. ‘’I told him to keep Louis company today because I was out with the boys and I didn’t want Louis to be alone. He must’ve changed his mind and bailed on them,’’

‘’You were supposed to leave for the US after your stay here and this was the last time he could have such an opportunity to meet with friends whom he served in the army with,’’ Omora says. ‘’If I were him, I wouldn’t have stood them up unless something important came up,’’

‘’What are you trying to say exactly?’’

‘’What I’m trying to say is that he was in Louis’ room for a reason other than to save Louis’ life,’’

‘’No,’’ Harry refuses that thought. ‘’He killed those alphas,’’

‘’Perhaps to cover his tracks and finish the job,’’

‘’No!’’ Harry raises his voice, making people nearby pause. ‘’That is far from the truth!’’

‘’Then how did those alphas find Louis so easily?’’ Omora rebuttals smoothly, ‘’Tommy’s apps are filled with tweets about your whereabouts; anyone can find you just by skimming through his phone,’’

‘’We all tweet about our whereabouts, our own management team does that too!’’ Harry argues. ‘’Anyone can find us, you said so yourself!’’

‘’But no one could have been allowed to Louis’ room unless they knew Tommy and his appointment with his friends,’’ Omora says with a sharp finality.

Harry doesn’t know what to say, feelings of doubt and betrayal creeping into his system. He remembers the story Tommy told him, about Leeds, about being the only alpha in Louis’ friend group, about choosing Coldplay over worrying about Louis…

Could it be possible…?

But the dangerous look in his eyes…

‘’He’s awake, you know,’’ Omora says, making Harry blink out of his thoughts.

‘’Who?’’

‘’Tommy, he’s awake. My colleagues have been grilling him all day,’’ Omora informs. ‘’You can go talk to him if you want.’’

He’s surprised by this because if Tommy was awake, his bandmates would have told him. He narrows his eyes at the detective.

‘’You want me to make him talk and admit the truth,’’ Harry concludes.

‘’I want to know exactly what happened and I want to make sure he’s not guilty, there’s a difference,’’ Omora corrects him. ‘’You have everything on the line here, young Harry. If he walks, it will be the perfect crime committed by a killer who has no shame in betraying his accomplices, who has had the utmost patience, cozying up to his prey and landing the perfect opportunity for a kill. Don’t you want to know the truth?’’

Looking at the detective in the eye, he wonders if he’s being played with.

‘’Don’t try to scare me talking like that,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’Why? Is it working?’’

‘’You know he’s innocent,’’ Harry starts. ‘’Why are you looking for someone to blame?’’

The man smiles kindly at Harry. ‘’I just want to tie up loose ends. Nothing wrong with wanting to get a job well done, right?’’

‘’Omora-san,’’

A man approaches Omora and Harry recognizes him as one of the two inspectors who were in their hotel room the other night.

They converse in Japanese before the man shows Omora something on his phone. There are no sounds but with the way their eyes are moving, Harry believes they’re watching a video.

They converse more before both men look at Harry.

‘’I guess he really may be innocent after all,’’ Omora says in English.

‘’Excuse me?’’

The detective dismisses his colleague before he turns back to Harry.

‘’Security tapes from the hotel show the three alphas sitting behind Tommy and Louis while they were having lunch in the hotel bar,’’ Omora reveals. ‘’It won’t be hard to assume that they were able to hear about Tommy’s supposed meeting with his friends and use it as a way to get it into Louis’ room,’’

‘’Oh,’’

‘’I’ve ordered my colleague to enhance the video back at headquarters and see if we can get a clearer view of what Tommy was showing Louis on his phone and what the three alphas were whispering to each other behind their backs,’’ Omora continues. ‘’It might be enough proof to clear Tommy of murder charges,’’

‘’Charges?’’

‘’Well, not officially. We are awaiting statements from Mr. Tomlinson. He will be the person fully able to clear up this mess,’’

‘’He’s not awake yet,’’ Harry says.

‘’But Tommy is,’’ Omora reminds him. ‘’You really can see him now if you want since my colleagues are gone. I can tell the cops guarding his room to stand down while you’re in there with him,’’

‘’He wouldn’t dare hurt me,’’ Harry argues.

‘’I know but he is a volatile x-soldier who had just killed three alphas,’’ Omora points out. ‘’His state of mind might not be well. It’s for his best interest more than your own,’’

For once, he has to agree with the detective. He won’t say anything but the past two days he’s seen how rattled the boys are, how Liam’s taken to waking up several times in the night, washing his face in the bathroom, how Zayn’s smoking heavily in the balcony attached to Louis’ room and how Niall cries at night, sobs muffled in his pillow thinking no one can hear. Harry can barely shake the image of Louis’ bloody neck and glazed eyes from his mind and he might even be considered lucky for it because his eyes never strayed across the room or taken in the full details of the carnage that had occurred. Maybe the boys did and they’re all hurting and dealing in their own way. But at least he has the boys to share that with. Tommy has none and he was there amidst the blood and the chaos.

‘’I’d like to see him,’’ Harry announces and with a kind smile, Omora leads the way.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When he enters Tommy’s room, he’d been vaguely expecting mottled bruises and a full on body cast. Instead, Tommy’ sitting up with a broken nose and one cast covering his left leg. He smiles at Harry tiredly.

‘’Hey, mate,’’ he says, turning off the telly in his room.

‘’Hey Tommy,’’ Harry greets and hates the way he sounds cautious. Tommy notices right away.

‘’Cops talked to you,’’ Tommy concludes.

‘’Yeah but it doesn’t matter,’’ Harry says at once. ‘’I know you were just keeping your promise,’’

Tommy looks at him as if trying to pinpoint what Harry means before clarity fills his eyes.

‘’I didn’t ever expect it to happen,’’ Tommy admits. ‘’It was like wishful thinking, you know?’’

‘’I know,’’ Harry nods. ‘’But I would have done the same if I could,’’

‘’How is he?’’ Tommy asks after a moment of silence.

‘’They didn’t tell you?’’

‘’I asked the moment I woke up and nobody was speaking English,’’ Tommy says earnestly, ‘’I didn’t leave him, Harry, I swear…’’

‘’Tommy…’’

‘’No, listen to me; I was going to meet up with some mates of mine, I really was,’’ Tommy interrupts, getting slightly worked up. ‘’But last minute I turned back to my room to change my clothes, figuring I’ve been in them all day and wanted a shower. The moment I left my room and entered the hallway, I smelled their rotten stench,’’ Tommy rips out. ‘’I wasn’t going to let them get away with it, Harry. Over my dead fucking body! I turned my back on Louis once and I wasn’t going to let it happen again and that video they were playing! They made him watch it! I’m sure of it! Do you have any idea…’’

‘’Tommy, calm down,’’ Harry tries to stop him from getting worked up but Tommy was already breaking into an angry sweat, faded bruises on his knuckles forgotten as he grips the bed sheets.

‘’Harry, you have no idea what that video was playing! They sent it to him like it was fan mail! You were there, remember? Fucking vile the lot of them! They’re scum and they got what they fucking deserved, mother fucking…’’

‘’What is going on here?’’ Doctor Katy enters the room in a rush followed by a Japanese nurse. ‘’The monitor was beeping loudly. Are you alright?’’

‘’They’re monsters,’’ Tommy then starts to cry, big eyes on Harry, unaware of the other people in the room. ‘’They couldn’t get enough, they just had to hurt him more, Harry…’’

‘’Tommy, it’s over…’’ Harry cannot help but approach, cannot help but try to calm him down. ‘’Louis is going to be okay, I promise…’’

‘’No, he won’t because I fucked up!’’ Tommy latches onto his forearms, chipped nails almost digging in, eyes wide like saucers. ‘’I fucked up again, Harry, I was too late, I’m always too late!’’

‘’Tommy, easy man,’’ Harry wanted to pull his arms away, afraid of what he was seeing. He looked at Doctor Katy helplessly and saw her instruct the nurse to fetch something.

‘’Harry, he bit him!’’ Tommy wails. ‘’One of them sick alphas fucking bit Louis, fucking forced a mating bite on him!!’’

Harry’s blood run’s cold and he forgets the pain blooming in his arms and the hysteria in Tommy’s voice.

‘’…and forcefully made him his mate when he dropped…tried to claw his neck right after and not even five minutes later, I killed the alpha! I killed his mate before the others could take a turn! I saw the bite take and disappear right before my eyes! Do you have any idea what type of damage I’ve done?! I’m a monster too, Harry! I…’’

Harry feels like his ears are ringing, like he’s having an out of body experience and suddenly he’s standing outside a bubble, looking in. A male nurse tries to get Tommy to calm down, another tries to pull Harry away from Tommy’s desperate clutches but Tommy keeps fighting them and Harry is unmoving, shocked. He sees Dr. Katy waving a syringe in the air, saying it’s a sedative to calm him down but Tommy’s words are never ending, like bullets of splitting atoms, piercing his chest.

‘’That fucking monster force-mated him and I killed him before I could stop it, Harry! You have to forgive me! You have to keep on loving him, Harry! It’s not his fault, it’s mine! I was too late and I’m sorry! Please Harry, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’’

They’re finally able to rip Harry away from Tommy’s deranged screams and blunt nails but Tommy's words don't leave him. He sinks to the floor to the sounds of Tommy wailing and that ache he feels multiply in his chest until it consumes him from the inside out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’…hey, can you hear me? Harry, look at me!’’

He snaps at the sound of another alpha calling his name and finds himself staring at Dr. Katy’s green eyes.

‘’You with me, honey?’’ she asks, snapping her fingers at him.

He blinks and looks around. He finds himself on the floor outside of Tommy’s room and…

‘’Drink this, please,’’ Dr. Katy says. ‘’It will help,’’

He takes the cup and sips at the straw, fills his mouth with cold water.

‘’What happened?’’ he asks weakly.

‘’You kind of zoned out, started to hyperventilate,’’ Dr. Katy says. ‘’Are you familiar with panic attacks?’’

‘’Not really, no…’’ Harry says, eyes straying down the corridor where nurses and doctors walk by. Paul is beside him and he only notices when said man wipes at his hair, pushing it away from his forehead with a fatherly palm.

‘’You scared us, lad,’’ Paul says. ‘’Keep drinking, yeah?’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry keeps drinking and they stare at him while he does so. It gives him time to think. He feels sluggish and sore but slowly, he starts feeling like he can function again and when he does, reality hits.

‘’What Tommy said...’’ he starts reluctantly. ‘’Is it true?’’

Doctor Katy looks at him like she doesn’t think he’s stable enough yet.

‘’Louis is my boyfriend,’’ Harry tells her, damn the media and the secrecy of it all. ‘’He’s practically my mate, my omega. You have to tell me if it’s true…’’

‘’Harry, please…’’ Paul begs; eyes on the doctor but she just shakes her head.

‘’Oh c’mon, it’s so obvious,’’ she says to Paul with a huff. ‘’Besides, I signed your NDAs so give it a rest,’’

‘’Tell me,’’ Harry begs. Dr. Katy eventually sighs.

‘’If a mating bite was forced on him, then the moment Tommy killed the alpha, it disappeared,’’ Dr. Katy informs. ‘’and due to the short span of time it had happened, the shock of it, the situation and absence of consent from both Louis and his omega, then no wonder this drop is taking a long time for him to snap out of,’’

‘’But what will it do to him?’’ Harry asks hurriedly.

‘’Well, for one, he’ll experience pseudo feelings of grief,’’ Dr. Katy replies. ‘’It’s normal for omegas to mourn the death of their mated alphas and vice versa…’’

‘’That man wasn’t Louis' alpha!’’ Harry says fiercely.

‘’I know but for a brief while he became his alpha, forcefully no less,’’ Dr. Katy says sadly. ‘’And Tommy killed the man right after. Do you have any idea how strong your omega had to be that they couldn’t make him sub drop except like that?’’

‘’That’s barbaric!’’ Paul cannot help but say.

‘’They’ve paid for their crimes and the world is finally rid of them,’’ Dr. Katy says firmly. ‘’Now, it’s important we focus on reviving Louis.’’

‘’What can we do?’’ Harry asks in earnest. ‘’Please tell me,’’

‘’Well, I will get that specialist to look at the files again, the ones Doctor Webbe sent as well as Louis’ medical journal that you’ve given me,’’ Dr. Katy sighs. ‘’Considering his circumstances, we will have to tread carefully,’’

‘’What do you mean?’’ Paul asks.

‘’I mean, if Louis was a normal omega, then a hormone therapy would be the treatment,’’ Dr. Katy answers. ‘’We’d decrease the hormones releasing the pseudo-feelings of grief to his omega and remove any remnants of that forced mating bite from his system although I doubt it would still be there by now,’’

‘’But?’’ Harry says.

‘’But we can’t fight biology, now can we?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Honey, Louis isn’t a normal omega, is he?’’ Dr. Kay smiles sadly. ‘’His heats are not confirmed to be regular yet and any type of treatment right now could mess things up for him.’’

‘’What can I do?’’ Harry asks, tears sliding down his face now at the despair growing in his chest. ‘’There must be something I can do to help,’’

‘’Be there when he wakes up,’’ she says simply. ‘’Stay near him, keep your scent present.’’ She pauses. ‘’If you mean a great deal for each other, he will reach out to you the same way you’re trying to reach out to him.’’

‘’What if he doesn’t wake up?’’ Paul asks carefully. ‘’It’s been three days,’’

‘’If his omega doesn’t recover from the drop then he will sink Louis into a coma and he might never wake up,’’ Dr. Katy says sternly. ‘’Do you understand the severity of that?’’

‘’I shouldn’t have left him,’’ Harry’s eyes widen. ‘’I should’ve stayed in his room,’’

‘’The boys are there, aren’t they?’’ Dr. Katy asks in assurance. ‘’And they are his pack too so you’re safe for now. But I do advise you go back and stay beside him as much as you possibly can, yeah?’’

Harry nods and gets up on shaky legs with Paul’s help. He doesn’t say another word until he reaches Louis’ room but his mind is running a thousand thought a minute. Most importantly that Louis won’t slip away from him like this, not in a drop and not on his watch.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis has always been right about many things and one of them is that Harry truly cannot lie at all.

The boys suspect something as soon as Harry enters the room with streaks of dry tears on his face. He tells them what happened in Tommy’s room and what he said and immediately they freak out. Right after though, the batshit crazy ideas start pouring in.

‘’Then bite him,’’ Liam says, eyes ablaze. ‘’Bite him and mate him right now, Harry!’’

‘’Are you crazy?’’ Niall turns wide eyes at Liam. ‘’His neck is still wrapped in a bandage, Payno,’’

‘’As soon as he recovers then,’’ Liam insists. ‘’If he’s not awake yet by then, you mate him the moment they give you the go signal and that will make any traces of that monster disappear from his system instantly,’’

‘’It will wreck him, Li,’’ Zayn says quietly. ‘’I mean two mating bites in less than a week? And forced too! How can you do that to him?’’

‘’Zayn’s right, Liam,’’ Harry sighs. He’d mate Louis right at this moment if he could, take him away from the hospital and back home and away from everything that could ever hurt him but he can’t. Looking at his pale face now, holding his slack hand and the necklace pendant between them, he’d like nothing more than to turn back the hands of time. He’d make it so that he had never gone shopping with the boys at all.

‘’It’s for his best interest, Harry!’’ Liam raises his voice. ‘’Better you than that creep!’’

Here, Harry’s wallowing stops. He slowly stands and faces Liam, eyes shining with heat.

‘’I promised Louis once,’’ he starts, ‘’that I will never, ever take advantage of him like that,’’ Harry says, voice rough, alpha simmering with barely concealed rage. ‘’That I would never force my alpha on him, that I would never make him accept something that has to do with his body or his omega without his consent and I will not stand here and stoop down to the level of those scum and do the exact same thing that brought him here in the first place!’’

The room whooshes in the silent aftermath that follows. The vents whir in the background, the heart monitor beeps steadily and the stand-off between Harry and Liam lasts a lifetime.

Until Liam’s shoulders sag in defeat

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Liam exhales, exhaustion clear on his face. ‘’I just…I can’t stand around and do nothing, Haz. This is getting unbearable,’’

‘’I know,’’ Harry sighs. He feels the exhaustion too and wishes he could give in and sleep for a hundred years. But for now, he moves until he reaches Liam and hugs him tightly. ‘’It’s okay, I know you’re all hurting and I know how much you care, okay? I know,’’

They hug it out and though it doesn’t fix anything, Harry feels a little bit better knowing that he’s not alone in all this and neither is Louis or the boys.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dr. Katy and the specialist, Dr. Kaoru Satori set up constant rotations on Louis, checking his vitals, changing his bandages and making sure that he’s still stable.

‘’Is he still in a drop?’’ Harry asks, squeezing Louis hand in his.

‘’Yes, I’m afraid so,’’ Dr. Katy tells him. ‘’I’m sorry,’’

After eight days, they remove the tube from Louis’ neck and install one down his throat instead, deeming his windpipe all healed and his vocal cords intact. But the new tube, Harry hates it.

‘’Can’t he breathe on his own yet?’’ Harry asks.

‘’We have no way of knowing that for sure unless his body rejects it,’’ a nurse tells him. ‘’When he does, we’ll take it out,’’

The day after, Louis starts thrashing and choking so, they do take the tube out of his throat.

‘’He can breathe on his own now,’’ Dr. Katy announces. ‘’Isn’t that great?’’

Harry’s joy is brief because Louis should have been awake more than five days ago but he sees the happiness in the boys’ eyes and hates himself a little for dampening the mood so he celebrates what little victory he can get and kisses Louis all over his face.

‘’Good job, baby,’’ he whispers and kisses Louis’ chapped lips with a tiny peck. ‘’Good job,’’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis doesn’t wake up until ten days have passed since the attack.

Harry hasn’t left his side at all since returning from Tommy’s room. His bathroom breaks are short and quick and he’s always, always holding Louis’ hand.

Niall asks Paul to bring his guitar for him from the hotel room and would sometimes sit on the couch and strum away, singing their songs to himself. Liam would read to Louis sometimes when Niall’s napping or Zayn’s out for a smoke, embarrassed to read out loud in front of them. Harry pretends to sleep by Louis’ side, smiling as he keeps his face hidden in his folded arms. Liam’s just a big softie at heart but hates it if someone ever says so out loud.

As for Zayn, he’s as quiet as a friendly ghost and relies on touch more than anything else, always petting Louis’ leg, sometimes doodling with his finger on his blanket-covered calf. Harry would sometimes watch Zayn’s finger move across the cloth in a daze and imagine Zayn drawing dragons or chariots of fire or something cool like that.

At night, whether the boys are truly asleep or not (he hopes they are), his world narrows down to Louis.

He can’t sleep at all anyways so he’d just sit up on his chair, the cot forgotten and he’d whisper secrets and quiet adorations to Louis, faces but inches away, with nothing but the night and the breaths between them to keep them company.

Tonight, his voice feels like sand paper, gritty and rough and his mind feeds him lyrics of an old Queen’s song that he finds himself mumbling.

 _‘’Love of my life, don't leave me,’’_ he sings hoarsely, quietly. _‘’You've taken my love, and now desert me. Love of my life, can't you see?_  
 _Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me because you don't know what it means to me,’’_

He can vaguely see Louis’ face from the street lights piercing the curtain free window and he cannot stop staring, cannot stop making endless promises to him.

_''You will remember, when this is blown over_

_And everything's all by the way._

_When I grow older, I will be there at your side_

_To remind you, how I still love you,''_

‘’I still love you, Lou,’’ he says after his voice cracks from his impromptu singing. ‘’I will always, always love you, no matter what,’’

He closes his worn out eyes and wishes he could go flying away on dragons with Louis to a far, far away land.

‘’Haz…’’

He’d take him to a beautiful lake and get a row boat and they’d paddle through serene waters with ducks all around them…

‘’Harr..eh…’’

He'd laugh and watch the rays of the sun shimmering allover Louis' smiling face as the ducks splash water at them...

He opens his eyes at the sudden tug in his chest. The room is silent and he inhales and exhales, squeezing his eyes for a moment. He must have slept briefly...

‘’Haz…’’

His head shoots up and he sees Louis’ head moves.

His limbs are slow as they reach for the adjustable lamp on the table and he turns it on to low.

‘’Louis?’’ he looks carefully and sees Louis’ head move towards the sound of his voice. His heart starts to rattle with hope inside his rib cage.

‘’Lou?’’ he moves closer to Louis now, alert and wide awake, reaches out to cup his face. ‘’Baby, open your eyes. I’m here, I’m right here,’’

‘’Haz…’’ Louis’ voice is hoarse and weak but he hears his name. Louis is saying his name.

‘’Baby!’’ Harry starts crying. ‘’Oh my God! You’re awake. Baby, you’re awake!’’

He sees Louis’ lips move and his face frowns before he remembers.

‘’Don’t strain your voice, Lou. Here,’’

There’s a flask of water always ready for when Louis wakes up and with one hand, he immediately fills a cup with water and puts a straw in it.

‘’Baby, drink this,’’ Harry says gently, moving the straw to Louis’ lips. ‘’Little sips, okay?’’

Louis drinks until the cup is empty and Harry is worried why Louis hasn’t opened his eyes yet.

‘’Baby?’’ Harry puts the cup aside and holds Louis’ face again. His hands are shaking and he doesn’t know if it’s from excitement at Louis finally being out of his long slumber or from sheer disbelief or from utter exhaustion.

‘’You’re here,’’ Louis whispers.

‘’Yeah I’m here, love.’’ Harry says when Louis doesn’t add anything. ‘’The boys are here too; they’re sleeping,’’

‘’Haz…’’ Louis’ brow furrows like he’s in pain. Harry waits for him to say something more but he doesn’t and he starts to worry.

‘’Lou, I’m really here. You can see for yourself, babe. Can you please look at me? I miss you,’’

‘’No,’’ Louis says weakly.

‘’No? Baby, are your eyes hurting you?’’ Harry immediately presses the emergency button. ‘’Lou, what’s wrong?’’

‘’I’m sorry,’’

To his sheer surprise, Harry feels tears dripping down his fingers from where he’s still clutching Louis’ face.

‘’Sorry? Why are you sorry? Baby, what’s there to be sorry for?’’

‘’I’m sorry, please don’t leave me,’’

‘’Louis, I swear I'm right here. Just open your eyes please,’’ Harry requests gently, trying really hard not to panic or worse, wake the boys and overwhelm Louis. ‘’Please look at me, baby,’’

When Louis opens his eyes, they’re swimming in tears.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Louis’ voice is hoarse again. ‘’I’m no good to you anymore,’’

‘’What are you saying? Lou…’’

‘’But please forgive me,’’ Louis’ arms find their way around his neck, forcing Harry’s face to come closer. ‘’I promise I still love you, I swear I’m yours. Please…’’

‘’Louis, you’re panicking,’’ Harry doesn’t understand what’s happening, doesn’t understand why Louis’ eyes are wide as saucers.

‘’Please mate me,’’ Louis begs, arms a vice around Harry’s neck. ‘’Do it now before it’s too late!’’

‘’Louis, that’s not…’’

‘’Bite me! Please! Get him out of my head! I’m begging you!’’ Louis’ voice turns hysteric and he starts hyperventilating. ‘’Harry, please! Just love me, please just love me''

‘’Louis!’’ Harry starts actively struggling out of Louis’ grip when Louis reaches for his face and tries to pry his mouth open, like he’s looking for his fangs.

‘’I’m sorry! I’m sorry I couldn’t fight hard enough! Please believe me!’’

‘’What is going on here?’’

The lights turn on and the boys all startle awake at the sound of Liam’s voice.

‘’Louis, let go of me, let me explain…’’ Harry holds Louis’ wrists against his chest to keep him lying down on the bed but Louis fights him, like he’s possessed and he’s far from the Louis he knows. This Louis is desperate, like someone’s tormenting him.

‘’No, no…’’ Louis shakes his head at him, chest heaving. ‘’Make me yours Harry, you promised, you promised me! Please!’’

‘’Baby, not like this, you’re not well,’’ Harry starts crying, doesn’t know how to save Louis from himself, doesn’t know what to say to remove that anguished look in Louis’ face.

Doctor Katy finally enters and Louis still doesn’t stop thrashing and begging.

''Make it stop! Please, just make it go away! Harry!''

‘’Louis, can we lie down for a minute, honey?’’ Dr. Katy immediately approaches the bed from the other side and tries to shine a light at Louis’ eyes. ‘’Can you tell me what you’re feeling?’’

‘’Why is Louis acting like that?’’ Liam demands. Niall and Zayn are standing by the foot of the bed, alarmed and speechless. ‘’Why is his scent all over the place? He’s panicking!’’

‘’I want you, I want you now,’’ Louis says hurriedly before he tries to raise his head from the pillow, exposing his freshly healed neck. ‘’Harry, do something. Please, you promised!’’

‘’Louis, can you look at me, my dear? Just for one minute?’’ Dr. Katy nods her head and Harry finds himself being pushed aside by two nurses who then proceed to hold Louis down.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Liam yells.

‘’No! No! Harry, please! Please!’’

Harry just stands there and watches as they sedate the love of his life while he calls for him to do something that Harry cannot even begin to understand. He watches as Louis passes out in a heap after waking up from ten days of omega drop. He watches as Dr. Katy tucks Louis in and sends her nurses away while Liam shouts and demands answers.

‘’Knock it off, alpha!’’ Dr. Katy shouts back at Liam. ‘’or I’ll have you removed from this room this instant!’’

They argue while Harry tunes them out. Louis' head is tilted and he slowly adjusts him and places his head gently on the pillow. He finds tears dripping on Louis' face as he swipes at his soft fringe.

He cannot stop crying. He cannot even say anything even when Zayn approaches and rubs his back. His chest keeps hitching at the sight of Louis passed out, gone again. All he can think of is that Louis called out to him, needed him and he couldn't do anything. He stood by and did nothing to soothe him and he's tired of feeling useless.

‘’What happened?’’ Harry finally finds his voice again, clogged and thick as it is. He’s so damn tired and heart broken, he cannot bear all this confusion and pain anymore. ‘’What the fuck just happened?’’

‘’I told you; it’s the pseudo-grief.’’ Dr. Katy wipes her brow. ‘’Louis is fighting his omega, doesn’t want to have any remnant feelings for the alpha that mated him.’’

‘’He kept saying sorry to me, why?’’

‘’He probably feels like he’s betrayed you,’’ Dr. Katy sighs. ‘’By allowing himself to be mated.''

‘’That’s the last thing he should feel, it was forced!’’ Liam argues.

‘’He doesn’t know that, Mr. Payne,’’ Dr. Katy says, exhausted. ‘’He dropped, remember? Louis probably feels like he surrendered and it’s eating at him.’’

‘’The moment he saw me, he just…’’ Harry is still trying to grasp the events that had just unfolded.

‘’You can’t mate him,’’ Dr. Katy warns. ‘’No matter how much you love him, you can’t give in, he’s in too vulnerable a state and too fragile mentally to accept another mating bite,’’

‘’But what happens when he wakes up?’’ Harry demands. ‘’What happens then?’’

‘’We’ll fix this Harry, I promise…’’

‘’You’ve said that too many times already!’’ Harry interrupts. Looking at Louis now, looking at where they are, is unbearable.

‘’Harry…’’

‘’I need air,’’ is the last thing he says before he leaves the room.


	19. nineteen

_I have loved you since we were 18_   
_Long before we both thought the same thing_   
_To be loved, to be in love_   
_All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you_   
_I wanna love like you made me feel_   
_When we were 18_

-One Direction, 18

It hits Harry the moment he reaches the roof that it’s not morning. He gulps in as much fresh air as possible as he stumbles towards the edge of the building and sits down on the concrete.

All he wants is to breathe and for now that’s what he does; he just breathes.

For a while, that’s all he does. His eyes are blank as they stare at the Tokyo night life and tall, magical-looking skyscrapers. When his mind is finally silent, he takes his phone out and checks the time.

It’s 2 am.

He notes this down before he shuts his phone off completely.

He doesn’t want to abandon Louis and in a way, he knows he hasn’t. And yet, he feels like he has with the way he walked out of his room.

It’s a wound to an alpha’s pride to be deemed useless and worthless and Harry is trying to find a way to stop feeling like that and to make it less about him and more about Louis because Louis is the priority right now, not him.

He wonders if this could be a test to his strength, to see Louis mourn the death of another alpha, an alpha that hurt him and immediately shuts the door to that thought because as much as it would hurt him, he thinks about Louis and knows, just knows that Louis would never do that; he would never do that a to monster who literally ruined his life over and over again.

But maybe, above all else, maybe that’s the only way to go about it; to accept that he was hurt and that the only way to move on is to accept what he has to do in order to get over it.

Thinking about it, it’s not like Louis has a choice; his biology dictates that he mourns his mate, whether he loved him or not, whether he chose him or not. It’s twisted and sick and Harry shudders at how Louis’ body was manipulated to be used against him, even long after his attackers were gone.

He sits there with his turbulent thoughts, wondering if he and Louis will be able to mate and put this behind them at all.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

He returns inside the building shortly before sunrise and wakes Paul up in order to bring him to the hotel. He feels bad but Paul doesn’t say anything about it and silently drives him to the nearby hotel. For the first time ever, he sleeps away from Louis willingly and for the first time in such a long time, he’s knocked out cold before he takes his shoes off.

When he wakes up bright and early, Louis is the first thing on his mind and that tugging feeling in his chest is still there. If anything else, that pushes him into action.

It’s not out of loyalty that he gets moving. It’s not because his love is blind that he takes a shower and dresses up with renewed vigor. It’s because he knows that tug will never go away until Louis is okay again because as long as Louis is not okay, he won’t be okay either.

It’s with a determination that he hasn’t felt since wanting so badly to win the x-factor that he gets about ready to face the day ahead, to go see Louis and stick to him like glue no matter what Louis demands of him. In sickness and in health may sound archaic but that is what he feels and he won’t start doubting his instincts now when it’s that and a very loose shred of sanity is all he has left beside a love that’s twice the size of the four chambers of his heart.

Louis is his mate, sans mating bite or not and he may not know what the future holds and he may not grasp completely what Louis is going through, but he’ll be damned to sit by and watch them sedate his boyfriend again because he couldn’t reconcile his biology with himself or worse, that he’ll break up with him because of what another alpha did to his omega.

Harry may have a wounded pride but he won’t be the alpha that leaves his beloved behind.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’Why are you all outside?’’ is the first thing he asks when he returns to the hospital. He’s got take out coffee cups with him for the boys, an apology for ditching them and baked goods and a cup of tea for Louis.

‘’Where the fuck were you?’’ Niall hisses, eyes bleeding red, Zayn a wall between them.

‘’Ni, cool it, alright?’’ Zayn tells him before he turns to Harry. ‘’I called you several time. Why was your phone off?’’

‘’I…’’ Harry gulps. ‘’I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to leave you guys. I just…’’

He doesn’t know what to say and seeing their haggard faces, maybe he should have left them a message at least.

‘’I’m really sorry, I couldn’t,’’ he looks away from their faces, guilty. ‘’I couldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have been helpful in any way. I just needed…’’

‘’A break,’’ Niall finishes before he shakes his head at him and plucks a coffee cup from the tray Harry’s holding. ‘’You and your breaks,’’

‘’Niall…’’

‘’Well, as long as you’re back,’’ Liam placates and hands over Zayn’s cup to the Bradford lad before he plucks his own. ‘’It’s fine now,’’

Niall snorts but Zayn gives him a stern look and he just huffs.

‘’I don’t know how you could call this fine but sure, whatever,’’ Niall says irritably before he walks away.

‘’Did something happen?’’ Harry asks because Niall isn’t usually a bitch when Harry does something stupid like switching his phone off.

‘’No, he’s just nearing his rut that’s all,’’ Liam clears up. ‘’Our team set up a room for him in the alpha ward. He’s a bit bummed about it,’’

Harry understands. They’re all stressed out and in a foreign country no less. Harry wishes his mum were with him and he does loathe admitting it.

‘’Any news on Louis?’’ Harry finally asks.

‘’Doctor Katy is inside the room with him hence why we’re here,’’ Zayn answers.

‘’He’s awake?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ there are dark shadows under Zayn’s eyes and he looks quite tired. ‘’I think Louis is going to take the hormone therapy, Haz,’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Yeah, I think so too,’’ Liam agrees. ‘’When he woke up, he was really quiet and asked us to leave the moment she entered the room. She wanted to give him options to know where to proceed from here,’’

‘’The cops were inside too,’’ Zayn adds. ‘’I think they wanted him to recount what happened,’’

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry feels sick for not being with Louis when the cops were around.

‘’Look, don’t kick yourself over this,’’ Liam says. ‘’He told us not to let you in anyways. I think he felt it was something he needed to do on his own,’’

‘’Still, I should have been here,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’And it wouldn’t have made a difference, Haz.’’ Zayn says kindly.

‘’How was he, when he woke up?’’ Harry asks carefully.

‘’Not like last night, but he smelt sad,’’ Liam replies. ‘’More gloomy and less distraught.’’

‘’I talked to Tommy,’’ Zayn announces. ‘’he said nothing sexual happened in the room when he barged in but I doubt it was anything good either. The bite itself is bad enough.’’

‘’Don’t remind me,’’ Liam mutters and Harry wishes he could enter the room already. He can smell Louis from behind the door and he understands what Liam means; there’s a scent of gloom in the air, like the scent of tears. He can only imagine what he’ll smell when he actually enters the room.

‘’How long have they been in there?’’ Harry asks before the door opens.

‘’Oh Harry,’’ Dr. Kate says when she sees him. She closes the door gently before she faces the boys. ‘’You’re back,’’

‘’Yeah, sorry I disappeared,’’ Harry says sheepishly.

‘’That’s alright, it’s all worked out,’’ she says kindly.

‘’What do you mean by that?’’ Liam asks.

‘’I’ll be happy to inform you but I think Louis wants to see you now,’’ she directs to Harry. ‘’I think maybe you two should talk. I’ll be outside and update your bandmates. You’ll be pleased to know that you can all leave tonight.’’

‘’Louis is being discharged?’’ Zayn asks, surprised.

‘’Yes, the police got their statements and he isn’t physically unwell anymore,’’ Dr. Katy informs them. ‘’Tommy has actually already been discharged,’’

‘’Wait, really?’’ Now, all three of them are surprised.

‘’Yeah, his leg needs major rest but he said he can take it and signed his discharge paper right after you left,’’ she tells Zayn before she meets their eyes. ‘’I think he spoke to your team about taking an early flight. Said he wanted to go home,’’

‘’We’ll talk to him,’’ Liam says before he looks at Harry. ‘’You go inside, we’ll handle things from here,’’

Harry doesn’t know what to make of Tommy leaving because he doesn’t know what to say to him but he also doesn’t want that the next time they speak will be when they land back in the UK. If Louis is physically alright, that means that the tour will continue and they’ll be heading to the US soon.

‘’Focus on Louis, mate,’’ Zayn pats his back. ‘’Go already,’’

He finishes his coffee in one gulp, dumps the cup in Zayn’s hand and enters the room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis is sitting up in his hospital bed, legs dangling over the side. It brings about a sense of déjà vu, of doctor appointments and check-ups. He wonders if this is his new normal; seeing Louis in a hospital room, wearing a thin hospital gown, looking small and lonely on the big white bed.

‘’Hey, you,’’ Harry greets softly.

Louis turns his face to him, lips quirking up into a small smile that vanishes all too quickly. He looks gaunt and the scent of gloom in the air is thick, like wilting flowers on a winter's day. His neck has faint bruises around them and some scars from the claw mark and the tube insertion. Harry wants to mark him with hickies just to make them go away.

‘’Hey,’’ Louis greets back, voice scratchy.

''I got you some breakfast,'' Harry says, holding the tray and pastry bag out. Louis doesn't say anything so he places it on the rolling table at the end of Louis' bed. ''I'll leave it here for you.''

''Thanks,'' Louis replies, voice small.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Harry asks as he approaches and stands in front of Louis, hands in his pockets. He hates how awkward he is, how they're treading the waters so carefully. It shouldn’t be like this with them, not after they’ve been so open with each other.

‘’That’s the billion dollar question, isn’t it?’’ Louis shrugs.

‘’It’s the only one that matters,’’ Harry says and for a moment, green meets blue and time stands still.

‘’I don’t want to feel like this,’’ Louis tells him, eyes shimmering with pain. ‘’It’s not right,’’

‘’Like what?’’

‘’Can’t you scent it?’’ Louis says bitterly. ‘’It must be suffocating,’’

Harry doesn’t want to feed into Louis’ anger, doesn’t want to make that fester so he just takes in a deep breath through his mouth. He doesn't mind the scent but he doesn't want Louis to hold his reactions against him.

‘’Dr. Katy said something,’’ Harry says. ‘’What did she mean that it’s all worked out?’’

Louis looks at him for a quiet moment before he sighs.

‘’I’m taking the therapy,’’ Louis says, blue eyes unrelenting. ‘’I don’t want to feel like this any longer and I won’t.’’

Harry’s eyes turn wide. ‘’Lou, that’s dangerous…’’

‘’It’s my body,’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’And I decide, not anyone else,’’

Harry cannot disagree with him; he knows that’s the last thing Louis wants to hear. But still...

‘’Did she tell you about the consequences?’’ Harry asks instead.

‘’Yes and I’m taking them,’’ Louis says quickly, like he doesn't want to leave any room for negotiations.

‘’What are they?’’

‘’It doesn’t matter; it will be better than this fucking misplaced sense of obligation…''

‘’Louis!’’ Harry’s voice rips with barely contained grief. ‘’What are the side-effects? Tell me!’’

‘’It’s nothing bad, Haz,’’ Louis exhales. ‘’I promise,’’

‘’Please tell me,’’ Harry pleads. ‘’Please…’’

‘’Why are you all the way over there?’’ Louis interrupts.

‘’What?’’

‘’Why aren’t you touching me?’’ Louis’ voice cracks. ‘’Do I disgust you? Is my scent that unbearable? Be honest, H…’’

In two steps, Harry is in his space and the moment his arms close around Louis, that tugging ache vanishes. It’s so heady to the point that he can actually feel the hollowness he felt when the paramedics were carrying Louis away from his hotel room fill up, like his heart was being placed back in his chest, full again with Louis’ proximity and the physical proof that he is solid, awake and somewhat unharmed and still wanting him.

‘’Baby,’’ Harry chokes out and breathes like he’s surfaced deep water after being under for so long. He cannot ever take it for granted, this feeling of Louis encompassed wholly within the bosom of his embrace, when it feels this liberating and easier to breathe just holding him. ‘’I’m sorry, I wanted to give you space. I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m sorry,’’

‘’I thought I was going to go insane,’’ Louis admits, face hidden in his neck. “I thought I’d lost you to this, I thought it would be hard for you to come near me after…’’

‘’Never,’’ Harry says fiercely. ‘’I won’t love you any less just because there’s another alpha scent on you. That’s bullshit!’’

He pushes back just enough to cup Louis’ face in his palms. He hates that Louis’ cheekbones feel so prominent and that he looks haggard. ‘’I’m above my alpha, Louis. Do you understand?’’

‘’You shouldn’t have to fight yourself,’’ Louis says, distraught by this. ‘’It’s not fair to you…’’

‘’I don’t mean that we’re not in sync, love,’’ Harry interrupts. ‘’If you could see my alpha right now, he’d be bleeding red eyes and growling with rage, seeking the blood of those who did this to you but Tommy took care of that,’’ Harry emphasizes. ‘’And I wish I had been there, baby. I wish this had never happened to you…’’

Harry watches as Louis takes this in, fiddles with the hem of Harry's shirt. Harry runs his fingers through his hair before he sees the discomfort on his face when his hands touch his neck so he moves his hands to Louis’ hips instead.

‘’Tommy,’’ Louis starts. ‘’is he alright?’’

‘’You haven’t seen him?’’

‘’No, but Dr. Katy told me he’s okay,’’

‘’He is, Lou,’’ Harry assures him. ‘’I’m forever indebted to him.’’

‘’He must be feeling so guilty,’’ Louis averts his eyes and covers his throat, fingers tracing the left side of his neck. Something sears inside his chest at the thought of that bastard placing a forced mating mark there, right where Louis wanted him to put his.

‘’Neither of you should feel guilty,’’ Harry tells him. ‘’You did the best you could in a situation that was impossible. You were both out-numbered and they were experts. They should have been caught long ago,’’

‘’But they weren’t and now I’m like this,’’ Louis folds in on himself, head below Harry’s chin. ‘’I’m ruined,’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’I don’t want to be an omega anymore, Haz.’’ Louis whispers. ‘’It’s too hard…’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’And that video,’’ Harry feels Louis shudder. ‘’Fuck, it makes me sick…’’

‘’Lou, hey, hey,’’ Harry clutches at Louis, broad arms around his back and shoulder. ‘’Don’t let that get into your head because it doesn’t make you repulsive or any less of who you are just because of what they did to you, Lou. They’re vile but their actions don’t reflect on who you are, okay?’’

Louis looks up at him, eyes wet but tears unshed.

‘’I still want that treatment,’’ Louis says after a sniff.

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Don’t argue with me about this,’’ Louis says fiercely, sitting up and dislodging Harry's arms. ‘’I’m not going to change my mind!’’

‘’And I don’t want you to keep getting sick, Louis!’’ Harry retaliates. ‘’There’s nothing I hate more than seeing you in a hospital bed, waiting for you to wake up because one day, you might not come back,’’ Harry’s voice breaks. ‘’I can’t breathe every time that happens, Lou…’’

‘’Then don’t be here,’’ Louis grits.

‘’How can you say that to me?’’ Harry argues. ‘’How can I not care? This whole thing hasn’t made me any less in love with you, Louis! And you’ve come so far and whatever it is you’re feeling, its temporary and you can overcome it, I know you can!’’

‘’Harry…’’

‘’No,’’ Harry interrupts. ‘’You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and maybe you can’t see that now but I can, okay? It took you years to get better as an omega and you did, you never gave up. That mating bite? It’s gone, Lou.’’ Harry points out. ‘’There’s not a single trace of it and soon, it will be a passing feeling, like a remnant after taste that you can easily spit out and wash your mouth from…’’

‘’Don’t talk about it like you know fucking shit!’’ Louis shouts and he coughs from the force of it.

‘’Lou…’’ Harry immediately reaches for a cup of water and hands it to him only for Louis to throw it against the wall behind his shoulder.

‘’Stop coddling me!’’ he shouts again, voice rough and painful like he’d swallowed saw dust.

‘’Lou, your voice, please, I’m sorry, okay? I‘m sorry, I didn’t mean to work you up…’’ Harry backpedals. He watches helplessly as Louis coughs into the sleeve of his forearm and is glad that Louis doesn’t push him away when he steps back closer and rubs at his back.

‘’I’m not choosing the treatment because I can’t wait for us to get back to where we’re supposed to be,’’ Louis exhales roughly, eyes closed and head down. ‘’And I’m not choosing it because of how much I want to get over the reminder of my fucking attacker either even though both reasons are valid enough to me,’’ Louis inhales and exhales before he looks up at Harry through his fringe. ‘’I’m taking it because I feel like I’m being torn apart. There is you in my heart...there’s that fucking alpha with his claws ten feet deep into my omega's neck and there may be nothing visible on me but I can still feel the moment I dropped. I didn’t even see the bite coming,’’ Louis admits. ‘’I was never more afraid than that night in my entire life and just thinking about it makes my skin crawl and then my omega cowers in confusion and it’s all so conflicting and tiring and I’m just…’’ Louis covers his eyes with his palm. ‘’I’m tired. I feel like I’m going to explode to bits,’’

‘’Lou,’’ Harry cannot help but hold him again and sighs in defeat. He cannot understand what Louis is going through but if it’s this bad, Harry would want any way out of it too.

‘’Did Dr. Katy say anything about you needing some time before you go through with your decision?’’ Harry asks. He has to.

‘’Harry, I already made…’’ Louis pulls away slightly, hands on Harry’s waist.

‘’No, I don’t mean like that,’’ Harry interrupts gently before he holds Louis' small hands in his. He doesn’t want to fight and he doesn’t want them to argue anymore. ‘’I mean, you’ve just woken up yesterday and you’re already so sure…’’

‘’I’m getting my first dose tonight, after I get my discharge,’’ Louis informs him.

‘’Louis, that’s too soon,’’ Harry whines.

‘’It’s not soon enough,’’ Louis says back and pushes Harry a step back, letting go of his hands. ‘’Please let me do this. You have to stop making me fight my own body.''

‘’That’s the last thing I want to do!’’ Harry cries.

‘’Harry, I’m doing this because my omega can’t take any more of this. _I_ can’t take any more of this, okay? I can't take one more second of you touching me and me feeling like it’s someone else who doing it! Can’t you tell?’’

Harry stands still and looks really hard at Louis. He sees how tightly wound he’s holding himself, how taut his eyes are, how his skin looks like it’s bristling even against the sheets.

‘’Please tell me you won’t be hurting, that’s all that matters,’’ Harry concedes.

‘’The treatment won’t take more than ten weeks,’’ Louis says gently. ‘’The way I understood it, it will be like expelling the symptoms out to manifest a physical form.’’

‘’I don’t understand,’’ Harry frowns.

‘’Like having a body ache,’’ Louis waves his hand. ‘’It will remove all residues of the mating bite and the pseudo-grief,’’

‘’But?’’ Harry knows there’s a ‘but’.

‘’It will put my omega functions through a sort of hibernation period, because the treatment is going to sort of numb that side of me but I will be the one to feel it this time,’’ Louis explains before he grimaces. ‘’it’s hard to explain but…’’

‘’This is really what you want?’’ Harry asks because he realizes that Louis shouldn’t have to justify his actions to him even if Harry disagrees with them.

Louis nods, eyes pleading but unyielding. ‘’Yes,’’

Harry takes a deep breathe. Louis is stubborn and if they continue arguing, he’ll just end up a weeping mess and Louis even more adamant. There’s but one thing he can do.

‘’You’re sure?’’ Harry checks.

‘’Either that or you mate me right now,’’ Louis jokes but it falls flat when they both grimace at each other. Louis cannot help but quirk a smile at their simultaneous reaction. ‘’See? There’s no in between,’’

‘’Doesn’t make me any less sad about it,’’

‘’I know,’’ Louis at least understands, he can see it in his eyes that Harry’s concerns are not unfounded, not after everything they’ve been through.

‘’I’ll be with you, every step of the way,’’ Harry vows. ‘’You have to let me be there, okay?’’

‘’Don’t blame yourself for not being in that room, Haz,’’ Louis says because of course, he can see right through him, even when he looks exhausted and worn out. ‘’You’re here now,’’ his hand rises, reaching for him and Harry quickly takes his hand and allows Louis to pull him close enough to stand in the v of his legs. Louis puts his arms around his neck and it feels like fitting into a puzzle piece made just for him. ‘’Even then, in that dark moment, you were with me,’’

Harry feels tears form in his eyes and he cannot help but close them as their foreheads touch.

‘’Baby,’’

‘’Shh, kiss me,’’ Louis asks softly. ‘’Please,’’

Harry hums as their faces slot into place, lips touching softly first before the kiss turns deep and slow.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tommy does leave despite Liam and Zayn trying to convince him otherwise. Since Niall is in rut, they will be staying in Japan for one more week before they continue with their 1D schedule. Harry wishes they had more time but Louis was eager for them not to delay any further.

‘’I can’t keep lying to my mom and if we delay more, she’ll get suspicious,’’ Louis explains. He’d been discharged finally and they’re all back in the hotel with Niall taking just enough of a suppressant to be transferred to one of the hotel’s exclusive rut rooms so that he can be with them since he didn’t want to be far away from the boys by staying in the alpha hospital ward. They won’t be seeing him until one week later but bless him for not giving a damn.

‘’Yeah, but you’ll tell her eventually right?’’ Harry asks, distracted. His eyes are following John’s as the man tightens the rubber belt around the bend of Louis’ elbow and dabs a cotton swab at his skin.

‘’Of course I will but I think she’ll prefer an explanation face to face,’’ Louis says and he sounds amused. Harry is too busy giving John eagle eyes to notice.

‘’You alright, Haz?’’ Zayn asks from where he’s sitting on a chair at the foot of the bed.

‘’You know what you’re doing?’’ Harry asks right as John flicks the needle.

‘’Yeah, Dr. Katy told me,’’ John says when he realizes four pairs of eyes are looking at him. Liam is basically towering over him with how his arms are folded, biceps bulging and stance wide. Harry is sat cross-legged on the bed, holding Louis’ hand. ‘’I am a trained professional, you know,’’

‘’Right,’’ Liam merely says.

‘’Boys, knock it off will you?’’ Louis chuckles. ‘’Let the man do his bloody job,’’

‘’I second that,’’ Zayn says, eyes back on the screen of his phone. He looks so chill but Harry knows he’s trying not to peak.

‘’You don’t see us stopping him, do you?’’ Liam says with a hint of sass.

‘’Uh uh,’’ Louis just says through narrow amused eyes.

It’s silent for a moment before John clears his throat.

‘’Make a fist Louis so that I can get a vein, yeah?’’ John instructs. Louis isn’t afraid of needles per say but it doesn’t stop him from squeezing Harry’s hand which Harry immediately reciprocates.

Once John finds the vein, he inserts the needle. They’re all quiet as they watch John work.

‘’It’s just two more right?’’ Harry checks.

‘’Yeah, Harry,’’ John confirms as he prepares the other needle.

Harry watches Louis this time and sees the sweat form on his forehead as the other needle is inserted followed by the third.

‘’And this is every night?’’ Liam asks this time as John plasters Louis’ skin.

‘’Every other night,’’ John says as he cleans up. ‘’Don’t worry about it, lads. I’ll keep track.’’

‘’Thanks John,’’ Louis says softly. They were told by Dr. Katy that Louis’ omega will be close to the surface as a side effect of the treatment, kind of like a soft heat minus the arousal. Harry can only image what that will be like ten weeks straight.

‘’Alright, well, let’s be off then and give you boys some rest,’’ Zayn stands up and starts for the door.

‘’Take care, Lou,’’ Liam says softly, eyes brewing in a quiet storm. Harry loves how he cares so much and watches silently as he leans down to hug Louis. ‘’I love you, man.’’

‘’Love you, Li,’’ Louis says just as quietly. He and Zayn nod at each other before Zayn disappears out the room.

‘’Can I talk to you for a second?’’ John asks Harry. Harry nods and for a minute, watches as Louis lies down and closes his eyes. He presses a kiss to the back of Louis’ hand, making him smile.

‘’I’ll be right back,’’ Harry says before he pulls away and gets on his feet.

Outside Louis’ room, John’s face is serious and compassionate. He reminds Harry of Eugene Roe, the medic in that HBO TV series band of brothers.

‘’Don’t give him any pain medication, okay?’’ John advises.

‘’But he’ll be in pain,’’ Harry points out.

‘’I know but he just took three needles and any pain meds or even sleeping pills is a bad cocktail, I’m telling you,’’ John warns.

‘’What am I supposed to expect?’’ Harry asks then.

‘’Just try to get him to sleep,’’ John says. ‘’It won’t be long, three hours at the max and then it will be like the attack never happened,’’

‘’Like he won’t remember?’’

‘’No, but like the after effects of it won’t be there, like it’s been numbed in ice water,’’ John simplifies. ‘’It will last until the next dose and after ten weeks, it will be gone, like a broken leg that needs healing; you won’t remember how the break felt once it’s all healed, you know?’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry nods before he hugs John. ‘’Thank you,’’

John isn’t used to hugs but he’s used to it from the boys so he just pats Harry’s back awkwardly. ‘’You’re welcome,’’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The tour continues as scheduled and before they know it, they’re ten days into the US leg of the tour.

Harry would say how mad it is that Louis is such a good actor if not for the fact that when he sees Louis smile, they’re big and genuine. When he hugs fans, they’re tight and real, when he sings his heart out on stage, he’s vivacious and happy.

But knowing what Louis goes through behind the cameras is one thing and seeing how genuinely well he is at hiding it is another.

He does better on days before he takes his shots but the days after, starting from the night before are…well, if Harry says they are hell for him, then he can only imagine what they are like for Louis.

They’re back in the hotel after a show in L.A. It's week three since Louis started his treatment and he's been sluggish and almost constantly tired and worn out. Harry doesn't feel all that great either but he puts up a good front in front of the boys and is basically a rock for Louis. He has to be.

He takes off his clothes until he’s down to just his black briefs before he quietly enters the bathroom. He’d showered quickly back stage at the arena because he needs to make sure that Louis would take precedent when they’re behind closed doors.

Louis’ clothes are scattered on the floor and Harry ignores them for now when he sees his boy. Louis is in the bathtub, soaked in hot water with his legs folded to his chest, arms tight around his middle; head on his knees and body slumped sideways.

‘’Hey babe,’’ Harry greets as he gets down on his knees and wraps his arms around Louis, lips on his hair. ‘’What number?’’

Louis cannot really describe his pain when he’s like this so they’ve come up with a number system where 10 is bad and 1 is good and any number in between depends on where it’s tipping; if it’s towards 10 then it’s getting bad and if it’s tipping towards 1 then it’s getting bearable.

‘’7 I think,’’ Louis says between gritted teeth, head pushing closer against Harry’s chest, eyes closed tight. They're quiet as Harry slides his fingers through Louis' hair, careful not to ever reach his nape. He's glad to see his necklace around Louis' neck again though. He honestly thought he'd lost it in Japan.

‘’I called Tommy today, before the show.’’

Harry knows about that because Louis had stayed back stage but didn’t enter the dressing room, walking around with his phone glued to his hand. It's honestly a miracle that Louis' voice wasn't that affected by the attack and hearing his raspy voice now compared to that day back in Japan when Harry had induced him into a coughing fit is like music to his ears. The fans would agree with Harry on that one.

‘’How is he?’’ Harry asks conversationally; anything to keep him distracted.

‘’He feels bad that he left but he felt like it was the right thing to do,’’ Louis replies, voice airy. ‘’Said he needed time to heal too.’’

‘’As long as he’s taking care of himself,’’ Harry pauses. ‘’He told me once that he doesn’t really sleep well,’’

‘’Makes sense; he doesn’t like killing people,’’

Harry doesn’t want to be reminded no matter how grateful he is. He and the boys, even Louis have been scheduled for therapy twice a week –three for Louis- for at least one month to talk through what they’ve witnessed, what had happened.

‘’I wish I could do more to help him,’’ Harry says.

‘’The army is helping him out, he said,’’ Louis continues. ‘’And being with his mum must be nice,’’

‘’How is J…’’ Harry doesn’t finish asking when Louis groans as a wave of pain hits him. ‘’Breathe, baby. In and out, c’mon,’’

He holds Louis’ face to his chest as Louis’ body rages and flares.

‘’Fuck it hurts,’’ Louis’ voice stutters out, eyelashes wet against his chest.

‘’Where exactly?’’ Harry asks. Sometimes, he says that the light hurts his eyes and Harry has to dim them. Sometimes Louis would throw up (it happened when they had a bus night two days ago). Sometimes his arms would hurt him. The worse ever was that first week; the first night, his neck had hurt him so bad, he kept hyperventilating and couldn’t breathe steadily the whole night. Harry had to hold his hands hostage to stop Louis from suffocating himself with his bare hands. It was such a long night that he and Louis were both dead asleep throughout the flight to L.A. The rest of the week was somewhat similar; Harry didn't mind spooning Louis but he didn't like having to hold his hands to stop him from reaching for his neck throughout the night.

‘’My stomach,’’ Louis says between clenched teeth, head tilting down till his forehead is touching the edge of the tub.

‘’Let me try something,’’ Harry pulls one arm free and dips it underneath the water. He reaches for Louis’ stomach and starts kneading the flesh there, other arm firm around Louis’ shoulders so that he doesn’t slip in the water.

‘’Oh,’’ Louis gasps; cheek against Harry’s sternum, hot breathes puffing against Harry’s skin.

‘’Is it doing anything?’’ Harry asks and tries not to sound desperate. He’d promised John that when it gets bad he has to call him and it’s not like he asked John to be left alone with Louis even though selfishly he wants to and yes, he did ask Louis for that but because he can’t bear being apart from Louis when he’s like this. It helps that John doesn't mind because he believes that Louis would be safer with someone he trusts through and through. John can be quite clinical sometimes and Harry understands; it comes with the profession.

‘’That feels so good,’’ Louis exhales, voice almost sleepy.

Harry keeps up his ministrations, hugging Louis closer to his chest. He wishes the bathtub wasn't there to separate them but Louis had said the hot water makes him feel better. Harry would join him if not for the fact that he doesn't want to leave Louis for even one second just to dry himself before they go to bed.

It’s leading to another long night but he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

‘’What number now?’’ Harry asks when a stretch of silence passes by. His hand is firm and non-stop, massaging Louis’ stomach.

‘’You’re like proper husband material,’’ Louis says, voice syrupy, like he’s drunk. ‘’Not 7 anymore. A lower number,’’

‘’That’s good,’’ Harry says, relieved almost to the point of tears. ‘’Tell me when you want me to stop,’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Louis presses his lips to Harry’s collarbone. ‘’Are you going to ignore the husband comment?’’

Harry blushes; that really was what he intended to do. ‘’Yes?’’

‘’You think I don’t mean it?’’ Louis chuckles weakly and then his face grimaces. Harry kneads harder when he sees Louis’ biting his lip.

‘’You and I both know that I’m going to marry the living daylights out of you one day,’’ Harry says, voice shaky with emotion. ‘’There’s no doubt about it.’’

‘’Not the best topic of conversation to have right now, babe,’’ Louis gasps, voice a mixture of pain and amusement.

‘’You brought it up!’’ Harry plays along.

‘’That I did,’’ Louis smiles before his face goes lax again. ‘’because I love you,’’

‘’I know,’’ Harry says. When he’s holding Louis at night these days, he has to stop himself from tearing his hair out when he thinks about Louis doing the treatment for him, because of Louis’ love for him. Louis doesn't have to say it, stubborn as he is, for Harry to know it's up there with one of his many other valid reasons. It’s scary what they’re both willing to do for another and Harry doesn’t know where the limit is, where it goes borderline unhealthy and verges into co-dependent.

If there’s anything that keeps him sane these days, it’s the fact that he definitely loves Louis just as much as Louis loves him, maybe even as much as the pain Louis is going through.

Maybe…even more.


	20. twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a soft chapter - I hope - after all the angst from before. This fic is coming to an end soon so hopefully, it proceeds to your liking :D

_And every demon wants his pound of flesh_   
_But I like to keep some things to myself_   
_I like to keep my issues strong_   
_It's always darkest before the dawn_

-Florence and the machine, shake it off

Harry looks at himself in the mirror. He’s always been quite pale but never has he looked quite Casper-like before and for someone nearly out of his teens, his face has a break out like no other. Good thing they have a good make up team for it. It’s probably the lack of sleep if the bags under his eyes are anything to go by.

Harry looks at the pills in his hands and doesn’t dawdle any longer. He knows it’s temporary and Louis will be okay soon. He has to be. He takes the two prescribed pills and downs it with a glass of water before he leaves the bathroom.

They’re mid-tour and they’re in L.A. for some down time. Harry is dreading Jay’s arrival but he knows it was only a matter of time before that conversation was going to come about. He just hopes that Louis’ upcoming appointment with Dr. Martin won’t go hay wire.

‘’You really don’t have to come with me,’’ Harry snaps out of his reverie. He had finally placed a down payment on a house in L.A. and no matter how insistent Louis was to stay in a hotel room; he was soon able to convince the omega to come stay in his house for their downtime when he saw how secluded and private the place was.

‘’I want to,’’ Harry replies to Louis from where he’d gotten lost to his thoughts in front of a set of shirts inside his walk-in closet, Louis standing by the door, looking at him. ‘’I’ll just drive myself crazy staying here, doing nothing,’’

‘’What doing nothing?’’ Louis says indignantly. ‘’Isn’t James here? I know how much you like to hang out with him. Besides, it’s your downtime, love,’’

‘’Louis…’’ Harry sighs as he puts on a plain black shirt. ‘’Get it in your head that I want to be with you, that I prefer to be with you.’’

He tussles up his hair before he approaches Louis and kisses his forehead. ‘’Okay?’’

Louis purses and looks at him with an inscrutable but deep expression. ‘’Okay,’’

The doom-like gloomy scent is still in the air around Louis but not as much as it was the first couple of weeks. Harry has learned to live with it, learned not to say anything about it, not with Louis looking like a zombie and nearly constantly embarrassed when the boys looked at him with sympathy.

One of the down sides of the hormone therapy is that it can’t mask the potent scent of his omega and unless Louis took extra doses of his scent blockers, a whiff of it was enough to turn heads, especially alphas, to the mourning scent of an omega. If anything, Harry wasn’t so much as bothered by the scent but more like he was bothered by the look it put on Louis’ face whenever the alphas of the crew or one of the boys would notice. Harry had learned to school his expression and tame his alpha to not throw a fit over the nearly fading scent of another alpha on Louis.

''You ready?'' he asks Louis.

''Ready,'' Louis stands on his tip toes and pecks his lips before he walks out, Harry following him from behind.

In less than half an hour, they are in the car on the way to Dr. Martin’s private clinic. Harry is driving and Louis is sat quietly in the passenger seat.

‘’Dr. Webbe's informed him of what happened in Japan?’’ Harry asks as they discuss what they’d be expecting from the man.

‘’Yeah, I guess it was necessary,’’ Louis sighs. ‘’I prefer Dr. Katy over the both of them. Wish we could hire her,’’

‘’You and me both,’’ Harry chuckles because he honestly agrees.

‘’You really okay with mum staying over at your place?’’ Louis asks out of the blue.

‘’Louis, it’s practically your house too,’’ Harry says with exasperation. His eyes are on the road because otherwise he would have missed the stunned expression on Louis’ face. ‘’It’s our house as far as I’m concerned. She can stay for as long as she wants,’’

‘’Right,’’ Louis clears his throat and when Harry looks at him from the corner of his eyes, he sees a blush rise high on Louis’ cheeks.

''I didn't know that domestic talk turns you on,'' Harry teases.

''Says the boy who lost his tongue at the word husband,'' Louis retaliates. Harry laughs shakily because Louis is right. That word really does a number on him.

‘’Has it been a while since I’ve told you how beautiful you are?’’ Harry asks conversationally and he’s not even trying to get a reaction out of Louis. He’s just stating a fact. Sure, his face looks thinner because he can barely keep his food down. He’s gotten some bruises from where he's kicked and elbowed Harry in the ribs from thrashing in his sleep, plagued by nightmares and he’s in near constant pain every other night. Moreover, they still have a long way to go. But throughout all that, Louis has never turned him away and is always hugging him whenever the chance presents himself, always stands on his tiptoes when he’s got his hands around Harry’s waist, pushing his forehead against Harry’s lips for sweet tiny kisses like he knows how much that appeases Harry.

Harry wonders sometimes if that has to do with Louis’ omega being very near the surface of his psyche and then he berates himself for thinking that Louis has been holding out on him.

‘’You’re sprouting crap again,’’ Louis chuckles.

‘’I’m not a seedling; I can’t sprout!’’ Harry says indignantly and Louis dissolves into a fit of laughter. For the band member deemed the funniest in the band, it never ceases to amaze him when he gets Louis of all people to laugh.

They’re still in good spirits when Harry parks his Range Rover but they slowly turn somber when they enter the clinic. Harry is familiar with the routine by now and for both their sakes, he hopes they get out just as fast as they’ve arrived.

They keep up a good conversation between each other until Louis is called away for some blood tests and a CT scan. It’s not as fun anymore after that, sitting all alone in the waiting room. There are no people in the waiting area this time and Harry is glad for the privacy but it also means he has nothing to distract him.

‘’You can join Mr. Tomlinson now,’’ the receptionist tells him at long last and points down the hallway. ‘’Examination room 4,’’

Harry bids his thanks and proceeds towards the room. Louis smiles at him and holds out his hand for Harry to take. It’s again, one of the things that Harry has come to fall in love with; how supportive Louis is of him even when he’s the one going through something awful, how attuned he is of Harry’s feelings, knowing how much Harry hates seeing him in a hospital setting of any kind.

‘’A bit lonely out there, yeah?’’ Louis scrunches his face at him before he kisses the back of Harry’s hand.

‘’Not so lonely now,’’ Harry assures him, pecking his temple. His stance is relaxed as they wait for Dr. Martin to join them, which the man eventually does.

‘’Hello Harry,’’ Dr. Martin greets jovially before he takes a seat on his rolling chair. ‘’Nice to see you again,’’

‘’Hello,’’ Harry says courteously.

‘’Well, I see a lot has happened since you were last here,’’ Dr. Martin says as he peers down at an open thick folder and a bunch of papers. Louis says nothing so, he doesn’t either. The doctor hums to himself and flips pages in silence. Harry does his best to stay relaxed.

‘’Alright,’’ Dr. Martin says. ‘’I see you’ve lost some weight, Louis.’’

‘’Work is just tough these days,’’ Louis laments.

‘’So I hear,’’ Dr. Martin plays along. ‘’And the hormone therapy? Just as tough, yeah?’’

‘’Nah, not really,’’ Louis replies.

‘’Right,’’ Dr. Martin’s lips curl with dissatisfaction, ‘’shall I be quite blunt then?’’

‘’Sure, why not?’’

Harry knows it’s not funny but he kind of wants to laugh just because Louis pretending not to take the whole thing seriously is just so like him and it’s putting his alpha at ease.

‘’You are aware that you are at high risk of dropping at any given moment, are you not?’’ Dr. Martin asks as he stands up, hands in the pockets of his lab coat. ‘’Since your omega is humming near the surface of your consciousness?’’

‘’So far nothing bad has happened,’’ Louis notes.

‘’You mean not yet,’’ Dr. Martin corrects him, ‘’not to mention that your slick flow has stopped yet again, as a cause of this therapy and your heats may never return either. Are you aware of all this?’’

Harry knew there were some consequences but to have to hear it out loud and put so bluntly is something entirely different. Suddenly, it’s not funny anymore but still, he says nothing and remains an unmovable rock beside Louis.

‘’I spent almost three years in that kind of state,’’ Louis reminds him. ‘’And I came out fine. This will take ten weeks and I will be just as good as new right after…’’

‘’You’re totally okay with this?’’

Harry blinks and realizes he is being addressed.

‘’Why wouldn’t I be?’’ his belated answer is immediately understood as hesitance and inherent disagreement with Louis that Harry sees the doctor take his opening to ask more.

‘’And you’re obviously on suppressants,’’ Dr. Martin observes. ‘’Care to share why?’’

‘’What?’’ Louis turns to him.

‘’I’m not the patient here,’’ Harry says, trying not to sound defensive.

‘’But you are supporting his wrong-doings,’’ Dr. Martin says with disdain.

‘’It is my decision!’’ Louis says vehemently. ‘’Mine alone,’’

‘’Well, your decision may have irreparable consequences if not monitored properly,’’ Dr. Martin says, ‘’and since the treatment has already begun, then I have no choice but to let you continue. However, it must be done under professional supervision, Louis. This, I strongly urge.’’

‘’What does that mean?’’

‘’It means you must be checked-in,’’ Dr. Martin stresses. ‘’You can drop at any moment, Louis and not just once, no you are at risk of multiple sub drops. That is in your history,’’ he taps the folder on the table. ‘’Do you understand the severity of this? According to Dr. Webbe, your drop in Japan lasted 10 days,’’

‘’My throat was slashed and bitten!’’ Louis argues. ‘’And I was attacked. That complicated things!’’

‘’And it still does not diminish the risk you are putting yourself through,’’ Dr. Martin concludes. ‘’I insist, Louis. You must be checked-in now and continue your therapy here and if you refuse, I must insist for your own well-being, even it means keeping you here by force,’’

‘’What the fuck?’’ Harry speaks up.

‘’Like hell I am,’’ Louis says at the same time.

‘’I can do it if I find the patient to be at risk of harming his or her self,’’ Dr. Martin says coolly. ‘’You are putting your omega at risk, a grieving, mourning omega who has suffered severely and is still suffering due to your rash and selfish actions…’’

‘’My omega and I are one!’’ Louis interrupts. ‘’And if there is anyone who knows what my omega is going through, that would be me, not you!’’

‘’I will not repeat myself but here goes,’’ Dr. Martin sets the folder aside and pulls out a sheet of paper from his desk drawer. ‘’Check yourself in immediately and sign your wavers now or else we will be doing this the hard way, Mr…’’

‘’You don’t talk to my omega like this,’’ Harry’s eyes have bled deep red, voice rough like gravel. ‘’Not ever,’’

‘’Mr. Styles, Louis cannot be your omega unless there is a mating bite,’’ Dr. Martin reminds him. ‘’And you are obviously not equipped or well-informed enough to the severity of his treatment. You have to let us professionals do our job or else…’’

‘’Or else what?’’ Harry interrupts. He tries to control his voice, doesn’t want to snap and make Louis drop by accident. ‘’Dr. Katy didn’t say anything about keeping him checked-in. On the contrary, he was discharged the day he got his first dose. And our physician John is always with us on tour…’’

‘’Yes and now look at him,’’ Dr. Martin waves his hand at Louis. ‘’He looks on the verge of malnourished, underweight and lacking of sleep…’’

‘’That’s…’’

‘’And I presume, the pain is getting more and more unbearable, right?’’

Louis frowns, obviously upset. ‘’I can take it,’’ he says quietly.

‘’Oh? And what happens when you cannot take it?’’ Dr. Martin says with a sense of mockery. ‘’What happens when you try to claw your neck open or worse, hurt somebody because you’re delirious with the pain?’’

‘’Louis will never hurt me,’’ Harry says, trying to find a way out of the situation. Dr. Martin is not wrong but he’s very intense about the whole thing. ‘’And Louis is never alone. We have a medical team with us on tour and off tour, he has…’’

‘’What? You?’’ Dr. Martin says with barely veiled contempt. ‘’Because you see, that’s where you’re wrong; if you were adequate enough to know about your omega’s needs, you would have known that this was a bad idea from the start!’’

‘’Harry, I want to leave,’’ Louis says calmly. He’s still wearing a standard hospital gown.

‘’I really don’t think you should,’’ Dr. Martin says and grips Louis’ elbow.

‘’That’s enough!’’ Harry grits and pushes his hand away. Without a second thought, he throws Louis’ clothes and backpack to his lap and sweeps him into his arms. ‘’We’re leaving!’’

‘’I demand that you stop!’’ Dr. Martin thunders and Louis shudders in his arms. Harry fears him dropping and instantly strides out of that room with huge giant leaps. ‘’This is madness! Are you trying to make your omega turn into skin and bones? Look at him!’’

Dr. Martin follows them, shouting warnings and some other scary shit but Harry doesn’t care; not when Louis is shaking in his arms. Harry doesn’t answer back; he just waits impatiently for the lift while Louis covers his ears.

‘’You must think with reason!’’ Dr. Martin continues with his tirade. ‘’Dr. Katy did not stress the consequences enough! He needs to be isolated in a secure location where no alpha can influence him or damage him any further than he’s already damaged! He probably needs medically-induced heats by now and a slick flow monitor that you can never get at the comfort of your posh home, do you hear me? He's going to be ruined by the end of this!’’

It’s poison, listening to the man and Harry heaves a sigh of relief when the lift arrives. He enters immediately and presses the button to the ground floor.

‘’You’re making a grave mistake!’’ Dr. Martin shouts. ‘’You’re going to kill my patient and you won’t be any better than the alphas who abused him! I guarantee it!’’

The lift doors close but the ringing in his ears remains. Harry doesn’t notice Louis is trying to talk to him until they’re in the parking area.

‘’Harry? Harry!’’ Louis says loudly, patting his chest. ‘’The car is over there!’’

Harry blinks down at him and sees how tight his grip is. He’s totally lost his awareness of his surrounding and it takes him another minute to get his limb to cooperate and to notice that he’s almost at the gate leading outside the clinic. He actually was going to run all the way home with Louis in his arms, like some sort of cave man. What the fuck?

Silently, he moves towards the car and stands beside the passenger seat.

‘’Can you get my keys out?’’ Harry asks. Louis looks at him for a second before he just sighs and pats his front pocket. With the keys in hand, he clicks Harry’s car open. The moment he opens the door, Harry places him on the seat before he turns around to the driver’s side.

‘’Thanks’’ Louis says quietly. Harry hums and doesn’t start driving until Louis’ fully dressed.

‘’I think I left my shoes there,’’ Louis says. Harry notices that he has nothing with him except his back pack. Nonetheless, Harry starts the car. He is not going back inside and neither is Louis.

‘’Doesn’t matter,’’ he says as they move out of the parking area.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’He’s not right,’’ Louis says as soon as they step into the house. He drops his backpack on the floor the moment Harry closes the door.

‘’About what?’’

‘’About you being like them,’’ Louis explains. ‘’You are nothing like them,’’

‘’I’m probably worse then,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’If you really think that, then maybe I should leave,’’ Louis says angrily before he strolls towards their shared room.

Shit.

Harry drops his keys on a counter and strides after Louis.

‘’Lou, I’m sorry. I get it okay? I’m sorry,’’ Harry sighs and resists the urge to pull his hair out. ‘’Don’t leave,’’

‘’Why not?’’ Louis swivels the moment Harry enters their shared bedroom. ‘’because for a minute there, I thought you were going to grab my fucking balls and try to crush them!’’ Louis shouts, hands gesticulating in the air. ‘’Or I don’t know, tie my hands to your headboard and slap me while you laugh your head off or worse, try to make me fucking submit! Do you having something worse in mind, alpha?’’

‘’That is not what I meant, Louis!’’ Harry cries. He hates Louis’ little admissions of his attackers that slip when he’s least aware or like this, when he’s biting and furious. ‘’I just think that maybe he was right! He's not some mad, deranged scientist!’’

‘’Oh you really are worse,’’ Louis says after a moment of stunned silence. ‘’You want them to lock me up and keep me in a cage while they fucking test me and see how slick I can get while I mourn my fucking rapists. Does that get your rocks off or something? Or are you that eager to get rid of me?’’

‘’Stop twisting my words, you prick!’’ Harry loses it. ‘’I’m not the bad guy here!’’

‘’Well I’m glad you finally got that in your head!’’ Louis shouts.

It’s like they’ve run a marathon with the way they’re heaving and standing in front of each other, almost six feet apart.

‘’I just don’t want to hurt you,’’ Harry eventually says, shoulders sagging with what feels like the weight of the world. ‘’And sometimes I don’t know what’s right anymore.’’

‘’Look, there’s nothing wrong with the man for trying to do his job,’’ Louis relents. ‘’But that type of method is done by the type of people who spend their whole lives with their noses stuffed in their books and their asses in labs doing tons of research without actually seeing the way the world works,’’

‘’How could you possibly know that?’’ Harry whines. ‘’Louis, I feel like I’m winging it half the time!’’

‘’It’s called instinct, Harry,’’ Louis says, exasperated. ‘’Don’t you get it?’’

In a way, Louis isn’t wrong. He recalls the last night before their tour break, not too long ago, when they were playing cards in Liam’s hotel room. It was before Louis was due for his shots. They didn’t have any meet and greet backstage and had decided on a boys night in. They were getting rowdy and loud, rough housing each other and before they knew it, Louis had gone dead silent. It had hit him then, the way that Louis’ eyes were wide and staring at them as he dropped that suddenly, Louis was looking at three alphas and not three of his best mates.

He’d quietly and carefully told Zayn to carry Louis out of the room as quickly as possible while he phoned John. It was hell, being apart from him when Louis was like that but he knew, in his heart and mind, he knew that Louis didn’t feel safe and no matter how much it hurt and how much Louis cried into his chest that night for ever being afraid of him, he knew that it was the right thing to do. He knew that no matter what, he would keep Louis safe, even if meant, staying away from him.

‘’Did it feel wrong carrying me out of the clinic today?’’ Louis continues. ‘’Did it feel wrong disagreeing with another alpha about my best interest? Tell me!’’

‘’It felt so right that I cannot understand why I feel this way!’’

‘’Like what?’’

‘’Like I’m losing you!’’

Harry doesn’t want to be weak in front of Louis, not when Louis needs him to be at his strongest, to be at his corner against his demons. He hates how one argument with Louis can easily knock his walls down.

Louis softens after that, the fight instantly leaving his body as he walks towards Harry until he reaches him.

‘’You are not going to lose me,’’ Louis vows, holding his hands and looking at him with big blue eyes until his world sees nothing else. ‘’I’m fighting this and I know you’re right there with me. We’ll make it, love. I know we will.’’

‘’But you’re getting thin, he’s not wrong about that,’’ Harry wasn’t aware that he’d started to cry until his forehead has touched Louis’ and he sees tears splatter across Louis’ face. ''And the tour and our third album, I can see it taking a toll on you, baby,''

‘’The treatment will be over in less than two months,’’ Louis reminds him. ‘’This is just temporary and it will be over between one blink and the next. We both know that right? We just need to keep reminding ourselves. This will pass, I promise.’’

Harry hugs him to his chest tight.

‘’I’m not sorry for worrying,’’ Harry says after a while.

‘’I know,’’

‘’And I’m not sorry for suppressing my rut,’’ Harry adds. ‘’I know it’s running through your mind and I don’t regret it if it means being with you,’’

Louis doesn’t say anything and Harry suspects that he won't because of all people, he will respect the choices he makes of his own body. Still, he’s surprised when Louis replies.

‘’The boys could have stayed with me,’’ Louis says quietly. ‘’My mum was going to be here anyways and I could’ve called John and…’’

‘’No,’’ Harry hugs him tighter. ‘’I promised to be here and I will. You’re fucking stuck with me, mate,’’

Louis laughs wetly into his chest.

‘’I like the sound of that,’’ is all he says.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Later that night, Jay arrives in the car Harry had sent for her. She is 7 months pregnant and won't be able to stay long before she has to go back and yet, she was all bouncy and bustling about in a whirlwind of hugs and luggage and ‘’I miss u’s’’ and ‘’gosh, Louis you look so thin! What have they been feeding you?’’ before Harry leaves them alone after dinner to talk while he stays in the kitchen to do the dishes.

The conversation takes some time but he fears joining them and is glad he got his phone with him. He keeps himself busy as he checks up social media while nursing a cup of tea, replies to some friends, chats with the boys and all the while, he feels tension growing in the other room so much that he can hardly bear sitting down and finds himself standing by the sink.

It’s obvious the conversation is not going well based on the rising voices coming from the living room. Harry is actually contemplating running. He can’t exactly whisk Louis away like he did at the clinic because if there is anyone who can put the fear of God in him, it’s Louis’ mother.

‘’Harry Edward Styles!’’ Jay’s voice booms in the air. ‘’Get you and your fine curls right here this instant!’’

Harry drops his cup into the sink in fright. It’s a while before he gets his bearings and appears in the living room, literally about to cower from the petite but dangerous woman.

‘’Mum, please…’’ Louis pleads, tugging at her sleeve and trying to get her back to sit down. ‘’He has nothing to do with this!’’

‘’Where the hell were you when my son was attacked?’’ Jay demands.

‘’Mum, he’s not my bodyguard!’’ Louis stands between them.

‘’But he is practically your mate!’’

‘’Still doesn’t make him my keeper!’’

‘’I asked you a question!’’ Jay pushes Louis aside and points a very accusatory finger at him.

Harry gulps. Therapy has proven time and again that what happened to Louis, no matter how hard it is to believe, is not his fault. But standing in front of Jay now, he feels like he owes her everything.

‘’I was off with the lads,’’ he starts off quietly.

‘’Doing what?’’ Jay’s voice rises like clapping thunder.

‘’Buying him a promise ring,’’ his eyes turn to Louis briefly before flitting to Jay and then to the ground. ‘’I was buying him a promise ring,’’

He wonders if the floors are about to open and swallow him whole. But he waits and waits and it never happens.

‘’Oh,’’

His head snaps up and he sees Jay’s mouth close after it was open in stunned shock.

‘’You didn’t give it to me,’’ Louis says, also in shock.

‘’Supposed to be a surprise,’’ Harry explains lamely. ‘’But I couldn’t exactly lie to your mum now, can I?’’

‘’Louis, could you please excuse us?’’ Jay asks Louis.

‘’Mum, you’re embarrassing me!’’ Louis whines.

‘’The only person who gets that privilege is me and I intend on fully using it now shoo,’’ Jay pushes Louis towards the stairs before she strides for the kitchen. ‘’Harry, join me for tea my dear,’’

Louis looks at Harry helplessly but Harry just smiles at him, just as helpless, before he follows the woman who is practically his mum too, to the kitchen.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘’How do you take your tea, love?’’ Jay asks as she moves around in his kitchen like she owns the place.

‘’Black,’’ Harry replies, actually petrified of taking a seat or worse, telling her that he’d already had a cup.

So naturally, that’s what she demands. ‘’Take a seat, my dear.’’

Like a robot, he moves with jerky movement until he is in the seat furthest from her.

‘’You know, I think the shock of what he told me hasn’t sunk in yet,’’ Jay says. Her back is towards him as she waits for the kettle to boil. ‘’And Tommy, that poor lad…’’

‘’He’s a hero,’’ Harry says when she doesn’t add anything.

‘’He shouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place,’’ Jay says firmly. ‘’Your security team were incompetent. You boys should have been better protected,’’

Harry doesn’t say anything there, lets her vent out her frustrations, especially when he sees her shoulders shaking.

‘’My Louis should have never been left alone, not even for a second…’’

‘’He’s a grown man,’’ Harry reminds her carefully. ‘’And what happened wasn’t expected at all. We were in Japan, of all places…’’

‘’Still!’’ Jay cries; her sobs suddenly loud. ‘’My poor baby…’’

Harry is immediately out of his seat and turning her towards his body for a hug. She sobs into his chest in a way that reminds him of that night he’d seen Louis’ naked body on the floor. He wonders if she knows. If Louis even remembers enough of that night to tell her about it. He hopes she never feels the sheer terror he felt that night when he’d licked Louis’ tears and begged him to wake up.

‘’He’s alright, he’s getting there…’’ he tries to assure her.

‘’He’s skin and bones! Why?’’ Jay looks up at him. ‘’Is it because of the treatment?’’

Harry doesn’t know what to say and finds himself turning off the wheezing kettle and preparing their tea for them instead while Jay sniffles and watches him.

‘’I believe in him,’’ Harry eventually says. ‘’And if he says that the treatment is his salvation, then I cannot stop him, not when I hardly know what he’s going through.’’

‘’But if it's a treatment, then it’s supposed to make him better, not worse,’’ Jay points out.

‘’Has he told you the details?’’ Harry asks as he hands over her cup.

‘’He did but I just find it odd that they cannot do anything about the pain,’’ Jay shakes her head. ‘’Louis said he had an appointment with Dr. Martin today. Did he not find a way around that?’’

Harry doesn’t want to bad mouth the man but from the way Jay was looking at him, it’s obvious what his thoughts on the man are.

‘’What happened?’’ Jay sighs. ‘’Did Louis run his mouth off again?’’

‘’I wish,’’ Harry snorts and proceeds to tell her what happened without any embellishments or detours.

‘’Christ,’’ Jay rubs the bridge of her nose. ‘’That man and Webbe, it’s like they’re born from the same womb, I tell ya,’’

Harry cannot help but laugh at the image before he sobers up.

‘’But what do you think? Professionally?’’ Harry asks. The last book he ever read that was as close to the topic of medicine as possible was his year 12 science book. He cannot be quick to dismiss the man’s knowledge as Louis had, no matter how right it felt at the time.

‘’Professionally, I would agree to it,’’ Jay admits. ‘’But only when an omega feels safe. If an omega is not in an environment that he or she deems as safe, then it wouldn’t work at all.’’

‘’John, our team medic, said something similar,’’ Harry says if only to hide the relief that starts blooming in his chest. ‘’He said Louis being with people he trusts will go a long way to making the treatment bearable.’’

‘’He’s not wrong,’’ Jay nods. ‘’The human factor is quite important. Many patients I see in the maternity ward, who are in precarious conditions, lose their battles, when they are stressed or feeling unsafe. Maybe checking into the hospital is the right call but putting Louis in isolation will never help him trust people again and he needs that. It’s not healthy to live in fear forever,’’

Harry couldn’t agree more.

‘’We got out of there faster than a speeding train, that’s for sure,’’ Harry admits.

‘’Oh well, the man will live,’’ Jay says before she finishes her tea in one go. ‘’So,’’

‘’Yes?’’

‘’A promise ring?’’ Jay smirks and it’s so similar to Louis’ that it’s kind of unnerving.

‘’What can I say?’’ Harry sighs. ‘’He’s the one,’’

‘’You two,’’ Jay shakes her head at him. ‘’You know what I noticed during dinner tonight?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’You practically mimic each other’s mannerisms,’’ Jay says, voice fond and in awe. ‘’It’s like you’ve been in love for ages,’’

‘’I have,’’ Harry cannot help but say as he chuckles. ‘’And like, it feels like it never ends, you know?’’

‘’What never ends, love?’’ Jay asks but her eyes are soft, like she knows what he’s talking about.

‘’This feeling,’’ Harry tries to explain. ‘’Like I can never get enough, like…I …he’d do something or say something or just like, look at me a certain way and I can’t help but think…how can it be possible for me to fall more in love than I already am? It never ends!’’

He cannot help but chuckle again because he’s honestly flabbergasted, as ridiculous as it sounds.

‘’That’s love, sweetie,’’ Jay pats his shoulder. ‘’That’s all it is,’’


	21. twenty one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter I know but here goes :D
> 
> Dedicated to KJ. Love u babe :D Hope this surprise greets you with giddy happiness :D

_The room is empty_   
_The lights are dim_   
_And my heart wonders_   
_If I'll ever see you again_   
  
_My tears are hungry_   
_For an open door_   
_And your arms held me_   
_I've never felt that way before_   
  
_And I'll be waiting_   
_And I'll be watching_   
_Under a blue moon_   
  
_Taste of heaven_   
_Only happens_   
_Once in a blue moon_   
  
_Do you remember_   
_When the wind blew free?_   
_We fit together_   
_So naturally_

-Sydney Forest, Once in a blue moon

‘’This is bullshit,’’ Harry mutters to himself as he pulls one shirt after the other from his suitcase. They’re in a hotel, in sweltering heat in Pennsylvania and apparently, fans are getting worried over his lack of social appearances.

‘’I never thought I’d say this, babe but I think you actually need it,’’ Louis says, amused as he lounges on the bed, watching Harry throw clothes left and right, huffing and puffing. All his outfits are awful and he’s really not in the mood to go out and get photographed by paps.

‘’No, I don’t,’’ comes Harry’s quick reply.

‘’Yes, you do,’’

‘’No, I don’t,’’

‘’Babe?’’

‘’What?’’ Harry looks up and instantly feels guilty. ‘’I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take it out on you,’’

‘’It’s about time you do,’’ Louis says easily. ‘’You need to vent,’’

He’d had a bad fall on stage today, Harry recalls and he knows the boys are trying to cheer Louis up and he appreciates it, he really does but soaking the stage with water and Louis slipping and falling on his back is not really cheerful at all. Their team back stage had to put ice on it before the encore because the small of his back was already bruised. Louis laughing it off while he limped towards the bed earlier was not cheerful either, not to mention that in an hour’s time, John will be making his routine visit and…

‘’Hey,’’ Louis snaps his fingers at him. ‘’Where did you go?’’

‘’I don’t think they’ll break my contract if I skip this one out, right?’’ Harry asks. ‘’They can’t really kick me out of the band if I don’t party, can they?’’

‘’I don’t think they would but they do make a valid point,’’ Louis says. ‘’You’ve been too cooped up, Haz. You need to go out and socialize. There are lots of new and pretty faces out there,’’

‘’None are as pretty as you,’’ Harry pulls a face as he moves towards Louis.

‘’God, you’re ridiculous.’’ Louis says before he laughs out loud when Harry starts tickling him. ‘’Don’t you dare, Harry, don’t you fucking dare!’’

Harry does stop but only after seeing Louis’ laugh lines and genuine happiness.

‘’Lou,’’ he whines as he star fishes on top of Louis.

‘’What do you want you big baby?’’ Louis huffs at his weight on his chest but still, he hugs Harry’s head to his stomach after he sits up a bit.

‘’I don’t want to go,’’ Harry says to his stomach, voice muffled.

‘’I want you to go,’’ Louis pulls his head up so he can see him. He’s been looking too gaunt, tired and pale lately that their management team preferred he stay indoors. It’s been attracting a lot of attention from fans, with a #getwellsoonLouis and #Louisdrinkalotofwater trending on twitter for days now. Louis is quick to brush it off and assure the fans, being extra giddy and playful on stage and in interviews and for a while, it’s nice to fall for the illusion too, until the cameras turn off and the curtains fall.

When that happens, all he wants is to stay with Louis, like a little boy who wants to go to school with his teddy bear no matter how ridiculous it is. He feels like a love sick puppy but he just can’t help it.

‘’But I want to stay with you,’’ Harry says petulantly.

‘’Harry, a little distance won’t hurt,’’ Louis advises.

‘’You won’t miss me?’’ Harry exaggerates his sulky face, pushing up his lower lip like he’s about to weep.

‘’Of course I’ll miss you but it’s just a night out, babe,’’ Louis says as he pulls Harry up and he shimmies down. ‘’I always miss you even when you’re just in another room or just a door away,’’

‘’You do?’’ Harry boxes Louis’ face in, breathes his air.

‘’I miss you when you’re in the shower singing Shania Twain,’’ Louis continues. ‘’I miss you when we’re on stage and you’re just a feet away from me. I miss you even when you’re in my dreams, love.’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Louis’ lips are not close enough and he has to do something about it. They kiss like they invented it, like there’s no treatment plaguing Louis’ body, like there’s no time in which Louis had ever cried hysterically into Harry’s chest because he thought someone was choking him, like John was going to forget about his routine just for once and they can pretend that what happened in Japan had never happened and Louis had remained whole and compact with his ridiculously amazing curves still there, soft as dough, for Harry to mold.

But alas, the knock on the door comes about and Harry clings to this moment of having his mouth being devoured softly by Louis, even if no scent of his slick hits the air, even if they have no time at all to rub one off, he keeps kissing him.

‘’The door, babe,’’ Louis sighs into his lips, soft fingers curling around Harry’s waist.

‘’Yes, what about it?’’ Harry swipes his tongue into Louis’ mouth, his open, wet and lovely mouth.

‘’Nothing,’’ Louis gasps as he pulls his face closer, fingers brushing the back of his neck, entwining with his curls.

The door bangs louder this time and he and Louis both sigh.

‘’I’ll get it,’’ Harry says sadly and after a longing look, he gets up from bed and gets the door.

He doesn’t stay when John gives Louis his treatment and only because Louis insisted on it. He does his best to talk their ears off and tries to stall while getting dressed until Louis had to literally get up from the bed and push him out the door.

‘’Go sign some autographs and get sloshed already,’’ Louis says, giggling as Harry tries to get back inside the room, clinging to Louis’ waist and kissing him on his cheeks repeatedly. ‘’Christ, Harry, you big oaf!’’

‘’You get more colorful with the name calling, baby,’’ Harry gets Louis to stand on his toes by grabbing his waist and he turns so that his back is to the door instead of Louis’, blowing raspberries at his neck. ‘’It’s really sexy,’’

‘’I’m going to poke your dimples if you don’t get moving, you’re already bloody late,’’ Louis starts kneading his face as he tries to push him off.

‘’Oh I love it when you do that,’’ Harry says just to spite him before he does finally back off and allows Louis off his feet. They’re breathing loudly, merry and smiling wide at each other.

‘’What are you looking at?’’ Louis asks after a while, a blush on his face and a sheet of sweat on his forehead.

‘’You,’’ Harry says simply.

‘’Can you guys stop dancing around each other?’’ John calls from the bedroom. ‘’Harry, Paul is actually calling me asking where you are,’’

‘’Tell him I’ll only go when Alberto and the guys get here,’’ Harry calls back. They never leave Louis’ room unguarded after what happened in Japan and Harry is forever grateful even if there’s no actual danger to ever come about.

‘’Christ,’’ they hear John say and they both try to stifle their laughter.

‘’Well in that case, we have unfinished business,’’ Louis smirks at him and pulls a come on gesture with his finger.

‘’Is that right?’’ Harry says as he approaches and before he knows it, they’re kissing again like that's the agenda all along and they’ve only just changed the scenery.

They don’t stop until someone taps Harry’s shoulder.

‘’C’mon Harry, the car is waiting for you,’’ Alberto says, trying not to laugh.

‘’One second,’’ he kisses Louis deeply one last time before he finally lets go.

‘’See you soon, curls,’’ Louis waves at him as Harry walks backwards, holding eye contact like they’re having a silent conversation.

‘’See you soon, sweetcheeks,’’ Harry says and holds Louis’ surprised laughter close to heart when he reaches the open lift that Preston kept open for him.

‘’You still remember that?’’ he hears Louis say at the last minute before the lift doors close.

 _Of course I remember that,_ he can’t help but think. _Bloody ridiculous,_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When he comes back late at night, he’s a bit drunk. But not too sloshed. He’s reminded to pack up quickly as the tour bus is already ready in the parking lot, ready to take the band to the next state.

It’s why he’s quick not to panic when he arrives in his hotel room and Louis and John are not there when he enters. He sobers up though when he takes a quick shower and rushes through the packing. It’s only when he’s throwing his dirty clothes into his open suitcase that he notices the gift bag holding Louis’ promise ring.

They haven’t talked about it, not even after Jay had gone back to England and not when the tour presumed. He has a feeling that Louis is just waiting for him but at the same time, he doesn’t know when the time will ever be right again. He knows he will give it to Louis, there’s no doubt about that but for now, the timing always feels off.

He closes his suitcase and tries not to give it a second thought as he scans the room one last time, picks up his phone and is out the door with Paul.

‘’The boys are there already?’’ he asks. Its past midnight he’s sure but he doubts all the boys are asleep.

‘’Yeah, you’re the last one,’’ Paul replies. They wait in silence as the lift brings them to the parking lot. He doesn’t mind tour buses, never has but the idea of Louis being in pain on the open highway is not really comforting, especially after what happened last time. He’s glad though, that they got them new tour buses, with a private room in each beside the bunk beds area; one for Lou and her daughter and one for Louis. There’s a third bus that’ solely for heats and ruts for anyone who needs but it’s mostly used for partying since most of the crew and even them, prefer a hotel room when the opportunity arises. Still, he’s glad for the option.

He feels bad sometimes that the boys still sleep in bunk beds while he shares the comfort of a twin bed with Louis but they are always quick to rebuke him for it, bless their souls.

‘’He’s asleep,’’ Paul says as they got on bus 1.

‘’Thanks Paul,’’ Harry says before he follows the voices of the boys near the back of the bus.

‘’Hey posh spice,’’ Niall greets him. The boys are all in boxers and tank tops, drinking and playing x-box. ‘’How’s Cara?’’

He’d hung out with his friends from back home tonight, like Cara, Cher Loyd, Ed Sheeran and even Olly was in town, in a rooftop party at some posh place. It was quite a great night but the lot of them attracted a lot of attention. Apparently it had a lot to do with the accent.

‘’You’re only asking because of Barbara, aren’t you?’’ Harry smirks as he gives the boys one-arm hugs before he drops his bag on the floor.

‘’I like her, nothing wrong with that!’’ Niall says indignantly. He hasn’t made it a secret, even in interviews, about his huge crush on the doe-eyed omega model Barbara Palvin and yet, hasn’t made a move to give her a call even after they’d hung out at an Eagles concert during their most recent break.

‘’She wasn’t there, so maybe you should give her a call,’’ Harry calls as he fills a glass with water from the kitchen before picking up his bag and heading for the room in the back.

‘’He’s asleep, Haz!’’ Liam calls out in warning.

‘’I know; I’ll just change my clothes. It’s bloody hot in this state,’’ he cannot help but say. He’s quiet as he enters the room and quick to close the door to the sound of the boys guffawing about something. The lights are dim in the room and he sees John sitting in a corner, ever watchful, reading a book.

‘’Hey, how’s everything?’’ Harry asks quietly as he passes the glass to John then starts changing out of his clothes quickly. He's dressed light, with nothing but slippers, a pair of baggy basketball shorts under his sweat pants and a white shirt. He just takes off the shirt and the sweatpants and almost stumbles when the bus starts moving. He throws the items of clothing towards his bag before he slowly approaches Louis.

‘’He’s managed to fall asleep so that’s good,’’ John reports. Louis is tucked under a thin blanket, fetus-shaped on the bed. Harry touches his forehead and is not surprised that he’s feverish and sweaty.

‘’Sweet dreams, babe,’’ Harry whispers before he kisses Louis’ temple.

‘’We can let him rest,’’ John says as he stands up and cracks his back. ‘’I think he’s conked out for the night,’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry says before he follows John out the door and turns off the lights. He doesn’t intend to stay away very long but he does feel the need to hang out with the boys just for a little while because he knows Louis doesn’t like it when he just watches him sleep or just stays diligently by his bedside waiting to serve him hand and foot. If only Louis knows that the boys do that sometimes when management doesn’t send them on nights off. They appreciate what management is doing, they really do, but they feel bad when Louis is left out, left to stay alone in the bus or a hotel room, especially after what happened last time that happened.

The boys greet John like he’s a long lost friend and Harry chuckles because Zayn’s eyes are already red-rimmed and Liam’s slurring and getting talkative. Niall has left the x-box to them and is now sitting on the floor, strumming on his guitar. They're still all under age in the US so whenever they get the chance to drink in privacy, they do. 

‘’Any new singles out of you yet?’’ Harry asks, standing by the entry way, leaning his body against the wood.

‘’How about a spice girls remake?’’ Niall says delightfully before strumming away.

‘’What? What brought the spice girls up?’’ Harry wonders.

‘’Well, apparently young Harold,’’ Liam says before he burps loudly. ‘’Sorry about that,’’

‘’Apparently what?’’ Harry chuckles along with the boys.

‘’Apparently, Niall here is writing a song about my girlfriend,’’ Liam announces.

‘’Is that the Daily mail again?’’ Harry asks and almost stumbles again when the bus makes a turn. The curtains are open and he sees that the streets outside are empty par for some stragglers coming out of night clubs.

‘’Nope; ‘Sugarscape’ made the outrageous article,’’ Zayn says in a way that tells Harry the story has been told already several times.

‘’Ah I see,’’ Harry watches as they argue over which newspaper released the article. He and the boys tend to laugh at the outrageous ones, like the one about Harry having an affair with Barak Obama.

‘’Oh it seems, you and Cara are now dating,’’ Niall says as he looks down at his phone. John just laughs, sitting in the kitchen area. He’s never been awe-struck by the glam of show business but likes to laugh along when the boys talk about the silly side of it.

‘’Are we?’’ Harry asks, amused before he rights himself again. ‘’What is it with this bus?’’

‘’Maybe you’re just drunk,’’ Liam salutes him before he finishes off his beer and stands up. ‘’Want a drink?’’

‘’Nah, thanks,’’ Harry waves him off. They listen as Niall reads the article of Harry and Cara apparently already dating after just one night of hanging out, even bringing back the day that Harry went to support her at a Victoria’s Secret runway, when suddenly, Harry literally almost flies in the air and falls flat on his face, his chin cushioned by Niall’s feet.

‘’Jesus!’’ he hears before he looks up and sees Liam on the floor with a broken beer bottle and that John had apparently hit his hip across the kitchen counter from the way he’s rubbing at it and looking at the counter like it had murdered his pet rabbit or something.

‘’Are you guys all right?’’ Liam asks from where he’d managed to get his bearings. Zayn seems to be the only one intact from the way he’s just blinking around at them.

‘’I think your feet broke my chin,’’ Harry says as he sits up, massaging his chin.

‘’My feet are very nice, mind you!’’ Niall pushes his face away as he checks on the guitar.

‘’Louis?’’ Liam gasps before he stumbles when the bus starts again. Harry hears the driver saying something about a dog on the road before he’s up on his feet and headed towards the room.

Louis had definitely stood up or else there’d be no other way to explain the way Harry finds him. He must have stumbled too with the way he’s splayed on the floor, his hand on the small of his back.

‘’Lou!’’ Harry is immediately on the floor, turning him over by the bend of his elbow. He feels the boys standing behind him as they peer down at Louis’ face.

‘’Babe, you okay?’’ Harry cups his face and tries not to shake him out of panic.

He sees Louis’ eyes looking all across the room, at their faces and he looks so defenseless that it he sees it happening before he can do anything about it.

‘’No, no, no!’’ Harry cries but it’s too late; Louis’ eyes glaze over and his body turns lax, dropping.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’You guys need to back off,’’ John says quietly but none of the boys move until John starts pushing them one by one, moving them gently out the room. ‘’It’s late, you boys need to sleep,’’

‘’Not so sleepy anymore,’’ Niall mutters as they leave, longing eyes on their long faces.

‘’Harry, you too,’’ John says but all Harry does is gently pick Louis up from the floor, bridal style. 

He's had enough of Louis dropping and being left alone, like they're the reasons he's hurting. He doesn't want to leave Louis alone anymore. He's tired of feeling useless all the time

‘’I’m not leaving him,’’ he says with calm finality. He carries Louis until he reaches the bed and keeps him in his lap as he sits up against the headboard. His legs bracket Louis so that his body doesn’t spill out of his hold and keeps him tucked against his chest. ‘’It’s okay, I got it from here,’’

‘’Harry…’’ John starts but Harry’s decision is final.

‘’He’ll make it to me,’’ Harry says firmly. ‘’I know he will.’’

‘’Maybe I should stay,’’ Zayn says from where he and the boys are standing outside the door.

‘’I won’t stop you,’’ Harry says but he’s already distracted, peering down at Louis’ face and seeing his glassy eyes.

Everything around him disappears. He pulls out Louis’ necklace from underneath his shirt and folds Louis’ fingers around it, his own hand engulfing Louis’ petite one, so that they’re both holding it, akin to when Louis was unconscious in Japan.

He’s not even aware that his chest is purring against Louis’ cheek or that his alpha pheromones are spreading into the air like a gas leak. Everything narrows down to a little bubble where they’re untouchable, where nothing harmful can reach Louis as long as he is within the folds of his limbs, where his alpha is like a Roman sentry standing guard, ever watchful, mindful, a beacon of safety and protection.

He’s never spent a drop with Louis before, at least not like this, where he’s obviously conscious but not exactly all there and even when it took a while for him or the boys to notice, they are always quickly pushed away. It made being an alpha feel like a curse that will damn Louis for all eternity but for some reason, he couldn’t pull away this time. Louis is all loose-limbs but he smells of misery, like he’s all alone and abandoned and the scent intensifies when Harry notices silent tears falling down Louis’ eyes.

He whines like a dog whose master got shot in front of him and starts rocking Louis in his lap, aching to comfort him, aching to wash away that scent of despair and cleanse it with hope, with love, with feelings of being treasured and adored.

He rocks him and pets him all through the night.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It’s early morning when Harry blinks the crusts from his eyes. His neck is stiff from his posture, having tilted down the bed with Louis half in his lap and half spilled over. He sits up and brings Louis with him, tucked back into his chest.

Once he’s sure that he’s comfortable, he notices sleeping bags on the floor around him.

Apparently the boys chose to stay.

He doesn’t focus on that for now and instead peers down at his boy. Louis looks like he hasn’t slept but he looks calm and serene.

Harry’s alpha hums in contentment. He wishes his boy could sleep and not be so hyper vigilant but he takes what good he can get and doesn't ask for more. At least Louis doesn't look like on the verge of tears or in pain.

It’s while he’s combing his fingers through Louis’ soft hair, that he feels something wet against his neck.

He doesn’t do anything about it first, keeps his chin above Louis' head, and keeps his fingers moving through silky strands when he feels it again, tiny kitten licks against his neck.

He purrs quietly in delight and hugs Louis tighter in greeting, letting him know he’s appreciative and happy that his omega is awake.

He lets Louis keep licking at his neck, smiles when Louis nibbles a little at his jaw until Louis’ hand reaches for his lips.

He looks down and sees his omega look at him like he’s something to be curious about and he doesn’t move as he lets Louis explore, running his thumb back and forth against Harry’s lower lip before tracing the upper one. Harry cannot help but peck the tips of his fingers before he looks at Louis again.

The omega blinks at him and tucks his hand away which makes the alpha pout but he just sighs and goes back to playing with Louis’ hair. A minute later, a finger snakes its way up to his face again. He smiles softly as Louis goes back to his apparently new past time, tracing his fingers against his lips.

His smile gets a bit intense that a dimple pops and this grabs Louis’ interest because his fingers stop mid-way.

Harry waits him out, calm and in no hurry, delighted at Louis’ omega wanting to touch him. Louis' hand slides slowly against his cheek and just as slow, he pushes a finger into the dent on Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s smile deepens when Louis does it again. Louis keeps his finger there for another minute before he blinks up at Harry.

‘’Alpha,’’ he exhales.

‘’Hi baby,’’ Harry greets back. He wants to jump around the room at the thought of Louis being out of his drop but getting to talk his omega, after a long while of hiding in a corner, afraid to interact with alphas, afraid to be in the world is much more compelling.

‘’I want something,’’ the omega says.

‘’Anything you want,’’

‘’Can I kiss your dimple?’’

Harry is a bit taken aback but quite elated. ‘’Of course you can,’’

He leans his face forward and allows Louis’ lips to reach his cheek. Louis doesn’t just give him a peck or two; he kisses and licks and bites, leaving his mark allover and Harry cannot help but hold him tighter, almost giddy with happiness.

Soon, Louis tucks his face back into Harry’s neck and takes a long, satisfying scent of him.

‘’Harry,’’ Louis exhales.

‘’Darling,’’

‘’You smell so good,’’ Louis says and the way he says it, the tone and the loving, amusing quality to it, makes Harry pull back slightly to see his eyes.

‘’Hey there,’ he greets. ‘’You look toasty warm,’’

‘’I’m also toasty happy,’’ Louis says like he’s a bit unfamiliar with the feeling.

‘’So is your omega apparently,’’ Harry points out.

‘’You…’’ Louis swallows. ‘’You pulled me out of a drop, didn’t you?’’

He didn’t think Louis would bring it up so soon and he doesn’t want to sour the moment they’re having so he remains calm and shrugs.

‘’Couldn’t be away from you anyways,’’ Harry says simply. ‘’Needed to keep you safe,’’

‘’You did,’’ Louis is quick to acknowledge. ‘’You really bloody did, you beautiful idiot,’’

‘’Now who’s sprouting crap?’’ Harry cannot help but blush at the intense look in Louis’ eyes.

‘’I’m not a seedling either, babe.’’ Louis says through a grin. ‘’Come here and kiss me already,’’

‘’My pleasure,’’

They kiss long and keep kissing even after the boys wake up. They only pull back when the boys jump unto the bed and tease the hell out of them.

It’s not always a good day when he’s holding Louis. He’s held him hurt, he’s held him unconscious, he’s held him during quiet, frightening admissions. He’s held him when he wasn’t himself and he’s held him when he was scared.

And sure, he’s held him in heat, held him in comfort, held him on stage and in group photos, held him during award shows and after arguments.

But it’s another feeling altogether to hold him like this; when alpha and omega are both content, when he and Louis have no reason whatsoever to pull apart like their bodies were just made to be intertwined, when they’re surrounded by their pack members, when Louis feels purely and utterly safe in his arms and loving him back.

When he feels sheer happiness in their mingled scents, he knows it’s not just one step forward, but a giant leap ahead.


	22. twenty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter to go :D

_Darlin' hold me in your arms_   
_The way you did last night_   
_And we'll lie inside_   
_For a little while here oh_   
  
_I could look into your eyes_   
_Until the sun comes up_   
_And we're wrapped in light and life and love_   
_Put your open lips on mine_   
_And slowly let them shut_   
_For they're designed to be together oh_   
_With your body next to mine_   
_Our hearts will beat as one_   
_And we set alight_   
_We're afire love_

-Ed Sheeran, Afire love

Complications happen.

Yeah.

Because it’s so like him that when his life is going great that it takes a turn for the worse

Go figure.

By week eight of Louis’ treatment, their tour becomes such a high demand product that they’ve doubled up on shows and have to fly to them since the tour bus is no longer as fast at getting them there.

It also meant that they were slowly getting run down and not just Louis.

In a bout of frustration at being herded like wild horses, Harry’s alpha snaps and his rut hits earlier than expected after he’d suppressed it. As much as he was upset that he had to be away from Louis, his rut gave the tour pause and their management wasn’t quick to add a few extra shows during their stay in Canada.

But they added them as soon as his rut had finished.

He was on his way to Louis’ room now. It was around 7 pm in Toronto and although he's tired and a little bit cranky, he's eager to get back to Louis and see what changes had come about that maybe he couldn’t catch through a pixelated screen.

He’s nearing Louis’ room when he hears multiple voices of people he doesn’t know emanating from the room.

‘’Who’s in there?’’ he asks Alberto who is standing outside the room, laughing around with Preston. He isn’t anywhere near them yet, just two steps out of the lift and they turn their heads in surprise as soon as he speaks.

‘’Hey Harry, you’re back so soon,’’ Alberto says through an uneasy smile. Harry narrows his eyes at him and keeps walking.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Harry asks and tries to pass the two burly men but is instantly blocked.

‘’Nothin, aren’t you tired?’’ Alberto asks, trying and failing to make his stance casual.

‘’You are aware that I share this room with Louis,’’ Harry points out, his fuse growing shorter by the second.

‘’Let’s just let him in,’’ Preston sighs after some awkward silence. ‘’He’ll find out from the scents anyways,’’

‘’Find out what?’’ Harry’s voice gets deep. Preston just looks at him warily before he steps aside.

‘’Don’t freak out, kid,’’ he says as Alberto takes one last look at him before he steps aside too. ‘’It’s not as bad as you think,’’

Harry’s anger is replaced with instant worry as he opens the door to the hotel room. Nothing seems out of place at first glance until he notices Zayn coming out of the kitchen, a wet cloth in his hand.

‘’Hey Harry, you’re here so soon,’’ Zayn says as he gives him a one-armed hug.

‘’Why does everyone keep saying that?’’ Harry mutters as he reciprocates the hug. The door to Louis’ bedroom is closed and the voices are now louder.

‘’Complications,’’ Zayn says as he follows his line of sight.

‘’Meaning?’’ Harry feels a vice gripping his heart. They’re so close already, they have only a little over two more weeks to go and yes, it’s been ups and downs and yes, they’re all bloody tired and the summer heat isn’t helping but it’s almost over. What more could they possibly take?

‘’John said that Louis is bordering on malnutrition and the fans are beginning to notice.’’ Zayn explains, pulling Harry by the elbow towards the sofa where the telly is playing on low. Harry allows Zayn to pull his duffle bag off his shoulder and unto an arm chair before getting him to sit down. Zayn sits on the arm of the sofa, fiddling with the cloth. ‘’He’s not been able to keep food down and it’s affecting his performance. You know this,’’

‘’He’s wearing baggy shirts and his vocals are fine,’’ Harry says. ‘’Besides, its two more weeks and it will be over. If management could just…’’

‘’If only they could give us the next two weeks off instead of adding more shows, it won’t be noticed, I know, Harry. Trust me,’’ Zayn sighs.

‘’Did Liam manage to convince them?’’ Harry dares to hope.

‘’The fans are too demanding, you can’t tell them not to love us,’’ Zayn says through a helpless smile. ‘’Or you, they definitely love you in here, mate.’’

‘’It’s not doing Louis any good though, is it?’’ Harry asks quietly.

‘’That’s not your fault,’’

‘’What’s going on in there?’’ Harry just asks, tired of skirting around the subject.

‘’Well, remember the G-tube they had to insert back in Japan?’’ Zayn reminds him.

‘’Don’t tell me…’’

‘’They had to, Haz.’’ Zayn interrupts. ‘’Look, he got his shots earlier today instead of last night and he kept throwing up all afternoon, couldn’t keep anything down. Liam found him passed out in the shower,’’

‘’Who let him go to the bathroom by himself?’’ Harry asks, aghast, unable to keep sitting down.

‘’Harry, John got him to sleep, okay? We didn’t think anything of it. Besides, we were here all day,’’ Zayn tries to appease him, waving his hand around the living room. It’s only then that Harry notices other duffle bags that he recognizes belong to the boys. ‘’We didn’t notice when he woke up and decided to take a shower. He should have known better to call one of us,’’

‘’How can he do that if none of you were inside the bloody room with him?’’ Harry asks. He knows he’s being loud and furious but he can’t help it.

‘’Harry, we’re all a little bit stretched thin here,’’ Zayn stands up, his beta voice levelled and calm. ‘’Don’t go barging in there, throwing a fit. I’m just telling you what happened, alright?’’

Harry paces for a bit, trying to keep calm.

‘’Did he get hurt in the shower?’’ Harry dares to ask.

‘’No, he didn’t, he was just passed out under the spray, that’s all,’’ Zayn says quietly. ‘’He’s fine, even now. I’m just telling you not to freak out.’’

Harry nods jerkily. ‘’I’m going in there,’’

‘’Not if you’re not calm enough,’’ Zayn says quickly.

‘’Why? Who’s there with him?’’

‘’Niall and Liam are in there and so is John and two people from the hospital. They’ll be staying overnight too,’’ Zayn informs. ‘’Nurses I think,’’

‘’If he’s fine, why are they staying overnight?’’

‘’I don’t know, maybe to make sure the G-tube doesn’t get dislodged or would you rather they bring him to the hospital? Again?’’

Harry looks at Zayn sharply here. It never ceases to amaze him how cutting Zayn can be without ever raising his voice.

He doesn’t say anything as he takes a deep breath and marches towards the room, Zayn closely behind him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Honestly, if not for the sound of Louis’ laughter and crinkled smiley face, he wouldn’t have noticed how the bedroom was basically transformed to a pseudo-hospital room. I mean, seriously, how did they get the room to smell so sterilized?

‘’Hey, my favorite pop star in the world is here,’’ Louis greets from where he’s lounging in a mound of pillows, sitting like he’s on a comfy throne from how the boys and the other people are surrounding him.

‘’Hey Lou,’’ he greets quietly, standing by the foot of the bed. He wants so badly to kiss Louis and scent mark him but those strangers are in the way. He clears his throat and offers his hand. ‘’I’m Harry, nice to meet you guys,’’

‘’Hi, I’m Steve,’’ one man says. He doesn’t get up from his seat on Louis’ left, holding something in his hand. The blankets aren’t covering anything and the only thing stopping Harry from seeing the tube insertion is Louis’ black t-shirt which looks baggy enough that Harry is sure is his. ‘’Sorry I can’t get up. Duty calls,’’

‘’Yeah, no problem,’’ Harry says before he addresses the the beta-woman. ‘’Hi, nice to meet you…’’

‘’ Hi, I’m Sally,’’ she says in greeting. ‘’Your bandmate here is one tough cookie, I’ll have you know,’’

‘’We’ve been telling stories all night,’’ Niall adds from where he moves to the edge of his chair to accommodate Zayn who’s decided to share the chair with him. Harry looks around and there seems to be no other chair available so he remains standing. ‘’Isn’t it a blast to talk to people who don’t know a thing about us?’’

‘’No offense,’’ Sally says kindly. ‘’Your music is just too mainstream for my age,’’ she says as she adjusts what looks like a transparent bag with liquid goo in it on a hook.

‘’Hey, anybody of all ages can enjoy our music,’’ Liam says before he greets Harry with a head nod.

Harry tunes them out and focuses on the way that Louis smiles to cover up his grimaces, how he tries to adjust his position subtly thinking he won’t notice his discomfort, how he laughs louder than usual to try to cover up how his hands are turning into fists on the bed sheets.

‘’I’m in good hands; Harry’s here so,’’ Harry only tunes in when he catches his name coming out of Louis’ lips. He blinks and sees the boys getting up but all looking carefully between Louis and the two other betas in scrubs.

‘’He’s my room-mate,’’ Louis explains smoothly, waving at the other empty bed in the room.

‘’Alright then,’’ the beta nurse stands up and starts bundling up his things. ‘’If you need anything, let John know, okay? You sure our room is right next to yours?’’

‘’I’m sure Alberto has it covered,’’ John replies. Zayn must have given him the wet cloth because John soaks it in a bowl of water and squeezes before he places it around Louis' neck.

‘’The big guy outside?’’

''Yeah,'' John's reply is muffled by Louis' abrupt; _fuck, that's bloody cold, mate_. Harry wonders if he's feverish.

It’s a bit of a blur after that as the medical professionals hash out the details and the boys stand beside him, talking over one another, Louis looking smaller and smaller as people begin to leave his side.

‘’We can sleep in the living room,’’ Zayn tells him quietly when Liam and Niall return to Louis’ side after John sees the others out the door. ‘’If you want,’’

‘’Isn’t John going to stay here?’’

‘’He will but we don’t mind either,’’

‘’No, you guys need to rest too,’’ Harry sighs. ‘’We have a double show tomorrow, remember?’’

Zayn just looks at him and Harry isn’t really in the mood to be scrutinized.

‘’Are you going to stand there all night, mate?’’ Louis asks him with a flick of his hand. ‘’Are you two scheming something?’’

‘’Yeah, we were discussing switching up partners,’’ Zayn says smoothly as he smirks at Louis. ‘’You’re looking fine right there, I might as well have a go, ay?’’

Louis laughs at the joke. ‘’Wanna get a piece of me? Should’ve known, Malik, should’ve known…’’

Harry doesn’t say anything as he walks over and sits down on the chair previously occupied by Steve. He wraps his hand around a fistful of Louis’ shirt collar and pulls him in for a kiss.

‘’Show offs!’’

‘’No tongue people!’’

‘’Seriously guys, you’re gross!’’

Louis flips them the finger when Harry was about to pull off but Louis just grips his fine baby hairs at the nape of his neck and takes a lungful of air as he deepens the kiss.

‘’Now I’m satisfied,’’ Louis says as he pulls off, a big smile on his face as he licks his lips, savoring the taste.

‘’Well,’’ Liam clears his throat when he sees the green in Harry’s eyes turn black. ‘’Best be in our rooms then. Call us if you need anything alright?’’

‘’Will do,’’ Louis says, accepting hugs from the boys before they wave them goodbye. The door closes as their eyes lock on to each other and the only breathing soul in the room outside the door is John, puttering around.

‘’Are you not going to talk to me?’’ Louis asks quietly. ''The night is still young, you know?''

‘’I’m allowed to be upset,’’

‘’What are you upset about?’’

‘’This,’’ Harry points at the tube. ‘’The fact that management will never give us a fucking break if you keep dressing this down, Louis. The fact that you went to take a shower without telling anyone and…’’

‘’Wow, slow down there, tiger,’’ Louis reaches for his hand when Harry switches seats to the side of the bed.

‘’Louis, I’m really fucking scared,’’ Harry admits, hates the fact that he can’t get any closer for fear of disrupting the tube underneath Louis’ shirt. ‘’You’ve lost a lot of weight, love and I can’t keep ignoring that,’’

‘’It’s nothing I can’t bring back,’’ Louis reminds him. ‘’Remember our count down?’’

‘’Two more weeks is too far,’’ Harry mutters because it’s not exactly two weeks per say, more like 20 more days and who knows about after.

‘’But my scent is already back,’’ Louis points out. He’s not wrong about that. ‘’And I’m dropping less too. I’m going to get better soon,’’

‘’This doesn’t show that,’’ Harry says, hand slipping slightly underneath Louis’ shirt, fingers brushing his hip. ‘’You need to be careful, Lou.’’

‘’How more careful can I be?’’ he asks with a huff. ‘’Haz, I’ll be fine. How many times do I need to remind you, babe?’’

‘’As many times as possible. Is that too much to ask?’’ Harry looks him in the eye. ‘’Can’t you just do this one thing for me?’’

Louis tilts his head at him and he must notice the panic in Harry’s eyes, the turmoil and the fear because his eyes soften.

‘’Okay, love. I promise.’’ He sighs before he pats the bed on the other side. ‘’Come here,’’

‘’No, I’ll sleep in the other bed, I don’t want to…’’

‘’Come here, I said. Just for a minute.’’ Louis demands softly. Harry is unable to deny him a thing. He stands up and turns around, far away from the ghastly smell of chemicals and liquid nutrients getting pumped into Louis.

‘’When are they going to take that off?’’ Harry mutters in rebellion.

‘’In an hour actually,’’ Louis replies. ‘’We honestly didn’t expect you to be back so soon.’’

‘’What? You weren’t going to tell me?’’ Harry takes off his shoes before he sits crisscrossed next to Louis’ hip on the other side of the bed.

‘’Don’t be daft,’’ Louis shakes his hand at him before he holds Harry’s hand again. ‘’Besides, after they take it off, they’ll add a saline solution thing for the night, and then the tube again for breakfast tomorrow so nothing you wouldn’t notice,’’

It’s only then that Harry notices the bandage on the top of Louis’ left hand.

‘’Is it going to help?’’ Harry asks, tries hard to swallow the bile in his throat.

‘’Yeah, get my energy up, they said,’’ Louis shrugs. ‘’help me keep some food down.’’

Harry nods.

‘’You’re being really quiet and I don’t like it,’’ Louis points out.

‘’Just a bit tired,’’

‘’Stay here then,’’ Louis pats the bed. ‘’Sleep next to me,’’

‘’Are you sure? I don’t want to mess with anything by accident or…’’

‘’Harry?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I won’t get a wink’s worth of sleep if you’re even an inch away from me,’’ he says firmly. ‘’And I’ll go on a limb here and say neither will you.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’No buts, I’m serious.’’ Louis cups his cheek, his blue eyes big and beautiful, like an entire fucking galaxy. ‘’I missed you something terrible these past few days,’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Be here with me, Haz. Please?’’

Harry hums before he pushes himself forward. He cannot stop it, cannot keep himself from gravitating towards Louis, taking what he wants, what he needs to make it through the night. He cups Louis’ face and kisses him but even then it’s not enough and he skates one arm around Louis’ small shoulders and tugs him closer, careful not to jostle Louis too much and kisses him like Louis’ a mermaid and he needs his air or else he’ll drown.

It eases an ache in him he didn’t know was trying to get his attention the moment he entered the room, something deep and visceral, calming down with the way Louis’ molds his lips against his, with the shape of his mouth fitting with his own, with the way his body is trying to align with his, like a constellation, each star coming together to mean something greater than they can ever grasp, something more infinite and vast.

‘’I love you,’’ Louis whispers into his lips.

‘’I’m never letting you go,’’ Harry says before he reaches for another kiss. ‘’Love of my life, fucking best thing to ever happen to me, you know that?’’

‘’My rock,’’ Louis kisses him back. ‘’My fortress,’’ and kisses him again, ‘’my strength,’’ and again and again. ‘’I love you so much. Would be dead without you,’’

‘’Don’t say that,’’

‘’It’s true,’’ Louis gasps as Harry devours his mouth, trying to stop him from saying another word. ‘’I would’ve crawled out that room right to your feet, Haz. I would’ve…’’

‘’Shh, just me kiss, babe. Just kiss me,’’ Harry pleads.

And so they do.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It’s a little over a month later when Harry wakes up a bit earlier than usual. He’d left the curtains open the night before so no wonder the sun’s rays are streaming all across the room. He groans and tucks his face into Louis’ nest of hair, trying to hide from the morning light.

That’s when he smells it.

Louis’ natural omega scent had been growing stronger lately and it’s been grabbing his attention a lot whenever they’re behind closed doors. It’s led to what he’s now official dubbed as kissing marathons, ones he’s enjoyed quiet a lot. Louis had also been extra horny as of late and well, it’s been a while for them, like since Japan a while that Harry has had enough of pushing Louis away for fear that he might trigger a flashback, or worse, breaking him from how fragile he's become.

There was one lapse in judgement once because he's human and Louis is his vice and it actually triggered a flashback. Harry was loathe to give in again, even when all they did was rut against each other but Louis far believed in them in ways Harry could barely grasp. He never gives in; never allows Harry to fall too insecure, never lets the past drive a ridge between their present and their future.

They never go all the way and Harry truly believes that if they never do, he’s totally okay with it, so long as he still has the privilege of holding Louis in his arms and can still call him his own.

Louis stirs right while he’s taking a lungful, has been for the past few minutes, inhaling just to be sure.

‘’Morning,’’ Louis’ sleepy voice vibrates against his chest. They’re back in the US for just a couple more shows before a break and the start of the Australian leg of the tour. And it’s hot, like 40 degrees hot. He needs to up the AC a notch, even if they’re naked under the sheets par for a pair of cotton underwear. Louis mouths at his collarbone before he shifts closer, getting a leg higher over Harry’s waist. Harry’s big hand was already loosely around the bent of his knee but he grips Louis’ thigh now, hand moving higher.

‘’Lou,’’ he clears his throat.

‘’What?’’ Louis just tucks his head closer to Harry’s neck, not in the mood to be awake yet.

‘’Do you feel something?’’ Harry asks carefully.

He waits for the light bulb to click in Louis’ head, waits in silence for realization to hit him. He looks down and watches as Louis’ eyes slowly open, still a bit hazy with sleep.

‘’Am I slicking up?’’ Louis asks roughly.

‘’I think you are,’’ Harry replies and watches as Louis’ hand on his chest disappears when Louis reaches behind his back. Harry keeps watching.

‘’Oh,’’ Louis gets up on one elbow, wide awake now.

‘’My nose isn’t broken, is it?’’ Harry asks even if he already knows the answer from the blush forming on Louis’ face.

‘’Nope, not broken,’’ Louis looks at him, an inscrutable look in his eyes.

‘’What?’’

Louis bites his lower lip as his hand returns, glistening wet.

‘’Have a taste, alpha,’’ Louis prods, moving his fingers in an enticing way, eyelashes striking in the morning light.

Harry’s arousal barrels into him as his alpha’s suddenly awake, wide, wide awake.

‘’Fuck, really?’’ and even when he asks, the scent gets stronger, like Louis is gushing down there.

‘’More from where that came from,’’ Louis laughs by the end of it, like it hits him now and he cannot believe it.

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry reaches for his slicked-up fingers and easily shoves them in his mouth. He moans at the sweet taste of fresh slick and instantly his mind glosses over with want.

For some reason, that old high school musical song starts playing in his head;

_This could be the start of something new_

_It feels so right to be here with you (oh)_

That’s just how giddy he is with hope.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

During their break, they take a flight to Japan and schedule an appointment with Dr. Katy Brice, who was more than happy to hear from them. Louis was more than ecstatic to cancel all future appointments with Dr. Webbe and Dr. Martin, taking it upon himself to make the call himself, much to Harry’s amusement.

‘’I bought your promise ring from here, you know,’’ Harry says, holding Louis’ hand as the rental car from their hotel navigates through the busy streets of Tokyo. Louis’ promise ring is sitting in its own chain underneath Louis’ shirt. During their break time, Louis had surprised Harry with a paper airplane tattoo on his arm, keeping the real one in their new shared apartment back home in London. Neither one of them let go of their previous houses, instead leasing it for rent. Louis himself wants to keep it for Lottie, for when she moves to London.

‘’Where?’’

‘’From that mall,’’ Harry points out through the tinted windows.

‘’You bought my ring from a mall?’’ Louis quirks an eyebrow at him.

‘’Not from the mall, like from a jewelry store in the mall,’’ Harry clears up, gently elbowing Louis for teasing him.

‘’Hmm, glad you cleared that up. I’m a posh omega you know; if this is some cheap knock off, I will chuck it at your face,’’ Louis smirks at him, biting the meat of Harry's shoulder to stifle his giggle.

‘’Yes, my king,’’ Harry just says in faux veneration.

‘’Oh, fuck off,’’ Louis elbows him not too gently.

‘’Hey, watch the goods, love,’’ Harry says in amusement as he rubs at his sternum.

‘’Oh, my dear, your six pack, oh I’m so sorry, six pack.’’ Louis apologizes dramatically as he pats at his chest, hand going down with every pat.

‘’Can you behave?’’ Harry laughs as he now grabs both of Louis’ hand in a vice.

‘’What? I was comforting you,’’

‘’You’re a right menace,’’ Harry says as Louis tugs his hands free before circling one around Harry’s. Harry lays his head on Louis’ shoulder when Louis doesn’t do anything like try to twist his nipple. Again.

He’s still a skinny thing, shoulder a bit bony and he hopes that Dr. Katy will soon get him back on track, to at least being healthy again.

‘’I like it, you know?’’ Louis says after a while of watching the traffic.

‘’What?’’

‘’My ring, did I tell you that?’’

Harry didn’t arrange a date or anything fancy when he gave Louis the ring. He’d just woken up one day in the middle of the night after Louis had slept over at his old house and slipped the necklace around his neck before going back to sleep….

He was still shaking off the last tendrils of his dreams when he tightened his arms around Louis. They must have fallen asleep while watching TV, boxes of pizza and beer cans around them. The US tour had ended not too long ago and although it’s been two days since they’ve gotten back to London, he still feels dead tired. Maybe it had to do with packing Louis’ things up and helping him move in earlier, who knows.

Anyways, he gets up as slowly as possible so as to not disturb Louis and starts clearing up the mess around them. After he’s done brushing his teeth, he gets back to the living room and picks Louis up so that they could sleep in bed properly.

He’s so light; Harry can probably hold him up with one hand if he wants to. For now, he places him gently on the bed and watches in sleepy fascination as Louis immediately turns so that his head is pillowed on Harry’s pillow.

He caresses Louis’ face for a while, because it’s still quite surreal how after all that they’ve been through, he still cannot get enough of him. He takes his fill, takes in the bow of Louis’ lips, the feathery fringe of his hair, the sharpness of his cheekbones, the three o’clock shadow of his stubble.

He’s nineteen and yet it already feels like he’s been with Louis for forty years. People call him an old soul, Louis always being the more playful and childish between the two of them, like he’s afraid of shedding off his Peter Pan traits but he doesn’t mind. He wouldn’t mind if he gets to grow old with Louis because, if it’s this great now, touring the world with his best mate, partying it up like the nights will never end, meeting wonderful people, seeing beautiful places and creating music that they love, then he can only imagine how more marvelous it will be in the future.

He knows it’s a bit naïve of him to think that way, that their fame will keep on going the way it is but if you ask him, he’s already been through the worse things that could possibly happen in his life. He’s already been through the possibility of losing Louis over and over again, has been through endless nights of him writhing in pain, has been through the horror of knowing that the people who had hurt him were still out there, hurting more people before Tommy took them out and nights of self-doubt and self-hatred, thinking he’ll never be a good enough alpha in his life. He’s been through that and he didn’t come out unscratched but he made it.

They made it.

Looking at Louis now, he knows he wants to keep him forever, to keep proving to him every day how devoted he is. How in love he is.

He doesn’t think much as he opens his closet drawer and reaches for the gift bag tossed underneath his balls of socks. He gets out the ring and feels its ridges and edges. It’s still as pretty as the first time he saw it and he is careful as he puts the chain through it.

Once he’s sure that Louis is still deep asleep, he clasps the necklace around his neck. It’s a sight to behold and if Louis were awake, he’d kiss the living daylights out of him. Actually, if he was shit-faced drunk, he’d shout at the rooftops about it to the masses and yell at the entire world, ‘’look, he’s mine, he’s wearing my ring, can’t you see?’’

Instead, he leans down and scents Louis’ nape, places a kiss there before he turns off the lights and gets under the covers.

In the morning, he finds the bed empty.

He listens before he smiles as he hears Louis puttering around in the kitchen. He takes his leisured time when he gets up, takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth and does his business before he finally appears in the kitchen doorway.

Louis is only wearing a pair of tattered basketball shorts and nothing else, humming quietly as he stirs something in a pan. There’s a full English breakfast on the table, plates of slightly burned toast covered in jam, a platter of sausages mixed with hash browns and pancakes drowning in syrup in addition to a jar of orange juice in the middle of the spread.

‘’What’s gotten you all energetic?’’ he asks through a yawn.

He’d gotten wide awake and fresh from his shower but his brain immediately short-circuits when Louis turns around, big smile on his face, and necklace on display.

‘’Good morning, love,’’ Louis greets widely, using a wooden spoon to ladle crispy-looking pieces of bacon from the pan in his hand unto another plate on the table. ‘’Slept well?’’

Harry swallows as he remembers the night before. What on earth got him to put the ring on Louis without a fancy breakfast in bed or a proper date? Fuck, is Louis about to poison him? His smile is way too sharp.

‘’Slept perfectly,’’ he says carefully.

‘’Have a seat,’’ Louis says, dragging a chair and patting the seat for him. ‘’C’mon,’’

Harry sits down carefully and watches as Louis fills his plate to the brim. He’s about to take a bite before he gets up again, the sound of the kettle boiling spurring him into action.

‘’Oh, the tea. Bloody hell,’’ Louis mutters as he grabs mugs from the shelf and starts preparing two cups of tea.

Harry cannot remain seated any longer.

He comes up behind Louis and places his hands on his hips.

‘’You’re mad at me,’’ Harry states quietly.

‘’No, I’m not,’’ Louis says, movement aggressive.

‘’Do you not like it?’’ he asks.

Louis immediately stills.

‘’No, I’d rather have been awake to my own proposal, thank you very much,’’ Louis says before he turns around and folds his arms. ‘’You didn’t give me a chance to recite my promises,’’

Something hot simmers underneath Harry’s skin. Louis must have picked up on Harry’s old school tendencies for him to say that. Most couplings now don’t bother with a promise ring and just go for an engagement to be wedded or a mating bite. But Harry isn’t planning on an engagement since to him he and Louis are already practically married.

Old school meant that a promise ring signified the end of an alpha’s courting. It meant that discussions of mating have been done and that the omega has agreed to accept the mating bite officially. Their promises to each other are like vows before a marriage. After that, Harry is free to actually marry him.

He didn’t think that Louis would actually one up him in the whole going traditional thing.

Fuck.

He is so turned on right now.

‘’Can I still hear them? Please?’’ Harry asks, hands tightening around Louis’ hips.

‘’Why? You didn’t seem interested to hear them last night when…’’

Harry groans and hides his face in Louis’ neck. ‘’Babe, stop teasing me,’’

‘’Hmm, fine,’’ Louis huffs, ‘’But after breakfast; the food is getting cold,’’

‘’Of course,’’ Harry says through a smile before he stands up properly.

Louis narrows his eyes at him, probably surprised that he gave up so easily. Harry likes to keep him on his toes because he rarely gets the chance to, not when Louis is so fascinating.

He lets Louis prepare their tea, much to the omega’s insistence and waits until he joins him at the table with two steaming mugs.

‘’This looks delicious, Lou.’’ Harry says, eyes on the spread before him.

‘’I know what you’re doing, love.’’ Louis says before he takes a bite of sausage. ‘’And let me tell ya; kissing my arse will get you everywhere, so stop trying so hard,’’

Harry laughs even though he didn’t mean it that way.

They talk like they aren’t on a precipice of something great and Harry is a bit distracted whenever Louis would talk and finger the ring in stark display on his chest, playing with it as he waves his fork around, patting it sometimes as if making sure it’s still there.

Harry’s eyes are burning with want.

They stand side by side as they do the dishes after, Harry washing and Louis drying. They keep up a good conversation between them, talking about the new apartment they're about to purchase, their upcoming trip to Japan, what Jay said about Louis ditching his two doctors.

It all comes to a head when Harry hands over a cup and Louis rids him of it only to grip his empty hand, the dish rag left on the counter.

‘’Lou, w…’’ his words die when Louis places a ring in the center of his palm and folding his fingers over it.

‘’Look at it,’’ Louis requests quietly, turning off the water and turning his body towards Harry.

Harry wipes his free hand on his sweatpants before he opens his palm. In it, sits a silver ring, a plain band with a rose at its center.

Since it’s silver, Harry immediately know what it is; it’s an alpha promise ring.

‘’Not anyone would have done what you did, Harry.’’ Louis starts. Harry is still looking down at the ring when he looks up at Louis. ‘’I thank you for being patient, kind, loving and devoted…’’

Harry angles his body and keeps his eyes on Louis, even as Louis fists his own ring in his chest.

‘’For that, I promise to be twice as patient, kind, loving and devoted in return. Thank you for bringing out the best in me. For that, I promise to bring out the very best in you.’’

Louis wraps his arms around his neck, voice growing thick.

‘’Thank you for standing by my side, even when I turned as ugly as a skeleton…’’

Harry whines like the words were an arrow to his chest, unable to get a word out from the ball of emotion in his throat. Instead, he shakes his head at the words because no matter what, Louis was never ugly. That word should be erased from existence when it comes to Louis.

‘’Even when I hurt you, you never left me. For that, I promise to never hurt you and to never leave you, only if you ask me to. But, maybe even then,’’ Louis chuckles, a few stray tears escaping, ‘’you know how stubborn I can get when I want something to be mine,’’

‘’I know,’’ Harry manages to utter. ‘’Pretty vicious,’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Louis chuckles again before he turns somber. ‘’One last thing…’’

‘’You’re killing me here,’’ Harry chuckles, voice thick.

‘’One tiny last thing, then.’’ Louis appeases before he takes a deep breath. ‘’Thank you for treading softly through my drops; I promise you, as your omega, to accept your mating bite with open arms and to forever, be called yours. That’s it.’’ Louis says shyly, laughing it off.

‘’You so one-upped me,’’ Harry shakes his head at him. ‘’How dare you?’’

‘’I’m a class act, Harry. Keep up already,’’ Louis says through a devil of a smile, watery as it is.

‘’Hm,’’ Harry makes sure that Louis is looking as he wears the ring that has warmed up in his palm. He looks at it, marveled at the fit. It’s so like him; he’s always loved flashy rings and the rose is big enough that it will definitely catch attention.

‘’You like it?’’

‘’It’s not as beautiful as the omega who gave it to me but I’ll take it,’’ Harry shrugs, trying to bite down on his smile.

‘’Bloody wanker,’’ Louis mutters as he steps closer, Harry pulling him in by the waist. ‘Now, how long are you going to keep me from jumping your bones? I’m not really known for my pa…’’

‘’I promise,’’ Harry starts, silencing Louis in a kiss. ‘’I promise to love you in every way, shape and form, to hold you when you’re mad or frustrated, to enjoy every waking moment with you, even when we’re arguing or crying. I promise that you will never be alone and that you’ll always have me at your corner. I know how you’re like with this mushy stuff so that’s it.’’ Harry chuckles when Louis hides his face in his neck muttering something along the lines of, _‘’goddamnit, Harry’’._

‘’I’m not going to say more. I’d rather show you for the rest of my life, how good it’s going to get from here on out. I promise you, Lou.’’

‘’You still got me crying and you know I hate that,’’ Louis mutters.

‘’You started crying earlier, how is that my fault?’’ Harry asks, indignant on his behalf.

‘’I love you,’’ Louis says when he emerges from his neck. Harry picks him up and places him on the counter. ''Even if you are a caveman sometimes,''

''You can't deny it has its perks though,'' he says as he wraps Louis' legs around his torso and then picks him up, already on his way to the bedroom. He’s got the whole morning to kiss Louis and he doesn’t plan to stop until lunch time which is on him.

Or maybe they can just skip lunch.

Yeah, they are definitely skipping lunch…

‘’We can stop by the jewelry store and buy something for Gemma if you want,’’

Harry snaps out of his trip down memory lane. He looks down and sees Louis sending a text on his phone.

‘’Are you chatting with my sister?’’ Harry asks and tries to snatch the phone out of Louis’ hand but Louis is quick to bat his hands away.

‘’Well, she knows we’re here and she said to bring her something nice,’’ Louis explains. ‘’What do you think?’’

‘’I know what she wants,’’ Harry sighs. ‘’Some high fashion bag, will call her later to ask for the details,’’

‘’Oh alright,’’ Louis says and tucks the phone back in Harry’s jacket pocket.

They finally arrive at long last and their driver is kind enough to translate for them as they navigate their way through the building’s underground parking lot. After that, they take the lifts to the 20th floor.

‘’What a view,’’ Harry says, face pressed against the glass of the lift, watching as Tokyo’s skyline comes to play.

Louis tries to steer him away as more people join them in the lift. It’s a whole ten minutes before they arrive and when they do, it’s after Harry has snapped several photos of the view.

‘’These look great,’’ Louis says as Harry swipes through the photos. He deletes the hazy ones as Louis deals with the receptionist and is surprised when they don’t sit in the waiting room.

‘’Come this way,’’ a nurse tells them in English.

‘’Oh priority,’’ Harry teases and Louis just shakes his head at him.

‘’Say, why do we call her Dr. Katy?’’ Louis whispers as they follow the nurse. ‘’Aren’t we supposed to call them by their surname?’’

‘’She asked, said something about two doctors having the same surname back in the hospital where she works,’’ Harry explains.

‘’Ah, I see.’’

Dr. Katy greets them warmly when they enter the examination room. She’s so motherly in her attentiveness, it’s no wonder they didn’t hesitate to book a flight just to see her.

‘’So, I understand from these results that you’ve started slicking up already,’’ she says, looking through the folder the nurse had given her. They’d passed by her clinic the day before to run some tests that she asked for over the phone and Harry isn’t worried. Whatever happens, he’s ready for it.

‘’Yup,’’ Louis confirms.

‘’That’s wonderful, Lou. The treatment has gone exceptionally well,’’ she says, eyes skimming through the pages. ‘’Do you still feel nauseous or in pain from too much light? Any irritability in the stomach, inability to sleep?’’

‘’Nope, just a bit woozy sometimes,’’ Louis admits. ‘’and like, bone-tired.’’

‘’That’s normal and perfectly natural,’’ Dr. Katy assures. ‘’Now, I won’t be prescribing any hormone medications, for starters,’’

‘’Really?’’ Louis asks, surprised.

‘’Yes, you don’t need them anymore,’’

‘’Okay,’’

‘’I will however, prescribe you some vitamin supplements, little energy boosters,’’ she explains. ‘’You’ll start having cravings soon as your body adjusts and we wouldn’t want you to go from underweight to overweight. We want you to maintain a balanced diet,’’

‘’We go to the gym a lot,’’ Harry says. ‘’It comes with the job,’’

‘’That’s good, you keep that up,’’ Dr. Katy nods. ‘’And I would like you to start taking birth control pills. You two have been sexually active, yes?’’

‘’Yeah but we’re really careful,’’ Louis blushes. ‘’Like, we’re not…’’

‘’I understand, you got one tough alpha over here,’’ Dr. Katy laughs.

‘’He’s too overprotective,’’ Louis mutters and pouts.

‘’And you’re not bad yourself, Mr. Tomlinson.’’

‘’Try to convince him that,’’ Harry gets an elbow for that but he chuckles nonetheless.

‘’You two,’’ Dr. Katy just smiles at them, like she’s watching a bunch of naughty children, ‘’anyways, start taking your birth control pills today. I will also give you something that will induce your heat,’’

‘’Why? Wouldn’t that come naturally like the rest?’’ Louis asks, brow furrowed.

‘’No, I’m afraid not; for one, it was never regular and two, the reason why you still feel a bit of fatigue now is because the therapy has put your body through what we call a soft heat this entire time. A real heat will be much stronger, especially after a long absence.’’

‘’Is that a bad thing?’’

‘’No, not at all,’’ Dr. Katy says simply. ‘’But I would like your heat to align with Harry’s rut,’’

‘’What?’’ Harry’s eyes bulge. He didn’t understand why she asked for blood work to be done on him too. Maybe now she will explain. "Why?"

‘’Because I am quite certain that your heat,’’ she points at Louis. ‘’will be really strong and trust me, you'd want an alpha to be able to keep up and give you what you need, otherwise, with your history, you might drop. You can induce your heat without Harry's rut but given your history, I'd rather you don't spend it alone or spend it with someone who gets tired half-way through it and leaves you to hang dry,’’

‘’Oh,’’ Louis and Harry look at each other, somewhat understanding what she was saying. In a way, it made sense. Last time he had his heat with Harry, he almost ran out of the hotel room naked because he couldn’t find Harry. It was only after he followed his nose that he traced the scent of his alpha to the bathroom where Harry had fallen asleep.

‘’So, I want you to take the heat inducer 24 hours before Harry’s rut hits and to spend it together. since Harry's ruts are quite regular, it wouldn't be hard for you to know when to take them. I normally don’t advise this with couples who are not mated but given your history, I am quite certain you two will be alright,’’

‘’Will there be any repercussions that we should be concerned with when that happens?’’ Harry asks, ever the worrier. ''I feel like there are,''

‘’Well, for one, you might mate him,’’ Dr. Katy puts in bluntly. ‘’But other than that, nothing,’’

‘’You mean my heats will be regular after that?’’ Louis asks.

‘’Yes, you only need to take the heat inducer once before the rut and then a second time for when you want them to come from here on out, which I suggest to be in six months' time after your heat with Harry's rut.''

''Till then I won't have any heats,''

''Nope, I'm afraid not; just some side effects, like the tendency to nest or you being a bit...shall we say, horny.'' Dr. Katy smirks when even Harry blushes. 

''What if we want to wait?'' Harry asks. ''We weren't planning on mating so soon,''

''There's no rush but you've both ticked on ''knotting'' on your health check-up surveys yesterday,'' she reminds them. ''And you've also written that it hasn't come about, shall we say naturally? - the whole time you've been together. I'm guessing here that this is something you both want and as an established couple, its natural to want to spend a heat or rut with each other but as I understand, Louis; you've never spent a rut with Harry and Harry has never spent a heat with you after the incident here, correct?''

''That's right,'' Harry confirms quietly.

''So, perhaps you should be careful, that's all. Knotting, now that Louis' on birth control, can lead to a mating bite. That's all.''

''I see,'' Louis says, lips pursed.

''Anyways, your heats can now be twice a year instead of every three months and given your career, I think that's wonderful news, yes?"

"Definitely," Louis confirms.

"And the second heat inducer pill you take will regulate the schedule. You won’t have to take them ever again after that. It’s not advised.’’

‘’I understand,’’ Louis nods. All three of them know there’s a big elephant in the room they’re not talking about and Dr. Katy tries to hide her smile as she gets up.

‘’So, here’s your new prescription, Louis.’’ She says as she presents him with a piece of paper. ‘’Are you lads staying for a few more days?’’

‘’We have two more weeks off before we head down under to Sydney but we'll be spending them in London. We have a flight to catch tomorrow,’’ Harry says, dimpling as he shakes her hand. ‘’Thank you for everything, Doctor.’’

‘’You’re most welcome,’’ she says. Louis bids her his thanks before she waves at them to stay.

‘’I know you want to talk. You can stay for a while. A nurse will come to show you out,’’ she says knowingly. ‘’Take your time,’’

They don’t say anything as Harry paces the room as soon as the door closes. Louis jumps on the examination bed and waits, swinging his legs.

‘’Haz?’’

‘’Yeah, love?’’

‘’What are you thinking?’’ Louis asks. Harry sighs as he steps between Louis’ legs, kneading his thighs.

‘’Do you want to be mated during your heat or before?’’ Harry asks carefully. ‘’Or neither?’’

‘’Do we even have a choice now?’’ Louis points out helplessly. He doesn’t seem upset but more like lost.

‘’I can hold back, if that’s what you want,’’ Harry tries to say but Louis chuckles. ''We can stick to our plan of mating after the next tour,''

‘’That’s sweet of you, but you in rut and me in heat? No way,’’

‘’People have done it before,’’ Harry argues.

‘’I know, but I know you and I know me, hell, I want it even now, Harry and I’m fully sober,’’ Louis smiles through his self-deprecating chuckle. ‘’Management will throw a fit,’’

‘’Screw management,’’ Harry mutters as Louis gets his arms around his neck. ‘’Nothing make-up can’t hide,’’

‘’You and your caveman tendencies, always keen on keeping me all to yourself,’’ Louis muses as steals a kiss.

‘’I don’t want people gawking at your neck,’’ Harry pouts. ‘’It’s mine,’’

Louis cannot help but laugh into his into his neck, pulling Harry into a proper hug.

''I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I know how self-conscious you can get,'' Harry adds.

‘’Tell you what?’’ Louis says after a moment of them just hugging.

‘’What?’’

‘’If we’re doing this,’’ he starts as he pulls away slightly to lay his cheek on Harry’ shoulder and look into Harry’s eyes. ‘’If we’re mating, I want to be there for it. I don’t want to step out of a heat and not remember.’’

‘’You’re sure?’’

‘’I think we waited long enough, that’s what I’m sure about,’’ Louis’ eyes skim all over his face. ‘’For all intents and purposes, you _are_ mine. Might as well put a bite on it,’’

‘’On you,’’ Harry says, eyes roaming Louis’ neck. He reaches out and his finger skims the side of Louis' throat, tracing the vein there. ‘’You’ll really let me, baby? You promise?’’

‘’Promise,’’ Louis smiles before he pulls him in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are highly appreciated :D


	23. twenty three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it :D
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been following up on this fic. A massive thank you to AreKool for commenting on every single chapter and KJ (Writing_Practice) for emailing me her wonderful and very encouraging ramblings which i genuinely love.
> 
> Please stay tuned for three upcoming fics in this fandom (I know, right?) as I've decided to join some fic fests out there :D 
> 
> I'll stop talking now. I hope you enjoy this last chapter below :D

_Yeah, I see us in black and white_   
_Crystal clear on a star lit night_   
_In all your gorgeous colors_   
_I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life_   
_See you standing in your dress_   
_Swear in front of all our friends_   
_There'll never be another_   
_I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life_

-Niall Horan, Black and White

‘’Are we not going to talk about it?’’ Zayn asks. They’re in Adelaide, mid-way through the Australian leg of the tour and with the 5sos boys opening the show it’s been a proper blast. The beaches are great, the people are friendly and the fans have been extra wonderful.

They’re out on the beach in front of their hotel sitting in beach chairs around a bonfire that Liam was smart enough to know how to make again (they always tease him that the bonfire he made in Switzerland, back when they were shooting for their movie, was a stroke of luck) and the moon is big and wide in the night sky, reflecting light upon them. The waves are peaceful, rhythmic, washing them in a dazzling lullaby and there aren’t a lot of people around. They have a rare day off the next day and they’re going to celebrate Sophia’s birthday on a yacht so that should be interesting.

Louis looks up from staring at the bottle of his beer and realizes that Zayn’s directed his question at him. He and Harry are sharing one beach chair, Zayn on his right, Liam to Harry’s left and Niall across from Zayn, strumming his guitar.

‘’Talk about what?’’

‘’Oh c’mon, mate,’’ Niall snorts. ‘’It’s all the fans have been buzzing about lately,’’

‘’Our fans are not bees, Niall,’’ Harry points out, completely serious.

‘’Fine, even the interviewers picked up on it and you two have been cagey all day about it,’’ Liam huffs. They did have a series of interviews all morning before the show and while some interviewers kept their questions solely about the tour and digging deep about their upcoming third album, others couldn’t help but delve a little more, as they usually do. ‘’And don’t think we haven't been playing dumb this whole while, we know what’s going on,’’

‘’You mean, what’s already happened,’’ Zayn smirks into the mouth of his bottle.

‘’Oh, you mean this thing?’’ Louis says just as he pulls his collar down. Harry finds it quite silly, how he tries to peer down and see his mating bite. He just looks like he’s staring down his nose.

‘’It’s not a thing,’’ Harry chastises, moving his arm around Louis’ shoulder so his arm is over his chest. ‘’And it’s private,’’

‘’Fuck, you’re really mated!’’ Liam gasps, voice nearing a screech by the end. ‘’Why didn’t you come out and tell us?’’

‘’I didn’t know we needed your permission,’’ Harry deadpans.

‘’Or management’s,’’ Louis mutters as he takes a short gulp of his drink.

‘’We should celebrate, lads!’’ Liam practically yells. ‘’This is amazing!’’

‘’I’m your best man at the wedding, right?’’ Zayn asks Louis.

‘’Hey, what about me?’’ Niall whines.

The boys speak over each other, actually delving into various topics like catering and suits already before Louis’ booming voice interrupts them.

‘’Lads, it goes without saying that you’re all best mates,’’ Louis says. ‘’No need to argue over it,’’

‘’You smell different, now that I’m focused,’’ Niall points out.

‘’What? His scent?’’ Harry asks, curious.

‘’Well, both of you,’’ Niall continues and Liam’s nods in agreement. ‘’Should’ve guessed earlier when we met backstage before our first show here,’’

Due to the massive chaos that usually ensues at the airport, management decided to fly them in two’s and three’s so Louis arrived with Zayn and Liam and Harry arrived with Niall. They only met up during rehearsals the next day because Liam had Sophia over, Zayn had Perrie, Niall went straight to his cousins and Louis and Harry ordered room service for dinner.

‘’It’s not off-putting for you guys, is it?’’ Harry asks, a bit embarrassed.

‘’Nah, we’re happy for you both, you know that,’’ Liam says, a big puppy-soft look on his face.

‘’Thanks, Liam,’’ Louis reaches for a fist-bump with Liam. Harry cannot help but kiss Louis’ temple when he sits back.

‘’We ought to celebrate,’’ Zayn suggests. ‘’I’m sure management is breathing down your necks not to be too flashy about it,’’

‘’Not really,’’ Harry shrugs. ‘’We honestly don’t mind being private about it, you know?’’

In truth, he doesn’t want fans or worse, reporters, to dig too deep or else things like what happened in Japan might come up. Ben made sure there were no copies of the tape those vile alphas made and had Louis’ name stricken from the police records, both in the UK and in Japan. He also contacted the two alpha doctors that used to treat Louis and made extra sure that their lips are sealed to the grave.

Mating Louis isn’t something he wants people to talk about like they have any right to judge or worse, disapprove of and Louis whole-heartedly agrees.

The problem is, even though Louis’ mating bite is between Louis’ left collarbone and his peck, a fan that had spotted Louis one day when he was out walking back to the hotel, had her mother approach Louis for an autograph. The fan was in a wheelchair and either way, Louis wasn’t going to turn down doing something nice so he’d bent down to sign her piece of paper, took a selfie and didn’t realize that the fan saw the bite through the gap of his loose shirt.

The heat in Australia also didn’t make it easy on Louis’ choice of wardrobe on stage, so aside from the fan’s tweet that had gone viral, it got even more suspicious when pics of Louis’ loose-collared tank tops would yield to sneak peeks, blurry images of his mating bite.

Either way, it generated a buzz, they had to confess to management who told them to be as evasive as possible, which is something they were already doing and wait it out until it dies down.

They’re still waiting it out.

‘’People are going to figure it out soon,’’ Liam says quietly. Niall starts strumming and humming the lyrics of their song, ‘’they don’t know about us,’’ and they all collectively start laughing.

‘’Good one, mate,’’ Louis salutes the Irish lad. ‘’Good one,’’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Harry’s high.

He really is.

But the good type of high.

The high he gets when they play a last show. The high he gets when he and the boys get to go extra crazy on stage. He’s had heart days for days since he and Louis mated and seeing him now, all bulging biceps and fuller arse running around on stage with his ankles on display and cheeks red with giddy exertions, throwing pies with whipped-cream on top on any boy he can get his hands on on stage while singing around with 5sos lads.

They’re all covered in something, whether it’s water or whipped cream or even cotton candy –although he doesn’t know who brought that on stage- and it’s crazy that they can still sing and hold a melody while running around, trying not to get caught by anyone with a pie or a nerf gun or a full water bottle.

They kiss backstage like even the split moment they went apart was too much and the boys jump on the chance to tease them.

‘’Keep it PG now,’’ Liam calls as Louis grabs what clean clothes he can get before Harry slams the bathroom door in the dressing room in their faces.

‘’You were so hot out there,’’ Harry says into Louis’ mouth, where he’s got him trapped between his body and the door.

Louis throws the clothes in the general vicinity of the sink before he jumps and gets his legs around Harry.

‘’Were you looking at me, mister?’’ Louis asks innocently while Harry kneads his arse and kisses his neck. ‘’Thought we were serious artists, putting on a serious show,’’

‘’You actually listen to me, baby?’’ Harry asks, delighted, eyes sparkling at him.

Louis gives his forehead a big wet kiss. ‘’You’re an idiot but you’re still my idiot,’’

Harry cannot help but snog him again before Louis gets fussy so he decides to put him down.

They quickly dress up in cleaner clothes while steeling kisses, still high on adrenaline. The encore was just mad and it’s definitely a night for the books, one he won’t ever forget.

When they join the boys in the dressing room, the boys heckle them as they run towards the van that will take them back to their hotel.

‘’God, that was just crazy!’’ Niall says, properly enthusiastic. They have an end of tour party back in the hotel and everybody on their team and crew, the 5sos boys and even Niall’s Irish cousins are going to be there. ‘’I think I got five pies down Sandy’s shirt!’’

‘’Tommo, you got it in my hair, mate!’’ Liam says and his voice is so delighted, even though he’s still got a towel wrapped around his shoulders, trying to get cream out of his ears.

‘’You were an easy target,’’ Louis laughs, holding unto Harry’s arm around his shoulder. He’s a ball of energy and it’s been a long while since Harry’s seen him like this. Even the fans have noticed how less lethargic he’s become, like the break between the US leg of the tour and the start of the Aussie one made a huge difference.

If only they knew, Harry cannot help but think.

It was a wild show and the wild doesn’t even end there.

They’re papped as soon as they leave the van and it’s a good half an hour of selfies with fans who managed to beat them to their hotel and autographs before they finally head to their rooms.

‘’No bunny-humping when we enter our rooms, am I clear?’’ Liam waggles an authoritative finger at the both of them. ‘’You will join the party and you’ll be proper; no groping arses and definitely no trying to sneak under tables and swallow each other’s tongues,’’

‘’Ew, we’re not that gross,’’ Harry says, feeling attacked. ''And stop with the bunny-humping term, man. It's been forever engraved in my head, for fuck's sake,''

''You should make sure you have the rights to it,'' Zayn tells Liam. ''Since you've properly coined it,''

''Anyway,'' Liam says loudly when Harry and Louis start giving each other heart eyes again. ''I hope I've made myself clear about you two not being gross in front of people,''

‘’Well, let me assure you that there is no tongue swallowing happening at all under tables,’’ Harry tells Liam with a slightly posh accent. ''Even if said setting is not in front of people,''

''But to be fair, swallowing of other things does take place,'' Louis waggles his eyebrows.

Harry honks out a disgusting laugh because his mate is such a dirty boy. He is actually the only one that laughs while the others pretend to gag.

‘’I did not need to hear that,’’ Paul says, put out but unable to keep himself from letting out a laugh or two.

‘’Me too,’’ Zayn deadpans.

‘’Me three,’’ Niall joins.

‘’Sorry boys,’’ Louis says although he really doesn’t look sorry, the little devil.

‘’Be at the party or else I’m going to burn all your underwear,’’ Liam threatens when they leave the lift and head for their rooms.

‘’No worries, I’ll just wear Harry’s,’’ Louis says with sass as Harry opens the door to their shared room. The last thing they hear is another round of the boys groaning at their antics.

His boy is really a proper menace and Harry fucking loves him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When Harry’s rut hits, it’s 6:30 am. He knows that he and Louis had discussed it over and over, knows that Louis had taken his heat inducer as instructed by Dr. Katy, knows that Louis won’t mind if he’s rough because an omega in heat won’t really want an alpha to not give him what he wants.

He knows all that and he was hoping his rut would hit when Louis was already in heat but looking at him now, sleeping peacefully, Harry is a bit terrified.

Like he can’t help himself anyways, he wakes Louis up. He’s feverish to the touch so he knows Louis really isn’t that far behind but then, maybe it will take him a couple more hours or maybe they got the timing of the dose wrong. Oh god, what if Louis’ heat will get delayed a day or something or…

‘’Haz?’’ Louis rasps at him and just hums when Harry turns him so that his back is flat on the bed. Harry gets on top of him, on all fours, trying to hold back from ravishing him.

‘’My rut’s started,’’ he says, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. He’s fucking hard already just watching Louis reach for his phone, presumably to check the time, before Louis gives him his attention. They've both gone to bed naked. It's making Harry salivate and making his resistance weaker by the second.

‘’C’mon then,’’ Louis prods, arms sensually going around his neck. ‘’I’ve been waiting for this long enough,’’

‘’You’re not in heat yet,’’ Harry cannot help but start rutting against Louis’ thigh.

‘’Makes no difference to me,’’ Louis says, spreading his legs. There’s a flush spreading quickly all over his face and it’s really distracting.

Louis honestly cannot wait, not after the anticipation of the past few days. They have all the time in the world, no plans at all now that the ‘’Take me Home’’ tour was over and their third album was getting its final touches. Harry’s eyes are dilated almost black and he looks hungrily at him, like he can’t wait to devour him. It’s making his inner omega impatient, makes him feel desirable. He doesn’t understand why Harry is holding back.

‘’C’mon, baby. Don’t you want me?’’

‘’Fuck,’’ Harry is sure Louis’ lips will get bruised quicker than expected with the way he just attacks his mouth.

Louis moans louder when Harry reaches for jaws, like he wants to keep his mouth open so that he can keep tasting the insides of his mouth and swallow his tongue. He can’t help but wrap his legs around Harry’s torso when one of Harry’s hands slip from his jaws to trace over the mating bite, pressing on it.

‘’Mine, no one but mine,’’ Harry says roughly and…

Louis’ heat hits.

Harry’s rutting gets more vigorous when Louis’ slick hits the air. He’s gushing with it so much that Louis’ hand slides down Harry’s body and reaches for his cock, trying to get it in him.

‘’I’m gonna give it to you, baby. I’m gonna…’’ he babbles possessively, words losing their meaning as he inches his hard cock in. Louis’ moans vibrate across the bed and his hole just gets wetter the further inside Harry gets until he just rams it in.

‘’Babe…’’ Louis reaches for his ass cheeks and presses, pulling Harry in and he doesn’t hold back his roar. They push and pull with each other, peeling layer after layer of skin exposing raw desire. The bed creaks and their voices get louder and the walls shake and…

His knot starts to form.

Louis is wrapped around him like an octopus, arms and legs holding on and Harry is fucking him so hard and so fast but none of them seem to give a fuck when it feels this euphoric.

Harry bites down on Louis’ mating bite right as he starts to come inside Louis, his knot so big and yet Louis’ hole just swallows him, wants more.

‘’Alpha, alpha…’’ Harry bites down harder, renewing the bite and Louis practically screams in ecstasy when he comes so fucking hard he actually sees stars in the ceiling of their bedroom.

Harry doesn’t stop because he’s already hard again.

He comes three more times before they both pass out, Harry still locked inside him and Louis’ still slicking up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis is staring at himself in the mirror.

He didn’t know he’d be so into Harry leaving marks on him and it’s a surprise how much it’s turning him on.

He looks at his mirror reflection and sees how bruised his lips are. He prods gently at his lower lip which Harry may have tried chewing but he can’t be sure. He tries to count the number of hickies allover his neck but some of them are quite over-layered.

Lastly though, he traces the mating bite.

It’s like he’s in a trance. Even when deep in his rut, Harry not once held his wrists hostage or put his arms over his head. Not once did he laugh at him or try to slap him awake when he continued pounding in and came for the third time. He knows Harry won’t ever do that, won’t try to choke his neck or use his alpha voice on him when he's most vulnerable, but seeing it when he’s in rut is another thing all together.

Honestly, Harry in rut is sexy as fuck.

‘’What’s Adonis doing out of bed?’’

Louis smiles when he turns his head and sees Harry leaning against the open door of the bathroom. They both did not bother with clothes and…

Who is Harry calling Adonis when he’s just standing there, all muscles and long legs and vibrant curls on display?

‘’Lou?’’

His eyes gloss over as another wave of his heat hits.

Harry notices immediately because his eyes darken.

They barely make it to bed, although, Louis wouldn’t really mind if they fuck on the floor in the hallway between the bathroom and the bedroom.

Oh well.

Plenty of time for that one

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They’re kissing in the kitchen.

They’re supposed to be having a late lunch after having had some snacks earlier while they were resting in bed.

The frozen pizza that Harry had heated a while ago is on the kitchen table.

But Louis got confused when Harry sat on the chair he wanted to sit on so he just got his leg over Harry’s lap and plopped down. Since he was already there, he gripped Harry’s dick and jammed it into his already wet hole. Who knew Harry's knot would be so addicting?

‘’Baby, the pizza will get cold,’’ Harry says into his mouth. He’s not pushing him away at all, rather tightening his arms around Louis’ waist while Louis rotates his arse and works his cock further into him.

‘’Okay,’’ Louis says but doesn’t stop kissing Harry.

They only eat after Harry’s knot has formed and is locked into him, even if the pizza is already cold.

‘’You alright?’’ Harry asks now that the haze is over for a while. He can feel himself still coming inside Louis but the omega doesn’t seem to mind. Louis just adjusts his arms around Harry’s neck and tucks his head in, lips tingling against his skin. He keeps his hands on the small of Louis’ back, massaging it a little.

‘’Better than alright,’’ Louis hums and then groans when Harry loosens a muscle at the bottom of Louis’ spine. ‘’That reminds me of something,’’

‘’What?’’

‘’That night in the bathtub? When my stomach was killing me?’’

‘’Yeah?’’ Harry keeps one palm flat on the small of Louis’ back and one palm rubbing up and down his vertebrae.

‘’Hmm, best husband ever,’’

‘’You remember that,’’

‘’Of course I do, I’m not that bloody old,’’ Harry can feel his indignant pout pressed against his neck. He tightens his arms back around him in apology.

‘’Of course not, I just thought the pain back then was overbearing,’’

‘’You made it go away,’’ Louis settles deeper into him. ‘’Always taking care of me,’’

‘’You take care of me too,’’ Harry tells him. ‘’Back before we fought? Should’ve appreciated you more,’’

‘’Why are you bringing up the dark hours of doom?’’

‘’Is that what you call it?’’ Harry cannot help but chuckle.

‘’It had other names,’’ Louis shrugs. ‘’But that’s not important anymore.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Harry feels so content, just sitting in their kitchen, an empty plate on the table, Louis in his arms. It’s a moment of clarity he hopes to remember when the alpha and omega side of them takes over again.

‘’Hey, can I ask you for something?’’

‘’Sure babe,’’ Louis peeks one eye open at him.

‘’Slow dance in the shower with me?’’

Louis’ smile can honestly defy gravity with how high it got his heart soaring. ‘’Lead the way, baby,’’

Harry carries him as he is, Louis wrapped like a koala around him. They don’t even separate where they’re still connected until they reach the shower and by the time the steam of the hot water is fogging up the bathroom, biology takes over and they get back into the bunny humping again.

Damn you, Liam.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The drive up to Doncaster a week before album promo and award seasons is uneventful.

It’s also such short notice considering the fact that Louis will be back there anyways to start shooting their newest single, ‘’story of my life’’.

But Tommy’s finally graduated school via online classes and even though there isn’t really a ceremony for it, Stan called him over for a small get together and Louis decided not to wait until Christmas to see the man who has been the sole reason why he’s no longer living in fear.

‘’You okay?’’ Harry asks, squeezing his hand over the console.

‘’Yeah, I’m actually excited,’’ Louis says genuinely. He really is. He’s spoken with Tommy on the phone a lot and they’ve even skyped but it’s going to be different when seeing him in person, see how he’s really doing.

‘’Does your mum know we’re going to be here?’’

‘’Of course she does, I just hope she doesn’t get upset if we don’t find the time to stop by,’’

‘’We’ll work it out, don’t worry.’’

Louis pulls Harry’s hand up and kisses his knuckles in thanks for the assurance.

Tommy’s party is in Stan’s apartment since Tommy still lives with his mum. He can already hear the noises when Harry parks the car and an eager smile is already forming on his face.

‘’Let’s do this,’’ he says to Harry as he opens his door.

They don’t wait long after Louis rings the bell and before he knows it, he’s swept in hugs and greetings from Oli, Stan and Hannah. A lot of school friends and some unknown faces are there and even though people are definitely looking at Harry by his side, nobody says anything.

‘’I’ll cut their heads off if they rat you guys out, don’t worry about it,’’ Stan whispers to them both through a wide smile and they laugh because the way his face looked was quite funny.

They mingle and catch up in the kitchen where most of Louis’ closest friends integrate. Stan leaves them every now and then to do his hosting duties and make sure nothing breaks in the house. The drinks are a plenty and the conversations are lively and good that no one notices that he and Harry have been sharing one red solo cup all night, just merely exchanging it between them. No one also notices when Louis begins to fidget because the man of the hour still hasn’t shown his face yet.

‘’Have you spotted him yet?’’ Louis asks Stan.

‘’I’m sure he’s just running late,’’ Stan assures him. They've been informed that Tommy found a job in a farm and even though it’s a lot of manual labor, they're assured that Tommy is okay with it.

Their conversation is interrupted when they hear loud voices and the front door opening. Harry puts the cup on the kitchen counter before he and Louis follow the people out to the living room to see what it’s about.

It’s like nothing’s changed at all about the lad; he’s still tall, still broad-shouldered and still very alpha-looking.

Louis is honestly relieved.

It’s a while before Tommy spots him and when he does, he smiles really wide.

‘’Tommo!’’ he calls.

‘’Tommy, mate!’’ Louis calls back and is glad that Harry only laughs and claps like a monkey when Tommy barrels into him and practically knocks him off his feet with a massive bear hug.

‘’Put me down you big oaf!’’ Louis hugs him tight regardless of his words and Tommy spins him once before he actually puts him down.

‘’You’re lucky he’s not licensed to kill,’’ Louis jokes as he nods at Harry. Tommy turns around and just smiles again when Harry waves his hand at him.

‘’Mate, you brought Harry?’’ they hug it out like bros in a frat party, all back slapping and all. ‘’You look good, man. How was the tour?’’

They move to the kitchen and catch up; just the three of them and it’s nice, knowing that Stan is probably making sure that no one bothers them.

Harry knows they want to talk in private; he sees it in the worrisome looks in Tommy’s eyes, the guilt in Louis’ eyes and although he doesn’t understand the meaning behind it, he knows he doesn’t have to be around to know about it.

He excuses himself to go the bathroom and when he’s done with his business, he goes out to the balcony where it’s quiet and empty.

The sky is starry tonight, Harry notices when he looks up. It’s not always like that in London and he takes a deep breathe of the fresh air around him, wondering if down the road, he and Louis could buy a house in the English country side with a football field in the back yard and a rose garden just like the one back at Anne’s house.

It’s not long before he feels someone standing beside him.

‘’You took really good care of him,’’ Tommy says.

Harry turns to face him and is about to ask about Louis when Tommy interrupts. ‘’He’s with the gang, catching up and messing around.’’

‘’Stan and Olly are really good friends to him,’’ Harry says before he accepts a fresh red solo cup from Tommy. ‘’And so are you,’’

‘’It’s really good to see him,’’ Tommy says truthfully. ‘’It’s quite a drastic change from the last time we met,’’

‘’How’s the leg?’’ Harry asks after a sip.

‘’All healed up,’’ Tommy replies. ‘’I’ve started taking night classes from the uni nearby and I’m hoping to graduate with a degree in business and agriculture soon. I want to own my own farm one day,’’

‘’That’s great,’’

‘’Yeah, it keeps me busy,’’ Tommy shrugs. ‘’I can barely catch up with you guys; I hear you’re up for Brit awards? ‘’

‘’Keeping our fingers crossed,’’ Harry says sheepishly.

Tommy looks at him quietly as he takes a long sip.

‘’You mated him, didn't you?’’

Harry looks around before he nods.

‘’I never thought the day would actually come,’’ Tommy says, a proud look in his eyes. ‘’Since the accident, we all thought he’d end up all alone, in some rehab facility, you know?’’

Harry tries not to shudder at the thought. ‘’It could’ve been worse at times, you know? I can’t say I always knew what to do, I’ll admit that,’’

‘’You think I knew what to do back in that room all those months ago?’’ Tommy asks. ‘’I just let the alpha take over me and focused on the one most important thing in my life at that very moment and nothing else mattered. Everything else just…faded away,’’

Harry wonders what it’s like to feel that way all the time. He’s good at staying focused, good at keeping himself in check, especially when he’s with the band and they’re working but whenever he worries about Louis or even when he’s within his vicinity, it almost always feels like nothing else exists, like Louis is the center of his universe.

‘’How did it feel like…later on?’’ harry asks carefully.

‘’Back then, I felt a bit hollow,’’ Tommy admits truthfully. ‘’And for a while, it felt righteous. But now, seeing him tonight, I feel like…it sounds cheesy,’’ he laughs self-deprecatingly. ‘’But it feels like I’ve expunged my soul, you know?’’

Harry hums. ‘’Like being redeemed?’’

‘’Yeah, something like that,’’ Tommy smiles.

Harry smiles back at him. ‘’To moving forward,’’ he offers his cup for a toast.

Tommy knocks his cup with Harry’s. ‘’I’ll drink to that,’’

They both finish off their cups before Harry speaks.

‘’I don’t know if I’ve thanked you before for what you’ve done but know that I won't ever forget it,’’ Harry says, ‘’I’m forever thankful, Tommy. I promise.’’

‘’You just keep taking care of him, that’s all that matters,’’

‘’You got it,’’

Louis joins them in the balcony just when Tommy’s done hugging Harry.

‘’Done with your gossiping?’’ Louis asks as he stands between the two alphas.

‘’I've actually been trying to find a way to get free tickets to the Brits out of your boyfriend,’’ Tommy quips. ''Seriously, you two have become incredibly posh, mates…’’

‘’Hey, only Harry here is posh!’’

‘’What the fuck?’’

It’s late when they leave the party but Harry insists they stop by Jay for the night.

‘’We didn’t bring any clothes, Harry,’’ Louis whines.

‘’I packed a bag in the trunk, dear,’’ Harry deadpans.

‘’Well, aren’t you always prepared?’’ Louis says, impressed. Harry laughs when Louis just grabs his hand again while Harry drives with one hand.

‘’He seemed genuinely alright,’’ Louis breaks the silence.

‘’He did,’’ Harry agrees with him.

‘’What were you telling him? In the end? I only caught the tail end of it,’’ Louis asks.

‘’I promised him that I’ll always take care of you,’’ Harry says, catching a quick glimpse of Louis before returning his eyes to the quiet road ahead. ‘’And I mean it,’’

They don’t say anything else until they’re parked outside the house and Harry is okay with that, knows that Louis knows how he feels, now more than ever.

Louis meets him at the back of the car where Harry was about pop it open to grab the bag he prepared for them.

‘’Hey,’’ Louis says, grabbing his hands in his. The only lights that are on around them are the lights from the car which Harry had left running and it washes Louis’ face in gorgeous color.

‘’Hey,’’ Harry smiles at him.

‘’I’ll take care of you, too.’’ Louis tells him. ''I promise,''

Harry swallows. ‘’Love of my life, you,’’

‘’Right back at you,’’ Louis says as he stands on his tiptoes and steals a kiss. ''I love you more than footie, you know?''

''Well, I love you more than kiwis so,'' Harry says right back and Louis groans but Harry just swallows it as he holds his waist and leans in for a longer kiss.

It never grows old holding each other, whether it’s in a shower slow-dancing, whether it’s during a late lunch in the kitchen sharing a cold pizza or after a party late at night where they’ve spent their time drinking non-alcoholic punch from red solo cups.

It’s different from holding each other after a break-up, different from an awkward hug after a footie match, different when it’s in front of thousands of people.

But it’s no less loving and genuine to when they're holding each other now, washed in tail-lights under a starry night sky, like it’s impossible to let go.

It’s a good thing that they don’t plan on letting go ever.

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are highly appreciated :D


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